Welcome to Gaia! ::

I know it's probably the corniest thing you've ever read in your entire life and the ending is absolutely terrible. Give me feedback on how I can improve this.

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001: New Beginnings

I write this story because it is high time I admit who I truly am. My teacher asked me to write a report about something traumatic and eventful in my life. I’ve sat for a long time, pencil in hand and paper out on my desk, thinking about how to start, but I could never find the words to do so. What you are about to read is my fall from grace and how I achieved it again.

Before we can look on “new beginnings,” we must look into the past and focus on what made me want to change. The answer is simple, really: depression. I suffer from depression every day of my life. I have been so overly consumed in my own self-loathing that, at times, I would just sit in my room and cry for hours and for no reason at all. I wasn’t “emo,” mind you. I was just depressed about my self-image and how the world viewed me.

I have never been self-confident. At an early age, I was exposed to bullying. Those who bullied me were mainly boys. They would make fun of my size and weight. Often times, they would call me names or blame me for items that disappeared, saying I had consumed them. Over the years, I accepted this at the truth. I knew that there was no one out there to help me, so I just accepted it and moved on.

To deal with this “truth,” I would drown in my misery. If someone was to tell me I was pretty, I would lash out at them and tell them to leave me alone. If someone was to say I looked nice, I would call them a liar. Everything began spiraling out of control to the point where I was losing friends.

I basically became this miserable person who hated the world and everyone in it. I didn’t talk to anyone; I didn’t look at anyone. People began to notice my sudden shyness and reclusion. Some avoided me while others exploited me. Like sharks drawn to blood, insecure, witless men are drawn to insecure women. A few compliments and BAM! You’ve got yourself a girlfriend you can bend and twist to do whatever you want them to.

Not many boys approached me, however. I always assumed that it was because of my looks, but looking back, I think it was because they were intimidated. I have always been good and seeing a person’s “true colors,” so to speak, and I can usually identify a person’s personality after just talking with them for a few hours. However, one was brave enough to approach me and elude my senses.

Long story short, he used me. We were together for three years, and he used me in that amount of time. Once he grew bored, he left me shattered and mangled. I loved that boy with all my heart, more than anything. I put him first in everything I ever did, but he used me to his advantage. He never loved me.

At first, it was as if life would not go on. I lay in bed, hating myself for what happened. I blamed me for the longest period. For a whole week, I could not force myself to get up and live. I did not eat; I did not move. I just lay there, drowning in my sorrow and slowly wasting away.

It was then that my mother acted. She took me to see psychiatrist to prescribe me medication and help me overcome this overwhelming sadness I felt. At first, I was reluctant to take the medicine and get better. People often ask me why I was this way.

Why did I refuse treatment? Because I did not want to admit I was wrong. I could not accept defeat. No matter what situation I encountered, I always had to be right. I don’t know why, but that was just how my brain functioned. Taking this medicine would mean that I was wrong about not being able to receive help.

I would pretend to take it and lie about it to my parents. They caught on really quickly when they saw I wasn’t getting any better. Eventually, they were forcing me to take it, practically shoving it down my throat like I was an animal. I would vomit it back up afterwards. As I said previously, I was a rebel.

What changed my mind, however, was a story I read when browsing online. I had always enjoyed reading about personal experiences, so I usually browsed sites where people wrote about personal experiences. One of them basically brought me to tears. It was about a little girl who suffered from kidney failure. Her mother was writing about it, telling people to pray. She said her child wanted the world to know what was going on and give people hope. She took dialysis daily and there was little hope for a match. Each day I would come back and read, hoping that this sweet little girl would find a match.

Then, one day, I went on the site and read an entry. It detailed that the doctors had found a kidney. My heart soared. This girl, she was eight at the time, was the bravest person I knew. However, my heart sank when she refused to accept it. The mother explained that there was a little boy who was suffering from the disease and was not going to make it without a kidney. That girl gave up her treatment, her health, and her happiness for that one kid.

After I read that, I began contemplating on how much I was taking for granted. Here I was, a perfectly healthy teen, bitching and moaning about how I look while that child was dying. I was disgusted with myself and decided to change.

After that day, I changed my ways. I began taking my medication and taking care of myself. I had a new lease on life and began a new life, it seemed. I tell you to never take anything for granted and live every day as a “new beginning.”

Thank you. Sometimes I still hear that tiny voice inside my head, though, that tells me it isn't good. Very rarely am I satisfied with my short story work. :/ I'll have the second entry written sometime today.

003: Peace of Mind

Silence was ringing in Makiko's ears as he wheezed heavily. This year had been tough for the old white wolf. All the prey had scattered from his territory, and so he had only been able to eat once or twice a month. It hadn't been this bad in forever, ten years perhaps? When he ran with a pack, that was for sure.

He lay in his cave, snorting and wheezing as he watched the snow dance elegantly down form its cloud and land softly and noiselessly on the ground. He watched the old flakes be pushed to the bottom as a new layer would form. The cycle would repeat itself over and over, never ending, and the wolf couldn't help but laugh.

For sixteen years, Makiko lived in this forest. For sixteen years, he had feasted on the forest's prey and gave thanks to his own set of gods. For sixteen years, he thought to himself quietly as he wheezed once more. And now, I'm dying.

When younger, the thought of departing to the afterlife might have frightened him. Now, it was almost a relief. His bones had become brittle and weak and his fur, once a beautiful and lush white that shimmered with life, was now falling out in clumps when he ran his tongue over his pelt. Yes, Makiko was far passed his prime of life, and the good gods were calling on him to leave this world.

He wheezed a laugh, remembering good memories. Oh, how he lived such a good life. Many wolves dreaded dying alone, but not Makiko. His friends had died long ago, and so he imagined their souls being there at his side, whispering to him how much they missed him and were excited he was finally coming home.

He pictured Ahkia, the sly old wolf, with his brown fur all ruffled up and a look of micheif on his face. He was always the one to get Makiko in trouble. He pictured Lochi, the black wolf with scars upon scars, each one of them telling an epic tale of adventure and bravery. Lochi wandered upon Makiko's pack and settled down. He would usually entertain them during cold nights, when everyone gathered inside the cave to keep warm. The cubs always adored him.

And then, his mind drifted onto Nani, his mate. The grey wolf was so affectionate, and, though at times a little difficult to get along with, she was supportive of whatever Makiko decided. She had bore many children, and each litter had grown up and moved away. Nani was the last of the pack to die, aside from Makiko. He looked forward to seeing her again in the afterlife that awaited him.

His vision began to blur now, objects outside becoming obscure and hard to make out. His breathing was slowing, but Makiko wasn't afraid. He didn't whine in pain; he merely smiled and sighed one final breath, leaving this world with peace of mind and happiness.

005: Speed

Speeding my life away
What can I say?
I need to slow down
Instead of letting myself drown

In stress and worries
I need to rest easy
I am only human
But why am I
Going through life
Speeding?

006: Mayhem

Chaotic and crazy
Describes the way I think
My head is full of mayhem
Someone save me

I'm going around in circles
Without a damn clue of what to do
Someone save me from this mayhem
If only you knew...

007: Gilding a Lily

Why is it that beautiful people always apply makeup to add to their beauty? I've always wondered why people want to cover up their natural complexion behind colors that will fade. Makeup, to me, is unnecessary for some. It is one thing to enhance one's natural beauty, but to cover it up?

Would you mask gold behind more gold when it is already fine the way it is? I don't think so. Why hide what you have been blessed with? I can never understand this.

This is how I view it. People may disagree, but that's how I see it.