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 Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:13 pm
Half a week had gone by since Faleen had been confronted by Aulus, something she could have probably done without, but all the same she dealt with it. People did sent to loose their temper, and boy did this man seem to have a temper to loose.
for a while she was convinced that he had even planned on hitting her, he certainly looked like he wanted to.
What he had said to her, made her wish that he had simply hit her instead.
Work didn't wait, and even though she didn't sleep very well the past week, kept awake with a buzzing mind and a clenched stomach she was on time to her shift each day, being with the robots, and working with the others in her department.
None of them knew, she never talked about it, so they didn't know what it meant when they said that Elite Hayes was back on duty, in his office.
She had answered with a casual "Oh, good."
but inside she could feel the nerves tighten painfully around her chest.
The rest of the day was spent having an internal battle with herself. What was she going to do now?
All of this time thinking, and she had come to as much of a conclusion as she could about this whole mess... But she felt so ashamed.
In the end, as the night drew on, and most of the tech had taken their shifts off for the night, leaving the department mostly quiet, save for the lulling humming of the machines.
Faleen spent a good hour after her shift, picking away at one of her little robots, and just trying to find the courage she needed.
Finally, the blond Agent, dressed in her proper uniform, her hair hanging freely around her shoulders, walked through the halls and into the Programers department.
It was mostly empty, save for a couple of late night programers tapping away at their keyboards.
Hazel eyes glanced over them before they stared across the room, where an office door stood open.
Faleen took a breath, and let her boots carry her, until she was stepping up gingerly into the door way. nervous fingers finding their way to the metal frame, and clutching at it.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:51 pm
He'd spent the better part of his time off chipping away at their ranks - on the front steps, near windows, any place he could feel the sun - but they were endless, insurmountable, and too often marked by 'Robotics Subd. Ewell, F.' This must be why they were surrounded by desert; these reports were killing large trees.
There'd been congratulations, welcomes back, claps on the back, nods and handshakes, but after the initial flurry of reunion (and some of the senior programmers springing for pizza,) everyone went back to business. He'd spent half the day working on projects and the other half trying to get a grip on what those projects were. It was disorienting, at the least, but disorienting by his own direction. And in full uniform, no one could see your burns.
When Faleen looked in he was staring at his computer screen, hazel eyes intent and a gloved hand propped under his jaw, the other making the occasional click with the mouse. Pages of a PDF were reflected on his lenses, all text and no diagrams; he'd moved one of the small robots on his desk to the top of his monitor, and his Rocket Dex - new, reissued - sat ready by his elbow.
Something went 'thump' under his desk; he blinked and shifted to let a pale Glaceon emerge from the hollow, then blinked again when he noticed the figure hanging by the door and sat up - and back - a bit in his chair.
"Hey." No smile; he was cautious.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:14 pm
"Hello." She greeted back, uncertainly.
She kept herself in the doorway, looking in for a couple of seconds before she spoke again.
"I apologize if I'm interrupting I just... Uh."
She took a second to compose her words.
"Do you have a second...? I think there is something we need to address..."
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:31 pm
No tablet, after hours, nervous stance.
It occurred to Hayes that he'd been dreading this.
"Yeah," he decided after a pause. "Give me a sec to get this wrapped up." Right now, sitting at this desk, he was her direct superior, and to have such an issue spoken in this room threatened the work-personal boundaries in a way that disturbed him; this space was devoted to logic, and what had happened had no place here. Or maybe, if work was the lens through which she'd viewed it, it did - and that disturbed him more.
His 'dex buzzed; Aulus. He turned his attention away to tap out a quick message on the touch-screen while his computer ran through shutdown.
Nemerle huffed and slitted her eyes at the girl. Word spread, even if that word was 'p'ka-chu.'
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:41 pm
Faleen nodded at his reply, speaking out a polite "Yes Sir." upon instinct, finding how odd it sounded right now, but they were on duty, or at least he was.
