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So like i said, i don't want advice because there is nothing i can do on this situation. I should probably tell you why. It all started when i moved in 7th grade to a new school. i was in middle school and just came from elementary. I was so confused and alone, sitting in my advisory hour. i had been drawing some little doodle to take my mind off the stress. apparently i had someone watching me. there was this girl sitting next to me in a green and white striped sweater. she was a brunet and at the moment, i didn't realize how cute she was. she had started a conversation with me by asking what i had been drawing. i was completely blown away. i handed my notebook to her and she looked. she said it was good but i think she was just being polite. she asked my name and i told her. "I'm Joseph but everyone just calls me Joey," i replied, "who are you?" she told me hers. it was Caitlin. for the next couple days, me and her talked every day. she was really the only person to talk to since i had no other friends. i had told her about myself while she did too. she showed me a manga book for the first time and i felt interested right away. she apparently had a crush on me then but i couldn't recognize it because i had no real experience towards relationships or anything related cause all of my relationships had been one-sided and kept to myself. either way she ended up staying at a distance from my attention after she changed advisory classes and i made a new friend named Jon. through him i had slowly started making some other friends. this went on for about a year, then into 8th grade.

With the few friends i made, i felt more comfortable now. comfortable enough to like someone, this girl Sarah. i so wished i hadn't gone out with her as it will haunt me forever. that's right, i had started going out with her with no real experience for if i had any, i would have known how bad of an idea it was. i later found out that she was both cheating on me the whole time and went out with me on a bet. so after i ended it with her after about 2 or 3 weeks, i fell in love with another girl. My trail of new friends circled me back around to, guess who, Caitlin of all people. i had been too late though. that was the last reason i regretted dating Sarah, i was too late to go to Caitlin before she was taken. she had been going out with a guy called Thor and i instantly painted him as the bad guy(i wasn't too far off but i still have sympathy for him as i now know how we must have felt if he had a similar case as i did). i had trying to convince Caitlin that i loved her completely and all of that. looking back on it now, i must have said some really cheesy things that i would prefer to revise if i could. i ended up doing everything i possible could to convince her, but i did it with what i believe was immature but real nonetheless.

I joined her in a school play so i could talk to her more often since i didn't see her too much. i had tried so hard and from what i heard, i was actually very convincing but barely not enough to succeed. there were small things that gave me confidence, like buying her more flowers from a school fundraiser then Thor, acting more romantic then he was, and most importantly being there for her when she would have problems she needed to talk out. even though i had to watch them be together, i was able to bear with it because i had some bravado to to give me a morale boost. there was once when they broke up and i wanted to ask her out immediately but i kept having something inside tell me, "be considerate and give her time," so i held off. stupidly though, a freaking day later, they got back together and i had been crushed.
The end of the year was coming and my endeavors started to seem more and more hopeless with each day. i ended up asking some other girl out out of impulse to try to pull myself out of depression just to get out-won by a loser who i thought was my friend. he is irrelevant though. the real reason this is important is because he had not been the only reason i didn't get the other girl. Caitlin had convinced her that she shouldn't date me out of her own jealousy. I didn't know this until i had admitted to Caitlin that i had gave up on winning her, when she wrote me a note saying that she loved me. there aren't words to describe how overjoyed i was. screw depressed, i was freaking ecstatic! Finally, they broke up and she started looking my way. She had been dumped for another girl, Thor got with not even a day later, and she most likely just wanted someone to cry too so i was there like i said i was. i guess it was possible that she was just using me to make Thor jealous but it didn't seam that way to me so i hastefuly replied "yes" when she asked me out. Our anniversary was May 26. My efforts finally paid off and i was with the girl i loved. i had my first kiss of my life with her as i was walking her off to her bus a couple days later. We went to the 8th grade graduation dance that year both blushing and in love. It was the first time i ever slow-danced and the song was Good riddance/Time of your life by Green Day, which later became our song. i can still go back to that moment every time i listen to the song and i start crying like even now as i"m typing. I kept thinking, "this is the kind of feeling people search their whole lives for, but i have it now."

Over the summer, we had barely started getting physical(though we never have sex throughout the whole story). I had no idea how to do this kind of thing so i didn't really go so boldly as to go any farther then small things and it barely ever really got farther then that.

High School had come, 9th grade, and for a while we carried on as a couple does. we had arguments and other squabbles but we always ended up saying sorry and forgetting it. everything was going great until that demon from my past bared her fangs. that's right, Sarah had begrudgingly came back. She was a friend of Caitlin's and therefore was close to her. Sarah hated me and thought i wasn't worth crap so she drove herself in between me and Caitlin consistently. She would try to convince me that Caitlin had been doing stuff behind my back and I ignored it at first but it started to sway me. if she hadn't done this i still might be with her now. Sarah had shaken me up enough for me to start a fight with Caitlin over it. this was our first big fight and i would never completely recover from it. All because of how Sarah treated me before and what she had said to me drove me insecure of myself. to today i still don't know if whatever anybody said in this situation was true but it's safe to say it still cripples me. With that somewhat passed up for a while, we continued on together but now with the seed of doubt and worry growing in me. i was now paranoid of guys and even some girls(Sarah had excused her behavior by apparently falling in love with Caitlin) being close to Caitlin, especially still Thor.

