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 Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:36 pm
[Baekhyun]
Naruse Chen: In the Cafe
Luhan Oh: Kendo Club
Any questions? Send a message!
-----------------------------------------------------------------  ғeel free to call me. . .
[ Naruse Chen. Nicknames? I got two, Naru and Chen. ]
υnless you're blind, you should see that I'm. . .
[ Male ] чou think I'm what age? No, I'm. .
[ Seventeen ] The υniverse welcomed me on. . .
[ November Second ] α lot of people say I'm. . .
[ Really shy to new people or faces. I always try to put up a smile on my face so people don't think I'm extremely weird. I also tend to try and smile alot recently to lighten up the mood with others. I am also very fond of going places with others ] care to hear my story?
[ At age 3, Naruse's parents had went into a car crash accident but didn't make it on a rainy day. At Naruse's parent's funeral, his uncle Alore and his wife Tefa took him in. Little did his uncle know, Naruse could see, touch, and talk to youkai. Naruse believed youkai were humble creatures, but the youkai thought he was a threat. His uncle have given him his mother and father's treasured belongings which were exorcism slips, little flasks, summonings, diaries of information on almost every magical creature and a little note. The note looked like a chant to bring something up. Naruse didn't know what to do the items. He went to a shrine after his day school to find out more about the diary and the exorcism items. The priest from the shrine was quite confuse and asked Naruse to go to a professor at Fuyu Academy to help him with that. Since he had to be in the Academy to know about the exorcisms and the diary, he tried extremely hard in grade school to get into the Academy. The negative effect of that was he got distant from the world in order to get into the Academy. Heck, he can't even keep up a conversation up for more than 10 minutes. At 7th Grade, his uncle and aunt had been cursed by a strong youkai and commited suicide in their house. And at their funeral, his distant aunt Towa and uncle Usui Chao took him in. The two middle aged people were really nice to him. He then worked even harder into his studies which means he has gotten farther away from society as we know it. In his 8th Grade, he decided to pick up the little note his parents left him and read it out loud. Out popped a little fat pig-looking cat. The cat was a strong youkai in a more society liked form. The youkai's name was Tsura. Tsura had been given a nickname from Naruse parents; it was Tama. And so, Tama explained to Naruse that he is now his bodyguard to any youkai encounters. This technically makes Tama his right hand man kind of thing. Finally done graduation, he recieves a 3 year scholarship to Fuyu Academy. Fuyu Academy was probably the best place for him to go to... Except for the fact he is too awkward and shy to greet anyone. And so, he lets faith choose his course. ] αbilities? Yeah, I have . . .
[ Youkai Detection from a 45 meter radius, High Spiritual Energy ] I aםore. . .
○ Lollipops (Mostly Cola flavored)
○ His Cellphone
○ Amusement Parks
○ Cute Things
○ Quiet Places
○ Haunted Housesєveryone of these drive me mad. . .
○ Annoying Women
○ His Relatives
○ Eggplants
○ Loud Placesмy House, Dorm, and Homeroom are. . .
House: [Wyvern House]
Dorm: [Arylide Dorm]
Homeroom: Magicsчou see, I'm controlled by . . .
[ Baekhyun ] ғeel free to call me. . .
[ Luhan Oh ]
υnless you're blind, you should see that I'm. . .
[ Male ]
чou think I'm what age? No, I'm. .
[ Seventeen ]
The υniverse welcomed me on. . .
[ June Twenty-Eighth ]
α lot of people say I'm. . .
[ Luhan is a foolish and immature guy when around his friends. When he approaches strangers, he usually acts like a gentleman even when around men in any age. When you make him mad, he'll pout and start mumbling random gibberish. Luhan is rarely sad but, if he is, he is usually be at a quiet place by himself while doing some hardcore thinking exercises. ]
care to hear my story?
[ Everyday, Luhan's parents has always been try hards by trying to get at least one of their sons as idols in South Korea. They were determined to have Luhan be a singer/idol/model ever since he was born. He had been trained to sing everyday with strict supervision of his voice since he was 6. His trainer told him he had potential to be a singer because his voice was almost unbelievably beautiful at his age. When he was 15, Luhan became a very successful singer in contract to UT Entertainment who is home to many successful singers around Asia. That same year, he had a two-year scholarship from Asia's most strict elementary school. His scholarship was able to get him to enter Fuyu Academy and from then on, he began his journey through the prestigious school.]
αbilities? Yeah, I have . . .
[ Human ]
I aםore. . .
○ Sweet Things
○ Soya Milk
○ Modelling
○ Hanging Out With Others
○ Singing
○ Photography
○ Shy People
єveryone of these drive me mad. . .
○ Clingy Women
○ Snotty Brats
○ Mathematics
○ Horror Films
○ Heights
мy House, Dorm, and Homeroom are. . .
House: [Catian]
Dorm: [Zaffre Dorm]
Homeroom: [Music ]
чou see, I'm controlled by . . . [ Baekhyun ]
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 8:41 pm
Hello, I'll need some clarifications on a few aspects.
Personality
Please elaborate on his personality? Getting bad grades can reflect something about yourself, but it isn't directly part of your personality. He comes off as being sad bordering depressed, a confused delinquent then a crazed person. Things need some clarifying and everything sort of seems tangled up.
What makes him sad/happy/angry?
How is he crazy?
How does he physically express his emotions?
Biography
Can you rework on this as well? Everything seems choppy and disconnected, he seems to go on about many different aspects without really explaining any of them nor do any parts of his life seem to be connected. The sentence structure is a bit awkward as well and I'm not sure if I understand the content correctly.
