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 Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 1:35 pm
QUEST FORM Please be aware that I am new at this! :3 I also had an idea for him, hence why the form was filled quickly.
Basics ::
xxxxxName: Zale
xxxxxNickname(s): The Silent Devil (More to be found through character development)
xxxxxFaction: Spades
xxxxxAge: Egg right now, 21 as adult.
xxxxxHeight: 6'0"
xxxxxBody Type: Slender, Zale body is firm and yet hasn't really bulked up much. His body is meant for speed and sneaking, his attacks focused mostly on speedily moving or using his grass abilities.
xxxxxBlood Type: AB
Poké-basics ::
xxxxxPokemon: Treecko
xxxxxPokemon type: Grass
xxxxxNatural Ability: Overgrow
xxxxxPerma: No, evolves to Sceptile
xxxxxMoveset:
Toddler (Treecko)
- Night Slash
- Absorb
- Pound
- Quick Attack
Teen (Grovyle)
- Night Slash
- X-Scissor
- Quick Attack
- Pound
Adult (Sceptile)
- Night Slash
- Leaf Blade
- Agility
- Leaf Storm
Personality ::
xxxxxPositive Traits
Romantic - Romance is something rare and something he is willing to let go easily. He doesn't fall for the tricks of others, whether it be seduction or some other trick. No. Romance is something that will take awhile to get into him, probably having to come from a friend he has had for years. Once you do get it from him though... Well. Zale will steal you jewels, sneak into your home and steal you away randomly, or even curl around you possessively. Once he falls in love, Zale will not let it go, ever. He will cherish that person. However, be very careful, he may steal you away to Spades. He doesn't like the idea of his beloved being to far from him where he can't protect them. When he is off from a job, also expect him to cook you something nice and actually smile. Smile? Yup. He can do it.
Focused - Give Zale a job and he will be unable to focus on much other than that. Once Zale has a focus on something he doesn't let it go, not until the task he needs to accomplish is done. He becomes a creature that cannot be contacted, touched, or even distracted. Zale does what he needs to, does a damn good job, and doesn't allow anyone to stop him. This is also dangerous, though, for if you give Zale a job and then later decide you rather not have it done you have a long adventure ahead of you. Zale does not easily snap out of his focused state.
xxxxxNeutral Traits
Mercenary - Give him money, and Zale is yours for as long as the contract says. Money means survival, you cannot live without it. Perhaps you could, but not in Spades. Zale does have a conscience, but he shoves it aside to survive. Zale shoves aside any emotions once he is on a job, a true heartless b*****d. He will do anything during the contracts period, taking care of you, removing a threat, stealing something valuable, or other jobs that you need him for. While he does prefer the more violent or sneaky jobs, he will not reject something trivial if you pay him right.
Though, once the contract is up he is a free man, and you'll need to resummon him if you wish to strike up another contract. You'll also need to remember that he has no loyalty to you once this contract is up, and he may one day be standing before you, pointing a knife at your throat.
xxxxxNegative Traits
Built to Survive - Wait? How can that be a bad thing? Because Zale will screw you over, and when you least expect it. He will do anything to survive, other than harm his friends (which he can count on one hand.). He will murder, destroy, steal, anything you can think of. He was raised to hold his survival above anything else, and when you live in Spades there isn't much you can do that isn't unsavory. He does not befriend others easily, therefor it is most likely if you are speaking to him you are in danger, for he is not a man you want to hear from. Zale has absolutely no interest in conversing with normal folk.
He has a certain careful way of living. Due to his job, it's only likely that someone is searching for him. He always makes sure to never dress strangely whenever he goes to the store. He makes sure not to give out his real name to anyone without damn good reason. When he goes to work he slips into clothing you'd never see the natural him wear. For jobs, he wears clothes that hides his skin completely, and a mask. For selling a wig, eye contacts, clothing that hides any noticeable features, and gloves.
He also is careful with what he puts on his body or near, and activities. While this isn't negative, it is an extension to his survival trait. He eats healthy, making sure not to gain much weight or lose much. He doesn't drink much, doesn't ever smoke. Drugs are a no-no. Selling is fine. Consuming? No.
