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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 2:20 pm
“I don’t know what you’re so bummed out about,” Ross said as they left one of the auditoriums on the campus of Destiny City University together. “I thought you were great.”
Paris shrugged and adjusted his bag to hang more securely on his shoulder. “‘Great’ isn’t always good enough,” he argued.
“If you’re good enough to dance professionally, why wouldn’t you be good enough to dance at the university level?” Ross countered.
It was a decent question with a comforting level of reassurance behind it, but Paris couldn’t help going back over his recent audition and interview with the department head in his mind, looking for flaws in his performance or any reason to bar him from acceptance. He had been aiming for this since very late last year. Of course he’d be paranoid. Even if this wouldn’t be his only shot—it wasn’t like he couldn’t try to gain acceptance in the semester following—he was impatient to get it over with, to prove that, yes, he really was good enough, gender be damned.
Paris walked down one of the paths bordering a large lawn between a widely distributed cluster of buildings, drawing close to one side of the cafeteria as he and Ross—today’s moral support—made their way in the direction of the parking garage that currently housed Ross’s car.
"They didn't look too impressed," Paris morosely pointed out.
"Poker face, Paris. Your old dance instructor never looks too impressed with anything, does she?" Ross gently argued. "But didn't she write a letter of recommendation?"
Paris shrugged again and lowered his eyes to watch the ground passing beneath his feet. "I guess so..."
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 10:22 pm
It would be nice if summer classes would distract him as much as he wanted them to, but as the weeks when on with nothing really to look forward to, he just grew more and more discouraged every day. Even Annabel wasn't as distracting as he'd hoped she'd be...
And dating wasn't the same, either. Even though he tried new things and spent his time with different people, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing. A void that refused to be filled. Chris felt pathetic and overdramatic... and it annoyed him that he didn't know what else he was supposed to be doing with his life besides get good grades and not getting killed.
He didn't know what to expect as he exited his building from class to make his way towards the gym, but he did a double take as someone blond and very familiar caught his eye. He almost didn't believe it! What was Paris doing at DCU??
Chris stared for a few moments, debating on if he should approach or not... and then he noticed someone with him. Another guy? No... he'd met this guy before... Russle or something... His eyes narrowed slightly as he turned to cut diagonally across the paths, nearly running into a group hanging out in front of the doors.
"Do you seriously not know how to read?? It says 'Fifty feet away from the building'!" he snapped in lieu of an apology. Hopefully Paris and Russle wouldn't turn suddenly and ruin his chance at interception.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:32 am
Paris was too busy staring at the ground feeling sorry for himself to notice that anyone familiar might have appeared in the vicinity until Ross curiously announced, “Hey, isn’t that your boyfriend?”
Looking up, Paris noticed Ross looking over his shoulder toward one of the buildings they’d just passed, where Chris was in the midst of chatting… no, by the look on his face he was definitely not chatting. He looked annoyed, maybe mildly frustrated, and was clearly in the process of giving someone an earful of something superior and self-righteous, most likely to do with some rule one of the students in the group he was harassing had done.
Probably littered or something. Or smoking. Paris thought he might have seen someone holding a cigarette.
His first impulse was to turn around and approach his boyfriend, but Chris didn’t look like he was in a good mood and Paris was still feeling pretty shitty about himself, so he shrugged his shoulders again and turned back around to keep walking. As nice as it would be to talk to Chris, as nice as it would feel just to get a simple hug or a lame kiss on the forehead for his troubles, Paris really just wanted to go home and curl up for a while and try not to feel terrible about himself while continuing to mentally pick apart his performance.
“It’s fine,” Paris said, picking up his steps again. “I’ll call him later.”
Chris probably hadn’t even noticed he was there anyway.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:42 am
It would have helped if there weren't so many damn people loitering around and directly in his path. He swore that some guy on a bike actually meant to almost run him over. Chris glared in the douchebag's direction, before turning back to his path of trying to catch up with Paris. There wasn't any real explanation as to how he'd even noticed him, other than the fact that... maybe he was always constantly looking for him.
He'd never imagined running into him again after the party that they'd first met at... but he did. In a huge city they still managed to cross paths. Now, he wasn't a huge believer in fate, but... it was pretty damn coincidental.
"Paris," he finally called once he was close enough, trying not to seem out of breath, forcing a mildly surprised expression as if he hadn't seen him until just then. "What are you doing here?" Now that he was really curious about. But he didn't want him to know he'd just chased him down from across the lawn.
