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 Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:01 am
Alexanders eyes fluttered open with a loud and audible gasp, the sudden intake of air expanding his chest as he bolted upright in his bed. Wait no..not his bed. This wasn't his room, it was much neater, and so much emptier, almost as empty as Alex felt. In a split second after awakening, his body began first to shiver, then tremble, then shake quite violently. He drew his knees up towards his chest and hunched forward, wrapping his arms around them and just rocking, eyes too wide, breath far too uneven and ragged, especially considering he didn't need to breathe.
It had been awful, so incredibly and painfully awful. Every last detail of the dream -no, the nightmare- was embedded into his brain. It was hard to pull himself out of it completely, to allow himself to believe that it was over now, that it had just been a dream, and nothing more.
Alex had never dreamt anything before, and if that's what it was like, he'd never want to dream anything again.
Images kept flashing through his mind, but most predominantly, what had happened to Yin. That image replayed over and over again, and the zomboil buried his face in his knee's, unable to hold himself together any longer. He began to sob, the sound choked and harsh, as though he had been already screaming for hours before now. It was the one thing he didn't want to ever see again, but it was the one image he couldn't seem to escape. His face felt strange, almost..sticky.. with..something.. but he couldn't focus on that, he couldn't focus on anything but that one mental image of what had happened to his bonded.
That image would haunt him for the rest of his unlife.
So wrapped up in his own pain, of his own vivid recollections, it never occured to the near hysterical zomboil to just look and see that Yin was right there next to him, to see that the weremantis was indeed still there, still alive. He'd never encountered a nightmare before, but if he had, he would have realized this one was like no other. It was much more vivid, felt much more real. In any case, he didn't know how to handle it. He felt broken and hollowed, like something irreplaceable had been stolen away, and nothing would ever bring it back.
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:28 am
The gasp of the zomboil beside him broke the weremantis out of his own troubled sleep. However, with his awakening nothing really changed. He stared up at the ceiling, unblinking, stuck in a mental loop that replayed his weaponization over and over. His face contorted, the phantom pain from the dream feeling almost too real even now, as he silently quaked in fear. So helpless. He had been so helpless. That had been...that was the final trial? To see what their lives would be like without the clans.
Fear. Pain. Helplessness.
And...then the mental anguish as he focused on the side effects of the change. Alexander. He had even forgotten Alexander. His own bonded and yet when the hunters, yes hunters turned students into weapons so the white-cloaked figures had to be hunters, had changed him he had even forgotten the most important being in his life. And he had been so helpless to try to change anything. Tears began to leak out of the corners of his eyes, but not of pain or even fear. Shame. How utterly useless he had been. Had he done anything to help his team? To help his bonded?
There was no telling how long he might have stayed there, staring at the ceiling, unseeing, if a strange sound had not grabbed at his attention. He finally turned his head, eyes falling on the hunched over figure of Alexander. It took him another minute to process who it was and what was happening before he was sitting up, scooting next to the zomboil and wrapping his arm around his shoulders, free hand reaching out to touch his arm, simply needing the additional contact. "Alexander," he managed to force out, though his voice sounded odd to him. Then, almost as if to assure himself that it really was the zomboil he repeated himself, and then again, a slightly broken chant of his bonded's name. He would never forget this name again. Never. He could not find it in himself to actually say anything else. "Alexander."
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 1:59 am
Whatever had happened in the gymnasium at the end of the dream was lost, buried deep beneath a mountain of pure anguish. Not even the rage he had felt towards the hunters previously could seek it's way back inside him to drown out the almost crippling affect the nightmare of losing Yin was having on his mind.
Alexander.
The horribly ragged sobbing lessened slightly, though the violent shaking appeared to continue as finally the zomboil began to get ahold of himself, though it was a painful struggle.
Alexander.
The continuous shaking began to break apart, coming more in sporadic bursts that wracked his body hard in one swift motion. It was only a slight improvement, really, but any was better then none. The sobbing quieted, sounding more like jagged gasps for air then anything.
Alexander.
The shaking, while still very present, had finally begun to subside. The zomboil was able to release the death grip one of his hands held over his wrist, his arms slowly unfolding from his legs and moving, almost of their own accord, towards something warm, something pleasant, that was pressed against Alex's side. It was such a familiar and much needed warmth, he couldn't stop himself. His arms snaked around Yin without him ever looking to see that it was even him. His knees were still raised, his head was still firmly pressed against the front of his legs, but his arms were wrapped around the weremantis, and he was beginning to lean towards him.