Thor never really went away and kept flirting with her which got us into more fights. slowly but surely, we started to wear down, but because we loved each other, we braved through it. More and more arguments came up but now they were worse then before. Sometimes I would storm off(stupid reaction of mine) or i would catch her lying to me to try to end the fight. Even through that though i never really stopped being sweet in small ways like surprising her with flowers or coming to see her when she was sick and couldn't come to school, but i felt it wasn't getting recognized or appreciated. She had joined the school's dance team a little bit before our anniversary and that kept her schedule extremely busy. We lost a lot of time to hang out and i guess i don't blame her for using her free time to do other things because, looking back at it now, i was becoming pretty boring. Just one more regret added on to the pile. I finally had enough after i had told her that if she didn't stop canceling our hangouts or not clearing time for me that i was going to break up with her and i did for a couple days. She had apologized and promised to make more time. She only kept that promise for a little while. All the while, my greed had been slowly getting the better of me and i tried to push her into doing more physical stuff with me. looking back on it, that what i would have changed first. Guys and girls, don't ever force sexual stuff on one another. It's disgustingly greedy and can't ever be completely forgiven.

Several months went by and the same problem came up as before. This was more rather of my selfish thoughts though. I convinced myself that i shouldn't have to put up with lack of attention and appreciation and broke up with her again. I quickly scurried back to her after i realized what i had done but that hurt us bad. After this, all we did was fight and argue, storm off and cry. This kept up until she broke up with me shortly before our second anniversary. She had felt that she wasn't cared for anymore and felt like it was just hopeless to stay with me. I couldn't even stay in school that day so i went home early. I tried but i couldn't stop crying and found that a swing at a park with some music off my phone was my escape from reality. This went on for a couple heartbreaking days until she came back asking to get back together with me. After making her sweat it out a little bit, i once again said yes because, well, i still loved her even after all of this.

Even though i still felt in love, we wound up playing the cat-and-mouse game which gradually drove us away from each other. I felt betrayed as she would(without realizing it) flirt with this guy Sean. We stopped hanging out nearly altogether, talking ceased as the school year ended and i guess my mind shifted away from her. We drifted until we both finally agreed to say bye and we cut our strings.

Let me just say people, I don't care WHAT your excuse is, you are the worst form of scum alive if you go out with someone the day after you break up with someone. That applies to Caitlin for asking me in 8th grade and to me for asking this girl Nykki out the day after my and Caitlin broke up. Yeah, i screwed up. If you haven't done this yet, you have been warned that it never ends well. By the way, the girl Thor got with right after Caitlin dumped him before their second day was even over. Either way, i started going out with Nykki, not regarding how Caitlin must have felt about it and i didn't find out because i ignored her texts and such to keep from having awkward conversation. Not surprisingly, Nykki broke up with me 20 days later from me not having and idea of how to act in a relationship because of being with Caitlin for so long. After all of this, i had partially broken my phone and couldn't get a new one so i was stuck with one that half-worked. I couldn't text and calling was nearly impossible but i still found a way to look up music on it. I had a fight with Jon, the same one from 7th grade, lost contact with him and just about everyone else.

I was suddenly completely alone with a long summer ahead of me. There were whole nights I would spend on the same swing thinking and singing to the songs off my phone, and look at, name, and count stars. There were days when i would go on walks that would go on for hours and others when i would go to this nearby bridge over the highway and look down for a little while. i kept thinking to myself, "I wonder how everyone is doing. I wonder if Caitlin is happy." thoughts like these filled my head over and over again. All i could do was think and that swing quickly became my best friend. I came to some conclusions and i guess i was wiser from it, but it was filled with lonely misery. Finally, the summer came to an end. I had made up with Jon and started getting back into a normal life i guess. I still to this day go out to that swing for hours and listen and sing to music and take super-long walks just to think and to do something.

School had started and I found out, to my dismay, Caitlin had started dating someone else. Guess who? I'll give you a hint, I'm a damn good judge of character. It was Sean. They had been going out since about the time Nykki and I broke up, and Caitlin told me herself, she only said yes to him cause she felt betrayed by me. How many regrets can one person carry? It apparently started like that but then grew into something a lot more. Sound familiar? This was when i started realizing that Thor may not have been as bad a guy as i painted him to be. Regardless of the circumstances, we started to like each other again. All the while, i had to watch them in the hallway make out and all their PDA. it was driving me insane. All this regret and emotion overflowing within me and i had to keep it bundled up...until she admitted that she had started developing feelings for me again. I, having taught myself some self control over the summer, kept calm and tried to convince her that she didn't like me and was better off with Sean. I was trying to be reasonable and put her happiness above mine, and i knew that was the best for her, but i couldn't resist her saying that she still loved me. For the longest time, i just wanted to have a girl i loved say that to me and i fell weak to it. So i started talking with her a lot more and was subtlety trying to get her back. She kept telling me that she felt she should be with me but couldn't bring herself to break up with Sean so i still had to watch them be together and be everything i wish i could have been with her.

