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 Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:21 pm
Hi guys!! I'm House Chor and I'm requesting for some comments, suggestions, critiques, etc. on a story I've been working on.
I don't exactly have a title or main plot down yet (unfortunately, but I'm open to suggestions!), but I have been writing portions of my story(;
I don't have character introductions written, but I'll list a run down of my OCs.
I'm really, really looking forward to comments on this! I'd like to further advance my story and hear from some readers.
Don't be afraid to mention some of my spelling or grammatical mistakes (we're not all perfect).
Thanks!! (;
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:22 pm
Intro
The story takes place in L.A. and around L.A. after a major earthquake named Tiana, hit California. It split the state in half along it's middle. L.A. is on the now-island half of Cali. The remains of the infamous city is half underwater. What stands is in chaos. Criminals, crime lords, and even a few mafia leaders have taken over what now stands as Los Angeles.
My OCs
Lexi Konan - She's a girl with spunk, attitude and a lot of self-confidence. She's usually emotionless and will do anything to win. She's one of the larger villains and her partner is Julian, although she absolutely despises the man and the goodness in his heart. As far as anyone knows, Lexi is an only child and she's very vague about her past. She has long, luscious, pure white hair and a pair of fierce, golden eyes. Although she's well past 20, Lexi is quite short and stands at 5 "8. Lexi's also got a tendency to pick fights and cause trouble.
Morgan - He's a shape-shifter who can change into a wolf. Before he started working for Sinner, he worked for one of the few remaining Ice Kings in regions far up north. He was alpha wolf where he lived and was sent to retrieve his King's daughter, Aisling. Although Morgan is a stoic, steely, and cold person, he fell in love with the young princess. However, she was lost to him after he returned to the Ice Palace empty-handed. After such a failure, Morgan was fired and he fled to L.A. Morgan is quite tall, standing a little over six feet. He's muscular, but skinny and has jet black hair that sticks up at the back like bed hair. His right eye has a scar that runs from his eyebrow to about mid-cheek. He received it after a heated battle back when he was still an alpha. His left eye has a white pupil and the usual whites around it are stained red from blood.
Julian - A winsome young man who captures the eyes of almost every girl he encounters. Almost, every girl. He's a good person at heart, but doesn't enjoy his work. Julian works with Lexi as her partner, although his real intentions and who he works for are unknown. He's also an orphan who lost both parents and most of the skin on his back left shoulder in a fire. Like Morgan, Julian is also quite tall, but he's a few centimeters shorter than Morgan. He's got brown hair that he fashions into a faux hawk. His eyes are a dark chocolate brown color and sometimes, they have a tendency to make people suddenly aware of their heart rate.
Sinner - Not much is known about this alluring, evil man. His age is unknown and so is his face. He's the main leader and one of the main antagonists and controls a good number of people. Sinner absorbs the bodies of people he's killed and he often uses them when he walks around or appears in front of people. The main body he uses has long, silky black hair that he usually wears in a braid or high ponytail. He always wears a mask and they too often change, but they always cover his eyes.
Jasper - A neutral-sided genius. He's a college student who loves butting in people's business. He's the type of guy who's all brains and no brawns. Jasper knows a little something on everybody, but he usually uses it to blackmail them. Jasper is also a deceiving, lying, but very persuasive person who loves to make people sit on the edge of his seat. A hobby of his is to make people feel extremely uncomfortable. Almost all the people who have become acquainted with this man hate him. (No physical description yet.)
Ace - The youngest of my OCs and is 16. He's a junior in high school and comes off as the "do whatever you want, idc" type. Although it looks as if he slacks off, Ace is actually very observant and takes in a lot of things around him. However, he does have a temper and often does get violent. Like Jasper, he's also a genius and knows something on everyone, but he's known as an information broker and sells out information to people for money. He stands at about 5 "8 1/2, has pierced ears and cartilage, and has metal ball piercings above and below his right eyebrow. Ace often dyes his hair crazy colors and insets stripes or patterns. He's got a red-inked, tiny apple tattoo under his right eye.
Sweet Pea - Tall, spunky, and gorgeous. Sweet Pea, otherwise known as SP, works as a model and has a low tolerance for heat. She's also got a short fuse and gets angry very easily. SP reacts on impulse and never stops to think about the consequences of her actions. As a 21 year old, she loves to drink but can stand alcohol. SP is barely six feet, but she considers herself 5 "9. She's got dirty blonde hair and always wear her hair in low, curled pigtails.
Meg - A spunky, but emotional Asian girl who also works for Sinner. She's in a relationship with Josh, who's also her partner. Growing up, Meg was a big trouble-maker and was sent to juvie one too many times before she was thrown in jail. That was where she made a contract with Sinner and where she met Josh. Meg doesn't really get out in the action and some consider her MIA. Although she's got a big ego and attitude, she gets very emotional when it comes down the physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse of children and women because of her past. She has long, mid-back length, black hair and pale pink eyes. She works great with animals and usually wears flip flops and dresses in all black.
Josh - Josh is Meg's long-time boyfriend from since they met in jail. He's often working out in the field and doesn't often get to go back to L.A. and rest. His work includes the dirty, abusive work and he tries to keep it a secret from his girlfriend because he knows she gets emotional about it. He's also Asian and usually wears a black hoodie. He uses guns when he fights and has a black dragon tattoo on his chest.
Burn - A mysterious character with shoulder-length red hair. She's always got a hoodie over her face so no one knows what her face looks like, and Burn is also a name she gave herself. Very little is known about her, but she's the same age as Ace and goes to the same school.
Rosalind - Rosalind is the youngest of three children, all girls. She's tall and is a Senior this year. She's very involved with her school and community. Rosalind also goes to the same school as Ace. She's got a troublesome past and a dangerous secret that she keeps with her. Unfortunately, Jasper knows it and often uses it to blackmail Rosalind into doing what he wants. Rosalind has beautifully, slightly curled, dark brown hair and deep chocolate brown eyes.
Aisling/Eternity - Her name isn't pronounced how it sounds and hates when people say her name wrong (the "ais" is actually "ash" so it's Ash-leeng, not Ay-s-ling). Her father is one of the few Ice Kings and she's spent almost her entire life running away from him so she won't be controlled. Her mother left him when she was very young so Aisling grew up without parental love for the most part. She became acquainted with her father's lead wolf, Morgan. However, long after she disappeared from the North, she appeared in SoCal with a new name, a new look, and a new personality. She goes by the name Eternity now, but has retained her barely curly dirty blonde hair.
Stories so far
-Untitled
-Burn
-Breakup
-Manila Envelope
-Vivian's Cafe
-Aisling
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:23 pm
Untitled It was a hot afternoon in the middle of July and there was traffic everywhere, even on local streets. Sweet Pea just happened to be one of the “lucky” people who got to sit in the local traffic. She had her shades on and the roof of her car down. It was too hot to put it up and her air conditioner was broken. Beads of sweat slid off her face and skin. She could feel it slithering and dripping down her back, which made her skin all sticky and shine with a thin layer of sweat. “Goddamn, where the hell are people going today?” She asked herself angrily. The light turned green, but the cars in front of her silver convertible continued to stay at a stand still. “s**t, move!” She yelled aloud and then she pushed hard on her gas petal when the car in front of her moved forward. The light turned red again and Sweet Pea had barely inched forward.
Sweat Pea slammed her head back onto the headrest of her chair. She’d been stuck in local traffic for over half an hour; all she wanted to do was drive down to Starbucks to get a nice venti iced coffee. At times like these, she wished she had walked. Then she closed her eyes, feeling the sunrays seep into her skin, tanning her face. Breathing in deeply, she tried to calm herself. Suddenly, out of nowhere the car behind her honked. “Jesus Christ!” She shouted, throwing her hands up into the air. Sweet Pea turned back as much as she could with her seatbelt on to look at the driver. He pointed forward and Sweet Pea turned back around to see the car in front of her moving forward, but another car cut in front. “What the-!” She exclaimed. Her last word was cut off by a car that honked somewhere behind her.
Putting her hands back on the wheel, she waited for the next chance she got to get onto the lower lane and make a U-turn onto a side street and head back home. Sitting in the hot heat with a bunch of impatient mongrels wasn’t worth it. The light turned green and the cars in front of her inched forward while Sweet Pea signaled to switch lanes. But, no car let her pass, all of them too eager to get past the streetlight. At last, Sweet Pea saw an opening and hit the gas to get onto the lower lane. Fortunately, she was successful. Unfortunately, once she turned onto the side street, a car that was parked on the other side of the street suddenly drove forward and hit a motorcyclist driving up the street. “Holy s**t!” Sweet Pea cursed yet again and put the emergency lights on her car and got out without thinking. She jogged up to the hit motorcyclist.
His bike had a huge dent in it and had been knocked onto the other side of the street. Sweet Pea was surprised it didn’t blow up from impact. Last time a friend of hers was hit, his motorcycle blew up with him. Luckily, the rider’s helmet was still on, but his black T-shirt was torn and held a stomach wound revealing his scratched skin and oozing blood from sliding across the rocky concrete. Just as Sweet Pea bent down next to him, a strong grip pulled her back.
“Hey!” Snapping her head to look at the intruder, she saw a familiar face. It was Julian. What a coincidence. For some reason, he wasn’t sweating in such heat, even though he was wearing a long sleeve and dark clothing. “Stay back miss.” He told her without taking a second glance at her. Then he got down next to the biker and rolled him over onto his back. Sweet Pea was startled, but pretty pissed. She walked closer and stood behind Julian expecting him to help the biker. Julian rolled his sleeves up and then ripped the biker’s shirt.
“Uh…what the hell are you doing?” Sweet Pea demanded, bending over with her arms crossed. Julian still didn’t look up. “Ma’m, I suggest you leave. This is government business.” Sweet Pea raised her eyebrows, amused. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was clear that Julian hadn’t taken a closer look at her to realize that it was his old childhood friend. If she didn’t know him she probably would have believed him, asked him few questions and then continue on her way, but she did know him and there was no way she was going to leave.
“Don’t BS with me Julian. Seriously, what the hell are you doing? Are you some sort of slave trader?” She asked again. This time, he looked up at the mentioning of his name. His eyes gleamed in the sun and she caught herself in their reflection.
“Sweet Pea? What are you doing here?” He asked with his brows furrowed. Sweet Pea scoffed. “Uh…I’m the one you pulled away and told me you were doing government work, which I totally know you’re not.” She said. “So, what the hell are you doing, for the last damn time?” Julian sighed and turned back and put his ear against the biker’s chest.
Sweet Pea just stared dumbfounded and even more pissed that he wasn’t answering her. “Are you like, a stalker or something?” She asked.
“s**t, he’s still alive.” Julian murmured in a low voice unconsciously. Sweet Pea heard him. “Excuse me, but were you trying to kill him?” Her tone was harsh. She got down on the other side of the biker. His body was pale, as if no matter how many times he went swimming or tanning, he would never get dark. No farmer’s tan or neck tan either. In fact, he was really skinny. His ribs showed and he had a scar about the length of her hand on the left side of his torso.
“Look Sweet Pea, you don’t wanna get involved okay? This guy is really dangerous.” Julian said and fumbled with something he was trying to pull out of his jean pocket. Sweet Pea laughed sarcastically. “HE’S dangerous? You’re the one who just hit him with your car and tore off his shirt!” Julian pulled out a tiny case, about the size of an iPod shuffle, from his pocket. He continued to ignore her, opened the case, and pulled out a tiny needle.
“What’s that?” She asked and he ignored her once again. She exhaled deeply trying her best not to punch him hard in the face to knock some sense into him. “Julian, god damn it you better tell me what the eff is going on here, or I swear I’m going to hit you so hard you won’t even remember what your name is.” She threatened him and she meant him. Sweet Pea had known Julian since they were both kids, but they never talked. It was one of those awkward relationships where the two people knew each other their whole lives, but never spoke a word to each other.