The gasps for breath eventually subsided completely, the shakes toned back down to mere shudders, a ghost of what they had formally been. Alex finally began to raise his face from his legs, that warmth, that voice, finally penetrating deep enough into his subconscious to register as real things, actually happening. His face below his eyes was streaked with something, pinkish red and tacky to the touch, nearly dried but not quite. Something that had happened during Alex's nightmare or more recently occurring, he couldn't tell for sure.
"Yin?" His voice rasped, harsh and dry, a mere whisper. His head turned, his grip on the other boil tightening slightly, but not overly so. "Oh thank jack.." He gasped, his voice trembling as he then buried his bloody tear stained face into the other boils shoulder.
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:21 am
Feeling the zomboil shake under his touch was somewhat disconcerting. But no more than the entire evening had been. Yin simply kept touching him, kept saying his name, a broken record that really did not care that it was broken. Finally cool arms were wrapping around him, and he found himself sagging in relief even as he tried to somehow edge closer. He was listening to the zomboil as he repeated his name, content just with ragged breathing to know that he was really there, until those had all but faded away.
But when they finally did Alexander was finally looking up at him. And under his eyes...was that...was that blood? It was more red than anything else and Yin's somewhat free hand lifted usefully toward his face, fear renewing at the thought that Alexander might somehow be injured and causing his heart to slam against his chest in a frantic pace. No, he could not be injured...he could not...
Alexander was tightening his grip slightly, and finally talking. His words were almost hard to catch, said as they were in such a hoarse whisper, but he had said his name. He buried his face in his shoulder and Yin merely adjusted his hold on him, trying to pull him closer if that were even possible, his free hand coming up to hold the zomboil's head in place, fingers threading through his messy white hair. He did not care about the cold, he almost relished it in fact. Cold meant that it was Alexander. Cold meant it was his bonded.
He had no idea what to say as he continued to murmur the zomboil's name into his ear. Then, finally, he managed to choke something else out. "I shall not...not end that way." His voice sounded weak to his own ears, but it was almost that he had to say it to convince himself as a chill ran up his spine, causing his body to tremble again as the horrors flashed through his mind again.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 7:19 am
Alex was being held. He was being wrapped up in all that warmth, and he couldn't even appreciate it on the same level as he might have been able under different circumstances. Not that he didn't appreciate this. He most definitely did. He needed this, after the night they had both been through. He listened to Yin repeat his name over and over again and it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. If there was any possible way he could have made himself closer to Yin, he would have, but as it was they were just about as close as they could get.
Finally Alex's breathing stilled, finally the shivering began to cease completely as he concentrated on the here an now, as he blocked off that pain, barricaded the memories to the back of his mind. Yin was saying something else now, breaking the steady repetition that had been droning on and on in the background, and Alex pulled his face away from Yin's slightly. His eyes were still a touch too wide, the pain that he was trying so hard to bury still evident within them. He looked the weremantis in his eyes, reveling in the fact that he could do that, that he hadn't lost him, that he was actually here.
"You promise?" He mumbled weakly, almost childishly as he gripped the mantodae even tighter. He was like the scareling asking a parent for reassurance that the glitter fairy wasn't going to come and steal him away in the night to take him to a land of pink frilly fluffy things and rainbows. A faint ghost of a smile was there on his lips, though he still looked so sad, and so incredibly pathetic, before it quickly slipped away.
He opened his mouth again, as though to say something else. Hesitated, his lips nearly pursing shut again before he said in his harsh whisper. "I'll do everything and anything to make sure that will never happen to us."
If that meant killing every last hunter in existence, then Alex would do it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:09 am
Alexander was pulling away slightly and Yin could not bear that, but it was just enough so that he was looking at him so Yin did not argue about it. The zomboil's arms were tightening though, passing the threshold until it was causing a bit of pain. But again Yin did not point it out, simply happy that at this point he could still feel pain as he was held a bit too tightly for his own comfort. "Yes," he answered determinedly. He would fight that fate with all of his being. He would never end like that. No one should, and he was a fighter. He would not allow it to happen. He would do anything to keep that expression off of his bonded's face.
He could tell that the zomboil was about to say something, and he waited to hear what he would have to say, fingers almost itching to reach up and brush away the remainder of the bloody tracks on his face, not wanting that physical evidence that nothing was right anymore. Alexander's tone was how he felt, the words echoing his sentiments exactly. Everything and anything.