Can you elaborate about his Uncle? He sort of comes out of nowhere, and it comes off as Naruse's entire life has depended solely on his Uncle.
What else happened in his childhood? Elaborate on his choice to play the violin? Did he enjoy/hate it?
What problems did he have before his Uncle died? It seems like he was fine until the death of his uncle and only became a delinquent afterwards.
What was the parent-child relationship between Naruse's parents and himself?
If he wants a quiet life, why is he being a delinquent?
Abilities
Can you give some examples of what "a little more than average strength" is? What can and can't he lift up? How high is his stamina? How long can he run/do physical activity?
Homeroom
You state in the biography that he applied for two majors; well that doesn't work here. Since you inputted only Weaponry into his final homeroom selection, please remove that part in the biography.
Quote me again once you've modified the profile so I can give more feedback.
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:34 pm
I tried making a different kind of character from the old one... ^^"
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:32 pm
Hello again, I have some much larger issues now that you've changed the character completely.
Now Naruse has an almost complete similarity to Natsume Takashi from Yuki Midorikawa's manga, Natsume Yuujinchou. Apart from the name and the switch of the Grandmother to his parents, I see little to no difference. Even the "Book of Friends", which is a distinct part in the manga can be found here and even multiplied into three volumes. I'd rather you make an original character rather than just using someone else's work.
You can try to keep some concepts, but I'll ask that you change the biography in a way that it does not reflect Midorikawa's character as much. Please drop the term "Book of Friends" as well. You can make up your own variation as long as there are more distinct differences.
Please elaborate on his personality more as well, it seems a bit choppy and goes around in circles about his shyness and the front he puts in front of others.
Abilities
I'm considering him as being on the overpowered side. From what I understand, he can summon at bare minimum 3000 different types of demons and beasts considering he has three volumes. Unless you can actually find 3000 different monster profiles to describe, you need to significantly reduce the number. I would suggest something around 3 instead. You will also need to do a small description as to what the summonings can do, so I know that you aren't going over any borders.
His Youkai Detection seems to have too large of a range as well, I'd ask you to decrease that as well.
How does his High Spiritual Energy benefit or possibly harm him? What effects does it have on his summonings?
How is "Human" an ability?
Please add the fact that he can do summonings into his Abilities, that is actually a note-worthy one, also describe the summonings, their own abilities etc.
Recall that Naruse needs to have room for improvement in his abilities in Fuyu Academy, he already seems all set and an expert, so please make the proper adjustments.
Please quote me again, so I can reassess the profile.
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:09 pm
Haha~ I fixed it. :3
Give me more of your critisim. LOL.
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:22 pm
Sorry for the wait, Sapphire is on hiatus.
Naruse is approved, sorted into the Wyvern house.
You are now free to post around the guild, and please be patient while you are assigned a dorm.
Thank you!
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:50 pm
So, I still need a dorm for Naruse... And an approval for Luhan..... Sorry if I'm annoying... But I've waited for quite some time..
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:52 pm
Baekhyun So, I still need a dorm for Naruse... And an approval for Luhan..... Sorry if I'm annoying... But I've waited for quite some time.. Okay, but I did just approve Naruse, you won't get the dorm immediately. Quote Rukia Arisawa if you wait a few days longer for the dorm. I'll approve Luhan later today / tomorrow.
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:16 am
I hate to be a bother if I am. I was just bored and looking through the people I might RP with, and I found it kind of funny the my character and Naruse are both 17 except Naruse's birthday is one day before my characters. Hers is November 3rd. I found it pretty interesting actually! ^^
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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:30 pm
I emo love I I hate to be a bother if I am. I was just bored and looking through the people I might RP with, and I found it kind of funny the my character and Naruse are both 17 except Naruse's birthday is one day before my characters. Hers is November 3rd. I found it pretty interesting actually! ^^ Ah ha! I'm already roleplaying with somebody right now with Naruse. If Luhan gets approved, I'll try to roleplay with you. c:
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:38 pm
Oh, yay! c: Baekhyun I emo love I I hate to be a bother if I am. I was just bored and looking through the people I might RP with, and I found it kind of funny the my character and Naruse are both 17 except Naruse's birthday is one day before my characters. Hers is November 3rd. I found it pretty interesting actually! ^^ Ah ha! I'm already roleplaying with somebody right now with Naruse. If Luhan gets approved, I'll try to roleplay with you. c:
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:58 pm
I almost want to approve Luhan for making you wait,
but could you elaborate his powers?
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Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:13 pm
Hmm.... It's fine. xD But anyway, I'll change it a bit. hold my poodle I almost want to approve Luhan for making you wait,
but could you elaborate his powers?
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Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 7:26 pm
Hello! Sorry for disappearing on you for your other character!
It also looks like someone is into EXO, haha~
The biography looks alright, though realistically speaking (and just saying), most parents actually don't want their children to go into the idol industry because it is an extremely harsh, risky and not well payed job if they are not instantly successful.
I do have this very light question though that you don't have to answer if you don't want to: If he's aiming to become an artist in South Korea, why would he be sent to Fuyu Academy? I see that it is a "prestigious" school, but wouldn't that defeat the entire purpose of becoming an artist because most of them don't actually finish the most basic of educations, like high school, seeing as they only need to excel in their current field?
Anyhow, if you'd like to elaborate on any of these minor details, feel free to do so, but since there has been a period of inactivity for the profile approving, he's fine!
Luhan Oh is approved and sorted into Catian!
Thank you!
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 2:36 pm
▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀
- ғυчυ αcαםємч -
cяєω Naruse now has a dorm!
Wyvern House, Arylide Dorm
▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀▄▄▀
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