Julian stopped what he was doing and looked to her. His eyes pierced into hers. Sweet Pea knew this move and she didn’t look away. He would stare hard into another person’s eyes until they looked away and then he would say something smart and they’d feel stupid and leave. But, Sweet Pea just kept staring at him and eventually he was the one who removed his eyes from hers. Hmph wimp. “Okay SP, all you have to know is that this guy is a criminal, and it’s my job to stop him.”
Sweet Pea scoffed again. “Hah! You look here Julian. I’ve known you my whole life and I know that you’re not that type of guy to act on your own.” He looked up to her again, his face emotionless. “Who said I’m acting on my own?” He asked. Her face softened for a second and then hardened again.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to let you hurt this guy.” She told him, lifting her chin up to show authority. Now it was Julian who scoffed. “You don’t even know the things he’s done! He deserves to have a death sentence, or worse.” He said and then removed the cap on the injection needle and stabbed it into the biker’s arm.
Sweet Pea didn’t expect that and reached over the biker and pushed Julian hard. He fell, but the fluid in the shot was already spreading throughout the man’s veins. “Hey! What are you do-“ Julian exclaimed. Sweet Pea stepped over the biker’s body and slammed Julian’s head back onto the ground and she bent over him. “Sorry Julian. But I’m not just going to sit around and let you take away, or even kill someone’s life. Not in my territory.” She said bluntly. For some reason, he looked her straight in the eyes when she said it, as if he didn’t want to kill him either. He didn’t fight back either, which Sweet Pea found strange. Then she covered his eyes with her hand and sent him to sleep.
Climbing off him, she pulled him back into his car and put him in a position that appeared like he was sleeping peacefully, which he wouldn’t be after what she just did to him. Slamming the car door, she looked around, making sure no one saw what had just happened. While dragging little attention to herself, she walked towards the dented and broken motorcycle. When she put her hand on it, it seemed to waver like a heat wave before disappearing completely, along with all the other signs that there had been an accident at all. Then Sweet Pea pulled the motorcyclist up, supporting him while she dragged him to her car. This time, she put the roof down. Rummaging through her backseat, she found a spare jacket and threw it over his bare torso and put the car in Drive.
Then with one final look towards Julian, making sure he looked secure and looked as “normal” as possible and then taking a look at the street to make sure no one had seen what she had done, she drove down the small, shady street towards her home. However, little did she know that someone had indeed seen the whole thing.
And had caught it all on tape. He stepped out from the shadow of the trees, smirking.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:24 pm
Burn The playground was always empty, but on days like this, it looked especially lonely. The sky was gray with the clouds ready to let loose their tears. Strong breezes caused the swings to swing back and forth, causing the playground to seem eerie. Julian walked along the sidewalk, passing the playground. His hood was up; his earphones were plugged into his ears and his eyes were set on the ground. A few cars were parked in the playground parking lot, but other than that, the whole block was vacant. It was no wonder. No one wanted his or her child to come to this part of the city. It was just too close to the Other Side. If you climbed onto the rusted jungle gym and looked out past the bare trees, you could catch a glimpse of the Other Side. The once tall, luxurious buildings had crumbled or rotted away, revealing the wooden and metal rows that supported ceilings and walls. But, that was all you could see from that low height.
Julian continued walking down the cracked sidewalk. He remembered, way back before Tiana happened, running down this exact sidewalk with his friends as a child. Way back before he was recruited, before he met Lexi, and way back before the world became corrupted and darkened. A few blocks down, Julian could hear the happy tune of an ice cream cart. He continued walking and eventually saw it. It was an old man pushing the cart, his back crippled and his pale fingers long and bony. The tune carried on, sullen and fading. He’s not going to make business here, why does he even try? Julian wondered. He approached the cart and the old man stopped the cart. He looked up to Julian, his eyes weary and crusted. His skin looks like prunes. “What flavor?” The old man asked, his voice raspy as if someone had opened a closet after years and all the mothballs came falling out.
“What flavors do you have?” Julian asked, trying to glance at the side of the cart to see. But, all the pictures and words were worn out, gray like the cart and the sky. “I’ve only got Vanilla.” He answered. What an old flavor. I haven’t eaten that flavor since I was 8. “Uh…how much?” Julian asked, pulling out his wallet. “Ten dollars.” He replied and Julian hesitated. Ten dollars for ice cream? Julian didn’t want to waste ten dollars on ice cream, but he did feel sorry for the old man and he didn’t know how much it cost to even get vanilla ice cream these days. In fact, he didn’t even know if they even made it at all, or maybe the old man just never sold it from years back. Either way, Julian paid the amount and the old man opened up the cart. Tiny specks of frost flew out as the old man reached into the cart to pull out an ice cream. He came out with a tiny Popsicle, about the size of Julian’s hand. Thanking him for his business, the ice cream man continued on his way down the street, his tune echoing throughout the empty block.
Julian stared at his ice cream bar. He peeled away the wrapper to reveal an ice cream bar. It looked safe, but when Julian bit it, it was like biting a rock. He blew onto it, trying to melt it, but it stayed frozen. Waste of ten dollars. And he threw the wrapper and bar into the nearest trash bin. Suddenly, tiny drops started falling from the sky and Julian quickly walked to the closest building to hide under the patio roof until the rain stopped. But, there was a girl already under it. There was no other building around, so Julian walked under the tiny space that provided a haven and stood next to the girl.
He didn’t look at her, not wanting to bother her. But, he felt some sort of unnatural aura coming from her, as if her presence took up all the space around her and absorbed everything, including his attention. It’s no big deal; I mean I’m curious. It’s not a crime to look at a girl. He told himself. Reaching up to re-adjust his hood, he elbowed her. In the side of the face.
“Oh crap! I mean- I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” He asked, turning towards her as she was pushed to her right because of the force. She grimaced and pulled down her hood, facing the other way. Oh lord, did I hurt her that badly? “Hey, are you all right? I’m sorry.” Julian asked again, in a more mellow voice that matched the steady drops of rain.
“I’m fine.” She said. From her tone of voice, Julian could tell she didn’t want to be bothered. He used that exact tone when he didn’t want to be bothered. But, her voice sounded sweet and a bit higher than the average girls’. Julian stepped back into place, wondering if she sang well with that kind of voice. She could make a lot of money, and I would get paid a good amount if she fit Sinner’s description. While the rain kept falling, Julian tried thinking of ways to talk to her or start a conversation and go from there. She stayed in the same position with her back facing him, refusing to turn to look at him. For what seemed like hours, they stood there. The sky darkened and the rain fell harder. “This is never gonna let up is it?” He asked out loud, hoping to get a reply from her but was unsuccessful. A few more minutes past and he grew tired of standing, so he sat down, leaning against the dirty adobe wall. Staring out into the foggy mist and listening to the constant beat of raindrops made him sleepy. His iPod had run out of battery half an hour ago and he had pulled off his hood to reveal his hair, messy from being under the hood. “Hat hair” was what he called it, but Lexi called it “Sex hair.” Remembering that, he scoffed and smiled. The rain continued and Julian was sleepy. He didn’t know the time, not having his phone with him. Maybe…just for a few minutes. Then he dozed off.
But, when he awoke, the rain was still going on. He didn’t know how much time had passed and nothing had changed, except for the fact that it was much colder, the rain was pounding, the sky was darker, and the girl was now sitting down next to him, but still keeping a distance. “Do you know what time it is?” He asked her. “It’s seven thirty.” She answered. I should be back home. Lexi’s going to get angry. The rest of the time went on with silence and awkwardness between them.
“So…” Julian said. But, the girl didn’t reply. He looked at her, trying to get a glance at her face, but he was leaning back and she was leaning forward. It would be obvious and awkward if he suddenly leaned forward and stared at her. “Where you from?” He asked casually. “Look, just because we’re stuck here doesn’t mean we have to talk.” She said, her sweet voice tainted with sharpness. “I know, I’m just bored.” Julian told her, blowing his bangs out of his hair, an attempt that was futile. “Then find something to entertain yourself with.” She answered. “There’s nothing here.” He smiled, replying. Now we’re getting somewhere. “That’s not my fault now is it?”
Smiling again, he relaxed. She was fierce, like Lexi. But, that just meant that there would be problems. “Well that’s not my problem.” She didn’t reply after that. After another half hour, the rain let up a bit, but it was still pouring, just not as hard as before. The girl stood up and Julian looked up. “You’re not going yet are you?” He asked raising his eyebrows. Why would she go out when it’s still pouring this hard? “That’s none of your business.” She told him. “I’ll get lonely.” He said smiling. She could hear the smile in his voice. And she so desperately wanted to sock him in the face. Ignoring him, she stepped into the heavy rain. She knew this was as light as it was going to get for the rest of the night. And there was no way in hell she wanted to spend the rest of the night with some random guy who just walked out of the mist and took a seat next to her under the roof. The rain pelted her like rock hard tiny tennis balls onto her hood, seeping through it, wetting her hair and dripping down her face.
As she continued walking, hood up and zipper all the way up, she heard sodden footsteps approaching. Then there was a large bodily figure walking next to her, trying to walk to match her pace. “What do you want?” She demanded, voice harsh. “Well, I don’t want to stay under there for the whole night.” He said and she scoffed. They continued walking into the fog. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she wanted to get away from him.
“Look, can you just leave? Stop following me.” She stopped in the rain, surrounded by mist. “I’m following you because you don’t have anywhere to go, and I don’t you to get hurt.” Julian told her, standing closely in front of her. Hurt my a**; I can take care of myself. “I don’t need a babysitter, just go away.” She answered and continued walking, but he didn’t leave.
“Do you need a place to stay?” He asked, but she didn’t answer. When she didn’t, he kept talking. “I’ve got a place close by. It’s just a few blocks away.” How can he even see in this stupid fog? “You can get your own room, and you can eat and shower. I won’t charge you. I won’t rape you either don’t worry.” But, that only made her worry more. “My girlfriend lives there too, so she’ll make sure of it.” So he wasn’t hitting on her, but that didn’t make her trust him. He could just try raping her on the way there. “Just leave, I’ve got my own place.” She lied, and Julian knew it. “Look, it’s just a few blocks. And your ‘place’ is probably some run down shack or another roof.” She swallowed.
She was cold and tired. Her clothes were soaked and she hated the rain. “Fine.” She said barely loud enough over the sound of pouring raindrops. Julian smiled, not that she saw it. She never looked up at people, not wanting them to see her face and cause a ruckus. “Great. C’mon it’s this way.” He reached for her hand to lead her, but she snatched her hand away. Julian turned back and looked at her. “I can see you fine through the mist.” Julian only shrugged and led the way. Eventually, they came to a street. Tall, fancy lampposts lined the streets. Under their beams of light, you could see how large the raindrops were and how fast and hard they were falling. Julian kept tightening his hood or breathing on his hands to warm them up. As they walked, Julian kept talking to empty the silence. “So, what’s your name?” He asked her. “Yours first.” She said quietly.
He smiled surprised his lips hadn’t frozen and cracked. It was well past 10 and Lexi would surely chide him when he got home. He was sure of it. “It’s Julian.” He told her. “And yours?”
“Burn.” She replied, seeing fog come out of her mouth when she spoke. Julian nodded, unsure if she even saw it and wondered whether that actually was her name. Suddenly, a door opened and a rectangle of light shone onto the street.
“Julian! Where the hell have you been?!” A voice called out in the rain. Burn assumed that was his girlfriend. Julian sighed, expecting just that reaction from Lexi. They walked up the porch steps and she let them in. Burn looked around their home. It was nice, homey looking. She wondered how old they were, since they were living together and could afford such a nice apartment. Wet rainwater dripped all over the floor and carpet. Julian’s girlfriend threw him a towel and handed Burn hers without asking questions. “Sorry Lex. The rain didn’t let up until about an hour ago and we set off.” Burn didn’t take her hood off, just dried her face and the top of her hood. Glancing up, trying not to show any parts of her face, she took a look at Julian’s girlfriend.
