Welcome to Gaia! ::

Nalira leant her head back, her expression ambivalent as she remembered her mother – remembered how she would check on her when she was younger, how she insisted on it, just to make sure there was nothing waiting for her under her bed. Nalira doesn't want to – she doesn't care what that woman thought – but for some reason she felt a twinge of regret she couldn't help but acknowledge.

But no, she didn't care. She left her here, cold and alone and dying while she lays in a hospital bed, in complete control of her life while Nalira holds on by a single thread. A nagging voice in the back of her head was asking her not to make these assumptions, asking her why she was, but she couldn't answer. So, insead, she stares forward, her expression gradually neutralizing, exhausted and blank.

It took Nalira a few moments to register the cat rubbing against her. It didn't sever her from her thoughts, or lack of, but it forced her to face reality. Nalira turned over, careful not to dislodge the cat. Groaning, she pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling slightly annoyed.

"Hey there," She mumbled, rubbing Princess behind the ears. "Where did you come – " Nalira fell silent, straining to hear the emerging voices. The gears in her brain began whirring. Upon hearing her name, Nalira wrinkled her nose and shrunk into the shadows. Startled and disoriented, it took a moment for her to realize she knows those voices.

"Chai," She smiled, so small her face barely changed. She paused, rediculously aware of her chest rising and falling. "It's been a long time." She mumbled, so quiet it was almost a whisper. And then she laughed, just a little, sounding as if she was about to cry. With a tight smile, she looked down, running a hand over Princess.

Okay, Nalira thought, leaning against the wall. Obviously this could be a good thing. In a lot of different ways. And this is why the idea seemed almost too hard to believe. She'd spent almost two months living on the streets. She'd been using for thirty-two days, and although she wasn't sure what that math added up to, the need for difference suddenly overwhelmed her, a kind of franticness. She needed to do something.

"Alright," Nalira hesitated, looking unsure. "Let's go then." She said flatly, straightening out and stretching her tired and aching muscles, brushing a hand over her arm. She wrinkled her nose, pulling down her sleeves, struggling not to let any emotion show on her face. With a frown, Nalira swallowed, not wanting to think of this, of now, inexplicably wishing for things to go back to the way they were.

She paused for a moment, her voice tight. "I'm not much company, you'll find," There was another pause, followed by a heavy silence. Sighing, she pulled her hair behind her ears. "Well, let's go then." She pressed, only vaguely aware of the tightness in her chest. She turned to leave, taking only a moment to grab her jacket and blindly grope her way out of the alley.

She doesn't know where Ane's house is, but she isn't going to stick around and find out.

Nalira stopped, stubborn impassivity showing on her face. "Sorry," She said flatly. "Was I going too fast? I'll slow down." There wass no emotion in her voice, no emphasis, no love. Her eyes were still burning from exhaustion, and she was honestly suprised she'd managed to stay upright for so long. Her body wanted to yawn and stretch, but she wouldn't allow herself that luxury. There was a big part of her that wanted her to feel bad – as bad as she possibly could, just so her body matched everything else.

Sometimes Nalira wondered about her own calmness. Sure, when drugs were flowing through her veins, making everything seem so much more thrilling and goddamned incredible, she could let loose a little without even realizing. But when she's coming down – caught in the limbo everyone else calls reality – she can't let go. She's quiet and still and just there.

Thoughts scrambled, Nalira reeled back as if she'd just been hit, jerking away from the hand being placed on her shoulder. Don't touch me her mind screamed as she stumbled back, gripping Chai's hand. Unexpected touches always end up in backing away and frightened eyes.

"Back for more already? And you've bought a little friend, too." A low rumble that might have been a laugh followed, tightening Nalira's grip on Chai. Panic rose in her chest, the kind that makes her tight and coiled and breathless and ready to run. For the first time in a very long time – she couldn't even remember the last time – she felt them coming. Hot wet tears that she didn't want to give in to. They make everything too here and too now.

"No," She breathed, so soft it was almost a whisper. "Please don't. She's only a little girl. Look around, you have plenty of customers." Nalira moved away, pulling Chai with her, trying to gain control of herself and forget for just a few moments. Just enough to get her breath back. Five, four, three, two, one. Nalira let out a small sigh. For the first time, she realized just how scared she was – she let herself realize it. But she wasn't scared for herself, she was scared for Chai.

