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 Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:17 pm
So at around the end of the school year this year, I started writing this novel completely on a whim. The thing about me is my inspiration comes from nowhere and ALL AT ONCE. Think of like how a Prophet sees prophecy randomly but immediately, think of it like that. Anyways, here's the prologue type thingy for your criticism
The fall was tremendous. No words could express the pain, both emotional and physical, as he felt the world crash around him. He had completed the final atrocity. He was cast down as a son of war. Born to be perfect? What was perfection but Him? He could never be like Him. The Cherubs had warned that this would happen, it was foretold. With a thud his thoughts crashed to a halt. Pain shot up his spine like lightening. He let out a grunt of pain as he gritted his sharp, glistening teeth. His mouth opened as blood shot up and out only to fall back onto his face. His sense of direction came back to him then. He was imperfect in a world of perfection. That world was no long his, he was among mortals now… He tried to flex his wings, only to feel a strong throbbing pain in his shoulder blades. They were gone… Think he told himself, remember what He had said. All he could remember was His glorious binding words…
“It seems you’ve gone astray. You’re being cast out of My kingdom, until you can learn again your own morality. Your actions will decide your fate.”
“But did you have to make me mortal!?” He shouted angrily to the skies. Atreidies was no longer a perfect being… An immortal. He was but another human in the world of the living… he would have to work to return to Him.
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:45 pm
This is really good. I think so at least xD I read it awhile ago and I'm reading a book about fallen angels and they're having this big battle between the good angels and the bad angels, with romance and stuff intertwined of course. But I just gotta say this sounds like I'd be an interesting read xD It sounds like something you'd see on the back cover of a book.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:49 am
Why thank you! Honestly after like four days I lost faith in anyone reading it. It's kinda hard to read because for some reason Gaia decided it wanted to remove ALL THE PROPER SPACING. -grumbles a little- oh well. I was about 2 chapters into it when I lost half of chapter 1 and all of chapter 2 so I don't know if I want to finish it again or not.
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