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 Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 4:55 pm
In light of recent events - and an even more recent chat with Malodore and Christof - Amrita had found herself taking some time alone to think. It was odd for her to set aside time for just herself and her thoughts, and it took her quite a while to get started on the whole thinking part; her mind wouldn't stop wandering to things she still had to do instead of what she wanted to ponder. Eventually she had gotten herself on track, and suddenly she saw the appeal of actually thinking things through; a few things became clear, conclusions were drawn, but sometimes they weren't nice ones. At least, in the end, it made a few things somewhat clearer to her, and in the wake of that she found a new resolve; she wanted to visit Riley.
All thoughts on actually seeing the Demoness brought back horrible memories from Prom; the surprise, shock, and subsequent little breakdown tried to overpower her thoughts, but in this she was determined. No, she wasn't going to panic. No, she wasn't going to question herself. She was going to march right up there, take a seat, and spew her guts out to the Mindflayer (in a completely metaphorical way). If this Riley was any shred like the Riley she knew, she would listen. That's all that mattered.
A quick call gave her directions and a general overview of what to expect, and without wasting any more time she made her way over to the Headquarters. She filled out all the forms as awkwardly slow as ever, endured the very thorough check in silence unless she had to answer a question, and eventually was lead down to where she wanted to be; Riley's cell.
"Err, um, H-hi." Amrita murmured, feeling that intense wave of discomfort come crawling towards the edges of her consciousness. "Do you, um, want some company? I can...come back another day if you'd prefer. I just...I just wanna talk to you." It was always nice to ask if arriving generally unannounced, right?
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 5:36 pm
As she had taken to doing each day, Riley was in the middle of concentrated training. Amrita walked in just as she was pushing herself down off the wall, where she had been leaning her entire body upside down while doing push ups. Her legs flipped over her body and landed on the floor before Amrita said anything - she knew someone was coming. Amrita's voice spoke to Riley's back, but it wasn't long before the ghoul stood up straight and stretched, turning to give her visitor a pleasant expression.
It's never a bad time for company, here. Riley spoke through the bars, which were still closed. For some reason, the guard - Vek, this time, though for the life of her she couldn't tell exactly why he was bothering - waited until she nodded before opening the door for Amrita. A moment later, Riley realized - he was hoping she was going to turn the ghoul away. He wanted to send Amrita back to the front desk, so he didn't have to deal with guarding during a visitor.
He was such a delight.
When the bars opened, Riley held one hand out for Amrita. Come in, please.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 5:52 pm
Amrita merely thought it was a formality that the door remained closed until she was invited. The patchwork gave the offered hand a brief glance before she stepped through the open bars and into the cell, for the second time in her entire school life avoiding contact with Riley.
"Thank you~" She murmured, standing there a couple steps away from the Demoness. So this was how she lived now? It was such a far cry from the lavish dorm room she had come to recognize, and she took a moment to look around the cell, even over her shoulder at the bars. Wow, that was...even more uncomfortable. The ghoul had never been behind bars in any sense of the term, and even being here now made her shudder. This...was not nice. She actually felt more sorry for the Demoness now than she ever had.
"Err...first off, before I say anything else...I really want to apologize for how I reacted at Prom. It was a huge shock, but...that was real rude of me. I'm sorry." She had been too eager to spill that apology; it seemed she apologized to everyone else for her behaviour, it was about time Riley heard it too. "And, um, second...how do you stand being in here?" Okay so it wasn't what she wanted to say at all, but the place made Christmastown and the Island look like fancy vacations.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:34 pm
Riley's fingers clenched back inward when the outstretched hand was ignored, and she pulled her hand back to her side, disgusting the small twinge of hurt she felt as apathy. The ghoul was apologizing for her behavior, which was sweet, but it was clear from the moment she'd entered the cell that Amrita was not actually comfortable with her.
And that, in and of itself, felt like failure.
She sat down on her cot, carefully folded her hands in front of her, and patted the other side. I spend all of my time wisely. I do not need accomodations to train. I simply make do with what I can, all day long.
Training, all day long, every day.. did not sound like fun. Only Riley would consider that an acceptable life.
Your apology is accepted. I know why you reacted in such a way. I hold nothing against you for it. Or for anyone who feels that way about me. I did not choose this fate - but the fate comes with it's price, regardless.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:06 pm
"Good for you..." It was awe, not sarcasm, that drove her voice. Lacking memories or not, she wasn't sure she could handle being in this room; and this was coming from someone who dreamed of being buried alive, or something similar to. The unspoken offer for a spot on the cot was stared at, the patchwork trying to figure out if she even wanted to sit or not. In the end she did take a seat, though without thinking she hugged her knees to her chest, her feet tucking comfortably under her.
"A large price." Amrita agreed sadly. The loss of memories, being trapped in this cell...being around those who reacted like she did. That was a lot to put on someone with no recollection of what happened. One of her arms loosened from her legs to hook her hand around the back of her own neck, her grey gaze shifting between Riley and the oh-so-interesting cot.