Awkward - When he isn't on a job that graceful movement and snake-like existence seems to fade rapidly. Every day life becomes awkward for him. Of course, he can easily blend in, as he'll need to be able to for his jobs, but when he lowers the act and tries to relax around his friends he often becomes intensely awkward. He doesn't know how to be normal. Most of his life is devoted to blending in, to doing what he has to or risk death, so relaxation is often foreign to him. He can creep others out with the way he tends to stare at them, attempting to figure out their emotions as if their books. Socializing just isn't his thing. He's made to kill, steal, sell, and work. If someone were to order him to socialize, then he'll be able to do it easily. However, when nothing is limiting him... he just doesn't know how to relax.
xxxxxLikes: Working, Fall weather, Asian themed clothing, succeeding, knives, birds.
xxxxxDislikes: Dogs, Winter, failing, guns, dirt.
xxxxxFavourite Food: Steak (Rare)
xxxxxHobbies: Knife Throwing, Cooking, Collecting Birds.
xxxxxInterests: Painting, Gardening
xxxxxFaction Opinion: Having been hatched and raised in Spades, it is his home and always will be recognized as such. No matter if he was cast out of Spades, he would still view it as his home. However, he is not blind. He knows exactly how cruel, malicious, and violent most of the residents are. He'd never raise a child there, not unless he was forced too, and even then he most likely would murder the child before giving it chance to live the life he had. Spades is a cruel place, twisted and often ringing with the madness of its leader, but it is home. Zale does not know how to live any other way. He cannot even imagine how one could live in the Hearts, Diamonds, or Clubs faction. Perhaps Hearts is less confusing to him, but he would probably be dumbfounded in Clubs. He views Spades as a monster that needs to be carefully treaded on, but the monster is his only friend, a friend that would probably murder him if he didn't serve it loyally.
xxxxxAspirations: To simply survive. (Secretly to collect enough birds to fill his little secret room for them, Chirp!)
xxxxxFears: He is frightened of being alone. Even if his life is basically revolved around being alone. This fear that he doesn't like to share is something many won't notice in him, however, it's there. His money is spent lifting up to the top, and this gains him "friends" in a way. Even if none of them really know him. Even if they are mostly just shallow beings. He needs some sort of socialization, even though he is the type merely to sit back silently and not join in the conversation, instead simply watching. Perhaps it is a way for him to validate that he is still a person. Either way, he is frightened of the day when he is truly alone, of when there isn't some voice to distract his thoughts and remind he that he is still a man.
Employment::
xxxxxTitle: The Silent Devil
xxxxxJob: Hitman / Merchant
Appearance::
xxxxxHair: He keeps it to his shoulders, usually. He hates the feeling of super short hair, but long hair can be grabbed when in jobs. It stays the same green as when he was a child. I am giving artist CC permission, but something sexy~ <3
xxxxxEyes: Yellow, as in his child art. Eye shape should be something like that.
xxxxxSkin tone: Slightly tan.
xxxxxPalette: Well, I suspect colors a Sceptile has. Buttttt, I also love these colors: One, Two, Three
xxxxxClothing: I'd like if the art he had on his cert was his normal attire. He likes Kimono's a lot. Design is anything you decide, as well as colors.
xxxxxAdditional: Look! His baby form!
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:02 pm
Checklist, if needed, goes here.
Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me !
So let me start by saying I actually really love Zale's concept from what I'm seeing of him, so far! He's a bit of a rogue, and those are fun characters! You've got my attention, so let's get him polished up top-form so I can move you on through to approval!
now, I don't want you to be discouraged by the length of this. If you'll check the other quests, this is standard for me, I just like to get in-depth with my crits. It's nothing to be afraid of.
Loyal: This strikes me right off the bat as the trait that sticks out. It essentially negates his “built to survive” trait in every single way, and that strikes me as a bit odd! You've established with this trait that there's no real reasoning behind WHY he chooses to be so loyal to certain people, only that he is, and this looks to me like a way to completely ignore his Built to Survive trait whenever you get the urge! It wouldn't be so bad if it was a negative trait causing him to ignore a positive trait, but this is giving you license to negate a major flaw for arbitrary reasonings, and I'm not too crazy about that.
You've essentially built up Zale as a Soldier of Fortune who operates pretty much exclusively for money, and has no problem with screwing over any and everyone once he's been paid, so I'm going to make a suggestion, and I want you to tell me what you think of it. You've worded Romantic pretty positively, and I think you'd do well to switch out loyal for romantic, and to free up your neutral slot. You've worded Romantic in a way that could definitely be construed in a negative light, but it definitely seems more of a positive trait with some negative aspects to keep it balanced. Plus, it kind of keeps the 'loyal' vibe, and it makes more sense as to how one might win Zale's loyalty without lining his pockets.
