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 Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:23 am
There were times that Sasha was in a pretty good mood. She had her flute and Killzone's room was often empty so that she could play when she felt the need to. She'd been sleeping fine (nightmares aside), eating well (if the MREs could be called food)... so really, life could be considered pretty good if not for the fact that she was living in an underground bunker in very tight quarters - oh, and there were also mist-monsters traipsing around above ground.
Also, breeding program.
It'd been consuming her thoughts. She didn't think about it when she played her flute, or when she ... okay, so that was the only time she didn't think about it. It was even in her dreams. There was no escaping it.
Sasha blamed her papa - and herself - in turns. When she felt bad for blaming her father, she blamed herself. When she ran out of reasons to blame herself, she blamed her papa. There were times that she understood why he might've kept it a secret, and there were times that she found herself so irrationally angry that she couldn't see straight. Usually she tried to find a quiet place when she felt the bitter bile of anger rise up in her throat.
Usually.
Today she sat near the entrance to the bunker, arms crossed over her chest, a petulant expression almost daring anyone to approach.
Her body was gosh-darned ready for a fight.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:47 am
Candace was still hearing the voices. They were still getting to her. They were still bothering her, convincing her somehow that she was nothing but a failure and a whore. The very notion of texting H or approaching Jerry simply to say 'hi', or even just...being happy made the hiss and screech and whisper violently, but they were becoming less intense. They still made her occasionally stop and hold her head, and she still wanted to cry, but she couldn't let them bother her anymore. She just couldn't. She had to fight through this, it was only temporary, it would go away.
But what if it doesn't? No! No, Candace. It will go away. You can fight this. You can do it. Just a little while longer..like...if it didn't go away in another week she'd go see...
...She'd go see Killzone. The thought alone made her shudder. Killzone made her uncomfortable. She avoided his meditation room strictly because doing so meant she might encounter him, which probably did her more harm than it was worth. What if going there was the secret to making this ******** Insanity go away?
Sigh.
Maybe she needed to sleep more. Or shower more? She didn't know. Candace at least had no insecurities about her own body so showering cleared her head; she gave absolutely no ******** what time of day she took a shower, not caring if other women saw her nude. She was considering taking another until she saw Sasha sitting by the exit that lead up to the surface. She looked..grumpy. She raised a brow, tilting her head to one side as she did just as Sasha's adorable angry face dared; Candace approached her.
"Hey there, rose bud. What're you doing sitting all the way out here by yourself?" She leaned down with her hands on her knees, smiling warmly at the girl sitting on the floor. "Wanna get something to eat? You look like you could use some girl time." And a hug. Candace's name wasn't on the breeding list they'd found, she'd essentially forgotten all about the entire thing.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:55 am
In truth, Sasha would have much preferred someone like Rep or Otto to saunter by. She wouldn't have felt bad starting crap with either of them. So why, why did Candace have to stop by? Candace was nice. Candace had never been anything but nice. Sasha couldn't be mean to Candace.
But Sasha could throw a disgruntled little hissy fit.
Shooting out a leg in annoyance, Sasha clutched her arms tighter across her chest and kind of just... glared up at Candace. Mouth set in a line, brow furrowed, eyes narrowed. This ... this was Sasha's cranky face.
"I am sitting here. By myself. Because." Because uhh.. "Because I feel like it."
Well, that was as good a reason as any.
"I'm not frickin' hungry.. but.." her voice gentled, "I could um. I could keep you company while you eat, I guess." Sasha grit her teeth. She kind of liked being in a sour mood. It sure beat being in a nice mood all the time, the kind of nice mood where people started to think that she couldn't do any darned thing on her own.
Sasha rose to her feet, arms still crossed over her chest - the glare had gentled but only a little.
"I'm in a bad mood," Sasha clarified, just to make sure there was no confusion.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:00 am
Oh now what was this? This face, this body language. That tone. This was so unlike her sweet, sweet Sasha! What a grumpy little thing she was. Candace smiled, looking terribly amused by the display. She was even glaring? Goodness! "Uh huh, I see." She was trying not to anger her further but she couldn't help but smile, moving to sit down beside Sasha. This was adorable.
Oh goodness! She wasn't frickin' hungry?! Such language, Sasha! Such crude words~. Heh. "Oh no that's fine, I'm not terribly hungry. I'm more curious why you're in this little moo--" Oops. There she goes standing up. Candace grinned, following her and putting her hands on her hips. This was adorable.
