Welcome to TiH! Here's some crit for you, as you requested~
smile I can tell that you've read the guides and are working on fitting your character into the setting, what with his background and stuff. That's great! Still, there are a few things here that could use some work. Remember, the purpose of crit is to help you improve your character.
smile So~ the first thing I would look at is his personality. Right now, there's not a whole lot there - all I really know about Zouth is that he's confident, a prankster, headstrong... it's just little bits. I would recommend that you work on his personality some more, fill it out and make it more complete. Maybe you could start by considering these questions?
- How does Zouth 'let everybody know he's there'? Does he talk loudly, maybe? Does he try and steal the spotlight whenever he can? He seems to be a prideful person... is there a reason for that? (Maybe he thinks he's better than everyone because he's a vampire - in the TiH world, vampires are considered of a higher social status than all other undead.)
- Why does Zouth hate to be ignored - is it pride again? Or some other reason? Is he worried about being overlooked, maybe?
- What kinds of practical jokes is he likely to play, and why? Is he a mean-spirited prankster, playing jokes because he's a bit of a bully? Or is he more cheerful and good-natured with his pranks?
- Why doesn't he like doing stuff that other people want him to do? He seems very independent - is it because he thinks he's better than others? Or is he just contrary?
Considering and then answering questions like this, and working the answers into Zouth's personality, may help make him more complete.
smile Also, one important correction for the personality:
all undead have the fear of fire. It's an innate thing for the Undead faction and
cannot be ignored - so Zouth is going to have to be at least intimidated by fire. Undead burn very easily, after all!
For Zouth's FEAR ability - this ability is, unfortunately, rather overpowered. I would recommend that you read the
FEAR Mechanics Guide! This will help you in creating a FEAR ability. Draining an enemy's blood completely is much too powerful for a first-year student. Perhaps something like a draining bite that weakens the target (using Tainted Fang mechanics), a single large damaging bite (using Battle Cry mechanics), or even bursting into a cloud of bats and delivering many small bites (using Swift Strikes mechanic) could all be okay! Take a look at the guide, read about the types of dice mechanics available, then design a good FEAR around one of those mechanics.
Good luck on your quest!
smile 
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