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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:48 pm
Sailor Pomona, Super Senshi of Peppers, was running down an alley being chased by a rabid toilet. Yes, a rabid toilet. Why? Because it seemed like the thing to do.
You see, up until a while ago, Pomona had been having a fairly normal night. She’d been doing her patrol thing, carefully skirting around the presence of a strong youma signal – a girl had to pick her fights wisely – when she’d heard a shriek. Unable to ignore that cry of distress, Pomona had headed towards sound and found a disturbing sight: a demonic, portable toilet attempting to drag a sobbing man into its large door-slash-mouth with a tongue of toilet paper.
Once Pomona’s brain finally processed the sight, she’d summoned her Pepper Poppers and threw them, one at the tongue and two into the mouth. That had successfully made the youma drop the man, but it had also succeeded in pissing it off and turning its attention to her. The tongue hadn’t been that long, so she figured she was safe at a safe distance for another attack, up until it grew plastic legs and starting charging towards her with alarming speed.
And that’s how Pomona ended up running down a dirty alley, being chased by a Port-a-Potty. Surely this was one for the records.
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:08 pm
He smelled the youma before he saw it. That should have been his warning to leave this to someone else - but curiosity got the better of him. There was an Order-aligned energy signature nearby, and Babylon couldn't say no to such a glaring invitation to party. He took the rooftops at a jog, dropped gracelessly down the fire-escape, and landed next to a fleeing red-haired senshi. "Sorry to butt in," the knight said. "Hope there's room for one more-"
This was, of course, before he turned and saw the rabid porta-potty. Babylon's expression went from smug to horrified in a matter of seconds. Spinning on his heels, Babylon took off after the redhead. "Actually, running's good too-"
Because there was no way his lantern was going to be any good against that thing, and he wasn't keen on getting raw sewage all over his pretty new cape. Who knew if the subspace uniform elves could do dry cleaning? It didn't bear pondering. "What do you say we let this be someone else's problem?" he asked her.
Except, when you were a knight, you couldn't let it be someone else's problem. You were Someone Else, the mythical stronger party tasked with cleaning up anything that scared off the weaker warriors of justice. Groaning, Babylon wheeled around to face the beast. "Okay," he said, hefting his lantern. "You want a fight? You've got a fight."
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:17 pm
For a brief moment, Pomona had shamelessly thought that her savior had arrived. Then her “savior” had joined her in her hasty retreat. So much for that. At least she could comfort herself with the fact that she wasn’t the only one that didn’t want to take on the smelly terr-
Nope, nevermind. Her not-savior was going to fight it after all. That meant she couldn’t keep running or she’d really look like a coward. Groaning, she skidded to a halt and did a wobbly about-face.
“ I hit it in the tongue and mouth with my regular attack, but I think all that did was piss it off.” She said, trying to quickly fill in her partner-of-the-moment on what she’d already tried. “ I’d try the eyes, but they’re kinda… small.”
If you looked close enough, you’d see that the youma did indeed have eyes. You’d also see that they made for rather difficult targets. In two spots, the white plastic roof of the Porta-Potty arched ever so slightly, and under the eve of said arches were two small, beady, golden eyes. Pomona rather doubted she could hit them from a distance, and she certainly didn’t want to try up close.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 8:18 pm
A looming youma, a stupid situation, an impossible target? This actually, for once, sounded like exactly the job for Babylon. "You still got any juice left?" he asked, taking momentary shelter behind a parked car. He peered over the hood at the youma, confirming what the senshi had already told him. "Because, uh, accuracy's kinda my thing."
"Babylon knight of Mercury, the one who lights the way," he introduced himself, diving and rolling to avoid a stream of projectile-vomited sewage. Babylon bit back the urge to retch and stumbled to his feet, holding the lantern steady to illuminate the senshi.
"If you've got a good shot, you should take it now," he called to her. "If you step out of the light this is useless. I'll try to keep up, but-"
He lunged towards the senshi, barely avoiding another burst of sewage. "I mean it," begged Babylon, adjusting his lantern. "Just fire already."
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 9:38 pm
This just kept getting better and better. As if a mobile, rabid commode with a prehensile toilet paper tongue wasn’t bad enough, it also could literally spew sh** at people. Lovely. Pomona didn’t need any additional encouragement from Babylon to take a shot.
“ Pomona Pepper Grenade!”
Summon what would hopefully be the Pepper of Toilet Destruction, bite off its stem, and lob at toilet’s eyes. She shoots, she scores!
“ Yes!”
Pomona almost wanted to dance, never having hit such a tiny target before; this Babylon guy was pretty useful. For some reason though the Porta-Potty didn’t seem to share Pomona’s good mood, it’s plastic sides rippling and bulging angrily before it let a large, loud, putrid belch, nearly knocking her off her feet.
