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Jerry had become coherent enough to walk on his own by the time Wash had brought him to the bunker. He was unnaturally quiet as he had parted ways with the Moon Hunters and Bix, drifting like a ghost to clean himself up.

The shower took the longest. But at least he got the nervous sobbing out someplace at least semi-private.

He needed to retrieve a fresh jumpsuit, but for now, his sweats and undershirt would do.

He didn't care if anyone saw the creaking, abused leg brace just then. He wanted to check on his guitar in it's hiding spot. Make sure no one had bothered it. It was right where he had left it, stashed in the corner of Killzone's beanbag room, hidden behind some rolls of yoga mats.

He listened quietly to the soothing music.

He sat quietly on one of the beanbags, easing his leg out and cradling the guitar on his lap.

He doubled over it, burn scar-marred shoulders shaking.

It was all his fault.

Again.

He didn't need to be infected with insanity to know that much.

Jerry's head jerked up, face tear-stricken, his still shower-wet hair falling free in damp clumps as he craned around to spot her, "I th-thought... empty and... Rin I... I didn't... " He seemed glazed, eyes drifting down to the comforting instrument on his lap.

"I don't know. I don't know what ot do I don't know I didn't mean for any of that to happen I just... I thought... we were so energized and... and i just...." He looked like he was about to take his turn throwing up, but instead, the grown, battle-worn man doubled over his guitar once more, rocking back and forth gently. "I didn't mean for... for any of that to happen..."

"Hey almost got Harrison last time. He almost did. That was my f-fault too," Jerry whispered, still rocking. He ached, he felt sick, but he attributed most of the exhaustion and stress to the situation. "He w-was all... in t-t-tatter-atter-atters and... and that... that creature tried to drag him off but we stopped it then, we stopped it, but... but we couldn't this time and... and who knows... I don't know...w hat am i going to tell the superiors? What if someone knows already? What if she's.... I sh-should... I should go look for her... I... but... I'm so... so..." the back of his guitar knocked against the metal frame of his brace with a sad, melodic clang. "Oh God... Oh god oh god I... Rin I... Sa... Sasha..." He could barely say her name, his voice hoarse from his earlier screaming.

Jerry's face was white as she spoke what had been on his mind before but not since the shock of the events at the school. "Th-this is it... I.. I've f-finally gotten-otten someone k-killed... I... I.... I have to go. I have to... If I c-can't find her then... then that's it. That's it." The guitar fell from his lap with a clunk as he wobbled to his feet, as though ready to burst into the night in his undershirt, sweatpants and brace. If he couldn't find her... there was always an infested house or... or the ocean. He wouldn't let Simon put a bullet in him.

Control. He needed control. He'd have control over *that* at leas.

"Y-you're fine! It w-wasn't your idea to go to that stupid school! You're... you're new! They expect these sorts of things to... to happen to trainees! But... but I've been here a year and... look at me! I'm... I'm d-disfigured and c-crippled and out of my mind and I can't... i c-can't..." He whirled around, nearly falling as both legs felt weak. "I... I thought... after... after what happened with Candace I thought... and then I met her and I thought... but... but she's... she's g-gone and... and it's m-my fault, I lead that mission and... and... and I..." His legs did buckle and he landed in a seated position heavily, cradling his face in his hands.

He sniffed, eyes watery and glasses stained with tears as he glanced up at her, "You... we... w-we all did... everything we could..."

She was gone. Sasha was gone. He couldn't believe it. And here he was, hiding in the bunker like a coward while she was off... being tortured possibly. Who knew.

He wanted to know.

"If... if I report this... I'll... I'll be in trouble. It... it d-doesn't matter. I was... I w-was being reckless. I... I KNEW about that creature... I... I l-let her get taken. It's... it's my f-fault. In the eyes of someone like Simon." He looked down again, rubbing his leg.

"And... and if you th-think I'm attractive, you have a s-screw loose." He mumbled numbly, brain spinning still at the surrealism of the situation.

Sasha was gone.

"God..." He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand, face contorting once more in worried misery, before giving a sudden manic laugh.

His life was a joke. Just one big series of punchlines, and Jerry could see it plainly now. He laughed his misery out, his helplessness out, until it turned into broken sobs once more. "I... I th-think... I think I l-loved her, Rin..."