He didn't even bother looking over at Russle, not thinking he was all that important, anyway.
"Are you okay?" he continued without really giving Paris much of a chance to respond. He didn't look all that great. "Is this guy bothering you??" he jumped to conclusions, sending a quick glare in Russle's direction. "Back off, buddy..."
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:40 am
Paris came to a stop again at the sound of Chris’s voice, and turned around to face him with a mingled look of curiosity and just… exhaustion.
He loved Chris. He loved seeing Chris, he loved being with Chris, he loved talking to him or touching him or just knowing that he was around, but in moments like this, when he was already feeling like s**t—harried and paranoid and expecting the worst out of everything—and he thought about how close Chris was while still being so far out of his reach until he got over whatever dilemma had caused their awkward separation that wasn’t even really a true separation, Paris thought he could understand Chris’s need for space and distance and time.
“Of course he’s not bothering me,” he almost snapped. Luckily he was able to keep his voice at a reasonable level and only sounded slightly annoyed. “Jesus, Christopher, you’ve seen Ross before. Don’t act like he’s some punk looking to get something out of me. He’s my friend.”
He did have those, strange as it might be for some people to believe it.
Ross, for his part, held his hands up in a gesture of innocence. Paris noted him looking between the two of them and trying to offer Chris a distant but moderately welcoming smile and a brief, “Hello.”
“I had an audition for the dance department,” Pars explained, hoping Chris would latch onto that subject instead of spending any more of his time worrying about Ross or why Ross was there with him. “I thought you’d still be in class right now. Did you get out early?”
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:40 pm
Chris hesitated as he glanced in Ross's direction, and then back to Paris, looking him over as if he was trying to find something that he was missing. He ignored Paris's friend for the time being, although he seemed to drop most of his aggressiveness towards him.
"You didn't tell me you had an audition today!" he said, as close to a whine as he could get without it actually being whining. "I had a critique today... we got out early... But why didn't you tell me? I would have gone."
He didn't like that this Randy guy was getting to go to auditions and things with Paris while he was just... wandering in the dark... Chris eyed the other guy again, wondering if Paris was just saying they were friends to make him not freak out. What if they were really dating? Oh God, what if Paris and this guy were sleeping with each other?? This guy didn't even look half as good as he did! Okay, so that was a matter of opinion, but he thought he was at least a bit better looking.
"How was it?" he prodded, wondering if he kept talking to Paris, this guy would leave and go about his business doing whatever...
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:52 pm
Paris had no idea what Chris’s problem was.
Actually, no, that wasn’t true. He did. It was jealousy, pure and simple. They’d gone through this last time, hadn’t they? After their terrible breakup last summer? He’d moped around for a while and Chris had tried to move on only to become jealous whenever he saw Paris with Ross. What Paris had no idea about was why it was Ross hanging around him that caused the jealousy and not anyone else.
“I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want you skipping out on class for it,” Paris told him as patiently as he possibly could. “I was going to call you later, once I knew you were free.”
Not that he knew for sure anymore when Chris was free. He knew when his summer class was, and he knew roughly how much time Chris often spent at the gym afterwards, but rarely did he ever know what Chris was doing after that, not unless they decided to get together for a patrol or a random booty call.
God, it was terrible. Was this really what their relationship had become?
Of course, he knew he only had himself to blame.
“It was… okay…” he said, trying to focus on the conversation and ignore the thoughts going through his head, both about the audition and his relationship with Chris. “I think I could have done better, but… I mean, it didn’t seem like they hated me, I guess.”
“He’s just nervous. He was great,” Ross announced, looking warily at Chris. “They’d be crazy not to accept him.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:05 pm
He spared Ross a glance when he tried to assure him that Paris had done a good job. It was't like he hated the guy... he just... didn't know what it meant for his and Paris's relationship. Then again, they had agreed to have an open relationship and some BS like that.
"I bet you were great," he said, really wanting to reach out and hug Paris and try to get him to realize that he really was a good dancer. He was just... upset that he hadn't been able to see him dance. "You'll... at least tell me when your recitals are, right...? I'd love to see them." Because regardless of whether or not they were exclusive, he still cared about him and... seeing Paris now really brightened his day, despite his snippiness towards Ross.