Focused – I definitely like this trait, it makes sense given Zale's character, but the parts about his friends strikes me as a little incoherent. I understand that you want to make loyalty a facet of Zale, but, on top of me thinking that might not be the best idea, I also find this worded strangely and I'm afraid I don't understand what's going on! Why don't we talk a little bit more about this next crit, after we've cleared up the other stuff I've mentioned?
Now let's talk more about that neutral slot I asked you to free up, provided you're willing to do that! I like to think of neutral traits as something more of a quirk, something that can be taken any number of ways depending on the person, so let's try to think of one! Let me talk about built to survive for a second, then offer my suggestion.
Built to Survive – Now, I like this trait a lot, and I think it's very important to Zale's character. Most of it is good, but I see a little something that sort of clashes with the general idea of the trait. The second paragraph (Give him money, and Zale is … He doesn't stick nearby.), while it does make SENSE given Zale's character, strikes me more as greedy, or, better yet, mercenary. I think you can really work the loyalty that I suggested you take out of the positive trait section into Mercenary, in that you can explain that he gives his loyalty to anyone with money. The description has already been written in, you'd just be changing some positioning of the text and giving it a different name, you see? A little bit complex, but I know you can handle it, given you've already written everything.
Awkward – Not a single problem with this, shows a nice juxtaposition against his focus when ON the job.
To sum everything up – Now, I've made a lot of suggestions here, though only one real change and some shuffling of text you've already written up to fill the blanks made BY that change. I definitely like Zale, and I think with a little bit of polish, he'll be great. Now, I've kind of written this under the assumption that you like my suggestions, and it's very possible that you think I'm out of my freaking mind, so if you don't want to take it in the direction I'm suggesting (and I'm really just riffing on what you've already laid down) I want you to talk to me, ask questions, send me a PM so we can work 1-on-1. I'm here to help, alright?
Okay, that's all I've got to say for now, so good luck, and I'll talk to you soon!
~~
Also, songs and stuff for his journal will be stored here. As well as any images I make for him.
Childhood Memories
Survival Intent
Murderous Rage
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:02 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:16 pm
Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me !
So let me start by saying I actually really love Zale's concept from what I'm seeing of him, so far! He's a bit of a rogue, and those are fun characters! You've got my attention, so let's get him polished up top-form so I can move you on through to approval!
now, I don't want you to be discouraged by the length of this. If you'll check the other quests, this is standard for me, I just like to get in-depth with my crits. It's nothing to be afraid of.
Loyal: This strikes me right off the bat as the trait that sticks out. It essentially negates his “built to survive” trait in every single way, and that strikes me as a bit odd! You've established with this trait that there's no real reasoning behind WHY he chooses to be so loyal to certain people, only that he is, and this looks to me like a way to completely ignore his Built to Survive trait whenever you get the urge! It wouldn't be so bad if it was a negative trait causing him to ignore a positive trait, but this is giving you license to negate a major flaw for arbitrary reasonings, and I'm not too crazy about that.
You've essentially built up Zale as a Soldier of Fortune who operates pretty much exclusively for money, and has no problem with screwing over any and everyone once he's been paid, so I'm going to make a suggestion, and I want you to tell me what you think of it. You've worded Romantic pretty positively, and I think you'd do well to switch out loyal for romantic, and to free up your neutral slot. You've worded Romantic in a way that could definitely be construed in a negative light, but it definitely seems more of a positive trait with some negative aspects to keep it balanced. Plus, it kind of keeps the 'loyal' vibe, and it makes more sense as to how one might win Zale's loyalty without lining his pockets.
Focused – I definitely like this trait, it makes sense given Zale's character, but the parts about his friends strikes me as a little incoherent. I understand that you want to make loyalty a facet of Zale, but, on top of me thinking that might not be the best idea, I also find this worded strangely and I'm afraid I don't understand what's going on! Why don't we talk a little bit more about this next crit, after we've cleared up the other stuff I've mentioned?
Now let's talk more about that neutral slot I asked you to free up, provided you're willing to do that! I like to think of neutral traits as something more of a quirk, something that can be taken any number of ways depending on the person, so let's try to think of one! Let me talk about built to survive for a second, then offer my suggestion.