She was pretty, with clear pale skin. Her face was round and she still had some baby fat left in her cheeks, but it made her look even more beautiful. Her hair was long and snow white, eyes golden and piercing. These days, after Tiana, there were so many people genetically experimented and just plain experimented people that strange hair color and eyes were common, and no one found them odd. Crazy scientists tried bringing back the dead or changing people and children to make them look like the people they lost. Some doctors even tried doing the craziest things to people so they could grow back a nose or re-grow their skin after the disaster. “And she is…?” She asked Julian.
“Staying the night with us. She’ll stay in the guest room.” Julian answered and pulled down his hood. “Her name’s Burn.” The girl with the white hair looked sharply at Burn, as if absorbing everything about her, but Burn met the challenge. Julian felt a bit nervous about two fierce women staying together in the house. “Uh…why don’t you introduce yourself Lex.” He said. The white haired beauty tilted her head to the side, as if debating whether or not she should. “I’m Lexi.” She said at last. Burn nodded slightly.
“I’ll warm up some food. Now I wouldn’t have to do this if you had came back on time.” Lexi said, trying to make Julian feel guilty. It obviously worked. “Sorry Lex, I’ll try harder next time.” Then he gestured for Burn to follow him. Burn noticed that he had no problem in dripping water all over the wooden floor. He led her upstairs and opened a door in the hallway. “You’ll stay here and there’s a bathroom that comes with it.” Then he looked at her, running his eyes over her body. Burn reacted on instinct and threw a punch at his jaw. He was knocked into the wall and stumbled a little on the wet hardwood floor, but otherwise didn’t fall. He smirked and rubbed the side of his face where Burn had hit him. Lexi walked up the stairs, glanced at Burn’s clenched fist and Julian clutching his face and smiled. Then she went back down without saying anything.
“I was measuring your clothing size, so I could get some of Lexi’s clothes for you.” He answered, his voice raspy. “You can ask next time.” Burn told him. Then it seemed to become awkward between them as Julian stood back up and walked down the hall, opening another door. He came back out with a set of clothing and handed them to Burn. Then he himself went downstairs, leaving Burn standing dripping water in the hallway holding clothes that smelled unfamiliar.
Burn showered, ate, and went back to the room she was assigned. Julian and Lexi didn’t bother her. They were in their own room. Lexi sat on the edge of the bed, holding up a hand mirror. Julian had showered and changed into his normal sleeping wear. He sat behind Lexi, legs on either side of her as he brushed her long white hair. “You shouldn’t have brought her here.” Lexi told him. “I know.” He said, continuing to brush her hair. “Then why did you?” She asked, moving her mirror to stare at him through the glass. He met her eyes in the mirror and held her gaze. “I felt sorry for her. You know how I am.” Lexi sighed. “Yeah, and I hate it. You’re too damn nice Julian.” Julian sighed this time and put down the brush. Lexi lowered the hand mirror and turned around to look at him.
“I know I am Lex.” He said, running his fingers through his drying brown hair. He moved to his side of the bed and lay down, hands behind his head. Lexi crawled next to him and sat staring at him. “You need to change then. Sinner’s not going to like this.” Lexi told him. “You gonna tell him?” Julian asked, looking at her. Lexi blinked, her expression unchanging. She hesitated and in that time, the whole house was silent. Burn was asleep, or was seemingly asleep. The clocks seemed to stop ticking. And when Lexi answered, they continued ticking. “Yeah.” Julian closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. Lexi played with strands of his hair, twisting and tugging them with her fingers maliciously.
“Okay then.” Julian said, opening his eyes again and meeting Lexi’s. He continued to stare at her while she played with his hair. At times like this, Julian felt really in love with her. Obviously, their relationship was forced through Sinner and neither of them had a choice. But, when she was mellow and calm, she was really beautiful. Light seemed to catch in her hair and make it shimmer. Her skin was flawless and as smooth as a baby’s. Her eyes were golden like a magic spring full of healing, golden water. Julian smiled and Lexi glanced down at him. He thought he saw the corner of her mouth turn upwards in a smile back at him.
Then he reached up and pulled her face down and kissed her. It was long and passionate, much too long passionate for Lexi’s taste. She pulled away first after only a few seconds and stared at Julian. He looked back at her, his eyes boring into hers. They weren’t special and the color of his iris’ were normal, but there was something about them that Lexi just didn’t understand. They made your stomach flip and made you conscious of your heartbeat and how loud it was beating. She hated those eyes. There were countless times when she just wanted to gorge them out so she would never have to look at them again. This was one of those times.
“You okay Lex?” Julian asked, his voice breaking the silence between them. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She said and lay down on her pillow. Now Julian sat up, supporting himself on his right elbow as he stared down at her face. Lexi didn’t want to look at him, or actually his eyes. “No you’re not.” He said. What? Does he want me to tell him that I want to spoon out his eyes and feed them to the cats down the street? Lexi inhaled deeply and let it out, turning her head to look back at him. His eyes didn’t make her feel uncomfortable this time. Now, they just looked like their normal shade of brown. “Yes, I am.” She said again sharply and the two coworkers stayed like that for a few minutes. Then he smiled, his one-sided dimple showing. Lexi wanted to peel open his skin and push out that part so he didn’t have a dimple anymore.
“You know, I really do like you at times like this.” He told her. Lexi didn’t change her facial expression, only blinked. She would never, even if it cost her the life of all her brothers and the world, would she ever say that to anyone. She had too much pride for that. And after what happened to Lucas, it ruined her remaining chances of saying that to anyone. “Whatever.” She answered simply and he leaned down and kissed her again, running his fingers through her hair. Lexi put her hand on the back of his neck. It was warm against her long cold fingers. He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, feeling its smoothness. Lexi breathed in and inhaled his scent. It was homey, very masculine, but very comforting. His tongue was wet in her mouth and Lexi ran her fingers through his now dry hair. Julian cupped the side of her face, tilting it up.
She suddenly put her hands on his chest and pushed him hard away from her. Julian looked at her, eyes sad. Lexi met them and she got that stomach flipping feeling again. Julian knew. He knew all about her feelings towards him. About her feelings for Lucas. He knew she didn’t like him, but he tried countless times anyways. Julian rolled over to his side of the bed, his back towards Lexi and closed his eyes.
Lexi got out of bed and turned off the lights. The house was silent after Lexi got back in bed, her own back towards Julian. The clocks stopped ticking when Lexi closed her eyes, when she started thinking about Lucas again.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:25 pm
Breakup (Warning: Contains sexual implications) The room was dark filled with very dim light. There were two dark shadows on the bed in the middle of the room. The bed squeaked when they moved. The first rays of the sun streamed through the semi-see through curtains. A giggle came from the bed and one of the figures rolled onto the other. The room smelled like sweat, intoxicated with the smell of love and hot breaths mixed together.
On the bed, Meg could barely see the outline of Josh’s face. She traced the line of his jaw down to his neck and over his abs. She didn’t dare go further down. Meg looked up to his face, her pink eyes catching his dark brown ones. Josh’s face was serious, his damp hair sticking to his sticky skin. Meg’s smile faltered seeing this and then Josh smirked. “I’m just kidding.” He whispered before burying his face between her neck and collarbone. Meg felt relieved and ran her fingers through the top of his hair while he planted sweet kisses on her. She hadn’t seen Josh in months and she had missed him so much. Meg closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her chest rising up to meet his. She smelled sweat, rain, and guy. There was a lot of guy.
Josh’s kisses strayed from her collarbone and neck down lower to where her heart was. He laid his right cheek over it. Meg could feel the heat of his cheek on her skin and it sent shivers down her body. Josh must have felt a change in her muscles because he removed his cheek from her chest and looked at her. His face was solemn again. Meg forced a small smile and he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, cocking his head to one side. “What’s wrong Nut Meg?” He asked her, his voice quiet in the still room. Meg hesitated before she answered. She had her suspicions about what he had been doing these last couple months, but she didn’t want to bring it up now. It wasn’t the time. “It’s nothing.” She told him, looking up at him but staring at the ceiling so he would think she was telling the truth by looking at him while she said it. He didn’t fall for it. “Meg, c’mon seriously what’s wrong?” Josh asked again and tilted her chin so she would look into his eyes and be honest.
His eyes stared into her soul, past her barriers that she had so carefully taken the time to build. They were serious, but still careless and roaming like a child’s. Meg knew they were. She knew he was. And that was one reason why she didn’t trust him completely. His eyes would stray away from her, towards others. Just like a child did in a candy store when he had what he loved most right in front of him, but with all the other sweets in the store, he couldn’t help but look. And sometimes, he would go and buy the other sweets and leave the one he loved most.
Meg turned away from him, brows furrowed together. Josh sighed and moved off her. She instantly felt the warmth from his body leave hers. He settled on her right side where she was staring. Meg didn’t look away this time. “Meg.” Josh said and caressed her face again. He propped himself up on his elbow. Meg blinked, trying to hold back the tears. She wanted so badly to ask him about his job, about what he had been doing and wanted to hear it come from him, not from others. Just when she decided she would and opened her mouth, he said something. “I love you.”
Those words stabbed her heart. They erased the pain, jealousy, and loneliness that had been surrounding her before and replaced them with new ones. Meg closed her eyes and Josh took this as a sign of forgiveness and pulled her towards his chest. Her forehead rested against his collarbone. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “I missed you so much Meg.” He told her.
Liar. You didn’t miss me. You had your toys. Meg suppressed a sob and hiccupped instead. Josh ignored it. He wanted Meg. He just wanted things to be like this forever where he could hold her and there wouldn’t be anyone to disturb them. And Meg wanted it too. She felt so safe in his strong arms, positive that he would protect her from anything. She had let him into her walls, let him get to know he - the true her - and let him into her heart. But, ever since he started getting assigned new jobs and he started staying longer than the time assigned for the job, Meg had started to worry. She’d had friends who worked with him on jobs. They told her things. Things that she didn’t want to believe Josh was doing. Things that she hated and he knew that she hated. Things that made her heart break and forced her to set up new walls, stronger and sturdier around her heart to block him out. She retreated into the darkness where she found comfort with Morgan. Josh didn’t know. He didn’t have to know and there was no way in hell Meg was going to tell him. He doesn’t tell me s**t anymore, so why should I? She thought bitterly.
Meg opened her eyes. The feel and sound of Josh’s heartbeat pulsed and vibrated through her body. His breathing was slow and steady and Meg knew he was asleep. His arms were still wrapped around her and Meg wished they weren’t. She wished he hadn’t gone on those missions and did those things that her friends told her he did. They even brought back proof for her. As carefully and quietly as she could, she unwrapped herself from his arms and lay as far as she could on the opposite side of the bed in a fetal position. Sure, they were still both nude but she wasn’t going to let him touch her anymore. She closed her eyes, back to him. Eventually, with the sound of his breathing, she fell asleep.
When she awoke, Josh had his arm slung over her, chest pressed against her back. Why didn’t he understand? She wanted to be as far away from him as possible, but he always came back to her even though he did so many bad things. More rays of light had streamed into the bedroom.
This time, when Meg tried to heave his heavy arm off her, he grumbled and awoke. Meg quickly closed her eyes and pretended she was asleep, but that didn’t do any good either. Josh held himself up on one elbow again and pulled her in closer. “Morning sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head, his voice husky. Meg pretended to awaken and stared up at him. The curves of his mouth tilted upwards, smiling at her. His hair was messy. Meg forced another smile back at him before turning to her side again. It made her heart break that she was doing this.
