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 Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 12:11 am
I usually think these things out myself but i honestly just feel like I need some kind of assurance. I am taking the Summer Driver's Education Class though I m at the age where passing it is not required for me to get my permit though I could use the credits and apparently the practice. Seems my driving scared the group last time we were in the car. And they tell em this, which doesn't help to be honest. I get little emotional support in my real life on... anything really. thanks to a multitude of issues I don't want to go into.
Anyway I am conflicted on wanting to have a break from the school year and wanting to go to the class still I am leaning towards dropping it though it is only two weeks and two more days long. I didn't really get a break from school before the class started though. My school year ended on a friday and the summer class started the immediate Monday after ward. I am trying to do better than my brother did when he went through high school but with little to no support it is hard to stay positive. I really only get a stare if i don't do things perfect lately and not even a, good job, if I do something right. It apparently has to be perfect to recieve any kind of praise. Oh and I don't live with my father who... just gives out praise and support through texts on random days I don't mind being called a good person but he doesn't live with me and I barely see him so it is hard to take his words to heart.
That makes me feel a bit cruel seeing how he is my father, yet he and my mom have been divorced since I was four and I never really have lived with him. So I guess I just don't feel attached to him, nor to my mother, and my brother is a nightmare I could not talk about here. So I guess I have family issues but they are severely more mild than they used to be. Have i said too much? I am a paranoid person so i don't want to just be whining and crying to you all.
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 10:21 am
My advice is just go with the flow, the sooner you pass driver's ed. class the sooner you can be finished with it. You don't have to get your license right away if you don't want/need to. It's just one of those annoying things you have to do. If I never had to drive (or could afford a personal driver for me) I would probably never drive. But you get used to it, it's something you'll have to do in life.
As for the family stuff, it sounds like your dad is trying to be a positive support for you, even if he may not always be close the fact that he is sending you encouragement is something to value and may be one of his ways of saying he loves you and is thinking about you. I totally understand the crazy family thing, and brothers can be the worst some...a lot of times! But just hang in there, take things calmly day by day. Find music you enjoy and surround yourself by things that make you happy. Read an exciting book or take up a hobby.
If you are young I would not recommend a break from school unless you plan on replacing it with working or something else. It may seem fun to have every day be a vacation - maybe even necessary if your stress levels are high. Perhaps just taking a personal day off every so often if possible would make things easier for you. I hope my rambling helped you at least a little bit. ^^
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:20 pm
First off, I don't recommend taking a year off from school. If you've finished high school and are thinking about college, maybe what you should do is take one or two classes at a time instead of enough units to be a full-time student and get a part-time job. Work towards a liberal arts degree instead of specializing in something if you don't know what you want to do. Education is important, but what's more important is that you keep challenging your critical thinking skills.
Second, just because you don't live with your dad doesn't mean you should discount his opinion of you. You know the saying "Can't see the forest for the trees?" Your mom lives with you every day and maybe she forgets that you need positive support. Maybe she's come to expect excellence from you and doesn't remember that not everyone is as good as you are. She sees only the trees, not the forest, so to speak. Your dad sees the forest and I bet he's truly proud of you and the kind of person you are.
Third, it's okay to just rant about all your problems sometimes. It's not paranoia or whining. It sounds like you normally keep things bottled up inside, and it boils over. As long as you don't keep using the problems in your life as an excuse to never do anything or be a better person, it's okay to talk about them. Everybody needs some support and reassurance every once in a while, and if you're not getting it from your so-called friends or family, might as well look for it here.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 3:35 pm
Been some time but looks like I've returned with some other problems. I'll start by thanking the people above those words were a bit helpful at the time. I'm not starting a new topic since that's just lazy so I'll just go from here.
Mostly existential problems I guess. Probably don't count as them though.
For a while I've been worried about my own hold over sanity, at times I am just not convinced I am stable. This hasn't been common, no it's mostly rare to be honest but I think I'm sinking back into depression as it seems to be getting frequent, mostly at night. Oh the terrible nights when I am stuck with my thoughts, those go badly. Maybe if I get some of my pains worked out it'll help.
