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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:25 pm
Ashford supposed that all good things must, in fact, come to an end.
Good things were not unique in that.
Wars. Schooling. Civilizations. Lives.
Love.
But then, if he was being honest with himself, it was clear to the reaper that he and Thackery had not been 'good' for quite some time.
He was a fool to think that he could uphold this masquerade of normality, with the affliction that plagued his body and mind.
Bare knuckles rapped against Thackery's door, slow and steady.
Yes, it was time. He had put it off long enough.
Ash had never claimed to not be a coward.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 8:34 pm
He knew that knock. Thackery slid from his bed and bounded to the door, forever eager to answer it. Especially when the person on the other side was Ash. Things were admittedly a little difficult between them as of late, sure, but there was a particular weight to forever that the Cerberus didn't take lightly. And that was exactly how long he meant to love him, in spite of the awkward nights and Insanity-littered arguments. And the things they didn't talk about. His tail was already wagging when he opened the door, his smile greeting him as if he'd been gone for a lifetime. "Hi Ash! I tried texting you! Or is that why you're here? Is your phone broken?"
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 8:51 pm
This was just as difficult to do in reality as it had been in his hypothetical situations, planned out weeks in advance.
He had words, carefully filed away, chosen with a certain deliberation.
The instant Thackery's tail started wagging-- and oh, it was immediate, as it always was, without fail-- the reaper's planned speech disappeared from his mind.
"No," Ash murmured, removing the heavy but familiar weight of his helm from his shoulders. His loyal boilfriend deserved to see his face, at least.
Despite everything.
Despite the hours of the dark where neither of them slept, plagued by nightmares and screaming until one of them was hoarse. Of careful fingers roaming grey tinged skin, tracing the spreading edges of insanity.
Of the times where it took hold, and Thackery looked like everyone else.
Grey.
Dim.
Lifeless, by his own hands or otherwise.
"No," the reaper said again, his voice scratchy and low.
"My phone is in...working condition."
Thackery's violet eyes peered up at him, warm and vibrant. His smile, pearly white and flawless. His ears, perked and ready.
If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
"We must speak."
Ashford slid in, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. He made no move to embrace Thackery. The Cerberus was going to hate him.
Ashford hoped that he would.
It would be easier to bear than sorrow.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 9:24 pm
As Ash removed his helm, Thackery excitedly stood on tippy-toes to kiss him...but he walked right past. No hugs. No petting his ears. He hugged himself instead, arms tightly over his chest as if it might cut off that rising, nagging sick feeling. This wasn't like him. This was all wrong. Had the Insanity...? "Maybe...oh! Mine must be broken, then. You probably didn't get my texts." That made sense. Yeah, that was it. He'd just slowly make more and more sense of this, and it would be fine. Everything would be fine. He gave him another smile, refusing to believe that something was wrong. "What's up? What do you wanna talk about? The horsemen? Oh, I met one the other day, did I tell you...? And I tried to tell him that I was the King of Amityville, but...I...um.." A nervous laugh replaced the end of his sentence. Why was he just standing there? He reached for his hand, leaned in to kiss his shoulder. "If this is about... other stuff," his began, voice hushed. "I haven't told anyone. We're still safe here."
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 9:47 pm
Make him hate you. Ash repeated it like a mantra in his mind, a chant that threatened to overtake his every sense.
It was a simple task, Henry. Do not fail in such a simple thing, you abhorrent little creature.
"Your phone is not broken, either." Firmly, the blond pushed Thackery away, holding him at arm's length.
There was no insanity, here.
Not yet. Earlier today, he'd been--
But that was no matter. He focused in on Thackery to ensure that the boil knew that it was one hundred percent Ashford and not the ominously named "other stuff."
"It is a simple fact."
MAKE HIM HATE YOU. MAKE HIM.
"I..."
Make him learn the cost of love given too freely. Make him think that your love was transitory so that he despises you for it.
"Thackery." Ash's voice broke, a little, before he could catch himself.
Make him want to BURN you, make him vie see you go down in flames.
"I don't want to be with you any more."
Make him despise you, make him run and never look back.
The reaper schooled his face into cool indifference, forcing his upper lip to curl upwards, teeth displayed.
He knew that he needed to do more, but it took nearly everything he had to fake it this far.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:07 pm
"It's... not...?" His voice was a little squeak as he pushed against that extended arm, frustrated, needy, confused. He stopped when Ash said it was something simple, something that would be easy to understand, something that would make sense of all of this after all, and pulled away instead, head tilted. He waited expectantly. Waited for the answer. And it was one he wasn't willing to accept. "You what?" Eyes narrowed, he just stared at him, expecting there to be something more. Some kind of joke. This was definitely a joke. Or...no, was the Insanity taking over again? That had to be it. In spite of the very definite lack of "we" at the beginning of that sentence...yes. That had to be it. "No, okay...I get it! Just calm down, Ash, just calm down and the bad feelings will go away. I'm here, remember? I'm here and I love you! Forever. Remember? Forever?" He advanced towards him with the caution that one might take with a wild animal, a hint of worry in his eyes. ILU 5 EVR do you realize how ironic your username is in this rp
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:51 pm
Repeat yourself. With conviction.