"But it...made me think...about a lot of things. Mostly about you..." She glanced up at the Mindflayer; even without her memories, even without the familiar, fond touched and and gestures, she felt like the shy little ghoul she was before, looking at her for approval. "And I...I have some, um, things I n-need to say, i-if you don't mind me talking, ah, at you..." If Riley said no, she'd keep it to herself; she'd been through enough, after all.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:40 pm
There was no question to Riley's answer - the offer was priceless. Of course. She murmured quickly. Say anything you need.
She would listen, but more importantly, she hoped she would learn.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:19 pm
Her agreement seemed easier than she expected somehow, it almost caught her off guard. She gave a small nod before sucking in a certainly useless breath, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. She knew what she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to properly say it. It was going to sound harsh no matter how she started it, but she wanted to at least find a way to make it work out better for the both of them.
"I...I realized that you, Riley...a-at least the Riley that I knew, is still dead." She started slowly, the realization backed with clear pain in her voice. It was painful to say something like that, especially to Riley herself, right in front of her.
"Riley and I were friends by circumstance, I guess. We never hung out, all of our interactions were either business, class or in passing with many others around us. I started out as a pet project to her, I think...and over the course of her helping me, we became some sort of friend." The ghoul shifted uncomfortably, finding herself staring more often at the cot rather than the Mindflayer before her. Head up, darling. A voice from her memories commanded, the ghostly memory of claws under her chin making her physically lift her head. You should always look someone in the eye when you speak to them.
"But I'm not the scared, shy little ghoul that needed your help more than anything, just like you're not the Riley who took me under her wing when I didn't have the strength to upgrade." She took in another breath and released it, slow and sad. "It won't ever be the same. You're still here in body and core to some degree, but she's gone, and no amount of retelling our memories will probably ever bring her back. I won't ever be able to tell or show you just how much she meant to me, and I could never even try to explain how she acted towards me and why she did she did what she did...so there'll always be that part of you that'll stay missing..." She was at least keeping her only eye in contact with Riley's as best as she could, but she looked far from happy. Amrita was still mourning the loss of her friend.
"So, Riley...my Riley...is dead. And it hurts so much...because she'll stay that way to me."
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:05 pm
As she listened, Riley's hopes for gleaning more information were dashed. It wasn't because Amrita wasn't offering it - in truth, what she was saying was truly valuable information about her lost time. Her interactions with the ghoul, and the way she changed their relationship with time, reminded her a bit of what Christof had told her. And they were valuable memories in the search for putting the puzzle pieces back together.
But none of it seemed to matter.
Amrita was more honest with her than others had been, and the truth set in motion a vicious seed of doubt.
I see. She murmured quietly as she let it all settle within her. I don't see it exactly that way, but I can understand why you would.. And yet, even as she thought about it, the understanding became harder and harder to simply dismiss. She had been raised in the tradition of the Illithid, and she had had her memories wiped twice before this. For their kind, memory was something easily taken, replaced, taken again.. this was nothing new to her.
But it wasn't about memory, anymore. And the loss that Riley suffered at the hands of this death was one no Illithid could have ever prepared her for. This was a true emotion she had lost. A friend.
No, she hadn't lost any of that. According to Amrita, she'd lost herself. And now..
What was left?
If Riley is dead.. Her eyes sharpened, searching for answers in Amrita's. There was a vulnerability there, one that no one would have thought to see in Riley's eyes, before.
Then who am I?
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:25 pm
It didn't matter if this Riley didn't see it that way, what mattered to Amrita was that she herself did. Very little would make her change her mind; she came to this conclusion herself. It was hard to accept, but she made it without the bias of others. She was going to stick with it, because as far as she was concerned, for the first time in her life...she felt she was right.
She had more to say, something to add on, but all words were lost to her when she saw a complete vulnerability in the Illithid's eyes. That was...new. Riley was a great many things, but even as the Insanity took her over, Amrita had never once seen her vulnerable. For a moment it was all she could dwell on, but what really threw her for a loop was the question that followed.
Who was she? Amrita didn't know. She was Riley in body, she responded to the name, but she certainly wasn't her, either. This person was a stranger in a familiar body; the patchwork felt strangely closer to her now. They were both minds in bodies that weren't quite theirs now. Amrita shifted uncomfortably again, looking away from Riley for only a moment as she tried to collect her thoughts. Really, she was the worst person to ask this. The worst. Why did she think it was a good idea to come here by herself, again?
"Well..." She started awkwardly, turning her gaze to meet hers once more. "Who ever you want to be, I guess." The hand against her neck worried at some stitches hidden by her hair, offering nothing more than a shrug. "You can make yourself whoever you want, now. A new kind of Riley." Was that silly to say? It sounded silly to hear.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:29 pm
A new kind of Riley. She repeated, very slowly. Her brow creased, as conflict warred within her. But I am a new kind of Riley. She emphasized, quick to wince at the thought. Admitting that she wasn't exactly the same person as she was before was.. against her tradition. It was against her entire way of life.
..and it posed a whole new set of problems.
If I am who you say I am, what will happen to me if I regain my memory?
