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 Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:56 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:16 pm
STROY:
ONCE UPON A TIME IN A FAR AWAY KINGDOM A YOUNG BOY WAS BORN
A BOY WHO WOULD GROW TO BE A MAN OF LEGEND
THIS IS HIS STORY
AND DON'T YOU FERRRRRRGET IT
pirate pirate pirate pirate pirate
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:19 pm
CHRACATARS: Name: CAP'N JESSIE
Age: IMMORTAL (CANNOT BE KILLED BY ANYTHING EVER)
Description: SWAB THE DECKS YE SCURVY LANDLUBBERS AN LOCK UP YER WENCHES BECAUSE CAP'N JESSIE BE IN PORT AND HE BE TAKIN' NO PRISONERS
ARMED WITH NAUGHT BUT WIT AS SHARP AS HIS CUTLASS AN' YON MANLY SEDUCTIN POWERS HE BE BLAZIN A TRAIL ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS. AYE, E'ER SINCE HE BE A LITTLE LADDIE HE BEEN LEAVIN A BLOODY TRAIL OF BLOOD AN' BODIES AN' BROKEN HEARTS IN HIS WAKE
HIS FAVOURITE LETTER BE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HIS FAVOURITE PASTIMES BE RUM AND WENCHES
CAP'N JESSIE IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT CHARACTER. NO OTHER BIOS ACCEPTED
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:24 pm
pirate Let the hi see adventooarrr..... pirate
COMMENCE!!!!!
pirate
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:26 pm
The glorious sunshine streamed down upon the bright, open ocean. Seagulls were cackling. The world was an oyster waiting to be plucked and eaten.
"HAUL THE CANNONS! SWAB THE POOP DECK! CAST THE PORT OFF THE STARBOARD BOW! KNOT THE MAIN BRACE! PILFER THE PUDDING!"
It was just another normal morning for famous pirate captain Jessie. He commanded his fine ship with the iron fist of a steely iron giant, and the iron foot of a steely iron boot. Ahhh, but every day on the open seas was what he lived for. IT WAS PART OF HIS VERY ESSENCE. YOU CAN TAKE THE MAN OUT OF THE SEA BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE THE SEA OUT OF THE MAN Before him, empires fell, armies tumbled, dinosaurs flinched, pelicans moaned. There was nothing he couldn't do, no woman he could not woo, no wine he could not ingest, no scurvy landlubber he couldnt gut with a single thrust of the knife! Aye, but he was the king of the seas. He had tangoed with the kraken, rhumbaed with the giant squid, and tapdanced with old King Triton. A life full of adventure was not an easy one. It was not for every man. BUT IT WAS FOR HIM, AND HIS LOYAL HARDWEARING CREW - the swarthiest pack of dogs and scoundrels this side of Monte Carlo. Peg-legged Bill, One-eyed Jack, Plummy Patrick, Warty Will, Old Tom, Real Old Tom and Dead Tom - but a small selection of his fine hand-picked loyal men. Ah, but he had naught but to THINK for them to carry out his orders. Yelling always helped, all the same.
"ANCHOR THE STERNUM, YE SWABBY SAVVY BILGE RATS"
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:36 pm
"...Is he talking to us?" Lorika asked, blinking up at the figure of the captain as he zipped back and forth around the top deck, yelling and cursing the morning away.
"I think he's just talking to himself," Cressa replied, her forehead creased with concern. She brought her thumb to her mouth and bit the side of it worriedly. "Rika, I don't know what to do. I've never seen him relapse this bad before. Usually just a bucket of saltwater does the trick, but-"
"Well, there's plenty of saltwater around here, and it doesn't seem to be doing anything. How long has he been up there for?"
"Two hours," the taller woman sighed. She put her hands on her hips and looked up. "He just bounced out of bed and... and here we are..."
"Let me talk to him."
"Yes, please try..."
The two women climbed the stairs to the top deck, where Jessie had made himself at home wildly spinning the steering wheel. It was a good thing they weren't on open water. In actual fact, they were not on water at all. Jessie had commandeered the play pirate ship at the kids' island attraction park. (To be fair, it was a pretty convincing model of the real thing.)
Lorika looked uncertainly at Cressa as she moved forward to touch his arm. He really was in a bad shape. But she had to try something. "Jessie...?"
"THAT BE CAP'N JESSIE BY RIGHT, WENCH! WHAT BRINGS YE TO MY FAY-ARRRR VESSEL? HAVE YE INVOKED THE RIGHT OF PAAAARRRR-LEY?"
"Yes, parley!" Cressa cried, nodding. Lorika looked back at her disbelievingly. Was she actually playing along with this deranged fantasy? "We invoke the right of parley!"
However, it was evidently the right thing to say. "ARRR, THEN YE HAVE TIME TA STATE YER CASE BEFORE I SET DEAD TOM ON THE PAIR A' YE," he boomed and arrrrrred, "I MIGHT BE THA WICKEDEST SURLY CANNONADE THIS SIDE O' OWANKA, BUT I MAKES IT POLICY NE'EAAARRRR TO SHED THE BLOOD O' FAIR WENCHES SUCH AS YERSELVES BY MINE OWN HANDS."
"That's... very good of you, I'm sure," said Lorika, tentatively placing her hand on his arrrrrrm again. "Listen, Jessie-"
"CAP'N!"
