It was the first night that Riley decided not to spend training. She heard the sound of Vek's claws hitting the cold, hard floor as he patrolled the halls. They knew something was wrong. Riley had a pattern. She was predictable. She woke up, ate whatever they bothered to give her, and then she trained. For 40 hours she trained, pausing only when they took her out to experiment on her. When that time was up, she slept. Six hours later, the cycle would repeat.

And nothing had changed in her cycle for weeks. So why change now? Why, after the last of her trickle of visitors, did she stop training and go back to the way she had been those first few days in her cell? What had changed?

Voices trickled into her subconscious as she sat in the middle of the room in the lotus position, and meditated. That was what she had been doing for over ten hours since Amrita had left her. She hadn't even opened her eyes. Her dinner, a plate of Sludgetti O's, sat cold and untouched in front of the bars. And Chite's log looked suspiciously empty, as he switched for the night and let Sinclaire on observational duty. Those were the voices Riley could hear, as they quietly discussed her behavior. She knew they were talking about her, because she heard her name every so often in those hushed tones.

Riley.

Chite was the only one who said it often, as Sinclaire was more fond of the term 'the subject' than anything else. But even she used it at times. And each time Riley heard her name, Amrita's face returned to the forefront of her meditative vision. That sad, soft, incomplete face, speaking genuine truths that never meant to hurt, but needed to be said nonetheless. They left her with a yawning void of confusion, that she had hoped to meditate away. But with each passing moment, Riley started to accept that even meditation wasn't going to change how she felt about herself anymore.

She was an Illithid. That had not changed. She remembered everything about her life, before Amityville. That part of her remained. That was who she was. Who she continued to be, even now.

But there was a person she didn't know. That person connected with so many people on deep, emotional levels. And that person died. They died, to give her life. Her, the child of the Illithid; once lost, now found again. And being of the Illithid, there was nothing she treasured more than her memory. She craved the memories she had lost, like a hunger that would never be sated. But she craved something even more than that.

If her memories returned naturally, the Riley that these people knew and loved would come back to life.

And she would die.

And so what if she did die? She was never brought up to live a long, ripe age. If she had been a lesser creature, she would not have made it past her 8th birthday. She was proud to have survived this long. Riley let out a breathy chuckle at the realization that she considered this survival, despite having been killed already.

In the lab room, Sinclaire looked up from her papers as she heard the chuckle through the monitors, and carefully studied the unmoving form flickering in the black and white screen. Riley remained in the same position, so after a moment the succubus went back to her work.

But even as she thought of it, she had to admit that she was pulling farther and farther away from the old ways with each thought. Now that she no longer connected to the hive, she would have to live as something other than Illithid. Something completely her own. Unless.. unless her memories returned. Would she re-connect with the hive, if that happened? Did she even want that anymore?!

It felt like glorious sacrilege to say no.

But why did she deserve to come back, instead of her? What made her so damn special? Just because all of these fools loved her? Riley could make them love her again. No, she could make them love her, instead. She'd been doing it all of her life - this was no different. She wasn't so special. Riley could do it just as well as she had.

No. She could do it better.

The memories seemed superficial to her, now. She didn't need a shred of the past to tell her who she was - or what she could do. And most importantly, she didn't need to get back what she'd lost. She hadn't lost anything.

She was the only loss, now.

Amrita had been right, all along. Riley had been a dear friend, and she would miss her. But she wasn't coming back.

Not as long as she had control.

Riley opened her eyes, and looked up at the camera that had been watching her for hours and hours. She knew Sinclaire was on the other end. She couldn't see her, but she knew those eyes were on her, right now. Riley looked right back at her, and lifted her facial features in lieu of a smile.

Sinclaire. The voice was sweet, as it entered the succubus' mind. I'd like to speak with you, when you have the chance. I'd like to negotiate the terms of my freedom.