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Over all, it had been a good night, Hel decided, all things considered.

Sure, she didn’t even want to look at or speak to Lizzy all night, and she had been harassed by Titus and by Lou, and she had sent Riyo away in a bit of tears…but those facts aside, it had been a good night. She’d need to go speak to Riyo soon of course but…one thing at a time. This thing that was about to happen tonight was going to be big…very big.

Hel didn’t even want to fathom what might happen…so she simply focused on coaching herself for the events and words that would lead up to it. Now in the safety of her room, the prom dress, wig, and mask had been carelessly dumped into a corner of her room to be dealt with at another time. The reaper was now seated on the floor of her room, hair braided back for the evening and sporting her usual bloomers and a simple long sleeved and high collared tunic.

Didn’t want to be showing off the marks she was still sporting after all. That’d just make it worse. While she waited for Mot, she took to spinning thread out of FoxFire fur using a collapsible device. This task helped to calm the dread that was threatening to build up over what was to come.

Even hearing the foot steps echoing down the hall was spiking her apprehension; though once they faded they ended with no knocks. Until a bit later. The knock on the door and the voice had Hel tense for a moment before she released a deep breath. The reaper pushed herself to her feet and made her way towards the door, opening it quietly. “Hey there…”

She stared up at him for a moment before clearing her throat. “…Mind if we uh…talk in your room…?”

The reaper glanced back at her bed as Mot moved across the hall, watching as Heimdall rolled around on her pillow with his little paws in the air before she followed after the cowboil.

She quietly closed her door and stepped across the hall after him. It was probably wrong that she was experiencing more dread and nervousness at telling Mot about this than Lizzy, but that was just how things were. Hel stepped into his room and wasted no time in bee-lining for his rug on the floor. There she sunk to her knees, tucking her legs underneath her and rested her hands on her knees. She took a deep breath, and waited for Mot to get situated before she spoke up.

“…So.” Great way to start. “…There is something I must tell you…I know you are going to be disappointed either way…” She smiled a bit wryly here before it faded. She always felt like she was giving Mot reasons to be disappointed in her. “…But I hope it will be less of a disappointment if you hear it from me, first.”

No amount of rehearsing was going to make this any better or any easier, and for a moment as she stared at Mot sitting across from her, she could see the fear behind not wanting to tell anyone what happened. What if this was the last time she sat across from Mot? What if he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore after this? The reaper took a deep breath again. She’d tell him though…no matter what the outcome, because she just had to.

No flowery language, no build up…no ways for this piece of information to be misconstrued. She would just throw all of it out there, much like she had with Lizzy. “A few days before prom, I made a mistake.” Always, never not. “I had sex with Mac.” Okay, it was out now. Hel paused, silent for a long moment to let that bomb go off before she also added. “I will tell you why as well.” You know…after he absorbed what she just said.

Hel’s fingers dug into her knees a bit as she anxiously watched how Mot would react to this. She had expected him to be upset…maybe even how Lizzy had reacted to the news…except this…this was a total 180…this was not what she had been expecting. It worried her. She kept her eyes locked on his though, and her fingers dug harder into her knees.

“I know nothing excuses it.” She murmured. “Nothing makes what happened right…” She paused for a moment, and swallowed quietly. “…I was hurting…no, not was, it still hurts. I met up with him at the lake by chance and he offered to let me stay at a relative’s house for the evening, as a chance to get away. I took it.” Hel sighed. “…Then we added cider to the mix, and that was where things got out of hand.” She didn’t need to elaborate on those details, really. “We told Lizzy the truth already.” If that helped any. Hel wasn’t done talking yet, but here she paused one more to see if Mot had anything he wanted to say or ask…and for her to keep on gauging how he was.

That small sliver of confidence she managed to scrape together for this was blown to bits. Why was trying to do the right thing after the wrong thing so hard? She’d rather…she’d be looking at the end of that Hunter’s gun again like in the Trials than be facing Mot right this moment. That stare and his answers were unsettling. Anger, pain, tears, she could react to that…but this…this she had no idea what to do with.

Her voice got quieter…which was something she didn’t want, but couldn’t really control it at the moment either. “…He said I was perfect the way I was.” Even if she thought that was far from true. “…He was not scared of me...and it felt…so nice to not have someone I care about pull away from me out of fear…” Hel didn’t even want to move or shift at the moment, afraid that something would be set off.

Just silence.

She sat there in silence as she stared at him, wide eyed and her lips parted in absolute horror. Each and every word felt like a stab in her heart, and it continued to hurt and hurt until after he was done, she didn’t feel a thing. Had…Mot…really said those things to her? Mot? Those things? Right now seemed to hurt more so than any other before it. First she just wanted to crawl under a rock and cease to exist as she sat there, her eyes now glossy from the unshed tears that had built up.

She didn’t cry though. Not yet anyways.

That feeling of wanting to hide gave way though. Hel felt cornered now, and when cornered feeling hurt and quietly possibly, frightened, she fought. She was also feeding off of the emotions of the one across from her. Her fingers clenched her knees and her teeth grit as she rapidly blinked away the unshed tears.

Hel leapt to her feet and exploded.

“DO NOT DARE SAY I WANTED TO BE FREE OF YOU!” She roared, raising her fists into the air before swiping them down again. “You were the one who let me go. You! You, Mot, let me go! I may have thought splitting might make you happy, but I never wanted to split! I never wanted it! I wanted to keep on fighting this battle that was us, I wanted to keep on trying! You stopped fighting! You stopped fighting for me!”

The reaper’s chest rose and fell rapidly after that first outburst, but she wasn’t done.

“Do not sit there and act like you tried saying anything either!” She cried at him. “For someone who lectures me about not being open, you need to take your own Jack damn advice! I can not read your mind, and you punish me when I cross a line, a line I never knew to cross until after the fact!” Responding to the next statement was hard. Mot made her out to be some kind of loose…despicable ghoul…was she?

“I was pent up because you hardly showed me anything! What libido, Mot!? WHAT LIBIDO!? You show more attraction and attention to ******** coffee beans!” She screamed. “I learned you only bothered trying harder too after someone spoke to you about it! How do you think that made me feel!? I can not believe that you only tried after someone pointed it out to you…not because you wanted to make me happy!"

“You were never holding me back!” Hel cried. “I wanted to try to grow with you, I really did! I—“ Hel recoiled at the obstacle comment, and the accusation that she had loved every moment of it and that she’d go back if she had the chance. Would she…?

She didn’t want to think about that right now. She had enjoyed it at the time, yes…but definitely not all the consequences of a selfish decision. Mac seemed to get the better end of the stick right now. How did that work? Regardless, after those accusations, Hel’s dark hand whipped out and smacked him right across the cheek. Her shoulders shook as continued to glare at him. “I do not love, Mac. I love you.”

That smack seemed to take with it that heated edge she had been holding onto her these past few minutes. Her hand fell to her side where she clenched her fists, staring down at her feet now as she trying to even out her breathing as she listened to him. That last statement may have hurt more than others. He was sorry he cared. Was she not worth it? At all? “But…That is what happens…when one is in a relationship…right? They are open to their partner…because that is what it means. Maybe if…we had both been more open from the start then…”

Then maybe they wouldn’t be here right now? It seemed like a very good possibility.

“I just…I just feel like…you never tried as hard as you could have for me. I tried…I tried as hard as I could…as hard as I was capable of…even if it was not always right for you.”