"Cap'n Jessie, don't you think it might be a good idea to come down? Down the stairs? With us?" She gently gave him a pull. He didn't reply, and from the blank way he stared off, he might have even forgotten she was there. "Come down and have something to eat, maybe?"
"ARR, 'AS THE SCULLY CHEF PREPAY-ARRRED ME MORNIN' HELPIN' OF LAAAARRRRRRRD? LARRRD AND SAWRRRDUST, LADIES - THAT BE WHAT WE HARDENED DOGS OF THE SEA SU-ARRRRVIVE ON! LARRRRRD AND SAWRRRDUST, AND ARRRR OWN BLOOD AND SWEAT!"
"...Please excuse me a moment," she said. Again, he made no acknowledgement. His attention had already shifted back to the horizon. "So that I may, um, confer-arr with my first mate."
"ARRRR, A CONFERRRARRRANCE, OF COUARRRRRSE. THIS BE YE FIRST MATE?" he said, suddenly turning his attention to Cressa for the first time. "SHE BE A MIGHTY FINE WENCH! BUSTY AN' BODARRRCIOUS, JUST THE WAY OL CAP'N JESSIE LIKES 'EM"
sweatdrop
Pulling Cressa to one side, the priestess gave her a grave look. "He's absolutely lost his mind, hasn't he?"
The elf's strained expression fell. "Do you think it's that bad? I thought it was bad, but - oh god! I'm not even sure how much we can get through to him. He's so utterly trapped in his own fantasy, did you see? He won't even respond to any non-piratey stimulus. Rika, what can we do?"
"The first thing I'm concerned about is getting him down off this blasted playground toy before the officials come to open everything up for the day," she frowned. "...Got any bright ideas?"
That is a dangerous question to ask Cressa, even at the best of times.
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:45 pm
  "PLEASE REMIND ME WHY WE ARE DOING THIS""I CAN'T REMEMBER.""AND REMIND ME AGAIN WHY YOU CHOSE TO INCORPORATE TWO EYEPATCHES INTO YOUR COSTUME.""I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'LL BE FINE, I'M LIKE A BAT! I DON'T NEED TO SEE! I CAN JUST FEEL!" Cod-Line Cressa replied. She promptly knocked over a bucket of soapy water. "...I'M STILL ADJUSTING OKAY.""QUIT YER BLETHERING, YE SKIRT-WEARIN' CAT-TAILED SALMON SMUGGLERS" commanded the brave captain, leaping from his position high aloft the crow's nest to the main deck below. "SWAB THE STICKING POINT! SPLICE THE MAIN BRACE! TEAR UP THOSE FLOORBOARDS! COME ON, YE SORRY, BLACK-SPOTTED WENCHES!""DID YOU UNDERSTAND ANY OF THAT?" Lorika asked, grabbing some rope and pulling it at random. "NOPE," Cressa replied, dutifully stabbing and smashing at the floorboards of the fake boat with her fake hook hand. She'd just known it would come in useful."If he calls me a wench one more time I won't be responsible for my actions.""What're you gonna do, Heal him to death?" Cressa asked, feeling around on the floor with no idea at all of what she was doing. "Nothing makes sense anymore, so it might just work!!"And that was how three respected figures of the TBO leadership ended up pirately capering around on a child's playground attraction in the dawning hours of the morning one clear April day. Oh, I can hear you now - this story raises more questions than it answers so far! Well, never fear, for perhaps these questions will be answered. But probably, they will not. (be answered.)
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 6:08 pm
CAP'N JESSIE WAS AT THE HELM OF HIS SHIP AS THEY PLUNGED THROUGH THE PERILOUS STORMY SEAS. IT WAS RAINING. IT WAS ALWAYS RAINING IN PIRATE CAP'N JESSIE'S WORLD. IN THE MIDDLE OF A WHIRPOOL HE SAW IT - THAT GREATEST BEASTIE OF THE SEA, THE DREADED KRAKEN. AYE BUT HE HAD KILELD MANY OF THE BLAGGARDS IN HIS TIME. "THAR SHE BLOWS," HE YELLED. ONE OF HIS LOYAL CREWMEMBERS PASSED HIM A JAGGED SPEAR AS THUNDER CRACKLED OVER HEAD. HE THREW THE SPEAR AND THE LIGHTNING FROM TEH STORM HIT IT AND IT FLEW STRAIGHT INTO THE EVIL GIANT SQUID-LIKE CREATURE'S MAW. IT ******** EXPLODED ON CONTACT WITH A DEAFENING ROAR THAT SHOOK THE EARTH AND SUNK A SMALL ISLAND. BITS OF GORE AND CALAMARI SCATTERED ALL OVER THE WORLD. ANOTHER GOOD DAY'S WORK. TIME FOR SOME RUM.
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 7:35 pm
"I think I've got cabin fevaaaaarrrrr," Cressa groaned, lolling over the side of the 'ship'. Lorika jumped to her feet. "I'VE GOT IT TOO." "WHAT THE ******** JUST HAPPENED"
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Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:27 pm
That last arctic winter was long and hard for the crew. Everyone lost at least one toe. It was demoralising, to say the least. But their goal was lamost upon them - the lost treasure of Barblackbearjohnsilvarrow. No other captain had ever been bold enough to come this far. But he was not any ordinary captain. He was Cap'n Je- "WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERE."
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