“Meg, look at me.” Josh said and she couldn’t hear the smile in his voice anymore. She turned to look at him and his face was serious, a poker face. “What’s wrong?” Meg shook her head and sat up, back to him. She grabbed a sheet and covered herself up with it, not wanting to be more exposed to him than she already was. “Meg, sweetie, c’mon.” He gently pulled her arm. His touch sent shivers down her back. When she didn’t roll back into the bed, Josh sat up.
“Meg.” He said again, this time his voice had authority in it, no longer the sweet tempting voice that she had known. She closed her eyes and turn around to face him. It was one way or another. There really wasn’t a choice. Josh reached out to touch her face but she pushed his hand away and turned her head to the side. His face displayed rejection and confusion. Then it shifted to frustration. “Meg, what’s wrong? God I’ve been here for what, barely a day and you’re giving me the cold shoulder?” She didn’t respond. “You’re treating me like s**t you know that. You told me you wouldn’t, that you wouldn’t treat me like I was on a lower class than you. You told me you wouldn’t.” He said to her. She swallowed and took the courage to ask him the question.
“What have you been doing the entire time you’ve been gone?” She asked. When she did, the aura in the room shifted and she felt as if the temperature dropped at least 10 degrees. “What?” He asked, voice more soft-spoken and less commanding.
“You know what I asked.” She said again and this time looked at him. “What the hell have you been doing the entire time you’ve been gone?” Josh looked at her and then looked away. “You know I can’t tell you. It’s confidential.”
“Like hell it is Josh! And you know it!” Meg exclaimed. She clenched the sheet she was holding. Anger rose up in her. How dare he lie about it? “You know it’s not. You say that every time, but I know what you’re up to. And I can’t believe you’re doing it.” She said. She unclenched her fist. Josh scoffed. He turned to look at her. “Yeah, so what have I been doing? Loitering around and having fun?” His eyes bored into her accusingly.
Meg pursed her lips and spat back, “Well, you’ve obviously been having some sort of fun!” Josh frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?” Meg pushed back the sobs that were welling up inside of her the months that he’s been gone. She’d taped her tear ducts when she was with Morgan and he helped her. Meg stood up and Josh demanded where she was going. Opening a drawer, she took out an envelope and threw it on the bed. “That’s what the hell I’m talking about.” She said solemnly. Josh kept staring at her for a few seconds before reaching for the envelope. He opened it and took out a stack of pictures. Meg knew what the pictures were. As Josh went through each one, his eyes widened and maddened, facial expressions changing.
“Where the hell did you get these?” He asked her clenching the photos. Meg turned her head away from him, eyebrows furrowed together. “Meg, where did you get them?” He asked. Rage was welling up inside of him. He knew he had been caught red-handed. Meg knew it too. She wanted to break down and scream at him. She wanted to punch him in the face as hard as she could. When she didn’t answer, Josh got up from the bed and it moaned from the release of weight. He yanked her around so he could look her in the face while screaming at her with his own sheet covering his bottom half. “Where?” He asked one final time gritting his teeth.
“None of your concern.” Meg told him and he grabbed her wrist and roughly held her up so that she was on her toes, shaking her. “Where Meg?! Where the ******** did you get these pictures?! Answer me!” He roared at her. She could see intense anger in his eyes. She could let her sheet drop and sock him in the face or stand there taking it. Coming to her decision, Meg released the sheet, she punched him square in the jaw as hard as she could and then grabbed the sheet back up off the floor to cover herself up. She scrambled to the side of the room where the door was. She leaned against the wall, clutching the sheet tightly to her chest, eyes focused on him.
The punch didn’t do much damage, but he did stumbl backwards. He looked up and locked eyes with Meg. With the sunlight streaming slowly into the room, her white bed sheet, and messy hair, she looked like a champion who had stepped into the victory light after battle to face him. Josh breathed out. He didn’t want to have this argument with her. He knew what he had been doing was wrong. He knew that Meg would kill him if she found out. But, now he wasn’t so sure. It seemed to him now that she would leave him in the dust.
“Meg.” He said. His voice was foreign to her, unknown. Josh took a step towards her and she clutched the sheet tighter. “Meg, I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have killed those people. I know I shouldn’t have, but I needed to get the information out of them. I had to kill those who saw me doing my job.” Meg scoffed at him and flipped her bangs out of her eyes. “Your job? Your job was sleeping with all those godforsaken sluts and whores and killing those children and families! They didn’t do anything to you! They got caught in your rage or backfire or whatever the hell it was, and you killed them!” She shouted at him. Meg’s walls were coming down. She was letting loose her own war inside her heart against her emotions. “They were in the way Meg. If they knew what I was doing-” She cut him off.
“Josh, you know how my family was killed. It wasn’t because of Tiana. You know how they died and you still did that. Those orphaned kids that you left, they’re gonna end up like me. You’ve killed me so many times by doing that.” She shook her head at him as if she pitied him. Josh’s eyes saddened and he wanted to tell her he was sorry. But, Josh knew of all people that Meg didn’t take any “sorry” bullshit unless it came with repentance. But, he tried anyways. “Meg, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your damn sorry.” She said through her teeth. Josh sighed. Well, it was worth a shot. He thought. “Not to mention, all those sick women.” Josh knew this was going to come up. Josh was the little boy in the candy store, looking at all the sweets and wanting all them at the same time. No man could get that, no matter how much money he paid to try and get it. “It was part of the job Meg.” He told her, not meeting her eye. It was a lie. Both he and Meg knew it but he said it anyways.
“My a**.” She told him. She shook her head at him again. “I just can’t believe you Josh.” She said, her voice now foreign to him. “Then don’t.” He said back to her. Silence hung in the air between them. “It was my job Meg.”
“Don’t you dare lie to me! Don’t you dare ******** lie to me Josh! I know, okay? You don’t think I do, but I know. You don’t have one clue about the hell I’ve been through here because of you and your ‘job’!” She screamed at him, now overcome with rage.
Josh’s repressed anger sprang back up again. “And you don’t know how much I’ve been through doing this! You think I want to sleep with all those women? You think I wanted to kill those families?!” He shouted back at her.
“Well you obviously didn’t try to make it seem like you didn’t.” Meg said. Josh strode towards her and Meg stood up straight. She wasn’t going to back up; she didn’t have any space to since her back was to a wall anyways. “Meg, I love you.” Josh said to her, looking straight into her eyes.
That’s when she slapped him. Meg slapped him so hard his neck cracked and his cheek instantly burned red. She pushed him away and went to sit on the bed. “You’re sick you know that. I can’t believe you can still say that to me after all the crap you did.” She said, her rage steaming down. Josh turned to her, cheek still red. “Meg, I’m not lying. I love you so much it hurts. It hurts more than this and more than killing those people and sleeping with those women.” He told her trying to get her to understand. “I did it because I wanted to be with you.” He told ******** you. Damn you Josh. If you wanted to be with me so much, then why did you leave? Why did you leave me so many damn times?!” Meg’s taped tear ducts were becoming un-taped. The tape wouldn’t hold all those tears she had inside. “Meg, I slept with those women because I had to get information out of them!”
“That’s not the point. You don’t understand. Go rot in hell.” was all she said back to him. Josh so desperately wanted to go and hug her. To tell her he wouldn’t leave again and he would risk his job for it. Because he really would. But, he knew that he would just get a slap in the face again if he tried.
“You’ll rot with me Meg. You and that stupid attitude of yours.” He told her, voice stern. “I’ll see you and your lying fat a** there then.” Meg said to him, her own voice bitter. Then his cell phone rang. Meg knew the ring tone. It was from his employers.
Josh stared at his pants lying on the ground. The pocket illuminated when his phone rang. “Go get it Josh. It’s probably your new prostitute girlfriend.” Meg said. Josh scowled, now unforgiving. Who needs her? I don’t need her shitty attitude. She doesn’t know half the things I had to do just to get back here. Josh picked up his clothes strewn on the floor and left her apartment complex. The door silently clicked when he closed it.
Even long after he left the room and the building, Meg sat there on the bed frozen, emotions holed up. Then after half an hour of sitting there staring and thinking about nothing, she stood up and picked up her phone. She flipped it open and held the number 1 on the speed dial. She held it up to her ear and waited for someone to pick up. After the 4th ring, someone did.
“Hello?” Came a husky, deep voice. Meg knew the voice well.
“Morgan? I need you. Please.” She said her voice cracked and eyes became clouded.
“I’ll be over in 2 minutes.” Then he hung up and Meg closed her phone. She sat down on the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. Tears started to silently come out. She didn’t want them to.
Morgan arrived in 2 minutes like he had said. He found Meg still wrapped in her bed sheet, sobbing.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:26 pm
Manila Envelope “All right class! Get to your seats!” A booming voice yelled over the bedlam of students. Heavy books slammed against the wooden podium that stood in front of the class. Eventually, the students settled down into their seats with a few exceptional empty seats. The teacher took roll and started his lecture, just like every other morning.
Ace sat at the back of the classroom in the middle row. He slumped in his seat as he doodled little stick people with guns and swords fighting, paying no mind to whatever his teacher was saying. Ace looked away from the battle scene when a folded piece of notebook paper landed on his desk. Without even glancing if anyone was watching him or not, he reached over and picked up the piece of paper. After unfolding it, he quickly read over it. Then he folded it back up and stuffed it into his pants’ pocket.
When the bell rang indicating class was over, Ace stood up and got his things together. On the way out of the classroom, he pulled out the note and dropped it into the trashcan.
The hallways were crowded with kids wrapped up in scarves and gloves. A few students even had earmuffs. Ace wasn’t one of these kids. He went straight to his locker after class and managed to avoid anyone who was about to bump into him. His steps were quick and smooth as if he had memorized the movements of students. When he passed by people, he could hear bits of their conversations. A few were talking about the previous class. Some were gossiping or talking about the latest Youtube video. Whatever it was, Ace wasn’t interested.
Twisting his dial past zero several times, he put in his locker combo and pulled the latch. The locker opened smoothly and he exchanged books, dumping whatever he didn’t need back into his locker. Then he closed it and started off to his next class. However, when he walked close to the brick walls of the school buildings, a door swung open and knocked him down. A few people moved aside and stared, but otherwise kept going.
A girl popped her head out of the classroom and hot air swarmed out like bees. “Oh s**t! I’m so sorry, are you okay?” She asked bending down next to Ace to help pick up his books. People stepped on the papers that were fluttered across the cement floor and his binder lay upside down. As time went on and she helped pick up his papers, the population in the hallways decreased. Then he late bell rang and the girl seemed to rush even more.
“You don’t have to help.” Ace said, picking up his binder and trying to straighten the papers in the side pocket. He had barely moved when the door had slammed into him. While the girl bent down several times and hopped around on bent knees, Ace only stood and watched carelessly as if he had nothing better to do while this poor girl jumped around picking up his things. A cold breeze picked up again and the remaining papers fluttered farther away. The girl rushed to grab them with her arms full of other. When she finally got a hold of them, she made her way back to Ace attempting to straighten them before handing them back.
“Um…here’s your stuff. Yeah, I’m really, really sorry.” She said and Ace noticed her cheeks were red. He couldn’t say whether she was embarrassed or just tired from picking up his things.
“It’s fine.” Ace told her and took his papers and books from her. When his fingers grazed hers, he felt a sort of adrenaline rush and he flinched. Her fingers were cold, like death while Ace’s were warm and flowing with body heat. For the first time since he was knocked down, he looked at the girl. He caught her dark chocolate brown eyes that just seemed to melt him. With this close of a distance, Ace could see her black iris and the ring that surrounded her pupil. She had a just-right nose that wasn’t too sharp or too flat. Her dark brown hair was tucked in her gray scarf and he could see the soft fog that puffed out of her mouth when she breathed out. Even with this close of a distance, Ace wasn’t able to tell what year she was in.
