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Is anyone currently in a relationship or has been in one with a Japanese man/woman?

I am, and on other forums for people in Japan or people interested in Japan, one of the most popular forums have to do with relationships.

Japanese relationships with foreigners can by a little trying to downright hard, especially if who you are with is very Japanese, traditional or not (you know what I mean).

Or is he/she Americanized or Westernized in their thinking? How does it differ?

I don't even care if you just have a crush. Tell us, and share what even flirting with a Japanese is like. Is it hard? Are they overly shy? Do you make the moves or does he/she?

Oh, and of course if you ARE Japanese, tell us YOUR side of the story. If your Nisei or not, doesn't matter. How do feel with Westerners in relationships?

Well, I've dated a Japanese girl. She was a bit shy but other than that she was an ordinary girl. We actually had a lot in common, except for music. She listened to A LOT of Jpop and Jrock, stuff I've never heard of before. I do listen to some modern Japanese jazz, but that's about it. Anyway, approaching her wasn't really hard at all. I guess you could say she was 'Westernized'.

Ha, yeah, I have a hard time approaching the Japanese girls at my school. I just don't know what to talk about sometimes, and it turns into awkward smiles and giggles. I prefer to talk to girls in Japanese than guys because Japanese guys tend to mumble and try to sound "tough" and they're harder to understand. Usually it takes me meeting with a Japanese girl a few times to get them to warm up to me. It might be they're as nervous about their English skills as I am by my Japanese.

Anyway, as much as I hate to encourage all the asian girl worshipping Western guys seem to do, from all I've heard and have read, Western guys in Japan have little trouble getting dates and eventually getting girlfriends. I've read several articles about the genders in Japan growing apart, and how Japanese men are becomign increasingly unable to relate to Japanese women, and therefore not even dealing with them, so it's probably making Western guys look pretty good to Japanese women right now.

I don't have any kind of boyfriend; American, Japanese, or otherwise. I'm not seeking out a Japanese boyfriend or anything, I just want to find a guy I want to date and actually wants to date me, which right now is proving to be difficult. biggrin The handful of Japanese guys at my university are on the whole cute and fun to hang out with, but if they don't have girlfriends back in Japan, they're usually seeing one of the Japanese girls here.

There are 2 japanese guys I'm pretty good buddies with, and they really couldn't be more different. One is named Taro, he's thin and definitely shy around American girls. He use to always giggle when he saw me and shyly say "hello." We ended up at the same party one night, and now when he sees me, he giggles and goes "Uh-oh." It's pretty funny.

The other guy I'm buddies with is name Haruo, he's definitely the more confident one, but he's been in America for a couple years now so his English is really good. He's a total babe, and he's a really nice guy, sadly he has a girlfriend. I've noticed, though, while he's really nice to American girls, he's different around Japanese girls. I don't want to say he's mean to them, but he definitely teases them a lot and gets into his tough Japanese-guy mode. They love him anyway, since he is a babe. gotta watch out for those good looking guys in any country, wink

xd Amen, but if ya have it ya gotta make do...

I don't really see a lot of Japanese guys in person (or girls for that matter), but based on the closest means I have to seeing them they always seem uptight and serious, ESPECIALLY around girls, particularly the ones they find attractive. They always act in a very awkward, clumsy, shy, close-mouthed, and introverted way... sweatdrop Sometimes I do feel wholeheartedly where they come from, but at other times I can't help but feel sorry for em. They find it so hard to express their feelings that they just find themselves tripping over a lot of their own words.

I used to be very much like that, as a teen anyways. Now... I still may retain a little of those old ways but I gotta say I have really learned to loosen up more. surprised So happen it does occur when I come to a loss for words when trying to get in good with a girl I have my eye on I kinda learned to laugh at myself for it even happening and more than half the time a convo continues from there (somehow sweatdrop )... Yeah, I'm a puzzle when making the approach, even to myself... At times words will just come to me as I go and at other times I'll just be completely smitten! xp Yes, a lot of factors and variables play in my "game" in determining whether I'll take the cake or not... Sometimes I can be really open and buoyant, but then other times really introverted and thrown for words... It can be pretty hard... It feels like the dating game is just a huge gamble to me... sweatdrop

Naturally I'd feel I have a dilemma on my plate approaching a girl of a foreign place if I have complications approaching girls that are even here, especially since I'm just not one particular way with em! xp What to do what to do...???