Nalira sighed inwardly, running through the Rules in her mind. Don't tell her what he really sells. Don’t tell her what the term 'customer' means. Don't mention your mother or what you've been doing and for the love of god, don’t mention drugs or needles. None of this. And don’t scare her away. Scratch that, don't scare her at all.

Nalira stepped closer to Chai, breathing evenly. "Yes," She lied, glancing over to the younger Tale casually. "He sells blankets. But don't buy any from him, they're dodgey." She paused, still feeling the peculiar tightness in her chest once more. She was scared to let herself relax, even a little. Everyday is a new waiting game. Hit and miss, hit and miss, hit and miss. An endless charade of doubt and not knowing where you're going.

"Perhaps," Nalira said suddenly, stopping to swallow. "We'll just have to wait and see. Do you want to race?" It was a completely random, out-of-the-blue question, but it just seemed to fit. Nalira's heart beat faster and her fingers began to tingle. She was terrified of somehow screwing this – everything; her friendship, her welcome, her life – up. And lately it had become a little clearer just how badly screwed everything can get.

"I'll start us off," Nalira said, allowing Chai time to ready herself. "Ready, set, go." Without a seconds delay, Nalira rushed forward. It hadn't occured to her that she didn't know the way to Anemone's house. Actually, nothing really occured to her. Everything was a blur of here and now and this.

"Hey, sweetie pie, got a light?"

Nalira looked over to the origin of the voice and quickly shook her head, avoiding eye contact (not that she could really make any) and hurried on. The voice sounded sick, and sick was never good when you're hurrying down a dingy street alone. She continued running, painfully unaware of where Chai was, then hesitated, reeling back.

Nalira felt a leg connecting with her ankle, lurching her forward onto the cement, teeth smashing together painfully. Nalira groaned as a warm coppery taste filled her mouth and braced herself for another attack, but no more blows came. Nalira shrunk back as hands began digging in the pockets of her jacket. She managed a bitterly amused grimace. Go on, look for money, she thought. Maybe they'd end up lending her a couple of dollars.

There was an explosion against her ribs and Nalira instinctively curled inwards, but suddenly realized just how lucky she was as she heard fast, retreating footsteps. It had just been a habitual kick, one last burst of machismo so the worthless bum wouldn't feel he'd completely wasted his energy. Slowly sitting upright, Nalira shook her head and carefully rested a hand on her side, wincing a little at the slight burn.

"Well damn, hey? Trust me to," Think quickly, don't scare the girl. "Run into a garbage can. Running into those things shouldn't hurt so much, or leave so much damage." She laughed, flinching away from Chai's touch. She didn't even remember being kicked or hit in the shoulder. Slowly getting to her feet, Nalira placed a hand on Chai for support, balancing herself.

Good luck, you good-for-nothing a*****e.

"And yes, I'm fine." Nalira continued, shifting uncomfortably. Maybe she shouldn't stay with Chai and Ane – she never thought she'd have a place to stay again, afterall. Maybe, she thought, maybe she can’t. Maybe it will burn too much and hurt too much and be too much. She hadd already convinced herself that she wass independent, that she was alone in the world, why change now?

Nalira swallowed, feeling close enough to the edge already – close enough to snapping and just losing everything. Her feelings were coming back. For so long life, herself, everything, it was all just a mess. A catatonic mess surrounded by a thick cloud that she couldn't and didn't want to see through. But now it was becoming clearer and if she was that much of a mess when she closed off, how bad was it going to be when she started letting everything in again?

Nalira gratefully accepted the fabric, running it over her mouth. She allowed herself to lean into Ane's embrace, taking in a deep breath. There were too many feelings at once, too many burnings. Her chest was too full. Too much pain, too much pleasure, too much, too soon. She can't have touches, she can't have that light feeling in her chest or it all comes back, right from the beginning, right up to the end. Her heart and body just aren't big enough for this anymore.

So she jerks away.

"I'm sorry, Ane." She mumbled, closing her eyes to stop herself from crying. She can't cry, she won't cry. It's just too much. You act and feel and smell like," My mother. "Someone I know. And it just, I'm sorry." She whispered, fidgeting a little before lowering her head, trying to silently brush past Ane. It all seemed much too frightening all of a sudden. Besides, she though, I don't deserve to have that feeling of love, not after all I've done.