"Uh... Thanks for going with him... Did you audition, too?" he asked Ross, feeling awkward and not really sure what to say. It didn't help that he was trying not to glance down at the guy's legs. What?? He was a dancer, right?? He was bound to have nice legs...
Not that... he was thinking of asking the guy on a date 'cause that would just be... no... absolutely not... Not when he was Paris's friend... er... no matter how close they were in their relationship... whatever that was...
Instead, Chris shifted his bag on his shoulder and shuffled his feet, his free hand fidgeting a little with an apparent hangnail. He hated being so pathetic.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:16 pm
Stubbornly holding back a flinch, Paris tried not to think about what “you’ll at least tell me when your recitals are” might mean.
One, there wouldn’t be any recitals if he didn’t get accepted; and two… why would Chris assume he wouldn’t tell him? Why should he keep something like that from his boyfriend? He hadn’t told him exactly when the audition was because he’d known it would be during Chris’s class time and he hadn’t wanted to be the cause of goody-two-shoes Chris skipping, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have any intention of letting him know about it, or that he wasn’t going to share whatever the results might be, or that he wouldn’t later tell him when he was going to be dancing.
It just… it almost seemed like Chris was saying he didn’t expect they’d be together after he was accepted or declined, like he thought the distance between them would have increased so much by then and by the time Paris actually started school in the fall that he felt the need to request that Paris tell him things, as if he wouldn’t tell him without being asked.
Paris did what he could to conceal the hurt, looked off to the side for a moment and told himself he was probably just reading too far into things, before he could look back at Chris without showing his worry and distress.
At least Ross seemed comfortable enough to answer, despite the fact that Chris was being jealous and weird.
“Me audition?” Ross laughed. “Nah, I’m done with school. I just came for moral support,” he added, and Paris felt a hand land comfortingly on his shoulder.
“We were just on our way out,” Paris explained. “I was gonna have Ross give me a ride back to your mom’s house.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:31 pm
Chris's eyes narrowed slightly as he saw Ross reach out to place a hand on Paris's shoulder, shifting uncomfortably once more, but trying to be on his best behavior. He could... not call him a punk and all that... if he would get his hand off his boyfriend.
"Right..." he grumbled, glancing away from Ross so he could look Paris over again. "Here, let me take you bag," he offered reaching out to try and take it from him, whether he wanted him to or not. At least he could be the gentleman and hold his bag for him, right?
"I can give you a ride home... I don't mind. Randy won't have to go out of his way, then," he said with a shrug. He was perfectly capable of driving to his own house, after all.
It was nice that the guy went with Paris to the audition, but... he could back off, now...
Chris reached out to try and take hold of Paris's shoulder, along with his bag, wanting to pull him away from Ross's hold. Him? A jealous streak? Yeah, well... Paris was well aware of it by this point.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:43 pm
“It’s ‘Ross,’ actually,” Ross laughed again. He didn’t sound offended. More amused than anything. He did, however, remove his hand from Paris’s shoulder when Chris reached for his bag.
Paris, on the other hand, developed a tick in his brow due to the building emotions, not sure if he should be more annoyed or upset with Chris for being so petty and juvenile.
“Christopher, you know what his name is,” he couldn’t help but snap, though he let Chris take his bag since Chris seemed pretty intent on taking it from him anyway. “You’ve known what his name is for a year, so you can stop pretending like you don’t remember who he is or what my relationship to him is. You have watched us dance together since Christmas.”
It wasn’t fair. Chris couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t be able to. Wasn’t Chris the one who needed space? Wasn’t he the one who wanted to go off and do whatever with other people in an attempt to sort out his feelings? He shouldn’t be acting this way when Paris decided to spend time with one of his friends.
“You don’t get to do this,” Paris told him. He might have let Chris take his bag, but he shrugged Chris’s hand off of his shoulder before it could get too comfortable. “You don’t get to act like a p***k because I happen to be out with a friend. You don’t do this when Ladon’s around. I don’t know what your problem is with Ross. What, is it because he’s single? Is it because he’s shown an interest in me before? Do you feel threatened? Because if you must know, I haven’t dated anyone since our relationship changed.”
“For the record,” Ross began, holding his hands up innocently again, “I haven’t put any moves on him.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:59 pm
Chris stared at Paris like he didn't know what he'd done to deserve him being upset. He was just trying to be supportive and all that, right...? Okay, so maybe he was being a bit of a p***k, but that wasn't his fault! He didn't like seeing Paris with guys he could potentially realize is a better match for him.