I am Japanese, and I'll agree, Japanese relationships "outside" of the culture are kind of hard. But if you're in America, it seems to be changing, and in Japan too...but it still is hard if you're dating/or have especially traditional parents. I am full, but 1/2 of my cousins aren't, and it's kinda hard...because my family was traditional on both sides (my grandparents were from both post-war and pre-war Japan) and yeah...But I think it's just awkward for the first while, and get's better later on...like, my cousin is dating someone who is black, and for meeting my grandpa, it was weird...but he's older anyways, but for us to adapt it wasn't anything different. I think just meeting for the first time to build relationships is harder than maintaining one if it's younger generations personally. gonk sweatdrop Sorry if this was confusing or something, I don't really know how to explain it.

Ohh, this thead is good, it should be called something like "In the mind of Japanese romance".

I'll have to raise my hand and admit that when I was younger (Before living in the US) I was the typical shy girl. Now I look back at my childhood and think to myself 'I was such an idiot.' So when I moved to the US, I had alot of trouble talking to people, mostly because I couldn't speak english very well and because I was embarrased to talk to people! Anything from asking for directions or the time I would have so much trouble with. But than, I changed. I got 'westernized' (That word sounds so... cheesy). And it happens to subtly that you don't notice the change until you meet with people that were like you.

In the US, I dated a boy from china. He had been in the US for about a year or so, and his english was ok... But he was so shy! It was a real task to get him to talk! and a challenge to get him to hold hands with me. I think that it isn't only the Japanese who are shy around people, but asians in general.

Now I'm dating this Japanese guy(His name is Hiro), and he has told me before how different it is dating me, and that's probably because I am far more outgoing when it comes to relationships now. But I look at my friends who have boyfriends, and I really do notice a difference, or maybe it's just me. It's true that guys like to mumble, so when he does I just tell him to speak up, or when he's fumbling with his words about a date I just tell him where to meet me at... Because if he is not going to take the initiative, than I sure as heck am! whee

But just like how there are alot of shy and quiet people, there are tons of girls and guys who are the more popular kind and have no trouble being loud and friendly. (maybe it also has to do with self steem..?)

My experience with Japanese couples is limited, but I do have to say the lack of any kind of PDA's is very apparent. One girl I know, Tomoe, she has a Japanese boyfriend that lives here and I see them together a lot, but I don't think a passer byer would be able to tell if they were a couple or brother and sister. No touching at all, barely any talking between the two, they'll stand next to each other and be facing away talking to other people.

Then there's Haruo, the babe I mentioned before, I was at a study session with him and a really pretty Japanese girl was sitting next to him, but they heardly looked at each other. I thought she was a new exchange student. So she leaves, I said "Bye . . . um," then whisper to one of my classmates, "Who is she again?" And my classmate said that was Haruo's girlfriend. It's weird because he had mentioned her a lot in the past few months, then when they're together there's nothing. Some of the Japanese people who have been here for a long time dare to be more affectionate, and the one's in relationships with non-Japanese people take it as a opportunity to be affectionate in public. So interesting . . . I don't think I could handle a boyfirend who never touched me or held my hand in public.

Agh I couldn't stand that not-touching thing.. I felt SO frustrated when I watched shows like Ainori or KissIya or anything else that showcased dating or couples.... because there was a TOTAL lack of affection that it was just eerie!

I liked to watch shows where people would confess to "uwaki", or cheating (it happened a lot on KissIya and there was an even funner show called The Triangle). I just couldn't get over how innocent both the men and women were about their cheating experience. So much so I had to ask a Japanese person.. when a Japanese says "uwaki" do they really mean cheating SEXUALLY???? Because, really, I just couldn't accept they had done anything more than kissing or dating, since they all acted so child-like and non-emotional. But yes, "uwaki" does mean sexually cheating. eek

They keep things so hush-hush it's incredible sometimes.