Pregnant. She had done the Bad Thing and this is what happened. Nkiru paced anxiously inside of the den she had been assigned; wasn’t this exactly what her mother had warned her against? She had been perfectly clear about it too, come straight out and told her not to do the Bad Thing unless it was with her mate and she already knew he’d stick around. Because if you did the Bad Thing then you got pregnant and you had cubs and unless the father was around to help hunt and take care of things, then you would die and your cubs would die too.
Nkiru lay down at the entrance to the den, careful of her swollen belly. It was barely beginning to show, but there was a part of her mind that had been worrying about the whole pregnancy thing ever since she had woken up the morning after she’d done the Bad Thing with the big black male with the kind eyes. She didn’t blame him for anything, how could she? He’d been so… nice. And she’d wanted it, she’d been in that kind of mood, and oh, it was all her fault! It just wouldn’t be right to get him involved, to make him stay and take care of the cubs with her. For all that they’d done the Bad Thing, it had just been the once, and it wasn’t like they were mates or even in love. She didn’t even know where he was from or where he’d gone! No, she was the one who was pregnant, these cubs were her cubs, and the pride didn’t allow males anyway.
Which was the real thing that had her pacing in circles. She had done the Bad Thing and now she was pregnant, but she had been watching the pride, they were all sisters and they all looked after each other. Even the queen and the queen’s lady-friend had cubs, which meant they must have done the Bad Thing too. So that was okay, they wouldn’t throw her out and maybe if she died they’d even look after her cubs for her, wouldn’t let them starve.
But what if she had sons?
Daughters, daughters, she wanted daughters. She wasn’t ready to be a mother, she’d be no good at it, but she already had all these strong feelings about the mystery cubs growing in her belly. She made herself eat when she wasn’t feeling well so that her cubs wouldn’t be hungry and when she was alone she talked to them so that they wouldn’t be lonely. And when she felt anxious, as she did now, she licked her belly and crooned a tune her mother had sung to her when she was a cub. It didn’t have words, but she liked the way it sounded. She hoped her children liked it too.
But what if they were sons? Or just one son? A bunch of daughters and a son. Would the pride try to hurt her son? She wouldn’t let them! She’d, she’d kill them! Or would they just abandon her sons to the elements? She wouldn’t let them do that either. Maybe… maybe they’d let her keep her sons. She didn’t know, she hadn’t asked. She was much too frightened to ask or even admit she was pregnant. She’d come in to the pride so skinny that so far nobody had noticed that some of the weight gain was due to her pregnancy, but they were bound to notice sooner or later. She couldn’t hide it forever.
What could she possibly do to protect her sons? Could she leave the pride, try to live on her own for a while? Just her and the cubs. But then she’d starve, they’d all starve, even her daughters. Nkiru didn’t think she was a bad huntress, but she wasn’t very good at hunting on her own and she didn’t know anything about looking after cubs. Her momma had said it took two lions to take care of cubs, and Nkiru didn’t have anybody at all to help her. There was no way she’d be able to find her way all the way back home before her cubs were born, and there wasn’t enough food back there anyway. Her parents wouldn’t accept it.
But what of her siblings? They’d each gone their separate ways when they hit adulthood, but what if… what if one or more of her siblings were nearby? She didn’t dare leave the pride as she was now, all hungry and tired all the time, but she was sure she could talk her darling Kiongozi into finding some of her siblings for her. She’d just have to break into a beehive; that was the deal. And be extra careful and extra fast so that none of the bees could sting her belly. She bit her lip; were stings bad for cubs? Would they ruin her pregnancy? She’d have to risk it, there was no choice. If she only had daughters, then good, but if she had even one son… she’d have to talk at least one of her siblings into braving the rogue lands together. Then they could take turns hunting and looking after the cubs. Not… not forever or anything, just long enough for the cubs to get all big and look after themselves, or at least get big enough to help with the hunting and stuff. She could do it, with one of her siblings by her side.
But the shame of it! They’d never let her live it down, never forget that she had done the Bad Thing when she didn’t have a mate. Could she lie about it? Say that the male had been untruthful, or that her mate had died, or…
No, she couldn’t lie. She remembered all too well the big black male. All black, even the eyes! He’d been so very kind to her, and she liked him quite a bit. Liked the way he smelled, liked the way he looked, maybe even liked that he was gone.
She just hoped that she only had daughters.
Word count: 1,017