She stepped back as he got thing cleared up, pulling herself away from the office as she stepped against the wall and waited.
God, how was she going to do this... what was she going to say to him again? Was this even worth it? The way he looked at her, was this even worth saying anymore? How could it possibly help.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:58 pm
Sir.
The computer ran through its last set of backups and went silent.
Hayes looked over at Nemerle, who twined around his ankles as he got out of his chair. She stayed close while he pocketed his 'dex, considered a pile of papers (and left them,) then turned out the lights and let his feet propel him outside.
Once he locked his door he looked over and gave her a small nod. "Okay."
"Night sir," one of the programmers spoke up. Hayes flashed him a brief smile. "Night Duncan."
And then he was off duty, and there was just the long hallway ahead.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:10 pm
She followed after him into the hall, not saying anything, and having trouble making eye contact. finding that the floor was easier to look at then the way he looked at her now.
Cursing her inability to keep her face from flushing, from whatever the hell it was she was feeling.
This had never happened before, she felt embarrassed before, she felt ashamed and scared. but this was something completely different, and it was all completely centered around the man she was trying to figure out how to talk to.
He didn't seem to thrilled about this, but from what Aulus had yelled at her for she couldn't be surprised by it.
she was supposed to be talking about now, she knew she was, but all of her prepared speeches, everything she wanted to say were suddenly out of reach again, and her silenced was forced onto the situation again.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:22 pm
Hayes kept silent, mission-solemn, eyes focused straight ahead. He could see her in his peripheral vision; a vague suggestion of a lowered head, a walk laden by words, and any minute now her first salvo would ring out.
Before that happened, there was one thing he wanted to say.
"I'm sorry." It was quiet, punctuated by the click of the button that brought the elevator rumbling down to their floor. "I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable."
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:39 pm
In the midst of trying to remember what she wanted to say, Hayes himself then spoke, his words drawing her attention back up to him.
She looked a little surprised by what he said, and that he was apologizing.
"What? no, no that's not..." She pressed her thumb into her palm, "You didn't do anything what would warren an apology."
She told him "I just... the way I reacted, I didn't mean to be so hurtful I just..."
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:03 pm
Hayes blinked, puzzled, and looked her way. The blond tilted his head a little to study her expression and gestures, brows tensing together as he waited for the rest of her words. This was hard for her.
When they didn't come, he asked gently but guardedly, "What's going on, Fal?"
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:15 pm
She paused, letting her thoughts come a little easier, still having a hard time looking at him for the moment. "I meant it... when I hugged you, I know it was spontaneous, probably rude, and I know it seemed to just come out of no where." she paused "But it was the most genuine gesture I've ever given you-" She chanced a very unusually shy glance up at him, knowing in her heart that this admission couldn't possibly go well... if nothing else it could clear her on mind.
"And it scared me."
She glanced away again. "I didn't realize what pushing you away had really done until I saw the look on your face, and it just scared me even more."
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:17 pm
I meant it when I hugged you.
Something - the way she looked at him just then - stirred a faint feeling, like opening a window in a boarded-up room.
"No, it wasn't-" He broke off, cleared his throat, and his voice dropped a notch. "-it wasn't rude. "
His voice was uncertain and quiet, far from the casually friendly way he spoke to people at work. He thought he knew what she meant.. but then, he might have been wrong about everything he thought she meant so far.
"Scared," he repeated, as carefully as he could. "Of me?"
The elevator doors slid open.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:35 pm
There was a drawn silence when the door opened, Faleen glancing over to stare into it, though she didn't move, words at the tip of her tongue, not sure if the door should be taken or not, of he intended to walk away into it.
So she just stayed there for now.
"I don't know... maybe." She replied sounding very lost, like she had no idea how to answer "I don't know, This hasn't happened before."
She nervously slid her fingers through her hair.