And suddenly, the reason for the new vulnerability in Riley's eyes became obvious. Amrita was convincing her that she was someone else - but that someone else would disappear, if Riley returned.
That someone else would cease to exist.
She would cease to exist.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:01 pm
What was left of Amrita's lips pressed together in thought, trying to wrap her mind around the problem that was forming. Her Riley was gone, but what happened if she came back? The not-Riley in front of her would obviously cease to exist...right? To the Illithid's vulnerability, Amrita could only look troubled in thought. She felt like she was messing with something dangerous, but she couldn't very well stop here, could she?
"I...I don't know. Maybe you can be both? I don't know how the mind works with memories and stuff." She hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head and this time turning her gaze to the ceiling. This problem forced out all of her emotional issues, the pain she felt at admitting the Riley she knew was gone, the hesitation of saying it out loud...all of it pushed aside for problem solving.
"Riley's gone now, she was a dear friend and mentor and I miss her a lot, but I'll also never forget her." Amrita started, dragging her gaze from the ceiling to once more make eye contact with the vulnerable Demoness in front of her. "But if for some reason she does come back, and you're the one that gets lost...well...I'm sure we'd be friends by then, and I'll mourn you and miss you, too. I'll tell the Riley I knew all about you."
"And I'll always remember this as the day we became friends." She started, offering a little smile. The hand that had been hooked around the neck of her neck slid forward, offering her left hand out towards Riley; with the way her limbs twisted, it was like holding out her right for a proper hand shake. "Hi. I'm Amrita...and I'd like to tell you all about someone I loved dearly." She was being a little pre-emptive and very assuming, she knew that; but she was stubborn about it, and she honestly believed every word she said. They were friends once, their situations were vastly different now...perhaps a new type of friendship could spawn from it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:18 pm
This time, it was Riley who hesitated to take that hand, and she looked at it for a moment, as though it would strike out against her. Amrita was making a clear cut between Riley, and the person in front of her - she was distinguishing them as if they were two different people, but they weren't.
Were they?
No, she couldn't even think this way. This was sacrilege - The Illithid would kill her if they-
...But she couldn't even contact the Illithid, anymore. Did their voice even matter?
Riley took Amrita's hand, but there was no agreement in her eyes, yet. She was being asked to accept something that, by all laws of nature, was against her very core belief.
And worse off, she was starting to actually-
Riley pulled her hand away, and her brow furrowed thickly.
I'm sorry. She whispered to Amrita. This may take some time. What you're asking of me.. is harder than you might think.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:35 pm
"Don't apologize~" It was Amrita's turn to say these words, releasing the brief handshake easily. "But you know...this is just my opinion, right? You don't have to listen to me...you don't even have to think about it even more than you did before I brought it up." The hand went back around her neck, returning easily to worrying at her stitches. "I said you could be any Riley you wanted to, so you could try to be the Riley you were before you lost your memories if that's you really wanted." Though she still didn't think it was possible; not unless this Riley regained all of her memories. Something would always be different otherwise, and not the kind of different that came with experience or growth.
"I've said my piec---Oh, no, wait, there's still one more thing." She recalled something that had been left unsaid in favour the new, thoughtfully awkward problem. As she recalled it to memory, she once more stared at the ceiling, her fleshy brow furrowed in thought. "One other thing I realized...was that we didn't hang out, at all, outside of business or group trips or whathaveyou." What kind of deep, important friendship didn't have a part that existed outside of confidence projects and field trips?
"So I also wanted to say, that no matter who you ended up as; New-Riley, Old-Riley, or a little bit of both...I want to try and fix that this time around." Riley wasn't the only one who had gotten a new start, even though that hurt Amrita to admit. It also brought into sharp contrast those who fit into a similar category to Riley; Barth, for one. Junko. Sammy. All these people were her friends, but she never really hung out with them outside of class and hardships.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:52 am
Amrita's gentle explanations sounded like nothing more than backtracking to Riley. But she lifted her features pleasantly nonetheless, and nodded. Only Amrita's last thoughts were of any value to her, now. And Riley looked genuinely pleased to hear them.
Actually, I would love that. The fact that you have come here for me at all tells me we have a chance to make a grand future together. I am genuinely pleased to hear that you would like to.. hang out, as you say. Riley's tense muscles relaxed at the thought. Knowing that I have that waiting for me will be a driving force in getting me out of here sooner.
Riley reached out and patted Amrita's cheek gently. Thank you, Amrita. She whispered, her voice deepening with her last two words. For everything.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:22 am
This time, Amrita didn't shy away from the touch. She had said what she wanted to, expressed what she needed to, and offered suggestions on things she really hadn't the faintest idea about. It had gone much better than she anticipated, really.
"Glad I could help." She murmured softly, that small smile still on her lips. It wasn't Riley, but it sounded like her...and that was nice. "Is there something you wanted to know about her, first? Rather than just me telling you random things?" Truth be told she didn't know how the others approached the subject; did they just start talking? Or did she ask them to show her things? Either way, it was always polite to ask.
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