I did, however, take that place for a few days when me and Caitlin went to Youmacon. This was the third consecutive year we had gone but i didn't expect to be able to be as close to her i was able to do before. Though, If i had to pick a day to live over again forever, the Saturday i spent there with her would be it. Sean had not gone and me and Caitlin ended up spending nearly every minute with each other. We did everything together. I got to slow-dance and waltz with her at the cosplay ball and have every meal with her. We would talk endlessly about whatever was on our minds and enjoyed every minute of it. The whole time i was aching to kiss her and i think she was too but my life seams to be filled with regrets so lets add on one more, i never kissed her. Even still, i had gotten to share a blanket with her each night. We were so close together as we slept, not had sex. That is my most favorite thing in the world and i got to do it one more time with her. It all felt like a dream and i didn't want to wake up. Unfortunately, it had to and we had went home but things had changed.

There were a couple days we had hung-out after she had told him that they needed to take a break. I still knew inside that she was better off with Sean but i ignored my conscience and kept on expecting to get back together with her. A couple days had passed and my hope had risen too high to handle. I noticed she still hung out around him and the still acted cute together, just not kissing and such. I finally broke and asked her what her decision was. she said that it would be better to go with Sean. That sucks right? Can't get any worse, huh? Wrong. This was also the day Skyrim came out and i had sold my xbox off to my close friend Kenny. All my closest friends had gathered at Kenny's house, in my neighborhood. I really just wanted anything but to be alone so i asked if I could come over for a little bit but he said that there would be too many people. I have on many occasions, have had 4 or more friends, including him, staying the night at my house but no, he can't even have 4 just for a little freakin while. My other friend who was supposed to come stay the weekend canceled on me to just stay home and play it. Friends, huh? Bastards are never there for me when i need them to be, yet I'm always the first to offer help to them.

I was at my lowest point in my whole life and had no way out. i went straight to that highway bridge and stood up on it. i stood there for at least 10 minutes watching the few cars and trucks go by under me which were just a small fraction of how many there usually are. The cold wind blew past me and chilled me tears as I stood up there. Some trucks and cars honked at me, Probably people trying to tell me not to but they didn't know me and my life so I disregarded their opinion. I wanted to jump but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. I reviewed over my life about one time for every minute and couldn't find a reason to get down. I guess in the end my resolve wasn't enough so i got down.

Everything kept going on as it did. i kept having to watch Caitlin with Sean. I still feel in-able to be with someone the same way or at all. I still and always will go to that swing and I still don't know anything for sure. All i know is that i love her even now. I know she made the best decision and I'm not going to bother them anymore so they can be happy. That is really what i should want right? if i love her then i should let her go whatever way makes her the happiest even if that means I end up miserable. I have to tell myself that every time i talk to her or want just to say to her "i love you." I don't even know what i was in this whole story. i could have been the persistent villain, or the gallant hero, or the woeful victim. In the end, i guess it does not matter. I can't say for sure that i would do it all over again or if i regret to whole experience but i can say i learned a lot the hard way.

I'm sorry for this being so long but there is obviously a lot to the story here and there is even more i left out to shorten it. I don't really want advice or anything but just to give a good story. if you read through the whole thing then i Thank you for finding my love-life so interesting. Just post a blank reply or something if you read it through please. Sorry for any spelling and grammar errors and such. Thanks for your time. Just so you know, I love you. <3

That could have seriously used some paragraph formatting. Its really hard to read

Ha, there we go. It's fixed. smile

I hate to admit it, but she has become a b***h dating him so i can say that my hate outweighs any affectionate feeling towards her. Just updating I guess. Nobody cares anyways.

I can't say I understand the pain you feel because I've never been in a relationship.But You are the most strongest person I've met(not really but you get it)most people I know would of been seriously depressed but you pulled through all of it.
I really admire you for it,stay strong and you'll find that one person that can make you happy.

I appreciate the complements but I don't really think I am that strong. I am sure other people have endured equally difficult hardships. They just avoid talking about them. My story isn't over there either. I still haven't escaped depression so I have to keep going. That person won't wait forever for me to pull myself together.

And I thought this thread would be dead by now. Thank you for reading! I am the same way too. I love short romance stories and the lessons they teach. This experience was told for that kind of audience so I am glad that it was sucessful.

"Butthurt?" I'm not sure what you mean, but it sounds amusing! Honestly, it makes me kinda curious. Though, I apologize if being one isn't as fun as the spelling of the word.

I actually make up a bunch of words too, not on purpose either. I will usually just say a word wrong but then they catch on with my friends. my favorite was "visionable" which means "able to be seen, or invisioned." They had got so into that word, they had written it in tons of the school's dictionaries and got the whole school saying it. xd

I would try writting a book... again, but I just don't have the attention span for it. I would rather just hand off my ideas to someone with the resolve to write but has no imagination. I do do some small writtings like poetry and quoting and short stories though. I love short storie and fairy tales especially when I am telling them to little kids who take such an interest in them.