Built to Survive – Now, I like this trait a lot, and I think it's very important to Zale's character. Most of it is good, but I see a little something that sort of clashes with the general idea of the trait. The second paragraph (Give him money, and Zale is … He doesn't stick nearby.), while it does make SENSE given Zale's character, strikes me more as greedy, or, better yet, mercenary. I think you can really work the loyalty that I suggested you take out of the positive trait section into Mercenary, in that you can explain that he gives his loyalty to anyone with money. The description has already been written in, you'd just be changing some positioning of the text and giving it a different name, you see? A little bit complex, but I know you can handle it, given you've already written everything.
Awkward – Not a single problem with this, shows a nice juxtaposition against his focus when ON the job.
To sum everything up – Now, I've made a lot of suggestions here, though only one real change and some shuffling of text you've already written up to fill the blanks made BY that change. I definitely like Zale, and I think with a little bit of polish, he'll be great. Now, I've kind of written this under the assumption that you like my suggestions, and it's very possible that you think I'm out of my freaking mind, so if you don't want to take it in the direction I'm suggesting (and I'm really just riffing on what you've already laid down) I want you to talk to me, ask questions, send me a PM so we can work 1-on-1. I'm here to help, alright?
Okay, that's all I've got to say for now, so good luck, and I'll talk to you soon!
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:02 pm
Dakka Domi Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me !
So let me start by saying I actually really love Zale's concept from what I'm seeing of him, so far! He's a bit of a rogue, and those are fun characters! You've got my attention, so let's get him polished up top-form so I can move you on through to approval!
now, I don't want you to be discouraged by the length of this. If you'll check the other quests, this is standard for me, I just like to get in-depth with my crits. It's nothing to be afraid of.
Loyal: This strikes me right off the bat as the trait that sticks out. It essentially negates his “built to survive” trait in every single way, and that strikes me as a bit odd! You've established with this trait that there's no real reasoning behind WHY he chooses to be so loyal to certain people, only that he is, and this looks to me like a way to completely ignore his Built to Survive trait whenever you get the urge! It wouldn't be so bad if it was a negative trait causing him to ignore a positive trait, but this is giving you license to negate a major flaw for arbitrary reasonings, and I'm not too crazy about that.
You've essentially built up Zale as a Soldier of Fortune who operates pretty much exclusively for money, and has no problem with screwing over any and everyone once he's been paid, so I'm going to make a suggestion, and I want you to tell me what you think of it. You've worded Romantic pretty positively, and I think you'd do well to switch out loyal for romantic, and to free up your neutral slot. You've worded Romantic in a way that could definitely be construed in a negative light, but it definitely seems more of a positive trait with some negative aspects to keep it balanced. Plus, it kind of keeps the 'loyal' vibe, and it makes more sense as to how one might win Zale's loyalty without lining his pockets.
Focused – I definitely like this trait, it makes sense given Zale's character, but the parts about his friends strikes me as a little incoherent. I understand that you want to make loyalty a facet of Zale, but, on top of me thinking that might not be the best idea, I also find this worded strangely and I'm afraid I don't understand what's going on! Why don't we talk a little bit more about this next crit, after we've cleared up the other stuff I've mentioned?
Now let's talk more about that neutral slot I asked you to free up, provided you're willing to do that! I like to think of neutral traits as something more of a quirk, something that can be taken any number of ways depending on the person, so let's try to think of one! Let me talk about built to survive for a second, then offer my suggestion.
Built to Survive – Now, I like this trait a lot, and I think it's very important to Zale's character. Most of it is good, but I see a little something that sort of clashes with the general idea of the trait. The second paragraph (Give him money, and Zale is … He doesn't stick nearby.), while it does make SENSE given Zale's character, strikes me more as greedy, or, better yet, mercenary. I think you can really work the loyalty that I suggested you take out of the positive trait section into Mercenary, in that you can explain that he gives his loyalty to anyone with money. The description has already been written in, you'd just be changing some positioning of the text and giving it a different name, you see? A little bit complex, but I know you can handle it, given you've already written everything.
Awkward – Not a single problem with this, shows a nice juxtaposition against his focus when ON the job.
To sum everything up – Now, I've made a lot of suggestions here, though only one real change and some shuffling of text you've already written up to fill the blanks made BY that change. I definitely like Zale, and I think with a little bit of polish, he'll be great. Now, I've kind of written this under the assumption that you like my suggestions, and it's very possible that you think I'm out of my freaking mind, so if you don't want to take it in the direction I'm suggesting (and I'm really just riffing on what you've already laid down) I want you to talk to me, ask questions, send me a PM so we can work 1-on-1. I'm here to help, alright?
Okay, that's all I've got to say for now, so good luck, and I'll talk to you soon!
