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Away. Away. She needed to get away from him, from them, from that. It wasn't the list that bothered her, it was everything else. Even as she arrived i the barracks she spotted hunters, nameless hunters she had never seen before this mission, getting together and laughing and carrying on. They slept together, they held each other, they were there for one another. Her heart ached for it. She wanted someone who would do those things with her, because they wanted to not because they felt obligated because she had asked it of them. Comfort was only comforting if it felt genuine. She had to ignore them. Had to get away. Had to escape.

Escape came in the form of finding the cot she had claimed and climbing into it, hiding under the cover and curling up on her side. She would just..sleep. Yes, she would sleep. Don't think about Jerry. Don't even think about H. Or Clarice. Or Harrison. Don't think about anyone.

Just make it all go away! She wanted to stop this. She wanted to stop feeling like all she was good at was messing up...this wasn't her. This wasn't how Candace operated!

She heard Harrison call out to her and she opened her eyes, still hiding under the blanket. He was looking for her..really? Candace frowned, looking down at her rings. Should she answer? Yes, he would get mad if she didn't. But she didn't want anyone to see her like this...then again she did trust Harrison over anyone else.

Candace peeked out from under the blanket, sitting up a little and looking around to find him. Ah, there he was. A couple bunks down. "Over here..."

What's going on? Seriously? He didn't know? How could he not know. He didn't pay attention to her. Why should she? She was a wreck. She couldn't do anything right. She couldn't even get a man to kiss her, to hold her. Candace didn't deserve attention. She didn't. She didn't. She didn't. But oh god she wanted it so badly. Candace looked around, eyes darting in every direction as if making sure no one was watching her. Everyone was watching. Everyone. They were whispering, she could hear it.

"..I...I.." She bit down on her bottom lip, eyes darting to Harrison and away again. "It's...I just..willyouholdmeplease?" Candace asked in a desperate whisper, frowning. She felt so pathetic. She hated this. She hated all of this. She just wanted to make it stop.

"I just..I've been trying so hard but it's...it's just..Ican't..itwon'tgoaway. It won't stop. I can't get it to stop. I can feel stares it's unbearable. I can't even ******** relax without him judging me I know he was judging me I just know it and I couldn't even touch you without pissing someone off my own goddamn friend and I can't do anything right I just--"

CANDACE! Candace squeaked and held her head.

"S-sorry..uh.." What had she been saying before? She frowned, looking out at the other beds. "...I just want someone to hold me." She sank down onto the bed again, putting her head on the pillow and practically deflating. Just..someone to hold her. That was all she wanted right now.

Candace scoot over when he sat down on the bed, feeling relieved that Harrison was okay with it. "Thank you." It was what she needed so badly. She was quiet as she considered her answer to his question. Was that it? The phoenix and the fog? "I..I think...there're these...voices. They're not Atropos, they're...they're something else. I don't know what they're saying but it just.." Candace pulled the blanket up over her head to hide until Harrison was ready. "I hate this." There was a bit of a whine in her voice. Harrison was fine, everyone was fine. Why wasn't hers going away? Was it permanent?!

She knew it wasn't just her. She knew, and yet she still couldn't help but feel alone. It was easy to feel like she was suffering the worst of everyone even when she knew she wasn't. Candace watched him lie down beside her and instantly gravitated toward her friend, draping an arm across his middle and putting her head on his chest, right over his heartbeat. She closed her eyes, biting down on her lip again. It damn well better not be permanent. "You're lucky." She mumbled, curling up close beside him. "I-it's hell. I just..I ********>. Wh-when I get up there I just...I..I'm supposed to be good. I'm not supposed to fail at things." Candace hid her face against him. "You at least excel at what you do."

This sounded like a woe is me pity party. Candace sighed, turning her head again to look up at Harrison with a frown. "Sorry...I must sound so annoying right now."

Just simply putting an arm around her did wonders for her sanity. The whispers died away and she gave a happy sigh for once, a small smile replacing her frown. That was what she needed, someone to hold her and not feel like they were doing it because they were obligated to. "I'm glad you survived." She closed her eyes. She was very glad.

At his declaration of her successes she pouted her lips. That wasn't true. She tried to protect Jerry but allowed some stupid kid to distract her from doing so. She couldn't defend Molly, and even when switching roles she couldn't fight off the damn thing. "It's..it's okay. No one will fault you for it. Justin was practically comatose during that fight, I'm not sure why." She would like to find out but she hadn't had a chance to talk to him. Justin was a trainee she didn't see much of. "...Plus, you saw how I handled thinking the doctor was dead..I wanted to just...stop existing." She admitted, her voice a tiny whisper.

"But..you're a really good Moon. You're one of the best of our training group." She turned her head to look up at him, smiling again. "But did you really ignore them or did you just have your focus set? There's nothing wrong with that."

"Well, if you need a hug, I'm here." Candace smiled. "Always willing to provide plenty of hugs and quiet cuddle time. Though now was more cuddle talk-time than quiet cuddle time. They needed it, apparently. This was good.

Candace shook her head a little at Harrison's protest, though it probably looked and felt more like a nuzzle than a motion of disagreement. "I've learned my lesson. Though I do admit I went up with Aria and neither of us had a Moon. I'm sorry." She pouted. "Don't think of it as ignoring us though. I know you'd come to me if I really, really need you." She smiled again, making a happy little noise as he rubbed her arm and snuggling against his side. That felt nice! She'd never done this with Harrison before, anytime she tried to get him to hold her before he didn't get the hint. Guess it took flat out asking for it to get it. "I'm terrible at defense. I've been working on it, and I did kind of okay with Molly, but...it's kind of hard for me to block things when my weapon is on my feet." She chuckled. She'd need like..a shield or something.

Ah, had that been his mission? Poor guy, no wonder he felt so down. And Killer, too! "Poor Killer. How is he, by the way? I thought I saw his tank down here..anyway, don't let failing on a course bother you too much. Something Aria told me was the courses are like..super extreme. They're meant to test us to the limit of our abilities, they're training. Even she has trouble with them sometimes, and she's a leader." She gave Harrison's chest a gentle pat. "I almost failed my own division's training course, I've yet to pass Death, and I'm terrible at Life." She laughed quietly, keeping her voice low so as not to wake anyone. "Don't get so down on yourself though. You're a fine Moon. My favorite and first choice when I need one." Candace closed her eyes again, settling down. She was still up for talking, she was just getting very comfortable.

Candace opened her eyes and just stared ahead of her, blinking. "You...think he maimed a lab tech." It wasn't a question, she was simply repeating what she heard to be sure that was indeed what he had said.

Killer.

Adorable fat unicorn.

Maiming a lab tech.

...Sorry, Harrison..but no.

At the prodding she squeaked and playfully swatted at the offending hand, giving Harrison a sheepish grin. "Haven't done it. I was supposed to, but I never got around to it. I've passed the Shadow Run twice though! And one of them I didn't have Atropos!"