"I though it was just from being hurt, or hurting you... but after what Agent Aulus said.. It was clear I already did that."
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:12 pm
Hayes glanced toward the elevator, but didn't move into it. A few seconds later the doors closed again.
Kurt had had a hand in this? Well, he.. should have considered that, really, given his partner's hyper-protective way of treating him and his tendency to act on his feelings rather than quietly waiting for them to go away. That really hadn't worked in this case, for all that he'd hoped as much as he'd hoped against it.
He found himself wanting to reach out to her; instead he brought his own hand up to mirror her gesture; it up gripping the back of his neck.
Where to even begin?
"I.. okay." He exhaled. "That hurt, I'm not going to lie. I didn't- you seemed so okay with it. Then all of a sudden you weren't, and you left, and-" And I let you know more with that hug than I ever intended to, and.. now what are you going to do? I don't want to lose you. I don't want to end up watching Prime by myself, or never hear you laugh, and only see you in awkward silences and professionalism.
Where to begin?
"I-" Don't stop, because right now it means everything will crumble. "-think you're amazing." Crap. "You're incredible. And fun. What you think matters a lot-" He paused- no, don't stop, you can't go back either way now.
"You're important," he said quietly. "Really important."
"You told me - a long time ago - you wanted to focus on work, and I want to respect that. But there's been a lot of times when it's seemed like- well, maybe I was assuming things." He ran a hand awkwardly through his hair, looking away. Looked back. "I don't want to do anything you don't want."
There had to be a better way he could say this, something that would keep him from getting hurt, from making it clear that he wanted when he didn't know if she'd walk away. Had to. He couldn't find it. "I just.. don't know how to read your signals," he finished, hand up in a helpless gesture. "I don't know what you want."
Arceus, don't let anyone step out of that elevator.
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:57 am
Faleen listened, and listened closely, even when his words made her feel like she had really messed up, made her realize that for a long time now she had been unfair to him.
What made it worse was that she didn't even know she was doing it, completely unaware of any of it as she just went on with her own life.
There are times she purposely tried not to see though, completely unaware of what she was doing to him.
Her heart throbbed painfully against her ribs, but not nearly as hard as it did when he made clear what he thought of her.
She glanced up at him as he spoke, cheeks flushed, throat tight. she swallowed to try and clear it, a gloved thumb still rubbing at her forearm nervously.
She opened her mouth to say something, but words didn't form, she hesitated, glanced away, when looked back as if to try again. "Wh- I... I"
She fumbled with her words, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't communicate to him verbally.
She needed to though, she needed to tell him she was sorry, she needed to be able to tell him what she wanted, since for the first time in year she finally knew what that was.
He was important too, more important then she let herself believe all this time. She knew that, She didn't want to just hide away anymore, not after the years they spent, working together, and just being able to be comfortable in his presence.
She didn't want to lose him now, not after just barely getting him back.
She needed to tell him this now, before something bad happened, before her silence poisoned everything! But her voice wasn't working.
This could end horribly, but if she didn't make her feeling clear, as crystal clear as she could, then she was going to regret it.
With words useless, Faleen took a breath, gathered up the remainder of her courage, and stepped into him.
leaning up close to him so that her lips touched his.
What could have been a very smooth and heartfelt gesture though, turned out to be quite a bit more clumsy and awkward then it was meant to be.
Being as Faleen had never kissed anyone before, let alone a man with glasses- The gesture was clumsily exacted, and didn't do much more then knock the blond man's glasses off of his face.
Faleen let out a startled yelp and fumbled with them before they hit the ground, freezing in place once the glasses were safe.
Her face burned as she kept it turned down, her shoulders tensing in together and over the cupped hands that held his classes, not daring to look up from the sheer embarrassment of what just happened.
She could just about die now... And she would be okay with it.
Every part of her instinct was telling her to run away again, just like she had done the last time... all the times before that.
No... not this time, this time she wasn't going to run away.
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