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 Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:49 pm
Ow.
All he had said was that women couldn't handle sensitive technology and it was true. It wasn't like he had said, like, something offending or anything, good grief. The Death assistant nursed his broken nose with a crumpled up towel as he worked away at three separate computers, all with different encrypted names. The first welcomed a user Mark101, the second THE ONE, and the third DEAN WINCHESTER. He had always wanted to be Dean okay, god, don't judge him.
Judge instead, the situation at hand which was saving half the population of the island. From doom, a horrific doom, an infliction which happened to nearly half the other Island that involved horrible crimes such as unwarranted yelling, table flipping, screaming, eating chocolate, buying excessive amounts of hair and cosmetic products, and crying excessively. So what if his boss was grouped in the other half of the afflicted population, this only made the project more important.
A small Runic incubation machine was humming in the background, glowing positively, hooked up to one of the three computers. It's current progress rate was still at only 34%.
And so what if he had totally ninja-spy hacked into the Life Labs. Sure, half the life techs honestly could not have given a damn, but Mark understood entirely: it was not every day that a ninja-spy hacked into your labs to save the freaking Island. Or well half the island from the other half.
They would all thank him later, and maybe he could get his own division like, the Ninja Spy division. No no no no, the Ninja Spy With Female Slaves division. Docile female slaves. With bikinis. And double D's. Excellent.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:56 pm
Dwight's voice came over Mark's runic earpiece, "Stark to Banner, what's your status?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:01 pm
"Why are you Stark?" Mark was somehow able to simultaneously whine and navigate three keyboards at once. The readings were stable, at least according to two of them. The third just continuously streamed some homebrewed recording that "Stark" had left him of some Mist division ladeez. "I'm clearly the one with the looks, and the charisma. Besides, shouldn't you be like, Jackie Chan or something?"
Progress was reading: 50%. So far so good.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:11 pm
A soft sigh sounded over the line, "Jackie Chan isn't an Avenger, bro. Besides, if I was going to be a martial artist I'd totally be Bruce Lee, all Enter the Dragon and s**t. Bitches don't know about my dragon." He paused, "But they will soon."
Another pause.
"Okay, fine. You can be Stark. I'll just be Loki."
"Loki what, Dwight?" A familiar voice came on.
"Uh...nothing,...Edith!"
"Don't you raise your voice to me. Is this another one of your Revengers games? Because the last one caused a lot of property damage that I really did not appreciate."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:27 pm
A single hand paused, just as the screen confirmed 80% in progress. Mark squinted, paused for a second at the screen frowning and rubbing his chin stubble before, pressing a few keys. The Mist girls in the women's shower video, effectively lost all their clothing again in one button swoop. "Dude, did you know that Aria has like the biggest ti-"
The Death Hunter straightened up almost reflexively at hearing Edith's voice on the other line, nearly spilling his Diet Coke-Caffeine-Coors Light concoction. "Yo, ix-nay on the secret-ay."
90% was the confirmation on the screen.
He continued to listen as the Moon Lead rattled on Dwight, just relieved that he was you know, in his fortress of solitude. A pause.
"AND IT'S AVENGERS, GOD, has anyone on this Island even watched the movie?!"
Unfortunately that part where he nearly spilled his Diet Coke-Caffeine-Coors Light concoction turned into that part where he really did spill his Diet Coke-Caffeine-Coors Light concoction.
The computer screen crackled, random windows started to open and close wildly, and-
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF DARTH VADER."
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:36 pm
"What did you just say?" Edith's voice sounded suspicious.
"Uhhh....you're eyes are...like...shining discs...of...bronze..."
"Is that an ear piece?"
"Um..."
"Was that Mark's voice?"
"Uh, no, Mark went to take a dump. Wait, stop, where are you going?!"
"Don't think I forgot the last time you two chuckleheads decided to play your little Mr. Wizard shenanigans in here."
"Dude no, Edith it's nothing like that, lets just dump all those past issues behind us, okay?"
"Move out of the way, Dwight, or I will move you out of the way."
"If you keep talking like that I'll get all down in the dumps!"
"Now what did I just say about raising your voice to me?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:46 pm
"Oh come on!" Mark was cradling one of his babies, attempting to get it to reboot again when he heard the D word. No not the double D work, just singular D.
Only extremely fast thinking and a reaction that would have made his father, something-something Stark proud saved the Death Hunter (and possibly one asian Life Hunter) as he quickly overwrote the "CRITICAL ERROR ON RELOAD" screen, exited all windows on the other screens, and ejected his portable USB.
Thankfully, the Runic incubation device behind them did not seem to be exploding anytime soon, and simply said processing.
Grabbing everything on the table, Mark mopped the rest of the spill up with his scarf, hard purged all memory drives, and logged out of the room, giving a passing Life Hunter a not-so-winning smile before getting the ******** out of ground zero.
Five seconds later, as he was walking rather enthusiastically out towards the training grounds, his cell phone buzzed.
'Processing completed.' He smiled, resisting the urge to steeple his hands together while he was still holding sensitive material. "Stark to Loki, the tesseract has been enabled."
The shock wave that burst from the Runic incubation device shook the entire Island.
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Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:00 am
The blast hit Dwight and Edith first, causing the small woman to pause in her tirade and then stare, "Now what the hell did you two do now?" Her already growing irritation peaked to near boiling point and was about to explode when she froze again, wide-eyed.
The Tesseract was a mix of both successes and failures. But mostly failures.
It did, in fact, cause all women of the Island to suddenly grow a perfect set of double D breasts.
Sadly, instead of curing PMS and turning them into a nubile and adoring harem, it gave every single woman a particularly vicious case of it.
Unfortunately Mark's experiment was even more effective than he had predicted, so moments after his smooth escape, Stark would look down to see his own fantastic set of DDs and burst out crying because they made him feel fat. A few moments later he would accidentally grope himself in a fit of woe and then promptly become distracted for a good half hour.
Because now all the men on the Island were women too. Busty DD ladies with a bad case of PMS.
Except for Dakota Rainstar, who woke up entirely male as usual.
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