"You? A bad mood? I couldn't tell." She chuckled, reaching out to try and coax her arms down from strangling her chest. Come on, Sasha. Relax. A part of her was sad to hear that Sasha wasn't her usual perky self, but that part was being overpowered by amusement. "What has my rose bud upset? Do I need to hit someone? I would for you, you know." She'd kill for Sasha...right? Harrison had said it was okay to hate Sasha. That when Jerry was through with her she'd be nothing but itty bitty pieces and she'd deserve it. But Sasha...Sasha was so sweet. She didn't want to hate her.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:12 am
If Candace had been trying to placate the beast, so to speak, she'd gone about it all the wrong way. Sasha didn't need anyone to stick up for her! She could do it herself! She could punch anyone she wanted, if she needed to! Sasha just didn't want to. Usually. It was entirely frustrating to feel like she was being coddled and kept safe and looked after. The doctor had warned her that it might happen, and up until this point she hadn't really minded. It had been nice to be able to count on those close to her, but...
That list. That stupid, frickin' list.
It had her second-guessing everything she thought she knew about her life, and it really, really stank. She'd been doing just fine until that list had shown up, and her life was all topsy-turvy and she despised feeling that way. Sasha had always done better with rules, regulations, everything all planned out and set in stone. Sasha had never liked surprises, but she'd coped with them, and it didn't help that the one frickin' man that could assuage any frickin' worries that she had was off doing more important frickin' things.
Frick.
Pressing her lips together in a brief show of annoyance, Sasha put her hands on her hips.
"I don't need anyone to look out for me," she hissed quietly. "Okay? I can look out after myself. I'm not a frickin' baby."
She was quiet for a second.
"Look, okay. I'm... I'm sorry. This list-thing? The breeding program? It has me all.. all.." Sasha flapped her hands around, "mixed up."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:40 am
..Okay now this was getting worrisome. The amusement fell as Sasha hissed, frowning and watching the girl. What the hell was wrong with her? "You may not need it, but it's never something to dislike when someone cares enough about you to have your back. Don't snap at someone for caring about you, girl. Candace replied firmly. She wasn't angry, but she was annoyed by Sasha's accusation. She didn't call her a baby, she didn't ever say Sasha couldn't look out for herself, she was showing some goddamn concern.
She waited for Sasha to say something more, to give a better damn explanation. Was she also suffering from the Insanity? Because that would make more se--
Oh.
Right..Sasha's name was on that list, wasn't it.
Candace frowned. "So that was you on the list." She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Do you want to talk about it? I'll listen if you want to vent."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:54 am
Sasha threw up her arms and stalked in a little semi-circle. "I bet ... you just." Sasha made an annoyed sound. Okay, maybe she was acting a little bratty, but. So what.
"I don't.. I don't need to vent, dang it! I just.. I'm trying to be patient until the doctor gets here."
Sasha stomped her foot.
"I'm just.. so cranky. I mean, like. Okay, Jerry brought my flute back to me, and that was nice of him because it helps, right, but. I mean."
She stomped her foot again.
"This is so dumb. What the heck is a breeding program, and why is my name on that list, and when will the doctor be back?! He's in frickin' Somalia, and when I talked to him on the.. on the phone? There were explosions. So. So. Now? Like, I have to worry about this stupid list. AND. I have to worry about the doctor!"
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 1:52 pm
She threw up her arms, she stomped her foot.
Sasha was throwing a child's tantrum.
Candace kind of just stared, watching with a raised brow and an unimpressed look as the girl admitted she was cranky and stomped her foot again. Someone needed a nap. Damn. "From what we read and suspect, they used..uh...donations from hunters or followed children in their families. Basically, they follow bloodlines and see if any of the children show potential to be a hunter, then track them for when they're ready to be recruited." She shrugged. They could all be wrong, but the speculation was nice to have. It didn't effect Candace, she wasn't on the list, so she didn't...really know how to feel. Was she on another list, maybe? Was she on any list at all? Sigh. "You..you talked to him?" She hadn't had a chance to say a single word to him since it'd been discovered he was still alive. Candace wrung her hands together, clearing her throat and shaking her head. It wasn't fair. She wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice and have some kind of comfort from him.
It wasn't fair.
"H will be fine. He's been through a lot, so...yeah. He'll be fine."
Somalia...damn. That expla--she..she got to talk to him? A twinge of jealousy twisted her heart and she frowned more, rubbing the back of her neck. The hell was he doing? "H will be fine..." She said quietly, looking toward the exit
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:06 pm
"That's .. that's impossible. My papa wasn't a hunter. I don't think my mother was either, okay? I mean, she could have been? But. I doubt she was, I mean, my papa said she died, alright, so. He didn't say anything about her dying while out saving the world or anything like that."