“You’re late for class. Geez, I’m really sorry.” She repeated again. Ace finished stuffing his papers into his binder and stood up. He dusted off his pants and mumbled an answer. “What?” She asked, not hearing him.
“Nothing.” Ace answered. Then silence. He shifted and stared at the front of her jacket. It was a plain dark blue jacket with a black zipper. The zipper lining on her jacket was metallic silver and her jeans were faded so much it looked like she just set the washing machine for the longest time possible. The silence became so awkward for Ace that he quickly left her and headed for his next class without another word.
The rest of his day went without interest or events until school let out. On usual after school days, Ace either went down to the local bar to play pool or he went home. Today though, on his way to the bar a girl with the longest white hair he’d ever seen stopped him. Her eyes shone gold and it looked like angels had carved her face.
When he saw her, he saw that they were gold and she caught his eyes with such a strong gaze that he literally had to turn and walk in the other direction just to get out of their grip. Then she suddenly appeared next to him and stopped him. People started to stare and not just because of Ace’s recent newly dyed hair. “You’re Ace aren’t you?” She asked, her voice low so that no one heard. She stood at his height and Ace suddenly felt tall.
He was a junior and stood at 5 “8, almost 5 “9 while the rest of the boys in his class stood by 6 feet. The girl in front of him was at least 5 years older than him and she was his height. Inside, Ace felt proud to be as tall as this girl.
“And if I am?” He asked her while re-adjusting his backpack strap.
“I need some information on someone.” She answered, voice still at a low pitch. The girl was slightly irritated at the boy’s attitude and she could tell he was quite supercilious. Ace raised his eyebrow at her. In a way, Ace was like an information broker. He found out information, snuck around to get it, and then sold it out to people for money. In this case, Ace had never seen this girl in his life and if he did, he would’ve remembered her by her hair and eyes. I guess my deals are getting spread around then. He concluded. That meant more business for him and more money in his wallet.
“She goes to school with you.” The girl continued.
“Name?” Ace asked. Since he didn’t talk to a lot of people and kept to himself most of the time, Ace didn’t know that much about people on a one-to-one basis. But, as an information broker, he knew a little about everyone. Although he didn’t seem like it, Ace was more observant than he appeared.
“As far as I know, her name is Burn.” Ace pondered for a moment. Burn, Burn, where have I heard that before? “Do you know her?” The girl pressed on.
“What does she look like?” Ace asked.
“She’s got a sort of high pitched voice, short red hair that’s about shoulder length, and she doesn’t’ talk much.” She said plainly and Ace almost laughed out loud. He had never heard of a girl with such a description and probably wouldn’t have an answer. “Oh and she always wears a hood to cover her face.” She said and Ace ceased his attempts to stop laughing.
Now we’re getting somewhere. “Well, I know someone similar to that description, but her name isn’t Burn. I have the rest of the information at my house.” Ace said. He wondered why she needed information on a high school student. As far as Ace knew, the girl was a background figure and he probably didn’t have a lot of information about her. But, he wasn’t going to mention that. He’d lose this girl’s interest and she’d leave to try and find someone who knew more.
The girl’s face grew hard. “I can bring or send the information to you, but that’ll cost extra.” Ace said. “How much are you asking for?” The girl asked and started to pull out her wallet.
“How much information do you want?” Ace asked slyly.
“Everything you’ve got on her.” Ace sighed. He probably wouldn’t get a lot on this deal because he didn’t have a lot of information on the girl.
“Meet me in front of Corral’s Rooftop Restaurant tonight, 10 PM sharp. Show up alone with 50 bucks or you’re not getting the information.” Ace said and then turned around and left.
Well that was a waste of 10 minutes. Ace thought dully. He checked his watch and decided he still had enough time to get to the bar and make some extra deals.
He didn’t make any extra deals for the rest of the day. In fact, he ended up losing money in a bet he had made. That night it was cold, colder than usual when Ace arrived half an hour early at Corral’s. The reason he had chosen such a place was that even though it was in a nice area and the food was cheap, the service sucked, the food was bad, and no one wanted to eat stale food on a freezing night in November on the roof.
Time passed and he tried to keep near the entrance so that whenever the door opened, warm air would leak out and he would be blessed with heat. When he thought it was long enough, he checked his watch. Less than a minute till ten. Ace glanced up and around for the girl with the white hair. His eyes went back down to his watch. 20 seconds left. He scanned the area for the girl and she still didn’t show up.
The second hand ticked past the 12 and Ace started to leave. But, when he looked up the girl was standing in front of him. He smirked. “You’re actually on time.” He said surprised. She didn’t say anything.
“The information?” She asked and Ace could see the fog form when she talked.
“The money?” He asked.
She pulled out a wad of cash. Ace smirked when he saw it and envisioned his next meal being eaten with it. He pulled out the manila envelope from his coat pocket and then he extended his other hand. The girl put the wad of money in his hand and took hold of the envelope. “On three.” She said.
“One, two, three.” They exchanged. Ace got his money and the girl got whatever information she wanted on Burn.
“Good doing business with you miss…?” Ace asked inquiring her name.
“Lexi.” She said and then walked off, disappearing into the darkness even though her white hair should’ve made her stand out. The rest of the street became silent and even the crickets stopped chirping. The lights of the restaurant went off and Ace was left standing in front of it, darkness roaming like wild animals around him ready to pounce.
Lexi got home and locked the door behind her. Burn was still up in her room for all Lexi knew and Julian was out on a job from their boss. She went straight up into Julian and her bedroom and locked the door behind her.
After slipping out of her coat, she threw it onto the bed and then slid into the desk chair and placed the manila folder in front of her. She reached over and switched on the lamp, but it didn’t turn on. Frustrated, Lexi flipped the switch on and off several times before pushing her chair back and getting down onto her knees to look at the electric plug. It wasn’t plugged in. She quickly jabbed in the plug into the outlet and sat back up and flipped on the switch. Bright light appeared on the table like a spotlight, giving the envelope all the attention.
Using her nail, Lexi popped open the piece of metal that was holding down the cover. The papers were dumped out of the envelope and Lexi grabbed the one on the top and her eyes scanned over the information printed in tiny font. As she continued to go over papers, she got angrier, and angrier till she violently shoved the papers back into the envelope and shoved it into a desk drawer.
Downstairs Julian had just gotten back from his job assignment. His footsteps padding up the stairs could be heard through the house and he opened the door to find Lexi sitting hunched over at the desk with her fists clenched.
At first, Julian just stood there and there was a deafening silence. When he couldn’t take it anymore Julian dropped his bag of belongings on the floor. “Lexi?” He said and his voice broke through the silence like he had suddenly shoved a steel picket through frozen ice. There was no answer. s**t what’s going on? Julian thought and started to panic. Julian walked briskly over to where Lexi was sitting and touched her shoulder.
The instant he did, she stood up abruptly. “She has to go Julian. Now.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:27 pm
Vivian's Cafe A young man sat in front of a computer screen that played as the only source of light in the very dark room. The room itself was messy and littered with papers, documents, pictures, and cabinets filled with filed away and secret information. The small window on one wall was closed off and no sunlight reached the room through the thick black curtains. The only sound in the room also came from the computer.
On the screen, a girl with luscious blonde hair was dragging an unconscious man to her convertible. If you looked closely at the background, you could see a man in a black Mercedes sleeping peacefully in his car across the street, or what it appeared as peaceful. The girl opened up the passenger side of her car and laid the man on the seat trying to prop his head on the head support. She grabbed a worn out jacket from the backseat of her car and laid it over his exposed chest. A motorcycle helmet covered the man’s face.
Then the girl went around the car and got into the driver’s seat before getting the roof of her car up even though it was well over 95 degrees outside. She turned off her emergency lights, started up her car, and drove down the small street. Then the screen turned black and the full screen image automatically closed to reveal several open documents, files, and tabs piled over the desktop.
The young man moved his mouse to open up another tab and started typing. Words appeared on the screen instantaneously. He kept at this for about half an hour before leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. Dark bags were starting to form around his tired eyes. Ever since he had recorded the video, he’d been on his computer. The only times he left it was to get something to eat and to use the bathroom. His black shirt was wrinkled and smelled of sweat. His socks were black and held a horrendous odor. After closing his eyes for a few seconds, he opened them again and looked at the time that blinked in the corner of his computer screen. It was well past 3 in the morning on a cold Saturday morning.
He pushed back from his desk and his chair rolled over several papers, crumpling them. His legs wobbled when he stood and started to walk out of the room. Grasping the doorknob, he pulled open the door to reveal a dark hallway. Step by step, he made his way to the bathroom to shower.
After washing away the dreariness of several hard days work in front of a computer, the man went to the kitchen. It was even worse than his room. Dishes were piled high in the sink and mold was starting to form. The trashcan overflowed and leftovers started to slip off the already high pile and onto the dirty tile floor. Ants crawled over the counters and flies buzzed around the sink and trashcan. The man ignored all this and went straight to the fridge.
“Empty. Damn.” He said after opening it to only reveal a fridge that held a plate with a now blue sandwich and a bottle of half-drunken beer. Slamming it closed, he then made his way to his phone. While his stomach roared at him for food, the man went down to his contact list and found the number he was looking for.
It rang four times before a girl picked up.
“Hello?” Came a voice from the other side of the line.
“Hey.”
There was silence coming from the girl’s end of the line for a few seconds. After hesitating, she replied.
“Do you need something Jasper?” She asked. Her voice no longer held the happy cheerful tone when she picked up the phone.
“Let’s go out and get something to eat. I’m starved.” He said casually while making his way back to his room. His wet feet left marks on his already dusty and dirty carpet. Water still dripped down his skin and his phone had gotten wet after pressing it against his wet hair and ear.
“Uh…I can’t.” The girl replied. She sounds nervous. Jasper smirked and turned the light on in his room. He kicked clothes and piles of books out of his way so he could make it to his closet.
“And why is that?” He asked her now using his wet shoulder to support the phone while he rummaged through a heap of clothes on his closet floor. When he couldn’t find a decent shirt that smelled all right, he stood up and started to go through the shirts that hung on hangers. Usually Jasper would never waste precious time hanging up mere shirts on plastic hangers, but they were business shirts and suits that would make him look improper if they were wrinkled and smelled of the trash truck.
“I’ve um…already planned something today.” She answered hoping he didn’t hear her voice crack, even if it was only a little.
“And what is that Rosalind?” Jasper asked her pulling off a gray long sleeve button down from a hanger. He placed it on his messy, but clean bed. Then he grabbed the nearest pair of jeans from a pile he assumed was clean and also tossed it onto the bed. The towel around his waist was slipping and he had to quickly grab onto it to keep it around his waist. The phone dropped to the floor and Rosalind’s muffled answer came.
From the other side of the line, Rosalind heard a thump before a number of sentences that involved somebody’s mother and several cuss words. Then Jasper’s voice spoke back into her hear. “Never mind about what you have planned. I’m hungry and I want to go eat. Now.” He said after picking up the phone. Then he smirked and closed his bedroom door to change. Although it wouldn’t make a difference since he lived alone. “Or would you rather I say something to Julian?” Jasper asked her pulling out the leverage he held against her.
“No no that’s fine. We’ll go eat somewhere.” Rosalind replied quickly from the other side.
“Good. Then let’s meet at Vivian’s in 15.” Jasper set the time and place before ending the call.
Fifteen minutes later, Jasper arrived at the outdoor café where he had planned to meet Rosalind. She sat at an empty table and was looking at the menu. Jasper didn’t know why she bothered to look at the menu. They had eaten here so many times he lost count and she always ended up ordering the same thing.
