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 Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:04 pm
Tendaji was in a foul mood. Tujil-dasu was gone, no explanation. No, that was unfair. She had told him that she was leaving, had even said she intended to return. Just some business she needed to take care of – what business, she wouldn’t say. Probably more meetings with male wild dogs, he thought bitterly. That was unfair too – he had no reason to feel upset or betrayed when she spent time with other males. What were they, mates? Gross.
But he missed her with an almost physical ache. He felt as if he had lost a leg. He didn’t even want to think about going to sleep that night – it was true he rarely had nightmares anymore, but what if he woke up and she wasn’t there? No, he couldn’t handle sleeping in the den that night.
Still thinking of Tujil-dasu, his paws led him up the river to the meeting spot with Esen.
Esen was dozing in the sun. More and more she missed the trees, but she wasn’t ready to return home. Tujil-dasu hadn’t told him very much about Tendaji’s past, but they’d had several long talks about what he needed, both before and after she met him. Tujil-dasu insisted that Tendaji needed a couple flings with nice, reasonable lady leopards and Esen was inclined to agree. There was nothing normal about the way Tendaji reacted to her presence, although he’d made progress. Esen wasn’t a mind healer, but even she could tell that there was something gravely wrong. No doubt what Tendaji needed most was a professional mind healer, one that her pride could provide, and yet… and yet maybe Tujil-dasu had a point about the flings. She saw now that Tendaji would never leave his family long enough to meet a mind healer and would probably run from any he saw, particularly a female. ”I can take care of the nightmares, but you have show him that not all lady-leopards are bad,” Tujil-dasu had said.
Trust and confidence. Those were the two things Tendaji lacked. Could she really provide them to him? And now Tujil-dasu had left to hunt down some leopon or other, she hadn’t paid much attention to the details. How would Tendaji react? Not well, she suspected. Hopefully he wouldn’t stop visiting her altogether; it was already too late in the day for visits.
But speaking of the devil…
Tendaji jerked to a stop, only just noticing Esen as she lifted her head. Taking a nap, no doubt. He eyed her for a moment, but soon came up and sat right next to her. Not touching or anything, but much closer than he’d get to any other lady leopard. Esen was big, real big, but she didn’t scare him much anymore. Sometimes his heart started to race and his stomach got all topsy-turvy when he saw her, and that scared him, but he didn’t feel much of anything right then.
“Tujil-dasu left,” he said simply.
“So I heard, golden eyes,” Esen said, examining Tendaji. He was a fine looking leopard, but at the moment she was more concerned with his mental state. “She’ll be back soon.”
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:06 pm
“Not soon enough,” Tendaji growled.
“Be patient,” Esen chided him. “For all your talk of finding family! She’s probably off looking for that sister of hers.”
“She never said she has a sister.”
“She doesn’t talk about her much. That’s how we first met – she wanted to know if I’d seen another wild dog. All gray, even the eyes. Asked me to keep an eye out.”
“Mm-hm,” Tendaji said, thinking about other things. “Can I sleep here tonight?”
“What?” said Esen, completely taken aback.
“I don’t want to sleep on my own,” Tendaji said, the words tumbling over each other. “Or not alone, my family’s there… but I get nightmares and usually Tujil-dasu’s there to help and she’s not there and I don’t like dens, they’re always falling in on me, and I can’t do it, I can’t sleep there when Tujil-dasu’s not there.”
“Of course you can sleep here.”
“I- thanks.”
“The nightmares… you’re not going to wake up screaming, are you?”
“No, I don’t scream, I just… I really need somebody there.”
And I’m the one you thought of, foolish boy? “All right. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks,” Tendaji said with a sigh. Abruptly he flopped on the ground, all the strength gone. “I miss her.”
“If she said she’ll be back, then she’ll be back.”
“Not soon enough…”
“Tujil-dasu has her own life to live. You can’t expect her to spend all her time with you.”
“I know that,” said Tendaji, “I really do. In my head I mean.” He looked away. “I can’t ask her to stay if she wants to go… I won’t ever do that to anyone, especially not her. She can do what she wants.”
“It’s all right to miss someone.”
“Do you ever miss anyone?”
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:08 pm
“Sometimes my brothers… I wonder what they’re doing. But never for very long; we stayed together because we were family and we had no one else, not because we got along.
“Mostly I miss the trees…”
“When I was… away… I missed my family real bad,” Tendaji said. “Especially Cari. It’s funny, I thought it’d be Izin and Kamau since I’ve known them my whole life, but Cari… she’s real special. She’s my niece, I care about her a whole bunch. I want to show her all of the good things in the world.”
“With your stories?”
“Tujil-dasu tell you that?”
Esen smiled. “She’s a terrible gossip. I bet she heard about the stories from your family.”
“Yeah…” He lay a paw on the small bag of good luck charms he wore around his neck, his mind far away. There was a clump of Tujil-dasu’s fur in there – she had given it to him right before she left. For safe keeping until she got back, she said. He felt a lump grow in his throat. It felt wrong, somehow, to not have her by his side. Not that he’d ever try to make her stay when she wanted to go – but he missed her so very much.
“You can never tell if you like someone until you lose them,” Esen was saying.
“What?”
“Missing people. That’s how you know they matter.”
“Tujil-dasu saved my life.”
“Well that was nice of her.”
“I suppose it was,” Tendaji said with a grin.
“She’ll be back.”
“I know. Thanks for letting me sleep here.”
“Not a problem, golden eyes.”
Word count: 1,089 words
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