He could feel his cheeks heat up and hoped it wasn't enough to be noticeable, because that would be the last thing he'd need to be pointed out.
"I... You haven't?? Why not??" he sputtered, not knowing what he was doing any more. Was Paris really not dating anyone? Sure, he'd said he knew there was no one else for him that time he crashed Paris's dance practice... but he didn't think he was serious about it. "I... it was your idea, though! You said we should try and figure things out!"
That was why they were doing this, right? So they could both figure out what they wanted?
Okay, no... Chris knew he was the one to force Paris's hand... but still! How come he wasn't able to be upset when Paris was with other guys? Just because it was petty and he didn't know what to do with his life...
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:13 pm
“No, I haven’t dated anyone else,” Paris seethed, well aware that he was losing control of himself, but he was tired and it had been a long day and he was confused and hurt enough by all this without having to explain himself to his boyfriend who should already know better.
Ross looked between them again, appearing uncomfortable this time as he said, “Why don’t I leave you guys to hash this out yourselves? I can go wait by the car…”
Paris was pretty sure Chris would put up a fight for the honors of driving him home, but after this Paris had absolutely no intention of going with him and nodded to agree with Ross’s suggestion. He waited until his friend had stepped around them and walked some distance away before focusing back on his boyfriend. He clenched his hands by his sides in a poor effort to keep his frustrations contained.
“Maybe it was my idea to do this, but you know as well as I do that you would have suggested it if I’d given you the chance,” Paris said. “What else was I supposed to do? You wanted space. You wanted to be independent,” he pointed out, lifting his hands to crook his fingers and make air quotes on the last two words.
“So be independent! Date however many people you need to date to figure yourself out, but don’t start the jealous act when I’m out with a friend! You don’t see me getting all up in your business asking you about who you’re seeing or what you’re doing when we’re not together!”
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:27 pm
He was standing straight, but he felt as though Paris was towering over him. It was rare when Paris's anger was directed at him, much less when he wasn't necessarily angry. Whenever they fought, it was usually his temper that brought the argument around, not Paris getting annoyed with him.
"I'm not starting any jealous act!!" he tried, knowing it was a feeble excuse since he had been acting pretty jealous of the guy whose name he purposely didn't get right, as if that would somehow distance him from Paris...
That wasn't really want he wanted... He wanted Paris to have friends, to have support when he wasn't around... But it also served as a reminder that he was easily replaced and Paris didn't really have to work hard to get someone else if he wanted. Maybe that showed a lack of confidence in himself? Either way, he knew it was hardly attractive.
"You don't know that! You don't know what I'd suggest! I could have just... suffered in silence for all you know! You were the one to say it in the end!" he pointed out, not wanting to lose so easily in a fight he was never fated to win.
This felt wrong, arguing with Paris like this. His heart ached already... he didn't want to let Paris hurt more.
"You don't have to live at my house, you know! You can move in with Ladon or Ross if you want!" he added, a conversation with someone Paris didn't hold very fondly coming to mind. He didn't want to hurt him even more...
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:38 pm
“Where the hell did that even come from?” Paris asked, giving Chris one of the many annoyed looks he employed—usually on people who weren’t Chris.
Even though he tried not to look too far into it, he had to wonder why Chris, after already having him move out of the apartment, would now encourage him to move out of the Gallos’ house. How was that even pertinent to the argument they were having? Did Chris just not want him around anymore? Was he trying to push him further away? Why didn’t he just break things off completely if he was going to be like that?
Paris felt his eyes sting and did a remarkable job holding back. He was sure Chris would still be able to see that his eyes were wet, but at least he wasn’t going to start bawling right there on campus.
“If I was going to move out of your parents’ house I’d go live with my mother,” he said.
He didn’t want to do that. He could forgive her enough to let her back into his life and he even felt a bit better about his relationship—despite the baby—now that she’d bought a house and was in the process of moving back into town, but actually living with her was just a bit too much for him to handle.
“What are you even doing anymore?” he continued, internally cursing himself when his breath hitched. “You do the petty jealous thing and then you try and push me off onto my friends? If you don’t want to do this anymore…”
Paris stopped and trailed off before he could actually say it.
This was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’d turned around and leave if he thought that would help at all.
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