But something stood out, something that was not quite right. Us. Alexander had said us. It was as if all the energy drained out of the mantodae at the realization, shoulder's slumping and an utterly horrified and distraught look crossing his face. "Not you as well," he choked out eyes searching his bonded's face. No, he had been the one, he had been first, that should have...it should have meant something. If he had been taken it should have bought the others some time. Saved them from that fate. But...even that had been useless? He had just been the first and the others had still faced that fate? The sacrifice he had tried to make had been entirely pointless? Slowly a tear was beginning to find its way down his cheek, leaving a hot, itchy trail on his face as he slumped against the zomboil, his imagination caught up in the horrors of imagining what had happened after he had gone.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:14 pm
Yin was promising, for whatever that was worth, to never be taken away from Alex like that, to never be turned into a hunters weapon. But Alex believed him, because it was a promise, and he needed to believe that it couldn't ever happen, that it would not ever happen. It was enough to make Alex relax just the tiniest bit, for his hold on the weremantis to loosen slightly.
But when Yin spoke again, Alex's eyes widened. He hadn't really meant to let that slip. He had hoped to spare Yin the details of his own end, for at least a while anyways. He bit down on the inside of his bottom lip and closed his eyes, fighting back the memories once more before his eyelids fluttered back open. The first thing he saw was the single tear trailing down Yin's cheek before the weremantis was slumping into him, and it was Alex's turn to support him. He adjusted his arm, taking it out from around Yin's waist and up around his shoulder instead, resting his forarm on Yin's back and placing his hand between the weremantis's shoulder blades.
"I'm sorry..." He said, almost too quietly to hear in his hoarse voice. Sparing Yin the truth was still a possibility. He could lie, say that he just meant that if in the future they were ever captured, he would not end that way either. But no, they were bonded, and Alex needed to be truthful towards Yin at all times. He couldn't afford to compromise the trust he had gained back since Yin had found that picture on his phone. So, he started, talking quietly and hesitantly, but telling Yin everything.
"They let me go. Or, at least, let me believe I could escape. I wasn't going to leave though, not without trying to kill the ones who did that to you. It didn't matter anyways, I was never meant to get out...Something in that building drained my fear away until I collapsed to the floor, and then they hauled me back to the room." He had to stop, taking a deep shuddering breath before continuing on.
"I woke up in the same glass cylinder they had placed you in. The others were all there, they could all see. And then..." He stopped again, because this part was the worst.
"When they changed you Yin, they took you away from me physically, but at least I could remember you." He choked back a sob.
"When they changed me, they tore you away from me for the second time. I couldn't remember you. I couldn't remember anyone." And that was the most horrible part of first having to watch Yin get changed, and then having to endure the same fate himself. He hadn't lost Yin once that day.
He had lost him twice.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 7:45 pm
He did not want to hear this. Did not want to hear what had happened to the zomboil when he was not there to protect him, not there to do anything for him. But he had to. He needed to. It was easy to see how hard it was for Alexander to say this out loud, forced to relive every painful memory. He wanted to stop him and to tell him not to worry about it, that he did not have to tell him.
But he had to know. Had to feel his blood running cold from something other than the cold body pressed against his and to feel the anger against the hunters that pounded in his head. He needed that. Needed a reason to never let them get close enough to hurt him or his bonded or anyone they were close to. He was talking about them changing Yin, bringing back those flashes of pain and the absolute helplessness of the situation. But hearing him sob? It was heartbreaking. He clung to Alexander, wishing he could block out what was coming next. He could not remember him. He knew then. Knew what it was like to completely forget and he would have to know that Yin had forgotten as well. Had forgotten his own bonded.
He lifted a hand to the zomboil's face, tentatively placing one hand on his cheek, thumb moving to try to wipe away some of the blood. "I will get stronger," he vowed. "I will do anything to prevent that from happening. I will not let them take me and leave you with them, and I will not let them take you from me. I will do whatever I can." He wished that he had proof of that. That there was something other than the hours and hours of seemingly pointless training to show his determination. It had not been enough. Not against the masked boil. Not last night. But he would keep trying. "I could not bear to forget you again. You mean too much to me."
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:33 pm
Retelling what had happened was almost as bad as reliving it, and was most certainly as bad for Alex to tell as it was for Yin to hear. But somehow it almost made it a little better, because he was able to tell Yin about it, which meant that it hadn't all really happened. It had just been a bad dream, a nightmare, and just another horsemen trial.