Sasha was about to snap at Candace when she turned and caught the expression on the other woman's face. That frown, the way she glanced at the exit. Sasha felt a little sorry for Candace. Kind of. After hearing what she'd done with the doctor while dating Jerry -- and then having the doctor basically admit to doing many terrible things?
It was kind of hard to feel completely sorry for Candace, but Sasha wasn't a cold-hearted frickface. And Candace had never been anything but nice to her. What had the doctor said when Sasha had talked to him about it? Making her own decisions or something?
"I texted him. I.. I wasn't expecting a response, but then he called me." Sasha shrugged, crossed her arms over her chest. "I hope he'll be back soon because I really need to see him. So does Bix. And Jerry."
But mostly me.
"Look, Candace. I'm. I'm sorry I... I've been really upset. And frickin' Jerry... okay, he's. He hasn't been doing so great either so. Usually I'd just talk to him but then he starts stuttering like a frickin' mile a minute and I just."
She closed her eyes. Inhaled. Exhaled.
"I feel like I have to like ... like I have to look out for him."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 3:13 pm
"Well...bloodline isn't limited to parents. Maybe you have an uncle! Or..or a grandparent!" Candace said tried to assure her, forcing a somewhat strained smile. Sasha had talked to him. She wanted to talk to him, to hold him, to be held by him. Candace missed the doctor, she wanted him back if only for..five minutes. That was all she needed.
Because she really needed to see him...
Candace frowned again. "It's fine. Everyone is on edge. It's just all about how you handle it. Either you can fight through it or you can let it consume you." Frickin' Jerry? Candace swallowed. "H..he does that, has for as long as I've known him. He...doesn't handle stress well..he's gotten better but.." It wasn't something one fixed overnight. Candace ruffled her own hair with an almost irritated sigh. This wasn't helping. She'd been feeling good today but the voices were back. Jealousy, annoyance, exhaustion..it was all hitting her at once. Damnit, Sasha!
"Jerry is an adult he can take care of himself." Candace practically spat out, pausing and ruffling her hair more. No. No, that wasn't it. "Jerry...Jerry just. He needs...he needs more than what either of us can give him just..he..." UGH! Candace rubbed her lips together, shaking her head. Damnit Jerry. "He needs...to get out of this goddamn barrack and breathe fresh ******** air and...just.." Maybe a trip to the beach would do him good. He'd been very relaxed and cheerfu--oh, wait. Girlfriend plus booze equals happy. ********.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 4:17 pm
"Candace. Okay, l-look, I don't. Have. Anyone. It was only me and my papa. I never heard about any relatives, unless you're saying like. A grandpa or an uncle was a hunter. I guess... that might be possible. It's. It's l-like. All this ... it's just stupid."
Oh, Candace was frowning now. Sasha could frown too. Maybe she'd been practicing.
"You're telling me he doesn't handle stress well." She narrowed her eyes. "Jerry's like. He's my b-best friend." Get a handle on the stutter. She lowered her voice.
"We all need some frickin' time away, some time to like. I don't know."
She scowled.
"Forget. Just for a minute."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 4:59 pm
"Yes, because I've seen him in several stressful situations. I've known Jerry for a year, Sasha." She understood she was stressed and Jerry was her best friend but one would think Candace would know a little bit about the man. Just a little. "The best you can do is be there for him, and be patient. Let Killzone do the actual healing."Time away. Oh yes, that sounded nice. But to forget for just a minute? "Can you suggest a remedy to make me forget the past hour, doctor~?"
"Sadly...all I can offer is a temporary ah, reprieve."Candace's cheeks flushed as she turned her gaze toward the exit again. "...Hm.." Candace took out her phone, scrolling through a moment. Ah, here he was. "I have an idea on how to forget...for just a minute."lizbot Text to H:<3 Trade you a kiss for a bottle of the bourbon in your liquor cabinet? The one in your office? I won't touch anything but what I need. There was a pause after she sent the text, deflating a little. Text Of course you can only have the kiss if you come back safely. I'll be waiting. The second text sent, Candace sighed contently and turned back to Sasha, smiling again. "We'll go in a minute. Are you good to go on the surface for a little while? We won't be fighting anything."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 5:10 pm
Candace's phone began to ring.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 5:13 pm
The hell? Candace blinked, looking down at who was calling. What..? He...never called. She answered. "This is Candace.." He never called her.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 5:18 pm
"My dear," the doctor replied without preamble, "you may touch anything of mine that you wish. But if you think a kiss will suffice you're going to find yourself quite sorely mistaken when I get back."
Dialtone.
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