He pulled out the chair across from Rosalind and the legs scratched against the ground. Rosalind looked up from the menu. She looked at Jasper nervously before returning back to the menu. A few silent minutes passed between them before Jasper moved his chair next to Rosalind. A waiter came by and Jasper ordered what he usually ordered when he was starving. Rosalind, as Jasper had expected, ordered the exact same thing she usually did. The waiter jotted down their orders and took their menus.
“Can I ask you something?” Jasper asked, folding his hands.
Rosalind looked at him, feeling more uptight now that he was sitting closer to her. “Yes.” She replied and hoped it wasn’t something bad.
“Why do you always get a menu even though you order the same thing every time?”
Rosalind blinked. She didn’t expect him to ask such a normal question. But, that didn’t mean she thought Jasper was less freaky. It just came to a surprise to her. “I don’t want to be rude to the waiters.” This caused Jasper to laugh but he accepted her answer.
Time passed and Rosalind felt more awkward as Jasper tried to get her talking. It was warm outside, but there was a cold breeze that caused the umbrella above them to flutter a little. Napkins flew off the tables around them and people kept asking for more napkins.
At last, their meals came and Jasper’s eyes ravished at the freshly cooked meal that was set out in front of him. He immediately picked up the closest utensil and started to shove food into his mouth. Rosalind tried not to watch him eat for she knew it was rude even though he was eating like a beast.
“Jasper calm down. The food’s not going to jump off your plate and run away.” She said after swallowing her own food. Inside, she actually hoped he would choke and die. She also hoped no one around knew CPR if he did choke.
He pointedly ignored her and continued to scarf down his food. As usual, Jasper finished first and sat back patting his now happy stomach. Rosalind of course, as usual, was only halfway finished and he knew it would take another half-hour for her to finish. While she ate, he watched people pass by. He tried to start a conversation with her, but she tried to make it seem like she was into her food so she answered in short sentences or with a one-word answer.
Jasper was starting to give up and then saw a young man with crazily dyed hair on the other side of the street. His clothes stood out look like a sore thumb. He wore a navy blue blazer with pair of cargo pants that were tucked into his army boots. Blue horizontal stripes were dyed onto the right side of his hair. The stripes were dyed over fading blonde. Black was dyed starting from the roots onto the right side of his hair and eventually faded into the blonde as it reached the blue stripes. A small red apple was tattooed right underneath his left eye and he had studs protruding from his eyebrow where he had pierced the metal balls.
It was pretty hard not to notice the young teen. Jasper scoffed at his outrageous appearance and his attention drifted onto other people on the streets while Rosalind continued to eat. However, Jasper soon noticed that the boy was still standing on the other side of the streets staring at him. He frowned and stared back at him, but then noticed the boy was staring at Rosalind and not him.
Then he started to walk down the street and jaywalked to the side of the street where the café was. His eyes were still set hard on Rosalind. Not hearing Jasper’s voice for a full 5 minutes got Rosalind curious as to why he was not speaking. She took a sip of her water and wiped her mouth before looking up. Jasper was staring at a boy striding down the street. Her eyes lit up as she faintly recognized him from school. Then her face flushed red as Jasper turned to look at her. Rosalind had hit him when she swung open a door from her class. His papers had flown left and right. The wind hadn’t helped as she chased after them and tried to pass them back to him. He had suddenly run off after she handed them back. After that, they had talked for a few minutes in the hallway and she apologized several times for hitting him with the door. She found out his name and that he was a junior, a class year younger than her. Rosalind found him both winsome and a bit dangerous.
He was coming closer and the corners of his mouth started to curve upwards in a smile, his eyes still connected with hers. Jasper saw this too and then took Rosalind’s hand in his and kissed it. She swung her head surprised at him. Jasper usually didn’t do anything like that unless he wanted to provoke someone or use Rosalind as a tool. She was positive that Jasper didn’t know Ace so she was confused.
After finding out her secret, Rosalind was inclined to do whatever Jasper wanted and was forced to go along with what he said and did just so he could keep his mouth shut. Her life would more than likely end if her secret leaked out.
Rosalind turned her head as the boy, Ace, was now only a few feet away. His pace had slowed and his smile started to turn into a frown. Then Jasper’s hand pulled her face back towards him and his currently blue and pink eyes bore into hers. She knew his eyes changed color based on his mood and they could be several colors at one forming whatever form his emotions were expression. Every time she looked into them, she froze plainly mesmerized by them. During the current situation, this helped Jasper as he leaned forward and whispered, “Close your eyes” before pressing his lips onto hers.
His eyes were still open; boring into hers and Rosalind would be in trouble if she didn’t shut her own eyes. She forced them close squeezing them tight while Jasper kissed her and intertwined his hand with hers. Her heart raced and pounded, wishing he would stop. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this. In fact, he’d done it more than a dozen times. Sometimes it was so people would think he had brought along his girlfriend for business parties. Other times it was for fun just so he could tease her.
Between his kisses, Jasper said, “Relax” and Rosalind felt that was impossible. There was no way she would be able to relax when he was kissing her. He squeezed her fingers hard and her blood flow stopped. She started to shake and Jasper bit on her bottom lip so hard it bled. “Relax,” He said again and Rosalind “relaxed”. At least, she stopped tensing her muscles and tried to look relaxed.
His hand caressed the side of her face and pushed back her hair. Instead of smashing his lips onto hers like he did before, his kisses softened and became less aggressive. Then he pulled away at last and Rosalind began to breathe again. But, by that time Ace had arrived at the table and his smile now displayed a troublesome frown.
Jasper smiled, still holding Rosalind’s hand and looked up to Ace. Rosalind had a saddened look on her face as she looked up at Ace and realized why Jasper had kissed her suddenly. “Can I help you?” Jasper asked Ace, a look of amusement on his face as he smiled. Ace’s eyes flickered to Rosalind for a second before returning to Jasper.
“No sorry. I was just saying hi.” He said and looked back to Rosalind. He raised his hand and made a weak attempt to wave before heading down the street. Rosalind kept her head lowered after seeing him go and once he was out of earshot, Jasper broke into a laugh, sneering at Rosalind.
“That was priceless.” He said after he finally calmed down and Rosalind still stared blankly down at her almost finished food. He caught her depressed expression and smirked again.
“You should be an actress Rosalind. You follow instructions pretty well.” He told her and stood up. He pushed in his chair and left Rosalind with her crushed hopes and the bill.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:28 pm
Aisling The cold winter wind hit him hard. A scarf was wrapped several times around his neck and mouth, but still his breath was cold. Snow and wind slapped him across the face and jabbed his eyes. In a blizzard like this, you couldn’t see anything. Even if you opened your eyes, all you could see was white. Fleets and storms of white covered the land, harsher than most winters in the area.
Only one man had the guts to walk in such weather. And he walked in it now. His usual jet-black hair was specked with white. His pale skin was now even paler as the coldness seeped into his skin and froze his blood. His footsteps were instantly wiped out from existence seconds after.
Up above the clouds and fleets of snow, the sun had risen and was now setting. Not that anyone could tell since the blanket of snow and wind covered everything. The man pulled his thin jacket closer against his frail and lean body. Suddenly, he stumbled when his boot got stuck in an extra frozen heap of snow. Unfortunately, he was at the top of a steep hill and he rolled down. A tree broke his fall and clumps of snow collapsed upon him. For a few moments, he lay buried in the snow. The top of his head was barely visible in the snow heap. Then he casually stood up, as if the snow didn’t bother him and it was only a blanket that he had to throw over to get out of. He got up and continued walking in a direction that only seemed to be dragging him deeper into the storm.
But eventually he saw black specks through the wind for his eyesight was exceptionally well. As he continued walking, the specks grew to cottages and houses. All of them were sprayed with snow. Frost stuck against the windows and the smokes in the chimneys were barely smoking. No one stood at the gate of village. No man would dare step outside of his home into this cruel, harsh weather. With no guard, the man strode into the village. He passed houses, all quiet with light seeping from under the doorways. That and the smoke from the chimneys were the only indication of life in the still village.
He continued walking until he came to the most run-down cottage. It was falling apart with the straw roof crumbling and half torn down. The hinges on the door were frozen and the man knew that if he tried to open the door, it would come off. But, he was taking her anyways so the home would be of no use. The doorknob didn’t stick to his hand when he reached for it and he pulled back. As he predicted, the door came off. He stood there awkwardly with a door in his hand.
A shout came from inside the house, but to him it sounded like a mangled animal’s last cry. He raised his eyes the instant before he was shoved and a young girl of about 14 came running out of the house and into the village. He watched as the fog submerged her, wondering who and where she was going. He turned his attention back to the house, or more specifically, who was inside. The man stepped inside, his boots crunching the snow on the bottom side. The interior of the house was dark. Shadows appeared to be moving across the walls, few furniture, and floor. A dusty wooden rocking chair was in one corner of the room, pushed up against the wall and a table stood near it covered with books strewn open and papers. Spikes and stakes of wood lay across the floor. In one corner, there appeared to be an animal shaped form, but the man didn’t care for it. He could easily take whatever it was on.
The cold burst into the room, throwing the papers and pages of the books into a mess. Sitting on the stairs was a girl. Her elbows were on her knees and she leaned forward, staring blankly at the ground in front of her as if she stared hard enough, something would appear. In the darkness, she appeared to have black hair, but the man knew better. He knew well that her hair was in fact, a dirty blonde color and that it was naturally wavy although it looked like she had gotten a perm. He knew that she hated her hair and she found it difficult to manage.
“I knew you would come.” She said. Her voice held no emotion or passion unlike the way she spoke to him when they were often alone. The man swallowed and unwrapped his scarf so it hung loosely around his neck. Sheltered from the wind, he no longer felt cold and his body temperature increased rapidly. He could feel his limbs and fingers again as they thawed themselves from the frost. He kept his eyes on her the whole time, waiting for what she would do next. Apparently she was waiting for his response as well. “Well, aren’t you going to say something?” She asked him, her voice as harsh as the winter storm outside.
He swallowed again and took a few steps toward her. She stood up and they met in the middle of the room. She was shorter than him; the top of her head met his shoulder. “You know why I’m here.” The man whispered although it was impossible to hear from the roaring winter storm outside. He looked down at her, trying to catch her eyes but she kept her head lowered. “I’m not going. You’ll have to kill me first.” She replied. Seconds past and the only noise was the wind outside. It seemed to gain a sharper force as it shook the windows. The man knew that his boss was getting angry. Wintertime was his specialty and cold areas like this were under his domain. The man knew how harsh or beautiful winter could be and it was always based off his employer’s feelings.
“I’ll knock you out. I can easily do it.” He said and he could almost hear her scoff. “Then do it.” She told him. But, they both knew he wouldn’t. “Go back Morgan. Tell him that I’m not going back.” She told him. The man, Morgan, breathed out heavily. “You know I’ll be killed.”
“You won’t go down without a fight.” She whispered. Silence again. Morgan lifted his hand to lift her chin so he could look at her face, but he thought again and dropped his hand to his side. It came down with a soft thump. She swallowed. Stupid girl. Why don’t you just come back with me? “I’m not going back. No matter what. I refuse to be ‘daddy’s little snow princess’ any more.” She told him again. Her head was still lowered, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Fine.” He said, eyes stony and cold. The girl almost raised her head, but thought again. “Why are you giving up so easily?” She asked him. Morgan sighed. He didn’t want to tell her this. He’d rather die before he told her, but he knew that if he did die rather than tell her, his boss would surely punish the poor, pain-strucken girl standing in front of him. And Morgan would rather go through eternal torture than let that happen.
“I have something to tell you before I go Aisling.” He said. She smirked expecting leverage. He wouldn’t give up that easily without leaving some sort of mark or lingering thoughts and feelings.