“ Eww, gross! You’re supposed to die, not-”
CRASH! A house toilet had bust through the brick wall like a small, stinky Kool-Aid Man, coming to back-up its large, plastic comrade.
“ Oh no. NO. You do not get reinforcements!” She said, pointing a red nail at the toilets angrily. “ Two can play that game!”
And yes, technically Pomona already had back-up, but she figured all was fair in war and sewage. She pulled out her Senshi phone, and after a split second of hesitation, called someone she figured would help (if just so she could laugh about it) : Eternal Sailor Iris.
“ Hey, um, I’m fighting The Toilets From Hell and could use an assist if you’re around.”
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 10:57 pm
"................are you high or somethin'?"
That was sadly a very predictable response from Sailor Iris.
"...Or... or... did ya just take th'biggest sh*t ever?" One could hear the snickers that were starting to come from the eternal senshi via the phone. "I mean... I don't mind helpin' out... but... that sounds like a personal issue..." More snickering.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:23 pm
The youma were multiplying. "Okay, ********," said Babylon, blinking dumbfounded at the second toilet to break through the wall. He hated being potentially responsible for property damage. Like, a lot. Diving out of the way of a stream of foul water, the knight made for the nearest fire escape.
"You got friends coming?" he yelled to Pomona, hauling a** up the ladder. Too bad signet rings didn't lend themselves to seat of the pants chatting, or he'd been calling in the cavalry, too. "'Cuz either way, I strongly suggest we fall back!
He picked up a brick from the landing and hurled it at one of the toilets, succeeding only in knocking it back a few feet and splattering the ground with more ooze - weren't they ever going to flat out run dry? Babylon could only hope that the brick hadn't been structurally important.
"Come on!" he yelled down to Pomona. "Higher ground! Wait for backup!"
It wasn't exactly a difficult concept!
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 6:47 pm
Iris’s response was indeed predictable, though Pomona couldn’t even spare an eyeroll for it. No, funny as demon toilets sounded, they were something she’d be grateful to never encounter again.
“ I wish I was high,” She said as she made to join Babylon. “ Instead I’m joining my new friend up a fire escape to get out of attack range.”
Pomona clambered up the ladders, going up one floor, then two. That was probably high enough to escape the projectile sewage, but she could still smell the youma. It didn't help that they were directly under the fire escape now and growling, like dogs that had run a cat up a tree.
“ I’ll get you more peppers.” She said in what she hoped was a wheedling tone.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:21 pm
It was growing increasingly obvious that Pomona was really dealing with terror toilets. She could hear a bit of the background noise which seemed to be all the proof that the eternal senshi needed.
"...ya owe me a basket of Pomona peppers... tha' hotter tha' better..."
With that the senshi hung up her phone. Apparently Sailor Iris was on her way.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:25 pm
Conversation over and backup successfully recruited, Pomona waved her phone away and took up a position by Babylon’s side, chucking a small rock at the house toilet she had dubbed “Little John,” managing to get only to disturb some of the water in it’s bowl/mouth with her unintentional slam-dunk.
“ This is absurd.” She muttered, before glancing at her companion of the moment for confirmation.“ This is absurd, right? A serious glitch in The Matrix? I mean, just when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder…”
Sighing, she leaned over the rail a bit and stared down their hygienically-challenged guards. Little John gurgled angrily and let out a stream of water that fell a couple feet short of Babylon and Pomona’s perch. Pomona, in fit of gallows humor, spat a generous wad of spit at Little John and then blew both youma-toilets a raspberry before turning her attention back to Babylon.
“ So, this is fun. I invited Sailor Iris to join our party; the more the merrier, right? Except, well, have you ever met Iris?” God, she hoped this wasn’t going to be the guy’s first time meeting Iris. There was entirely too much absurdity going around and not nearly enough, say, alcohol. Well, alcohol for him; Pomona actually kinda wanted popcorn if this was going to be his first time. “ Hope you have, or this night’s about to get even more memorable.”
Then as an afterthought,“ I’m Sailor Pomona by the way; Senshi of Peppers, because hey, why not.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:56 pm
"Um, nope, never met her," replied Babylon, joining in the rock throwing. Their chosen perch seemed safe enough for the moment, though. None of the youmas' attacks seemed capable of reaching them here. He swallowed dryly, having no body fluids to spare for the monsters.
"Why," he said lowly to the senshi. "Is she someone I want to know?" Because this Iris chick was starting to acquire a bit of an advance reputation and it was making him sort of... anxious. Because he was hoping for someone who was going to be helpful, and Pomona had sort of implied Iris was, well, interesting, but Interesting didn't always mean 'competent.'
