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Angstbucket Edgelord Captain
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 Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 1:06 am
〖WRECK THE REMIX〗xxxxxxxxxxxxxx☣_____________________________________________________▁▁▁▂▂▂▃▃▃▄▄▄▄▅▅▅▆▆▆▇▇▇███【Yeah... you wanna rock it with the best...】 █۰▌▌ Wreck the remix. ▌▌۰█
█۰▌▌ You wanted to be just like him. So you trained tirelessly, endlessly, just to get to his level, to face him on an equal footing. And what happened once you got there?
You wrecked the remix. His remix.
You took what was originally his, made it something bigger and better. Now you could face the world with your own status, your own powers. You made the decisions. ▌▌۰█
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxThis is a character development thread. How did your character get to where he or she is today? Sit down. Have a drink. Chat it out with everyone else.
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxAs per usual, take cybering to PM's, follow the TOS, mind your manners and don't godmode and Mary Sue.
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxTake the time to make your characters interesting. Don't throw a load of generic backstory at everyone and hope they'll take it.
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxSpeech is good. Flashbacks are better. Descriptions are the best.
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxHave fun. Tweak your wording a bit. Put on a catchy song and get some inspiration. Ask us, we're here to help.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx{ Inspiration for the title and intro was taken from a song. All credit goes to HardHeadz. }
xxxxxxx█۰▌☣ ▌⇢xxxUse an existing OC. No profile submissions are required. The setting is a private lounge, the OC's are old friends talking about their pasts.
___________________________________________________________
█۰▌↹ ORIGINS ↻ Let's go back to the start...
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 1:13 am
[Rules]
Listen up, roleplayers...
Please post here if you're searching for people to critique your post, or looking to critique someone else's post.
1. This is a one-off posting thread. Just post your character's best sample, and then quote someone in your post to have them critique it.
2. Specify what you'd like to improve on. We can't help you if we don't know what to start from.
3. Give it your best. Don't expect others to critique a twenty-second one-liner. Put some thought into your post, make sure you're in character.
4. Critiques should be thoughtful, in-depth and honest. Don't be rude or too lax with it, we're here to improve.
5. Please use a spellcheck and proofread your work. Google the spelling if you're not sure. Just please do it.
*These rules are subject to change at any time etc.
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Angstbucket Edgelord Captain
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 6:33 pm
Hello!
I'm curious to know how I can I make my post pretty?
Because I'm use to roleplaying in pms but I kinda want to start role playing in forums.
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Posted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:19 pm
Generally I go with these sites. You can use them to make various things for your posts. http://html-color-codes.info/http://fsymbols.com/all/I'd like to know how well you think I do at maintaining character without sounding like I'm just babbling. So I suppose I want to improve on quality and consistency. Basically this character is an inexperienced alien soldier, on Earth to learn more so that he can let his people know if it's a suitable place to make a colony. He was out in the middle of winter trying to sleep on a park bench when a police man who's fond of cats came and picked him up and took him home.  Lowell looked down at his feet as he fidgeted with the tip of his tail nervously. Obviously from his silence John thought his story was very badly concocted. He looked up at the man as he spoke, biting his lip more as he heard the man ask about his uniform and extra appendages. Lightly he yelped as he heard the clock ring, looking to see what was causing the noise.
Softly Lowell sighed in relief when John said he had been through a lot, assuming the man would let him be at least for the night. Perhaps he could sneak out in the morning but that seemed to be rather rude. "Um, okay. Thank you," he said, blushing as John said he would get him some clothes to change into and let him take a bath. The young alien appreciated the bath more than anything else since he hadn't bathed in several days and disliked not being clean. He watched the man take the dishes into the other room, wondering if a machine or robot would clean them but seeing nothing else there.
As the cats came to sniff at him Lowell lightly touched their ears and stroked their tails. Making sure that John wasn't around he tried talking to them in his own language to see if they would respond. "Myan nyar muh," he murmured, asking them if they could understand him. He was comforted by their presence but he was hoping that they could tell him more about this new world he had been put on to learn about.
When John came back Lowell looked up, smiling as the man gave him some clothes to change into. He blushed slightly and shook his head, shocked the man would give up his own bed. "Y-You don't have to do that for me. Y-You've already done so much to help me," he said, getting up and lightly holding the clothes against his chest. The young alien looked down and lightly shuffled his feet. "Thank you so much for bringing me here," he said softly before darting down the hall to the bathroom.
Setting the clothes down outside of the shower Lowell inspected the odd device to try to figure out how it worked. He took his clothes off and folded them before turning the knob. As cold water splashed down on him he let out a yelp, shivering as he tried to shut it off. Instead he turned the water off, relaxing as it became warmer and sighing softly. Looking around he found the shampoo and sniffed it, putting some in his hand and testing to see if it would do anything. Once he was fairly certain it was to wash himself with he proceeded to do so, working it into his hair, fur and all over his body. Purring happily he scrubbed himself and washed all the shampoo off before stepping out of the shower and carefully shutting it off.
Purring and drying himself off Lowell examined the rest of the bathroom, trying to figure out what everything was for. He had seen public restrooms by accidentally wandering into them before so he recognized the toilet and sink though he was not entirely certain of their purpose. From what he could tell the toilet was for waste disposal but he wasn't positive. The sink still puzzled by the sink since his people didn't use sinks, rather having a kind of antibacterial soap that washed their hands for them.
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High-functioning Snowflake
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:19 am
Hey skimble biggrin
I like the length of your post. I love reading long posts. I also like the amount of details you put into it, it would be easy for whoever you are RP-ing with to put up a responding post of fair length and interaction. And no, you're not babbling. Haha.
However, your posts could turn into babbling without some slight changes. Your post mostly deals with actions, that is things your character Lowell does, and not what he thinks, not the instantaneous chain of thoughts that bubble up inside his mind. Playing a character, goes well only with the perfect synchronicity of thoughts with actions, otherwise it is on the verge of sounding monotonous, boring. For almost the first three paragraphs of your post, you are basically responding to the actions of your partner, and this might be frustrating for your partner as he is the one having to bear the burden of furthering the story-line, i.e. putting more effort into it.
I would suggest not looking at him from the third-person view, but rather from the first-person view but writing the post in third-person. That way, you have a better insight into the potential thoughts he may have, instantaneous ones, or things he recalls at the spur of the moment, which could be..well...past recollections, funny thoughts, metaphors, conflict and everything else that makes him more of a person from a character.
Thirdly, your sentences are long, detailed...but lacks the feeling. It sounds as if your character is detached from his surroundings, not really grounded enough. I think you should use short, powerful sentences at times, just to break away from the monotony of long sentences and also to punch a blow of strong feelings or shock. Or, you could use powerful imagery at places, comparing drab surroundings with something significant from past recollections, just to make the reader more involved. Here's how I would write your post :
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Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:30 am
Glad you like the length for replies. I often have trouble getting enough in for people to do things with. Particularly without just going off on nothing at all. I'll try to work on describing more since I'm not good with that sort of thing. It's easier just to play a character who interacts with their immediate surroundings rather than actually immersing them into their location. Really I'm not good with describing things but I'll try harder as well putting more effort into connecting with the character's point of view. I think that would really make it more entertaining to read.
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