“That wolf, the one that’s been protecting you all this time. She’s your mother.” The comment hit Aisling hard. At first, she doubted it but she knew Morgan didn’t tell lies. The frozen wall around her heart shook and she blinked as if trying to see past the fog that was blocking her memories and thoughts. If the wolf was her mother, that would explain why she was so protective and why she guided her so well. But, that wolf had left her recently promising to come back. She told Aisling that she was going with her mate for a while for an emergency and she would come back to Aisling. She was a wolf. There was no way that she was related to Aisling. But, their eyes were the same. The voice in her head sounded similar to her mothers as well.
She started hard at the memories that she had with the wolf over the past few months. She said that she found Aisling by instinct and she let her sleep on her fur and keep her warm. Before she knew it, tears were forming and falling.
Her mother was there with her the whole time. She was there right under her nose and Aisling had no clue. Ever since she could talk, she had been told her mother was dead. Aisling staggered back, wiping at the tears. All her emotions leaked out from the past memories she had of her mother before she left their family and her father, Morgan’s boss, became a harsh, cruel winter king.
Aisling staggered back again and tumbled over her own feet. She fell back and Morgan reached out. They fell and Morgan broke her fall by placing his arm beneath her. He hit his crazy bone hard and he felt the pain travel up his arm. He grit his teeth and tried to suppress the pain. Suddenly, she pushed him back hard.
“You’re lying. You’re just saying this to get me to come back. Just so my father can get me back under his thumb.” She hissed, eyes still stinging with tears but knew it was no lie. Morgan sat on the ground, trying to support himself by propping himself on his elbows, but his arm was still tingling. “I’m not lying Aisling. She really is. You know that she has to hibernate around this time and can’t protect you.”
“Liar!” She grabbed him by the front of his jacket and pulled him up, but he was larger than her and she could only lift him off his butt, feet still on the ground. He grabbed her wrists and looked her in the eye as he said, “She’s your mother. I have no reason to lie about something that has nothing to do with my own family relations.” Aisling shook her head, hair swaying back and forth and the ends brushed against Morgan’s face as she lost the strength to not only hold him up, but to hold herself together.
She dropped to her knees with Morgan’s legs around her. His heart ached for her, but didn’t regret telling her. He knew she was strong and she would overcome the hard discovery. “Liar. Liar. You’re lying to me.” She continued to mutter shaking her head. Her hands covered her eyes. God she’s so distraught over this. Morgan felt chills shiver down his back. His right arm that had broken Aisling’s fall tingled, the pain falling away. Her sobs were soft, but filled with a painful emotion.
Morgan reached for her, wanting to embrace her. He raised her head up and pulled her hands away. “Aisling, look at me.” She shook her head. Her hands were clenched in fists as he held her wrists and her eyes were shut tight. “Aisling.” He whispered and she slowly opened her eyes. When she did, Morgan took her face in both hands and wiped away her falling tears with his thumbs. Aisling felt the heat of his hands warm her cold face. Her heart fluttered and was afraid it would burst from the feelings of love she had.
“Liar.” She whispered again and Morgan pulled her face upwards. He lowered his head and their lips met. He could taste the salty tears and her hands covered his hands. Her sobs subsided and their lips moved against each other. Aisling wanted to rip her heart out so she didn’t have to deal with all the love that Morgan was giving her. She tried to push him away from her. Her body said stop but her lips and mind said love me.
“Aisling.” Morgan said between kisses. His lips were slow at first, but they became hungry for passion. Aisling wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Her lips parted to his insistent tongue. Morgan lowered her onto her back, planting passionate kisses on her neck. Their fingers intertwined and Aisling’s tears seemed to stop. The remaining ones rolled down the sides of her face. “Morgan.” She whispered. “What?” He growled, face buried between her collarbone and neck.
“Make love to me.” She said and Morgan noticed a change in her voice. It was raspy and dry, hoarse even. He lifted his head up and Aisling’s face was transformed. A hole replaced the place where her nose was. Her lips were death pale and cracked resembling the dessert. Her eyes were sunken in and the whites around her once beautiful periwinkle iris’ were now yellow. Bags hung under her eyes and her cheekbones showed. Her fingers were bony and Morgan could easily break her whole hand just by stepping on it.
Morgan’s eyes widened and the new Aisling smiled, her lips cracking even more and blood seeped from them and dripped down her chin. Suddenly, she was being pulled away. Their fingers untangled and the world around them turned to white. With her sudden pale skin, she was paler than Morgan and she could easily blend into their new surroundings. “You did this to me. You left and I turned into this.” She said to him, her now yellow eyes glared daggers at him. Her voice was her own, but behind it there was a deeper voice; it was controlling her. Morgan knew the voice; it was her father. She laughed. He laughed.
“My father gained control over me and I turned into a living skeleton. You did this to me. If you were here, things would have been different.” They said. Morgan closed his eyes, trying to block it out. “You’re so unreliable. The only reason that girl went to you was because you were a last resort.” Morgan covered his ears, but the voice spoke to him in his head. “No one wants or loves you. You yourself knows that. You’re weak. That’s why Julian is able to still hunt you down. You’re just so pathetic and you never take responsibility for what you do or say. You can’t protect anyone. You. Are. Weak.”
Morgan’s eyes sprung open. His chest heaved up and down and his clothes stuck to his skin. Sweat dripped down his head and he felt sick. It was cold, but his body was on fire. The room was dark and there was a blanket draped around him. Then he remembered where he was. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Meg shifted in her sleep next to him.
They were leaning against the giant class window at his apartment, her head resting against his right shoulder and his arm around her waist. He moved the blanket over so her legs were covered. The pace of his heart slowed and he felt calmer. But, the nauseous feeling was still there and Aisling’s words still lingered in his mind. Her skeletal face was burned into his eyes when he closed them. Next to him, Meg shifted again.
Morgan looked at her. Her jet-black hair fell over his shoulders and her eyelids were smooth. He had gone to pick her up after she had called him. He found her in her bedroom draped in white bed sheets and crying. Her bed was messy and he assumed she had just made love with her now ex-boyfriend. She was so fragile and vulnerable when he found her. It made him think of Aisling when he had told her of her mother. But, he had taken her to his house and had made her something warm to drink. Actually, he just dumped cocoa powder into a cup of hot water. She didn’t say anything to him except that she had confronted her ex. Morgan could honestly care less about their relationship but listened anyways.
He cared for Meg, but not exactly. His emotions were mixed and he wasn’t sure what she was to him. They’d spent the last few months together, working as partners in crime though he felt her a bit weak. Now, here she was next to him with his arm around her and her head on his shoulder like a legit couple. But, he didn’t know if he wanted them to be. He sighed, not wanting to deal with it at the moment. God, what’s wrong with me. First Aisling now Meg.
He sat there for a few moments, trying to figure out why he had dreamt of Aisling suddenly. In the past few months, he had kept her out of his mind. Winter was over and they were well into spring. Sighing again, he shoved it out of his mind. Then his mind crossed back to Meg. Morgan looked down at her.
Her breathing was slow and peaceful, not making a sound when she slept. Her boyfriend is an idiot. “Ex.” She would have said if she had heard him say it out loud. Morgan smirked. He would never say such things like that aloud. It would ruin his reputation. Morgan sighed and tried to put Aisling away from his mind. He pulled Meg closer to him. Then he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He dreampt of nothing this time, only darkness.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:31 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:32 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:34 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 4:25 pm
First things first.
If I were you, I'd start experimenting with the BBC code and break up your stories visually instead of having huge walls of text. Don't center your text, either use justify or left align. Hit enter twice after a paragraph to create some space in between paragraphs. It'll make reading your stuff a less daunting prospect. You can also make the text smaller (I recommend making it 11)
Also, don't be afraid to have paragraphs that are only a sentence long. Just because your teachers taught you that a paragraph always has to have at least five sentences, doesn't mean you always have to follow it. A paragraph can be one word. Since it's a fictional, creative piece, it's ok to break the rules for artistic reasons. If you're breaking rules because you're just being lazy, that's not cool.
I'll post again with my critique of your OCs and setting.
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 6:04 pm
House Chor Intro
The story takes place in L.A. and around L.A. after a major earthquake named Tiana, hit California. It split the state in half along it's middle. L.A. is on the now-island half of Cali. The remains of the infamous city is half underwater. What stands is in chaos. Criminals, crime lords, and even a few mafia leaders have taken over what now stands as Los Angeles.
The first that struck me was the use of "Cali" instead of "SoCal" or "California". I want to know who is introducing this to us. Are they a resident of the new LA? Someone who moved to California?
It seems to me like the part of California that split off into an island would have a different name. Since I'm not sure what kind of story you're doing (post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, supernatural), I don't know what kind of name would be chosen.
Earthquakes aren't usually given people names like hurricanes. They're usually named after the closest city to the epicenter or the city that suffered the most damage. Also, I'm curious about whether you've studied the San Andreas fault and how it moves. Where was the epicenter of the earthquake that sent a large chunk of California into the Pacific?
You don't have to put those kinds of things in an introduction, but you should know the answers to those kinds of questions as you're writing and have that as an influence.
Quote: My OCsLexi Konan - She's a girl with spunk, attitude and a lot of self-confidence. She's usually emotionless and will do anything to win. She's one of the larger villains and her partner is Julian, although she absolutely despises the man and the goodness in his heart. As far as anyone knows, Lexi is an only child and she's very vague about her past. She has long, luscious, pure white hair and a pair of fierce, golden eyes. Although she's well past 20, Lexi is quite short and stands at 5 "8. Lexi's also got a tendency to pick fights and cause trouble.
Right away, I feel like a girl with spunk, attitude, and self-confidence would not be emotionless. I can understand if she was ruthless and had little empathy for other people, but that wouldn't make her emotionless. An emotionless person doesn't pick fights and cause trouble. Also, her height is pretty average.
Quote: Morgan - He's a shape-shifter who can change into a wolf. Before he started working for Sinner, he worked for one of the few remaining Ice Kings in regions far up north. He was alpha wolf where he lived and was sent to retrieve his King's daughter, Aisling. Although Morgan is a stoic, steely, and cold person, he fell in love with the young princess. However, she was lost to him after he returned to the Ice Palace empty-handed. After such a failure, Morgan was fired and he fled to L.A. Morgan is quite tall, standing a little over six feet. He's muscular, but skinny and has jet black hair that sticks up at the back like bed hair. His right eye has a scar that runs from his eyebrow to about mid-cheek. He received it after a heated battle back when he was still an alpha. His left eye has a white pupil and the usual whites around it are stained red from blood.
Whoa. I think I missed something here. Nothing in your introduction prepared me for random werewolves and royal families in North America up towards Canada. Morgan's story makes me think you're operating in a completely story-verse that hasn't been fully explained. How did he become a shapeshifter? When did these shapeshifters start cropping up? Does it have to do with the big earthquake that split up California? Since when were there kingdoms in the far north of North America? What is the relationship between Ice Kings and werewolves? How is that Morgan was trusted with the task of rescuing a princess?
Is Morgan blind in the left eye? From the way you describe it, it sounds like it. Is that why he's no longer an alpha?
Quote: Julian - A winsome young man who captures the eyes of almost every girl he encounters. Almost, every girl. He's a good person at heart, but doesn't enjoy his work. Julian works with Lexi as her partner, although his real intentions and who he works for are unknown. He's also an orphan who lost both parents and most of the skin on his back left shoulder in a fire. Like Morgan, Julian is also quite tall, but he's a few centimeters shorter than Morgan. He's got brown hair that he fashions into a faux hawk. His eyes are a dark chocolate brown color and sometimes, they have a tendency to make people suddenly aware of their heart rate.
I like that last line about how Julian's eyes make people more aware of their heart rate instead of using a cliche about how his eyes make people's hearts beat faster.