"No, Thackery."
His mind was clear like a cool spring, untouched by the ripples that were his affliction.
"I assure you, Thackery, that I am perfectly calm."
Don't acknowledge the panic in his voice. Ignore the worried look in violet eyes. Disregard the flattened ears. Pretend not to see the tail tucked between his legs.
"I understand, but my statement remains. I no longer wish to be with you."
He held up a bare hand, a patch of grey evident between the webbing of his thumb and forefinger.
"The length of time is irrelevant. At this point in time: we-- as in you, Thackery, and I, Ashford-- are done." Ash spat the last word, and felt disgust welling in the back of his throat.
He just hoped that Thackery would think it was directed at him.
"Forever ends today."nothing yet welp that made me rofl through the sads
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 11:22 pm
There was just silence for a few short moments (that felt a lot more like multiple eternities), with Thackery just staring, blankly, disbelief washing over him. "No. No, you...you don't get to...you can't just make this decision by yourself." When he finally spoke it was quiet, lost, bubbling up into a crescendo of anger and anxiety. He clenched his fists, but it did nothing to stop the tears brimming in his eyes. "I stayed with you! After everything! After you hurt me, Ash, because I care about you! Because I love you, and...and no. No, just. No. I should've been the one doing this, and I didn't, because I...because. Because no. You just...can't be serious. We need each other. We have to have each other. It doesn't work otherwise. It just doesn't." Feebly, he shoved at him, hands shaking. It did absolutely nothing to move the reaper in front of him, because of course it wouldn't, he thought bitterly. He'd never be able to move him, to change him, because he'd never really mattered, had he? Just a fluffy little satellite, not more than a footnote of the boil who was Ash, a source of permanent amusement until he didn't need permanent anymore. As he moved to turn away from him, he saw it, catching the light with all sorts of cruel mockery. The key to all of their things. The key to everything they ever made together. He reached out and snatched it up with a low growl, snapping the little string, and dangled it between them. "You can have it back when you stop being terrible." He would. One day. This wouldn't last. It couldn't last. Forever didn't end today. No.
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 11:29 pm
He wanted to run fingers through black hair. To murmur that it was for his own good, for his protection--
But Riley had been infected.
Riley had died. This affliction was a death warrant, a target above his head painted in crimson and cement grey.
Ash had thought of this. Of explaining why he needed time apart, of why they would not be good together, for a time. Of telling him that he was, very likely, a dead reaper walking.
This way would be easier, for Thackery. Not so for him; every biting word carved into the place where his heart would be, if he had one.
The key, precious and silven, slipped away from his wrist, the fragile straps holding it close so easily broken.
How poetic.
"I would apologize," Ashford said, low and methodical, his voice calculated and exact. Like a hovering guillotine.
"But it would be a lie."
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Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 11:46 pm
He clenched his teeth. He couldn't look at him. Thackery just kept his eyes fixed on the far wall, tears streaking freely down his cheeks. "I love you. More than anything. But you need to go." A trembling finger pointed towards the door that he would have opened for him under any under circumstance. But he couldn't make himself move. "Be safe. And. I will see you soon. Okay?" He barely choked out his hopeful words before he covered his face with his hand. It didn't effectively manage to stifle the pitiful sobbing that had begun to pour out, nor the whimpering in frustration at his own body's betrayal. He didn't look very strong like this. Of course Ash wouldn't want something so weak. Of course not.
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Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 12:05 am
A singular nod of assent. Sea-green eyes looked at Thackery, as the Cerberus tried to hold himself together at the seams when it had been Ash's duty to do so, for so long--
He was a failure, but that was a fact the reaper had come to accept over the last few weeks.
He didn't allow himself to look away.
More than anything, Ash wanted to avert his eyes, to rush to Thackery's side and explain his reasoning-- But no.
Ashford, look at what you have wrought. These are the fruits of the plants you have sown. These tears, these whimpers, these sobs.
By your hand, he is fractured.
But within the sorrow was anger, and that was all that mattered. Ash willed, with every fiber of his being, for Thackery to cling to it like a buoy, to let him weather the storm by clinging to it.
Slow and methodical, Ash picked up his helm and placed it upon his shoulders. It was missing a piece, still, at eye level.
It was still on a charm bracelet, wrapped securely around Thackery's wrist.
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear
It took Ashford a moment, of deep breathing and disbelief-- hardly able to believe that the deed was done-- and he was gone.
The door closed with little fanfare behind him.
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Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 12:30 am
Without Ash beside him, he crumpled. He curled up on the floor, far from the warmth of his fireplace. It wouldn't bring him any comfort anyway. Not after he'd spent night after night snuggled up to the embodiment of the most fulfilling comfort he could ever imagine. He clutched that bismuth chunk so tightly in his palm that its jagged edges chewed at his fingertips. He pressed it to his heart and willed it to fill the hole there. Princess Cinders emerged from his place beneath his bed, tentative, and delicately stepped towards him to rub the tears from his face. He couldn't have known that it was his namesake that brought them on. He couldn't have known that he was slowly making it worse. Thackery tugged him close and cried into his fur, ears trained on the door. Because he'd come back. He would come back. Wouldn't he?
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