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Visirus Devoncroix

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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:21 am

~The Basics~

User Image

-Description-

Name: Hiro Roshen

Age:2000

Gender:male

Race:Immortal being

Likes:Fighting, music, reading.

Dislikes:Those who are cocky and cant back it up.

Sexuality:bisexual

Relationship Status:Has a mate

Alignment:Hero (Hero, Villain, Anti-Hero, Anti-Villan, None is NOT a choice)

Series: Country of the East.

Personality:He is calm most of the time but can go through regular emotions depending on the person Serious in battle unless he wants to frighten or anger the opponent.

Biography:He was born 2000 years ago long before many can remember clearly. He was a small boy at first and grew normally not thinking himself different then anyone else. He soon joined up with a military and began to learn to use swords. Soon enough he had gotten skilled with the blade but had eventually died in battle. Or so they thought. He awoke bloodied yet fine on the battle feild while they were gathering bodies. This caused a stir among the area that he lived in because they called him a demon. He ran away being young at the time and began to live in solitude where he trained constantly in the ways of the sword slowly but surley he figured out that he had powers now as well over the elements. He used this magical power to help create the sword he has today.
He trained in those as well and now he fights against all evil because he wants to show poeple that he is not a demon.

-Fighting Style-

Character Class:Lancer

Powers:
[Elemental energy control]
-Solar flare- Quick burst of fire that spreads out the farther the target. It is very hot and melt through much anything.
-Storm of needles- This is an earth based move where he takes bits of the earth or surrounding area and sharpens them before sending them out in a storm of needle like peices that tear up the enemy if it hits.
-Blessed Waters- This ability is one he cant use in battle and it allows him to take water from the air and use it to heal the wounds of others.

[Lightning]
-Lightning step- This is a move where he can disappear and reappear in seconds making him move even faster then before.
-Quick blade- This move lets him focus his energy into his sword arm allowing him to perform the quick blade technique which is when his sword begins to hum while his arm is actually moving at the speeds beyond sight. This allows him to slash hundreds of times per second but cuts his normal speed to move by half.

Weapons:
[His star-steel blade- Which is the size of a normal sword ((refer to pic)) with an edge that never dulls and a blade that cannot break or rust. This sword is one Hiro has had for as long as he can remember. ]

Knowledge:
[Knowledge of magic]
[Sword play]

Speed: Super fast

Weakness:His weakness is a scar that goes across his chest. If that was reopened by a sword it would be devastating and may kill him.

-Author Notes-

Username:Visirus Devoncroix

Inspirations:He was my first character and one I still use to this day after 6 years of development.

Theme Song:Fate by the Trans siberian orchestra.

Famous Quote: He has none

Character Notes:

Made By:Takaio Roshen

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:27 am

You need to use the actual profile format.

CoffeeXSong
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Visirus Devoncroix

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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:44 am

CoffeeXSong

You need to use the actual profile format.

How is it now?

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:57 pm

Close. If you want to understand more and need an example then Morwen's Profile by Destinysway can help you if you want Bad a** Normal. For powers and you need to be more specific. Again you can look at other profiles to see what I mean. You need a series as well. I suggest HEroic Generation since you are a hero or The Country of the East.

CoffeeXSong
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Visirus Devoncroix

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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:13 pm

CoffeeXSong

Close. If you want to understand more and need an example then Morwen's Profile by Destinysway can help you if you want Bad a** Normal. For powers and you need to be more specific. Again you can look at other profiles to see what I mean. You need a series as well. I suggest HEroic Generation since you are a hero or The Country of the East.

AFter I fix these things may I roleplay biggrin

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 2:28 pm

Alright...here are the things you need to change.

1. May wanna shorten the name to something that people will type. Maybe have a nickname he goes by or something.

2. Give a base age. We can't have those "before time began" sort of people. Doesn't fully make sense.

3. He was born in the garden of Eden? And he was asleep for countless amounts of years but magically knows all about sword play and magic? That makes no sense. Tweak the bio, if you would be so kind.

4. Though yes, you do have two powers, but they are way to much. You have it so you control all the elements and uses the energy from other people against them. That's just asking to god mod to the extreme. Please tone that down.

5. If he's been asleep for nearly his entire life, how did he get the sword? And why is it 6ft long? He's not Sephiroth, I would suggest fixing that. A regualr broad sword will do nicely.

6. The knowledges...once again, it connects to the bio. You're now basically saying that because he's been asleep for since the beginning of time, that he can control all element and is a master at sword play and therefore rivals everyone who actually trained and worked for it. I think you need to fix this as well. Something that you can actually use.

7. Weakness...anger? If he gets really angry he becomes A.D.D or something? Fix this please.

8. The immortal being...okay, I understand that you want your character to be the most awesome thing since sliced bread, I think we all do. But I think you need to tone this down as well. What I'm reading is that this guy is a demi god who cannot die except in battle, and while in battle he's a god himself. I'm sorry, but this can't pass. You need to tone this down to the max, and make it more believable. Right now, it's a recipe for disaster.

Thanks for reading, make the changes and then we'll see.

Destyways

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Visirus Devoncroix

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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:06 am

Destinysway

Alright...here are the things you need to change.

1. May wanna shorten the name to something that people will type. Maybe have a nickname he goes by or something.

2. Give a base age. We can't have those "before time began" sort of people. Doesn't fully make sense.

3. He was born in the garden of Eden? And he was asleep for countless amounts of years but magically knows all about sword play and magic? That makes no sense. Tweak the bio, if you would be so kind.

4. Though yes, you do have two powers, but they are way to much. You have it so you control all the elements and uses the energy from other people against them. That's just asking to god mod to the extreme. Please tone that down.

5. If he's been asleep for nearly his entire life, how did he get the sword? And why is it 6ft long? He's not Sephiroth, I would suggest fixing that. A regualr broad sword will do nicely.

6. The knowledges...once again, it connects to the bio. You're now basically saying that because he's been asleep for since the beginning of time, that he can control all element and is a master at sword play and therefore rivals everyone who actually trained and worked for it. I think you need to fix this as well. Something that you can actually use.

7. Weakness...anger? If he gets really angry he becomes A.D.D or something? Fix this please.

8. The immortal being...okay, I understand that you want your character to be the most awesome thing since sliced bread, I think we all do. But I think you need to tone this down as well. What I'm reading is that this guy is a demi god who cannot die except in battle, and while in battle he's a god himself. I'm sorry, but this can't pass. You need to tone this down to the max, and make it more believable. Right now, it's a recipe for disaster.

Thanks for reading, make the changes and then we'll see.

I think this is better. I kept the sword the same besides what it was exactly and its not stronger then a normal sword it just doesnt dull or break.

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:08 am

Better. But your knowledges are still questionable. Please change them.

Destyways

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Visirus Devoncroix

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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:40 am

Destinysway

Better. But your knowledges are still questionable. Please change them.

Is this good?

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:26 pm

Approved

CoffeeXSong
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