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 Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:13 am
The old anger was back.
For a while it had abated, he'd found a sort of composure and control, and had started to work towards making amends, with heartening results. But now Jordan was gone. It was probably a mission, just a complicated mission of the sort no one would ever trust someone as irresponsible as Rep with, but that didn't mean he could ignore the raw sort of panic that grew in him as he waited. There was no one to scold him when he acted out. Harrison's worries only made him feel more helpless and furious at himself. He couldn't fix it.
The result was lashing out like a wild animal on twitter, and even that had somehow drawn the attention of Sasha. She had focused in the fury to a white hot pinpoint of hatred - somewhere he'd convinced himself that she was standing in the way of him proving his worth. So when she'd made her comment about coming to speak to her, he couldn't say no. It was the only way to do anything about this nonsense.
He sent her a text that said nothing other than "Training Fields"
It was his way of saying that he wasn't afraid. Even though as he made his way there, he probably deep down, sort of was - at least at the lower points in the fear and anger tug of war going on in his head.
Everything about his posture was tense and anxious as he waited patiently beside the training dummies where s**t had gone down the first time around.
He couldn't stop nervously rubbing his neck.
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:37 am
The cheerful chime of her phone indicated a new text, and Sasha was not surprised when she took note of who it was from. After their little discussion on twitter there had been a low thrum of anticipation that pulsed throughout her body. Every primal, disgusting urge she felt to run out to the field and slice him to smithereens was carefully dissected, labelled and tucked away. This was her own exercise in absolute control. She would not let him upset her. Sasha was better than that. The tightness in her shoulder from the thick, ugly scar there was a constant, constant reminder that she had limits - and the boundless anger that she'd felt towards Rep was an unhealthy, disgusting thing.
A point of weakness, and one that she could not afford to unleash on him again - no matter how she might want to. There was so much more on the line here. Her future on the island, her new career, future promotions. All of these things were worth so much to her. Sasha could not afford to allow herself to slip into an endless cycle of consuming rage and red-hot hate. Even if she had to pretend, even if she had to fake a calm facade - she would do it.
She had no other options.
These thoughts were whipping through her mind at hurricane-like speeds, and as she moved onto the training fields, Sasha kept plenty of space between herself and the sun hunter that had caused such upheaval in her life.
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:54 am
As she arrived, Rep simply watched for a time, forcing himself to look relaxed, indifferent, as if being here was simply because he had absolutely nothing better to do. He straightened out his shirt, feigning that he didn't even see her as she got nearer. The danger was almost thrilling, like playing tag with a very venomous spider in her web, where any step you took could be the wrong one. Everything had to be presented in a very careful specific way, like a game with dangerously high stakes.
It became easier to feign aloofness as she kept a distance between them both, the distance was a welcome one. Rep wanted to maintain room for the reaction time he might need to get away from her, if he got carried away and verbally cut too close to the quick.
He looked almost bored as he finally eyed her and waved a hand vaguely. "Oh I didn't think you'd actually like, show. Wonders will never ******** cease." He twirled the bracelet with a finger as he eyed her. "But yeah, you wanted to talk like adults and here I am. An adult."
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:42 pm
It did not behoove Sasha to feign disinterest; no, she was very, very interested in each and every little syllable that Rep spoke. Every little nuance of his tone. Each little gesture he made. All of these things were watched with extreme interest through pale narrowed eyes. She knew the odds weighed in her favor. She knew she was the feline in this little game of cat and mouse. The predator. Rep was the prey.
These little reminders kept her anchored, kept the roiling emotions in her gut at a low, constant simmer.
"I told you that when you were ready to talk, we would talk. I'm not a liar, Rep, despite what you and Harrison seem to think of me."
One brow twitched upward as she glanced around, easily crossing her arms over her chest.
"And you came alone, too. No Harrison glued to your side today, I see."
Her other eyebrow climbed to match the other in elevation.
"You want to talk here?"