Reaching for a nearby loose brick, Babylon flashed the senshi a smile. "Well, Pomona, it's nice to meet you. Serious glitch in the Matrix or not."
And with that, he chucked the brick off the fire escape and it landed with a splash in the open maw of one of the port-a-johns. "I'd honestly rather this party wrap up sooner than later," he admitted.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:15 pm
Normally Iris wouldn't have opted for the rooftops as her route to a battle. However, the streets stunk like sh*t! Which made sense considering the warning that the senshi received from the redhead via the phone.
Once she was able to notice that familiar head of red hair towards the edge of a building, the blonde bounded over on the building to the other side. She stopped at the edge of the building and announced herself with a huge laugh.
"SH*T, and I thought I had seen everythin' there was t'see! So which one of ya pissed them off by taking an epic dump in it?!" With a big wide grin and a loud chuckle, she balled up her hand in a fist.
Rather than wait for the others to give her a satisfactory response, she then started to shout at the bizarre youma.
"HEY, F*CKERS! Why bother with th'small fries when ya can have a go at me?!" If it weren't for her own issues with heights, she might have tried to make a cool entrance by sliding down the edges of the fire escape to the side of her own building. Instead, she merely whipped her balled up fist to her side, summoning up a rather brightly colored rainbow. Hopefully all of the energy she was giving off would help sway these preposterous porter-potties!
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:28 pm
“ Well, Iris is an Eternal and pretty good in a fight, so it’s good to know her for instances like this. Though I doubt she’ll let either of us live this down.” She said with a wince.
That made it sound like she was using Iris, and yeah, okay, she kinda was, but Iris had other merits. Not that she’d ever say it out loud, but Pomona was of the opinion that cursing and brashness aside, Iris was a better Senshi then her.
Speaking of, the dulcet sound of cursing announced their savior’s arrival. Pomona gave Iris a small wave.
“ I think this crappy attitude is their default.”
Hurr, crappy. How pun-ny.
Having feces for brains, the not-so-intelligent youmas were instantly attracted to the new shiny thing, or in this case, the more interesting power signature. They flocked to the other side of the alley, running uselessly at the wall in an attempt to get to Iris. Pomona raised an eyebrow as they repeatedly ran into the wall; that was pretty special.
Apparently running into walls repeatedly was not good for their temper, because they simultaneously released a cloud of extra-noxious gas. Pomona backpedaled away from the ledge quickly, pinching her nose.
“ Blegh!”
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:58 pm
"Who are you calling Small Fry?" Babylon yelled to the blonde senshi. She might have had some kind of a point, seeing as he was 5'7" in socks, but he had his cape because he'd earned it! Still, he couldn't complain, because the senshi had done a pretty good job distracting the youma - but if she actually vanquished it, then Babylon would be seriously impressed, because he doubted his lantern would do any good at all against it - spiky or not!
"You've got good timing, Sailor Gay Pride!" he yelled up to the rainbow-holding girl, leaping towards the next ladder and barely catching hold of the bottom rung. Summoning all of his remaining strength, Babylon hauled himself up by the arms. "You gonna do something fancy with the glowing rhythmic gymnastics ribbon? Say, for example, blow these crappers sky-high?"
He was grateful, really, he was, even if he had a funny way of showing it. Babylon's feet finally found purchase on the ladder's bottom rung and he began to climb faster. Meanwhile, one of the porta-johns opened fire on him with a stream of high-pressure sewage, and he really had no control over the fact that his cape (his poor, poor cape!) took the brunt of the impact.
Babylon kept climbing and prayed for magical subspace dry cleaning elves. "I APPRECIATE THE LIGHT SHOW BUT TONIGHT WOULD BE NICE," he yelled up to Sailor Iris. Because, his cape. If it didn't come back good as new and smelling like roses he was literally going to cry.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 11:15 pm
Puns were awesome, especially about porter-potty-youma! She grinned towards the other two, though with her free hand she flipped the guy the bird. His nickname for her wasn't appreciated, but she could handle it just this once.
Glancing over the edge of the building of a measly 2 stories, she heaved in a huge breath to gain her confidence.
What she got was her lungs filled up with noxious fumes.
"Well SH*T!!" Heaving in a second breath as if attempting to filter out the first set, she then jumped off the edge of the building to get down to the same level as her current opponents. Her brightly colored light-ribbon trailed along with her as she still held her fist tightly balled up. She landed squarely on her feet, though her knees felt vaguely shaky after such a solid landing.
"I'm takin' a shower after this!" she growled at the two offending youmas. That being her only warning, she then lashed the rainbow towards the pair, attempting to latch onto the width of the pair with her attack. If successful, she'd start to pull with all her strength to try and cut the pair in half.
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