Bix sat and stared at his hand. Red marbles, uniform in size and shape and color, rolled sloppily around in his hand. He’d watched videos, looked in books, and practiced. Mina insisted he be able to do it, an exercise of sorts, subtle manipulations and movements of his fingers to improve his dexterity.

I don’t think I am learning this.
If you weren’t distracted you could concentrate.
I’m not distracted.
I’m in your mind, remember. Your thoughts are mine. My entire world is your mind. I know your thoughts better than you know them yoursssself.

Bix was silent, fumbling as the marbles clattered to the mattress under him. He reached for them, ready to pick them up, but instead pushed them about in the sheets. She was right, he knew she was. His mind was a hundred places at once. Learning to roll marbles over his knuckles were the last thing he cared about right now.

Well then. Tell me. I know you want to. You have some sort of psychological assessment for me right? Some hissing, scathing remark about my foolish whims or … how weak I am or… ******** style="color: red">Do not be mad at me becausssse you are mixed up and I know about it. She sounded huffy now, one of her momentary lapses into petulant-child mode. Once again though, she was right even in her feigned hurt.
Alright. He sounded lost, hopeless. There was silence in his mind as he pushed the marbles around into the shape of a happy face on the white sheets.
She hissed again, annoyed at him. But I would be happy to fill you in. Firstly you are all hung up over the daft red head.
Strawberry-blonde.
Daft was the more important comment to correct I believe but I think you know she’s daft too.
No. She’s not.. daft or whatever. She’s just inexperienced, maybe a little gullible sometimes. She’s sweet.
Oh yeeeessss.. So sweet. Ssssso sweet that as a grown woman she didn’t have the decency to kiss back a boil after he’d taken her on a fantassstically well planned and thought out date. That alone isss at least worth a kiss. Itsss jussst polite you know.

Bix had no retort for her. Perhaps he felt the same in some way. A simple kiss on the lips wasn’t a lifetime commitment, nor any commitment at all. A guy and a girl having a good time. A kiss came. It was natural. Maybe it did a bit more damage to his fragile ego than he expected. For the first time he’d actually pursued someone on his own. Julie had pursued him but he could barely call that a romance. His previous girlfriends had asked him to hang out, had initiated physicality, told him when they wanted to fool around or more. He’d been happy to agree, happy to have anyone really, but he’d simply rolled over for them. For boobs and bodies and the idea that anyone at all would want to spend their free time with him. But maybe he was being selfish. Maybe he was being greedy. But no one really wanted to be alone, did they? He craved the company.

Well then I guess maybe, she didn’t really like me then? He sounded defeated.
You are ssssso stupid. She’s sssso stupid. And immature. Thatsss all it is. For once you know, itsss-not you-itsss-me is exactly what thiss is.
You know that doesn’t help.
And you know that sssitting around waiting isn’t getting anything done for you. You are no clossser to wooing her, nor any closssser to moving on. You know Bix… thingssss like fate are real. I knew a Fate once.. sssshe was sweet. Ssshe loved string. You should know that there issss more to this universe and world than what meetsss the eye and that humans livesss can be changed and manipulated with eassse.
That’s.. what are you talking about? Did she really know a fate? She’d made claims before and most of them he suspected were just grandiose lies.
All I am sssaying is if it is meant to be, than it will happen. You wouldn’t ssstop your hearse for a road bump, would you?
Truck. And no. I’d..
Drive right over it. She sounded proud of herself for that tidbit of advice, that her analogy worked.
Okay. I get it. Move on and open my eyes and..
..and that comes to the next thing. Go out and do what YOU want to do for once! She interrupted him with a forceful push in his mind. You want to cut your hair? CUT IT. You don’t have to wait to hear ssssomeone tell you it’s okay or that you will look cool. It’sssss just hair. It growssss back.

Bix hadn’t expected his hair to be a topic. He almost smirked, picking the marbles up again to work them in his hand. The palm roll was easiest. He did it, slowly working them in a circle.

What about other thingssss you wanted to do? Like that tattoo? You thought about it a lot. Remember we made a plan?
Yeah. Bix once again sounded down about it. But remember I told Molly to put it on her list and we could maybe go together.
Do you need her to do everything?
W..well no. But I like hanging with her.
And that’ssss not working out very well right now. You sseeee her and never ask her to do anything. Don’t let your hangups over a ghoul prevent you from doing thingsss you want. If you didn’t you would regret it. Take one of your.. BROS.. or anyone really!

Bix knew she was right. New hair. A tattoo. They had been in his thoughts. Make himself more of a man, no more long hair. No more reluctance to pursue things. She was right. Maybe he shouldn’t need the shallow pleasures of ‘looking better’ since it had never seemed like a possibility in the past. He knew that there was something weird about an albino. The long hair was a good alternative. People knew him from his braid. The hair drew the eye away from the glaringly obvious ‘weird albino’ feel. At least he thought so. But that was barely an excuse. He did like his braid, he’d enjoyed growing it and taking care of it. It was a security blanket. A simple pleasure. The hair was something he had control over. He cared for his hair, he used all the best products and mastered his hair styling. Maybe it was a stupid thing to some people but it meant a lot to him.

But hair grew back. It was a lot of thought over a simple hairstyle. Too much thought.

Ssssuck it up and cut it. Mina said smugly. I bet you’ll look sssssexy. People won’t even recognize you. Go away on leave, come back with new hair and a tattoo? Sssssssss The last noise was lusty one. He couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine. She was doing it IN HIS BRAIN.

Bix laughed a bit. He wasn’t sure about sexy but… it sure may give him a confidence boost. It would solidify his need to be a new man. He was here to shed his past life, his past insecurities and problems. If he had problems to deal with, they should be ones found on this island. Puzzles, like his heritage, mysterious and forboding and still hanging over his head.

It’ssss not healthy to care sssso much about hair anyway.
Did you have long hair?
Well only in ghoul form. But yessss.
Would you cut it?
NO!

Bix actually laughed out loud but he didn’t feel like she was being unfair to him, a hypocrite. He found it genuinely funny.

OK so here we go. So far we have haircut, tattoo, and moving on. That’s my current list. Does my therapist have any sage wisdom to impart?
She hissed in thought and Bix realized he wasn’t thinking as much and he was successfully making progress on his marble rolling. Of course as soon as he realized he fumbled again and the marbles jumbled in his palm.

I don’t want you to ssstop.
What do you mean?
Don’t give up. Keep going. Purssssue thee mysteries you’ve found. I think you ssssshould heed the advice you got from that piece of paper. From F. Leaderssship.
No I don’t-
No you don’t think sssso. You don’t think you are a leader. You think that becaussse you always support others that you can’t lead them but you do no realize that you are reliable. They call on you for help becausssse they trussssst you. They know you will come and do well. You can perform adequately. Not all leadersss are the strongest. It’sss more about dealing with those you lead and earning their ressspect. You may not think ssso but you already have many peoplesss respect.

Bix wasn’t sure about all that. He still wasn’t quite there yet. She could be right and some of her points rang true but he just wasn’t ready for that level of acceptance.

I’ll keep that in mind.

He continued working at the marble rolling. If anything he gained some insight and talking to Mina had let him openly have a dialogue. His weapon, in a way, had been a blessing for him. Loneliness was never quite as bad with a voice in your head. Thankfully his voice was honest. Sassy, perhaps, but honest.

It’ssss not like I’m going anywhere. Mina sounded affectionate now, pleased by his response. With a sudden hiss she urged him again. NOW WORK ON THESE EXERCISES!