All the feels. Mostly, now that he’d spent the day with her, or dealing with her sister, it was frustration. SEVERAL types of frustration, Roch thought as he headed into his bathroom, turning the water on as cold as it could get. He stood there, his hands resting on the wall in front of him, his head bowed as the ice cold water washed over his body. It would have been so easy, he admitted. So jackin’ easy to make her his. She wanted him. He wasn’t so naive that he didn’t pick up on her blatant reactions--or even that comment about wanting to taste him. But...

He pulled his head up, staring at the ceiling as the water hit him in the chest. It was helping. After they’d had pizza he had sent her along, telling her that he was done for the day, then went back to the stage to make sure he was. It wasn’t as if he was replacing the entire thing. He’d had enough done for the day, he knew he could finish it soon enough. Whether anyone noticed or not didn’t matter.

The punk boil started washing his hair, turning on the heat again and taking a proper shower. He smelled like sweat, regardless of what Amphi had told him. It was starting to bug him. That or he was focusing on that rather than imagining what it would be like to have her ever so innocently taste him. A lick on the arm, or maybe the neck--

He turned the hot water off again.
-----------

Roch came out of the shower. He wore a pair of boxers, that was all. He was intent on getting some sleep tonight, but he doubted he would. He was pissed with himself now. It had gone from confused to that pink, hazy feeling of a crush, to anger. He’d gotten out of the last love triangle trap, jackdammit! Here he’d been, happily free and wild, and he just JUMPED feet first into another triangle. Stupid, he thought as he dropped down on his bed. He was still shivering slightly from his icy cold shower, but he ignored that fact.

Idly he reached up, scratching Clef behind the ears as the solar flare jumped onto his lap and curled up there. If she felt the same thing for both guys... then wasn’t it just lust? She might not even realize it, he thought as Clef started to purr, but she might just be going wild because she came from such a strict home. Rebellion, he guessed, since she was finally free to do what she wanted. So... why was he letting her do this to him? Why was he following her like a puppy, just waiting for her to pick between him and another guy? Was he a jackin’ candybar in a vending machine? Was Amphi staring through the glass at his wrapper going “Do I want S&Ms or do I want Crollos?” .... which one was he? Never mind, that didn’t matter.

He hadn’t been lying when he told Undine that she deserved to be loved. He wouldn’t take that back. But he also agreed that HE didn’t deserve to be loved. Well, maybe he did, for a few things he’d done, but on average... how could someone love him? Lust, well, he could sort of understand lusting after him. Regardless of what Danny said, he knew he wasn’t the ugliest guy on campus. But love? He still hadn’t exactly figured out what that was--although he felt closer to his dad, closer to his granddad, and he was ninety percent sure that Monica loved him. Cuz obviously she didn’t lust after him... so why else would she be so jackin’ happy to see him, or do things for him? Hell, she was the reason he never starved nowadays.

So who else loved him? He went still, his mind slowly counting. Old Ms. Wheedle loved him. Now that he was more accustomed to the idea, he knew for a fact that the gruff, difficult old harridan loved him without hesitation. Bones loved him, in his own way, as well. Danny loved him. No, not like a ghoul loves a boil, but she loved him. He loved her, too, he realized. She was his best friend, and he’d already discovered that unlike anyone else, when she was pissed at him, his skills dulled. It was like being hated by Desiree--well no, that was too drastic an example, but it was pretty high up there.

But did he lust after Danny? He thought about it. It was probably the first time he’d honestly asked himself that question. He wanted to hang out with her, he listed. He liked hanging out with her. Wrestling with her was fun, too. And she had a great body, he wouldn’t lie. But when he tried to imagine kissing her, or “tasting” her, his mind went blank. It was like trying to imagine something abhorrent and wrong. Like... well, thinking of kissing a sister, if he had one. He didn’t have that to compare with, but it sounded about right.

He’d had crushes before. They’d never turned out good, he thought, making a face. He’d always figured he’d wind up like his dad, single and with a kid that he had troubles with--but without the kid. Yet knowing that--realizing that his entire family had no luck with relationships, he had as good as said he was going to try and get Amphi. To her jackin’ SISTER. The Queen of... whatever group she comes from. He grunted and ran a hand over his face, feeling stressed out.

So what did he have to make him look good? To make her choose him over the... what did Undine call him? Heir to the future seeing reaper family. What was he? Heir to one of the most famous grim families in Halloween--or what used to be, until his granddad gambled away the family fortune and lost the family mansion. Horseman trials champ, he went on, which was really cool, up until the horseman isles were destroyed completely and who knew how many of the survivors were left insane. He was starting to see a running theme, the punk boil thought dryly. He knew Invictus. That meant jack wax, he decided, waving that off entirely.

He could sing.

The punk boil went still, that single sentence revolving around his mind. Yeah, that was probably a MASSIVE thing, if the other guy couldn’t. At least it was with Amphi. But on the other hand, Amphi knew the other guy longer, better, too.

When it came down to it, Roch thought, still petting his solar flare, this was entirely Amphi’s decision. Just like he’d told Undine, Amphi needed to live her own life, to make her own decisions. He’d made his. He might regret it, a little, because he jackin’ hated love triangles, but he’d made it. It went against everything inside of him to try and press her into deciding the way HE wanted her to. Hell, even if they DID start dating, he thought, he wouldn’t want to... y’know, control her.

And honestly, he didn’t really know HOW to date in the first place, he admitted.

That thought just broke open another can of worms, he thought. If they DID get to the point they were dating--if she chose him--it wouldn’t take her long at all to realize what Xiu had said. He wasn’t romantic, he had no skills--no romance, hell, he thought a trip to an amusement park was a great way to date. She would probably be disappointed within a week or two and dump him.

So why was he doing this again?

It probably had something to do with how every time he was close to Amphi it felt good. The more time he spent with her, the more he felt that it might actually work. That maybe there WAS somethin’ there that cold be somethin’ more. And that seemed like the most ridiculous thing, logically, ever.

Maybe he’d been dissipated so many times that it killed braincells, he decided.

[WC: 1,363]