Since we're removing the Loyal trait, the part about his focus being broken when his friends are in trouble will be removed.
My one question is, for the Built to Survive trait, do you want me to remove the information about his loyalty to those of money and combine the removed information with the previously removed Loyalty into creating a neutral trait named Mercenary?
And yay! I was hoping Awkward could be kept the way it is, I'm looking forward to role-playing that personality trait~
I do like your suggestions, very much. I feel like he'll come out more as I imagined him when I move around his information and remove what isn't needed.
Thank you for the crit, Domi! I'll fix things up right away and change the title back to crit!
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:10 pm
Yushika My one question is, for the Built to Survive trait, do you want me to remove the information about his loyalty to those of money and combine the removed information with the previously removed Loyalty into creating a neutral trait named Mercenary?
What I was talking about was chucking loyal entirely, because I feel that it's a bit at odds with the rest of his personality, and just saying bye-bye to it. You'd be taking out JUST the section I've mentioned from Built to Survive and moving it into the neutral trait Mercenary. You've got enough information for it to be its own trait as it is!
Hope that clears things up while you're working <3
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:19 pm
Dakka Domi Yushika My one question is, for the Built to Survive trait, do you want me to remove the information about his loyalty to those of money and combine the removed information with the previously removed Loyalty into creating a neutral trait named Mercenary?
What I was talking about was chucking loyal entirely, because I feel that it's a bit at odds with the rest of his personality, and just saying bye-bye to it. You'd be taking out JUST the section I've mentioned from Built to Survive and moving it into the neutral trait Mercenary. You've got enough information for it to be its own trait as it is!
Hope that clears things up while you're working <3
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:25 pm
Yushika Dakka Domi Yushika My one question is, for the Built to Survive trait, do you want me to remove the information about his loyalty to those of money and combine the removed information with the previously removed Loyalty into creating a neutral trait named Mercenary?
What I was talking about was chucking loyal entirely, because I feel that it's a bit at odds with the rest of his personality, and just saying bye-bye to it. You'd be taking out JUST the section I've mentioned from Built to Survive and moving it into the neutral trait Mercenary. You've got enough information for it to be its own trait as it is!
Hope that clears things up while you're working <3
Also, it's always alright! I'm not here to MAKE you do anything, I just offer suggestions of what I think would work, in order to help you make Zale the best he can be! I want you to have a fun character to play, and I like to think that comes from making him strong. Crits are mainly to help YOU ; u ; <3
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:26 pm
Dakka Domi Yushika Dakka Domi Yushika My one question is, for the Built to Survive trait, do you want me to remove the information about his loyalty to those of money and combine the removed information with the previously removed Loyalty into creating a neutral trait named Mercenary?
What I was talking about was chucking loyal entirely, because I feel that it's a bit at odds with the rest of his personality, and just saying bye-bye to it. You'd be taking out JUST the section I've mentioned from Built to Survive and moving it into the neutral trait Mercenary. You've got enough information for it to be its own trait as it is!
Hope that clears things up while you're working <3
Also, it's always alright! I'm not here to MAKE you do anything, I just offer suggestions of what I think would work, in order to help you make Zale the best he can be! I want you to have a fun character to play, and I like to think that comes from making him strong. Crits are mainly to help YOU ; u ; <3
I fixed him up again~ :3
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:42 pm
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:43 am
Okay, we're almost done here! Let's finish up and get you approved.
Fears: This is sort of the last vestige of the whole “Loyalty” trait that has since been removed, so I wonder if this still fits! We've sort of shifted Zale's focus from friendship and having friends to money, getting paid, and having money. Now, if you'd like to keep this fear, let's see if we can't combine the two! What about him fearing being lonely, so he's using all of his money to buy his way to the top, to surround himself with bought “friends” so he doesn't have to feel alone, like he's lost all his friends? If you don't like that, tell me, we'll try to work something else out!
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:49 am
Dakka Domi Okay, we're almost done here! Let's finish up and get you approved.
Fears: This is sort of the last vestige of the whole “Loyalty” trait that has since been removed, so I wonder if this still fits! We've sort of shifted Zale's focus from friendship and having friends to money, getting paid, and having money. Now, if you'd like to keep this fear, let's see if we can't combine the two! What about him fearing being lonely, so he's using all of his money to buy his way to the top, to surround himself with bought “friends” so he doesn't have to feel alone, like he's lost all his friends? If you don't like that, tell me, we'll try to work something else out!
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 10:16 am
I think we're in business. Approved.
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