If Alex had known how bad that final trial was going to be, he would have never signed up, or ever allowed Yin to either.
"I know.." He said quietly, as Yin's hand found his face and he brushed away a bloody tear. He leaned his face into that hand, into that touch, then made a vow of his own, a flash of anger suddenly in his eyes as a hint of the rage he had felt back in the alternate reality welled up inside of him once more. He pulled his face away, and sat up a little straighter, head his head a little higher before saying, "I won't let them take you from me, either. I can't lose you again, not like that..I won't." He finished.
You mean too much to me.
Alex's features softened, the anger and rage guttering out as the full effects of those few words sank in. There was something Alex wanted to say in return, to convey his own feelings for the boil, but it just felt almost wrong to say it now, like it wouldn't be as meaningful at this particular moment, when they were both so stressed out, so frightened by what had happened.
"I..." He started, then hesitated, then gave the other boil a small sheepish smile, though it didn't do anything to wash out the raw pain still lingering in his eyes. "I never want to let you go." He said, changing what he was going to say originally. Though he meant it more figuratively then literally, he was still happy to continue holding on to Yin for the time being, not in any hurry to release him.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:24 pm
The flash of anger, the loss of the smile that Yin was so used to seeing when they were together, was just the horrible topper to what was already an atrocious morning. He had never really realized how important it was to him that the zomboil be happy. Yes, he got upset. Yin had sometimes been the one to cause that. But this was something that he had no control over and suddenly all he wanted was to see his boilfriend smiling. But he simply swallowed and nodded, understanding exactly how the zomboil felt. And perhaps...perhaps they could train together again. Maybe that was the only thing way he could try to protect him, to ensure that he could protect himself.
He debated telling the zomboi right then how he felt, what he was planning for whenever they felt up to it, because honestly he did not feel like leaving his room today. But the look on Alexander's face was already changing, and he did not wish to bring up fighting, even for training, at that moment. The zomboil did not particularly enjoy physical activities, and Yin doubted that he would really be good enough inspiration for the zombie to want to do something physical with. So maybe it could wait for the right mood.
There, there was his smile, but it really was not enough, there was still that look in his eyes that Yin would do anything to remove. Anything. "I shall hold you to that," he murmured, trying to ignore that his back was beginning to protest the unusual position. His hands drifted down, resting on his own hand that he was not sure what to do with. And he just kept staring. His hands. His clawed hands. In his natural form a claw...a claw like the blade of a scythe. He could not help it, he shivered as a chill ran up his spine but he could not tear his eyes away. No, everything was not alright.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:56 pm
Alex could probably could have stayed in that position, just holding the other boil, forever. He didn't really get uncomfortable pains or cramps from awkward position holding, and really had no idea that Yin might not be comfortable at the moment. If he did know, he'd probably let the other boil go readily enough, despite his earlier statement about never wanting to.
When Yin replied to Alex's somewhat silly statement, the zomboils eyes may have lit up just the tiniest bit, his smile becoming just a touch more genuine. "How about you just hold me?" He teased a little, his smile becoming bigger as some semblance of his sense of humor began to return, though it was fairly short lived as Yin's hand dropped down to his lap and the weremantis stared down at them and shuddered. Alex slid his arms out from around the boil, reaching down to take each of Yin's hands in each of his own, and giving them a gentle squeeze, the smile quickly vanishing, and his eyes worried once more.
"Hey..it's.. It's okay. We'll be okay." He tried to be reassuring, but his voice and the re-arrival of the fine trembling, mostly in his hands, likely gave away just how unsure he actually was.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:57 pm
Even Alexander's teasing had not prevented the return of the memories, the aftershocks of the night before that might haunt them all for a long time to come. Both of the cooler hands on his were reassuring, and he looked up as the zomboil spoke. He was trying so hard, it was obvious even to Yin. They were both trying. "We will be okay," he repeated, squeezing his bonded's hands lightly. Maybe if they repeated it enough it would come true.
"Do you think...would you mind...could we just stay here today?" It was entirely selfish, and he knew it as he looked down, slightly ashamed and not meeting the zomboil's eyes. "I mean....if you really need to go back to your room...if you need books or anything...I could go back there with you I just..." It was hard to talk, and eventually he just gave up. He just did not want to be alone. And even though it was obvious that his room, his own bed, was no longer safe if the horsemen could just enter their dreams, there was still some comfort in just staying in the room. And if Alexander agreed it meant he was staying, and Yin could both keep an eye on him and stay close to him.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:36 pm
"Yes." He nodded, forcing another small smile, though it was getting easier and easier to do now that the initial shock had worn off, and now that he knew that Yin was not gone, that he was here, that this was real, not what had happened in that nightmare trial.