I'll start with the main and biggest conundrum that ails me more than everything else at night. What is it to even live a normal life at age 19? Honestly I don't know WHY it hurts to reflect on my life. What I even expect is supposed to be a normal life to begin with. I just know I've been mostly a shut in these past ten or so years I fear that I miss out. But what is even so great to find?
To be honest when I look at normal teenagers: guys/girls who think the only important thing in life is having sex/being in a relationship (arranged in respect to guys/girls as I have been able to see) and I just feel like going up to them and asking them: How the hell can you live like this? Are you robots or something? Your lives sound so predictable there's no surprises or anything. They broke up it was possible, it's always possible. Good for you, you have new shoes and you seem to emphasize your appearance as if it matters ten thousand times more than who you are and there is apparently no importance to being a good person. So what?"
Maybe I have the wrong idea about teenagers, if so I would badly welcome a correction as that's been a worry I've had for a while and it makes me all the more uncertain about everything I think of. There's another problem: Have I lost my sense of right and wrong? I certainly know what's a criminal action and what isn't against the law that's for sure. I don't treat people as well as possible because I know it's the right thing to do but because that should just be how you treat others anyway, reasons unnecessary.
Have I gotten stuck into thinking it's possible that something out there exists that people can't predict? Am I looking at everything wrong in thinking that all things just look so mundane and too typical? It's not like I expect over the top things like a sudden giant turtle like creature running around in the streets or magic is real, but isn't there anything that's just out there? Where's all the mystery in life or the unexpected? When it comes to what interests me most people would just ignore stuff I find interesting. Most notably someone who acts "weird" as in just a tiny bit different.
Sometimes it's like the more I think about it the more details I miss on the important things. I guess I could explain the above if I can find the right words. I can only explain with the over the top unrealistic example, though. So say a portal just suddenly appears on school campus well I can't understand at all why people are getting as far away from ti as possible I'd take the first chance I could get to take a peak into the thing and see what was on the other side, people would say you don't know what's on the other side so it's too dangerous to risk. I can't agree with that at all, going right in to the mysterious and unknown, is that not a duty? I can't call anyway human if they don't want to jump into an unknown portal. It's like, morally wrong and just messed up. Boring, and just makes me feel like people have no personality at all.
People like that, whenever I walk through my campus to get to my next class I don't ever register any faces in the crowds, except on rare occasion cause there is SOMEONE who stands out just the TINIEST bit in a school of over 2400 students. Usually that one girl wearing the Pikachu beanie, or some other such cap of an imaginary character. Or maybe it's the person who has a different expression from everyone else. Everyone is always just like WEE and smiling and stuff like that, normal, mundane, boring. But if there's that someone out there who is doing observing others or doing something you wouldn't normally see. Though I can't imagine what that would be. Talking to others is normal, laying on the bench table is normal, maybe they're on the bench on their back with a sketch pad looking up and drawing the office building even though they're seeing it upside down that's the kind of thing that stands out a little, you know?
I'm probably just looking for someone to have a serious discussion with but it's always rare to find someone who completely gets what I'm saying, it'd be cool if I found someone who just jumps right into a sentence that prove to me they think the same way I do. Everyone always meets that kind of someone who can think exactly the same but with a different view point. Too rare, though, I've only known one person like that and they vanished. I miss them. It still would be nice. You know that kind of person who isn't TRYING to understand it they just DO understand. They don't need to put effort into their words they have the same way of thinking off the bat. But I'm having very abnormal issues and this message is way too long. Yeesh. Well got that out hope I didn't write too much, please be gentle in your response.
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 5:46 pm
Try studying astronomy if you're looking for mystery. Wondering what's really inside a black hole keeps me up some nights. Also wondering what happens if that particle accelerator in Europe accidentally creates a black hole that destroys the planet.
Most people are unable to see beyond their little scope of the world. Pity them if you want, but you're probably better off ignoring them. Their concerns are ultimately unimportant in the overall scheme of things.
Your kinds of thoughts are completely fine. Most people go through something similar. Sometimes it leads to conversion to a religion or converting to atheism. Other times, it leads to good or bad habits. You'll have to figure your own answer to the questions you have, because in the end, it's what fits you best. You're the only person who can really know that.
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