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 Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 8:25 pm
I've never seen a wound
So open
I've never seen a person
So broken
I've never seen
Tears fall so much
I've never seen
Somone so touched
And yet I've felt
The exact same way
And if I'd looked in a mirror
I'd have looked the same
I cry the same tears
Every night I lay awake
And I dream of a day
Where my life, someone would take
I've never seen somone so open
Until today
I've never seen somone so broken
Not in this way
I've never seen so many tears fall
All of them filled with pain
I've never seen someone build such a wall
Just to stay sane
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 8:14 pm
Okay, out of all you've written, this is definately my fav. I can relate to it. When I got about half-way through the first stanza I was kinda expecting the same angst that's posted everywhere, but I love the conclusion, it goes somewhere, it doens't jut wallow around in the same emotion.
I don't remember if it was the last one you posted or the one before, but I said it needed more of a conclusion, you've got that in this one. And as always, nice job with the rhythm and rhyme.
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:17 pm
Illiandra Okay, out of all you've written, this is definately my fav. I can relate to it. When I got about half-way through the first stanza I was kinda expecting the same angst that's posted everywhere, but I love the conclusion, it goes somewhere, it doens't jut wallow around in the same emotion. I don't remember if it was the last one you posted or the one before, but I said it needed more of a conclusion, you've got that in this one. And as always, nice job with the rhythm and rhyme.
Well, tata for now! (TTFN!)
~K*J~
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 8:12 am
thats a really good poem it should deffinatly become a winner in any contest realy smile
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 2:06 pm
Goddess_Rya thats a really good poem it should deffinatly become a winner in any contest realy smile
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 5:18 pm
ever tried Famouspoets.com?
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:33 pm
Ritz_Freak ever tried Famouspoets.com?
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Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 5:39 pm
iluvwritin Ritz_Freak ever tried Famouspoets.com? You could win up to 5000 dollars for posting your poem.
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Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:35 pm
Ritz_Freak iluvwritin Ritz_Freak ever tried Famouspoets.com? You could win up to 5000 dollars for posting your poem.
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Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 11:06 pm
It rhymes without being sing-songy. Good.
Maybe even out the line lengths from stanza to stanza. The first and the last match, some long lines some short, but the third stanza is kind of rolly-poley.
Fix the spelling of someone. It comes up somone a couple times. Darn those typos!
Think of a title for it and ya got it!
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 6:21 pm
androidprincesst It rhymes without being sing-songy. Good. Maybe even out the line lengths from stanza to stanza. The first and the last match, some long lines some short, but the third stanza is kind of rolly-poley. Fix the spelling of someone. It comes up somone a couple times. Darn those typos! Think of a title for it and ya got it!
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