You didn't tell us how tall Morgan was, so I have no idea how tall Julian is. You also switched from inches to centimeters all of a sudden. Also, when you say he lost most of the skin off his back over his left shoulder, do you mean there's a huge chunk of melted scar tissue or that his muscles are just exposed all the time? If it's the latter, I think he would have died by now from infection or disease. If the former, I think he would be very self-conscious about it, since most people's self-image is very wrapped up in their appearances. He would also have very little range of motion for his left arm, since burn scars are generally stiffer the larger they are.
He seems like a good foil for Lexi, and she for him.
Quote: Sinner - Not much is known about this alluring, evil man. His age is unknown and so is his face. He's the main leader and one of the main antagonists and controls a good number of people. Sinner absorbs the bodies of people he's killed and he often uses them when he walks around or appears in front of people. The main body he uses has long, silky black hair that he usually wears in a braid or high ponytail. He always wears a mask and they too often change, but they always cover his eyes.
His ability needs a bit more explanation. Does he take on the appearance of people he's absorbed or can he project an image of them while staying in a safe location? Also, is he blind and that's why he doesn't need to be able to see through his masks or does he wear masks with black screencloth behind the eyeholes so that people can't see his eyes? Is his main appearance his own or somebody else's?
I can tell he's a master of manipulation as well as charismatic if people accept him as their leader. Is he also brutal and sadistic?
Quote: Jasper - A neutral-sided genius. He's a college student who loves butting in people's business. He's the type of guy who's all brains and no brawns. Jasper knows a little something on everybody, but he usually uses it to blackmail them. Jasper is also a deceiving, lying, but very persuasive person who loves to make people sit on the edge of his seat. A hobby of his is to make people feel extremely uncomfortable. Almost all the people who have become acquainted with this man hate him. (No physical description yet.)
Jasper doesn't sound like the neutral type. It sounds more like he's on his own side that likes to mess with all the other sides. It seems like he would stir up chaos just to be entertained by people's reactions and that he also lacks empathy.
Quote: Ace - The youngest of my OCs and is 16. He's a junior in high school and comes off as the "do whatever you want, idc" type. Although it looks as if he slacks off, Ace is actually very observant and takes in a lot of things around him. However, he does have a temper and often does get violent. Like Jasper, he's also a genius and knows something on everyone, but he's known as an information broker and sells out information to people for money. He stands at about 5 "8 1/2, has pierced ears and cartilage, and has metal ball piercings above and below his right eyebrow. Ace often dyes his hair crazy colors and insets stripes or patterns. He's got a red-inked, tiny apple tattoo under his right eye.
Generally, people who like to observe don't get violent. They want to stay part of the background and be unnoticed. Nothing about his personality or his appearance matches with the role you've given him. Also, I don't know the ages of the other characters, so saying he's the youngest doesn't really do much.
Quote: Sweet Pea - Tall, spunky, and gorgeous. Sweet Pea, otherwise known as SP, works as a model and has a low tolerance for heat. She's also got a short fuse and gets angry very easily. SP reacts on impulse and never stops to think about the consequences of her actions. As a 21 year old, she loves to drink but can stand alcohol. SP is barely six feet, but she considers herself 5 "9. She's got dirty blonde hair and always wear her hair in low, curled pigtails.
She likes to drink, but did you mean she can't stand alcohol? That's very contradictory. Does she not like the taste of it or the effects of it? Also, how can she consider herself 5'9"? You can't just decide you're shorter than you really are.
Quote: Meg - A spunky, but emotional Asian girl who also works for Sinner. She's in a relationship with Josh, who's also her partner. Growing up, Meg was a big trouble-maker and was sent to juvie one too many times before she was thrown in jail. That was where she made a contract with Sinner and where she met Josh. Meg doesn't really get out in the action and some consider her MIA. Although she's got a big ego and attitude, she gets very emotional when it comes down the physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse of children and women because of her past. She has long, mid-back length, black hair and pale pink eyes. She works great with animals and usually wears flip flops and dresses in all black.
In my experience, people who have attitudes, big egos, and are excessively emotional don't work well with animals. Those kinds of people use more force to bully animals into submission rather than trying to understand the animals' natures. A smart person who works a lot with animals also won't wear flip-flops.
Quote: Josh - Josh is Meg's long-time boyfriend from since they met in jail. He's often working out in the field and doesn't often get to go back to L.A. and rest. His work includes the dirty, abusive work and he tries to keep it a secret from his girlfriend because he knows she gets emotional about it. He's also Asian and usually wears a black hoodie. He uses guns when he fights and has a black dragon tattoo on his chest.
It seems that Josh and Meg would have a very volatile relationship with lots of big fights and blow-ups and drama. Other than that, you didn't put much about his personality.
Another thing you keep doing is mentioning their jobs, but not describing them. Who does everyone work for? What are their job descriptions? Are they extorting money, punishing people, wreaking havoc, etc.?
Quote: Burn - A mysterious character with shoulder-length red hair. She's always got a hoodie over her face so no one knows what her face looks like, and Burn is also a name she gave herself. Very little is known about her, but she's the same age as Ace and goes to the same school.
I don't really have much to say about this character because there's very little info. Is she meant to be Ace's friend eventually?
Quote: Rosalind - Rosalind is the youngest of three children, all girls. She's tall and is a Senior this year. She's very involved with her school and community. Rosalind also goes to the same school as Ace. She's got a troublesome past and a dangerous secret that she keeps with her. Unfortunately, Jasper knows it and often uses it to blackmail Rosalind into doing what he wants. Rosalind has beautifully, slightly curled, dark brown hair and deep chocolate brown eyes.
She sounds like someone who's trying to live in the light and yet keeps getting dragged back into the city's underbelly by Jasper.
Quote: Aisling/Eternity - Her name isn't pronounced how it sounds and hates when people say her name wrong (the "ais" is actually "ash" so it's Ash-leeng, not Ay-s-ling). Her father is one of the few Ice Kings and she's spent almost her entire life running away from him so she won't be controlled. Her mother left him when she was very young so Aisling grew up without parental love for the most part. She became acquainted with her father's lead wolf, Morgan. However, long after she disappeared from the North, she appeared in SoCal with a new name, a new look, and a new personality. She goes by the name Eternity now, but has retained her barely curly dirty blonde hair.
Why doesn't she want to be controlled? Will she inherit her father's position when he dies? What is an Ice King? What was her old look and personality and what's her new one?
I do like that you took the time to tell people how her name is pronounced. I think that's very important to do when you have characters with unusual names.
Quote: Stories so far-Untitled
-Burn
-Breakup
-Manila Envelope
-Vivian's Cafe
-Aisling
I haven't read the stories yet because, as I said earlier, they're daunting prospects, being such large walls of text. Fix up the formatting and I'll give them a thorough going-over.
You've got decent characters, but there are some things that need clarification or more thought put into them. The questions I've asked don't necessarily need to be told to your readers right away, but you should know the answers to them before starting to write.
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:20 pm
Wow this is really helpful and insightful. Thank you so much. I'll re-edit some of their profiles, but I'll explain some things to you to the best of my ability without revealing anymore of the further story plot. Although I would say this story falls under the super-natural/futuristic genre. Intro: I don't exactly have a main protagonist for this story yet, so that's a big problem. I feel like all my protagonists I've had in the past are cliche, so I'm still working on that. The story happens sometime in the far future and I haven't really looked up the exact lines of the fault. I have general basic knowledge of it though since I live in California and have taken earth science. Since everyone (here in California) is talking about how we're years late of having a major earthquake, I assume there's going to be a lot of aftershocks and what-not. We have had a larger number of earthquakes lately and I decided to name the biggest (after my friend, which I know is pretty strange). Lexi: I probably shouldn't have used the word "emotionless". It's better to say she feels apathetic and a bit phlegmatic when she's not being aggressive and having her ego threatened. Morgan: Morgan was born a shape-shifter. In one of my stories (I forgot which one), it's mentioned that a lot of people, children, and babies were experimented on by scientists and people who wanted to bring back the dead or something along those lines. Because of all these recombinant DNA, there have been a lot of mutations, which brought on the shape-shifters. The fact that these shifters have been created does origin from the earthquake. Ice Kings generally use wolves (because certain types can withstand freezing cold weather and temperatures) as their subordinates and soldiers. In exchange for food and shelter, the wolves offer their loyal services. And since Morgan was the alpha, it's natural that he is the best. Therefore, his master would send him to retrieve his rebellious daughter. Morgan isn't blind, but his vision is greatly affected by the scar. He can see the general shape of things, but it's very blurry. The color he see's things in is all in red as well. His becoming slightly blind in one eye didn't hinder his position. Morgan was dismissed because he failed in bringing back Aisling. He's about 6 "1. Julian: I'm sorry about the change of measurements. Julian's height doesn't have an exact measurement in inches so I had to use cm. Regarding his left shoulder, it's mainly a rough, pink patch of skin. Although some parts are red from parts where he was burned more. Julian is very self-conscious about it. He's a bit of a narcissist so he worries that his appearance may affect the way girls people view him. Sinner: Sinner takes on the appearance, voice, skills, etc. of people he's absorbed. He cannot project that image from elsewhere. The body isn't his, but his mind and consciousness are controlling it. Also, he's not blind. He wants to keep his identity as secret as possible. The reason he doesn't show his eyes is because when he takes on the appearances of other people, his eyes remain the same and usually has to wear contacts when going on in public. His main appearance is someone else's. No one knows what he really looks like. And yes he is brutal and sadistic. He enjoys torturing people or driving them past sanity. Jasper: That...is very true. If you're ever watched DRRR, his character is very similar to that of Izaya Orihara's. Ace: Ace has a hidden personality. His observation of people is apart of that hidden self. He likes to stand out, so he takes on the appearance of someone rough who shouldn't be messed with. He's pretty much like your average teenage ruffian. As he is the only person who has such a bold appearance, most people leave him alone. He's just something to be stared at at school to his peers and no one pays him much attention. He also only picks fights when someone offends someone he likes. He usually takes insults regarding himself. The rest of my OCs are either almost between the ages of 17 and 25. Rosalind and Ace are the youngest. Morgan is the eldest. Sweet Pea: Sorry >< I wasn't clear on her drinking habits. I mean she's an alcoholic and has a high tolerance for alcohol so she can drink a lot and not get drunk as easily as other people. For her height, I meant that she's barely six feet, allowing her to be a model. However, since she's barely hit the measurement, when people (who aren't from a modeling agency) ask for her height, she puts 5 "9. Meg: Meg just has a soft side for animals. She hates people, but loves animals and feels that they can understand her more than her own species. I didn't say Meg was smart ^^ Josh: He has a rough exterior and interior. He doesn't like to open up to people and prefers to be left alone. Josh's character is still under development so I don't have a strong grasp on his personality yet. Everyone's job is a little different. I can't exactly reveal Sinner's plan, but it does have to do with him having absolute power. Some of Josh's job description is in Breakup.Burn: She's actually going to hate Ace when she first meets him, so they won't be friends. I'm actually thinking of having her as my protagonist. Rosalind: She's got the purest sense of right and wrong out of all my OCs. You can't really say she's innocent since she's seen a lot, but she is definitely pure. Unfortunately, with Jasper in her life like you said, she does keep getting dragged away from the light. Aisling/Eternity: She is the legit heiress to her father's throne, but she doesn't want it. She was told this when she was very young and this was the time when her mother left, causing her father to become power-hungry and angry most of the time. Aisling knows that if she takes over, she's going to become like her father and he'll have some control over her that way. An Ice King is generally a ruler of a large portion of ice, snow, and all it's inhabitants. Alaska and Antarctica are good examples of regions ruled by these Kings. However, over time, their rule and lineage has diminished because of global warming and the exposure to mankind. They're a sort of super-natural creature. Her old look was the sort of fluffy and pretty look with the pink cheeks and what not. She was also a bit tan and got sun-burn easily. Aisling was a very perky, optimistic person before her transformation. Now she's got steely mirror (blue/gray like a mirror) eyes and her skin is actually pale.
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