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Tags: writing, literature, fantasy, horror, roleplay 

Reply Romantic
I Dream Of Dandelions.

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-x-ZiggyZombette-x-

PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 9:39 am


it was almost sunset I was in my room napping from a long day I woke to the sound of tapping on my window I rose out of bed my feet cold against the hard wood floor when I got to the window I saw him standing there in the grass of my lawn with a rock in his hand I smiled at the boy and he waved a hand motioning for me to come out side I held up one finger to signal just a moment I walked down the stairs into the living room my father was watching the t.v I told him I was going for a walk and headed out the door I ran up to the boy and put my arms around his waist he said come this way we ran hand in hand together through a field he stopped and sat down in the grass I followed him we sat and talked his arm around my back the entire time the sky was getting darker and he reached out beside himself and plucked something from the ground he held it out in front of me it was a dandelion he said if you could have one wish what would it be I said that moments like these would last forever and blew the dust from the steam then he said as long as you keep dreaming moments like these will last forever then I woke up from the dream and rolled over in my bed and on the pillow beside me was a single dandelion that had been carefully placed and I smiled to myself as I remembered the boy.
PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 1:39 pm


This is sweet, I like it. Although you do have some run on sentences and some grammar mistakes. The story might be a little easier to follow if you " " the dialogue. You are doing very well.

Myde14Niia

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-x-ZiggyZombette-x-

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:45 pm


can you maybe copy and paste it and fix it for me so I will know and can learn how to do it on my next writings???please if you get the time that is 4laugh
PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:56 pm


-x-ZiggyZombette-x-
it was almost sunset I was in my room napping from a long day I woke to the sound of tapping on my window I rose out of bed my feet cold against the hard wood floor I walked down the stairs into the living room my father was watching the t.v I told him I was going for a walk and headed out the door I ran up to the boy and put my arms around his waist he said come this way we ran hand in hand together through a field he stopped and sat down in the grass I followed him we sat and talked his arm around my back the entire time the sky was getting darker and he reached out beside himself and plucked something from the ground he held it out in front of me it was a dandelion he said if you could have one wish what would it be I said that moments like these would last forever and blew the dust from the steam then he said as long as you keep dreaming moments like these will last forever then I woke up from the dream and rolled over in my bed and on the pillow beside me was a single dandelion that had been carefully placed and I smiled to myself as I remembered the boy.


It was almost sunset, I was in my room napping from a long day. I woke to the sound of tapping on my window; I rose out of bed, my feet cold against the hard wood floor.

That was one huge run on. Maybe you could work on capitalization and punctuation first and then post the edited version so I could fix it without changing to much on it. I don't want to do something you'd prefer not.

Myde14Niia

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Romantic

 
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