Yin's next words were almost a relief, since Alexander did not have any intention on walking out that door anytime soon. At least, not without Yin glued to his side, perhaps. "Yes, please." He sighed, eyes closing as for the first time, he felt slightly relaxed. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here with you." It was so good to know that Yin felt the same way, that it wasn't just Alex being extremely and unnecessarily paranoid.
"I don't need to go anywhere. I have everything I need right here." Who gave a jack about books? Yin was here, and that's all that mattered. Besides, Alex doubted he'd be able to sit and concentrate long enough to read anyways.
A flash of blue out of the corner of his eye alerted Alex of another presence in the room, and he glanced down to the floor where Fei was sitting, tail twitching slightly as he stared up at the zomboil. He had honestly forgotten about him, and any of the other pets in the room. The small vaisel kit, for he was still just they tiny ball of fur Alex had first purchased, reached up with a paw to bat at the side of the bed, possibly indicating that he wanted to be allowed up. But there was something next to the kit on the floor that also drew Alex's attention, and his hands slipped out of Yin's as he bent his body around to reach down towards the floor and pick it up.
It was a slip of paper. Oh wait, no...two slips of paper. The other one was just peeking out from under the bed and Alex retrieved it as well.
As he pushed himself back up into a sitting position on the bed, Alex's eyes scanned over the one held in front, his mouth set in a grim line, his brows furrowed. When he was finished, he coughed out a bitter laugh, then held out the paper towards Yin, as he glanced at the other, the one with his own name scrolled across it.
"It wasn't worth it..." He muttered quietly, possibly too quiet for Yin to hear, before saying a little louder. "Well. Congratulations?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:15 pm
Princess Eva had been taking care of the vaisels, cycorgi, and lammit this entire time obviously.
Whatever was on the floor obviously was interesting because Alexander was letting go, and Yin quickly took the opportunity to rub his hands together to create a bit of friction. But when he straightened up he was holding two pieces of paper, eyes scanning the paper in the familiar way that showed that he was reading. Yin tried not to be too curious, or aggravated because he had no idea what was going on. Whatever it was...the zomboil seemed amused by it in a not so good way, and held the paper out.
He took it and glanced down. At the top of the paper were two words that he recognized. His name, that was easy enough to read. But he was barely to the next few words before Alexander was congratulating him. He glanced up in confusion and went back to reading his paper. Slowly of course, ever so slowly. Something about...going up a year? He almost pointed at a to get Alexander to help him when he suddenly puzzled out that it was promoted. So...wait..."We are gaining a school year?" he questioned, eyebrows knitted in concentration as he continued to stare at the paper.
All he had to do was finish reading this and surely it would all make sense. And well, he assumed it was both of them. Alexander was so much smarter and had a sheet of paper as well. "But...why? We did not accomplish anything...I...I failed."
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:58 pm
Alex waited patiently, realising a little too late that Yin took longer to read then he did, and would need time to figure out what was going on. He scooted closer to the other boil in the meantime though, the distraction that the papers had provided already beginning to wear off as the zomboil began to feel uneasy again.
When Yin finally said something, Alex nodded, though Yin was still staring at the paper in his hands so he said "Yes, it would appear that way.." quietly, letting out a small sigh as he glanced down towards his paper as well. He didn't really know how to feel about it. On one hand, he felt like they deserved a lot more then a slip of paper and an exam credit for what they went through. On the other hand...they had failed, hadn't they?
Yin was talking again, voicing Alex's second concern. "We don't know that we did fail, actually." still speaking quietly, he reached out to pull the paper down so that Yin would look at him. "That trial...maybe it ended the same way for everyone. Maybe it wasn't how we...ended..but the decisions we made before we came to that end." Having said that, he licked at his suddenly dry lips, setting his own paper down beside him. He then turned back towards Yin, and reached out his arms to rest on Yin's shoulders as he hunched himself down to be eye level with other boil, face mere inches away from his.
"Don't you think for a second that you don't deserve this, Yǐn Cáng. After what they put us through? You were strong, and brave, and we all did the best we could have possibly done..." He was determined to make Yin see that, at least.
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