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:56 pm
"I don't think you are a liar." Liars he could understand, self interest was easy, it was something he lived every day, wild exaggerated lies and untruths to distract from the things that left him uncomfortable. It took another sort of person to be simultaneously ruthless and honest. "And like I said I'm ready to talk. I can't outrun these ******** missions forever."
The mention of Harrison made him narrow his eyes slightly, but somehow he kept a lid on the more aggressive tone that it was his first instinct to use. "You say that like I use Ace as a defence all the time. I can fight my own battles." Besides, he hadn't wanted to drag him into this, to give him more reasons to worry than the one they already had.
"Can talk here. Can talk wherever you want. I don't care." He shrugged and added with the faintest edge of the patronising. "I just figured I'd give you the chance to lose it again, if you can't keep yourself in check and s**t. Keeping you from getting in trouble."
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 1:20 pm
Sasha took a few steps closer, watching Rep like a hungry bird might watch a worm.
"Not at all. It's just that each time I see you, he's plastered to your side giving me horrible looks." She shrugged. "You've probably given him the same story that you're slathering all over twitter. Honestly, it's stopped bothering me. Being the 'bad guy', I mean." Cue finger-quotes when she spoke; sarcasm was thick in her voice.
Sasha fell silent for a long moment. Her jaw muscle clenched; it would be obvious to Rep if he chose to look close enough.
"If I was less of a person, Rep, I would have killed you. I could still kill you, right here, and I could count on one hand the number of people who would care. Maybe two fingers - the people who really care, Rep." She tilted her head to the side, curious now, redirecting the rage that threatened with a cool sort of calculation. "It won't happen again. You got to me, I'll admit that. I've had a lot of time to think about what happened. Unlike you, I am capable of change. I am capable of improvement."
A humorless smile twisted her lips.
"I want to know everything about you. All of it. I want to know your biggest fears, things that keep you awake at night. I want to know about your aspirations. I want to know every single thing that makes you tick. Every little weakness, every little sad and scared piece of you, I want all of it. I've got all day. We can take our time."
She shrugged.
"My terms. If they're fulfilled to my satisfaction, you get my sponsorship. If you don't want to meet them? Well, that puts you in an awkward spot, I guess."
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Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 1:46 pm
As she stepped nearer, he teetered on the edge of backing away, resisting the instinct but nevertheless finding himself breaking eye contact to look at the ground. The flooring of the training grounds remained fascinating as he responded glibly. "It never bothered me either, until people started making it an issue."
As he dared to eye her again, it was once more with that edge of defiance, he filled the moment of silence with a very intense sort of attentiveness, as if considering something important. It was interesting the way she made him feel, he thought. It was hate, certainly, but a hate different from the raw malicious hate he bore so many other things. With Sasha it felt more like the resentment was a fine wine, that had to be mulled over delicately to appreciate all the depths it reached down to. She had him in the palm of her hand, helpless and incapable of fighting back with words or actions, and the most rankling part of it all was that she knew it.
Only his mouth smirked as he tried to wave off the razor edge to her comments. She was correct that few would mourn his death, it was another one of those facts he tried to deny in his head, the things he twisted beyond recognition to fit his egotistical and artificial view of the world and which most of all he hated being reminded of. "I'm not really heartbroken that irrelevant people don't care for me, just when it ends up in cruel and unusual punishments. And you say I can't change, but I'd say I've changed a whole ********> lot since I got here. Maybe not enough for some people, but some people are never happy."
Her terms as she laid them out filled him with a chill sort of dread, handing that sort of information to someone like her was like tying the noose and handing the trapdoor handle to one's worst enemy. But, he thought - the b***h had him by the short and curlies, he didn't get an option. He could lie, sure, but his lies were as a rule, ******** awful. He'd trip himself up and that would be the end of any chance of negotiation. He couldn't do that to Harrison, not right now.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers exasperatedly, the blossom of pain so familiar he hardly registered it. "I'll meet your ******** terms." Things he didn't want to have to share with anyone. "But." he moved to put a little more distance between them both again, sitting down. "That's a lot of s**t to want to know, where the ******** do I even start?"
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