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 Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:09 am
She felt so tired, as of late. There was little water, and now the hunt for other resources had begun. There were young ones though, and Mzaa, perhaps against judgements others would grant her, decided it best to give what share she could to those of the future. Those that would give the pride strength, and honor. She walked slowly to the great stone slates, her paws aching now, making it hard to even touch up the images she knew so well. Her children seemed so distant, even those within the borders. She missed them, and only wished she could see them together again once more.
Mzaa felt like something was coming, her bones, and joints said so, but did not know how to tell others so that they would believe.
She just didn't know.
She came tor est, a few strides away from the nearest slate, the one that held host to images of her children, those dispersed, her son, and her sunset daughter, her image nearly faded. Bright colors losing luster. But, they were too high for Mzaa now, she could no longer reach to touch the images and imagine their faces, and warmth at her side.
Glancing to the other stones, and back, she smiled though, seeing another familiar face.
Her other, daughter, yes, Fia. Mzaa loved her as if she was her own, and now, she feared for all her children, the pride's children, they needed water, safety, and strength in numbers.
Something was coming, she thought, trying to pull herself to stand, to bring herself closer to the images she knew and loved, she felt it was almost here.
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:31 pm
Fia was not too far away. In fact she had tucked herself away against a rock and had been there for so long that the wind had swept sand up against her so that she looked as if the desert were trying to claim her.
She'd hidden herself away from everyone else because, mentally, she couldn't deal with it at the moment. She was so angry. And yet she was so incredibly sad. Sometimes she just wanted to claw the heart out of her chest and let her life's blood seep into the sand and take her life with it. Other times she wanted to throw herself into battle and tear apart any lion who dared come near.
She'd already raged at one of her dearest friends and hadn't seen her since. But neither could she bring herself to go and apologise.
Her nephew was dead and though she had often called him a pain and tried to get him to leave her alone, the truth was that she had loved him. His mischievous little face peering up at her. His jokes. His nosiness. He had loved life and he had lived it to its fullest but he had been so young - barely an adult - and now his future had been taken away from him.
The grief hurt so bad but there was no one who could fix it. No one who could make the pain go away.
The thought of feeling so helpless brought a coughing sob up from her lungs and she pressed a little firmer against the stone at her back. What was she going to do?
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:36 pm
She heard a noise, just barely, and her ears shifted to listen harder. Mzaa struggled to keep herself standing, her legs weaker today from lack of hydration, she was thinning, and it was becoming more noticeable now. A scent crossed her nose as she came closer to the stones, "Fia?" she called softly, and with no answer, she pressed forward one paw after the other, shaky and aching paws beneath her.
She knew of the death that had been wrought upon the pride, a life taken so suddenly, and it saddened Mzaa's heart, but he had been family to Fia and so many others here. Mzaa knew not the feeling of loss of another through death, but by separation of land and time.
As she came closer, she saw the solemn figure of Fia resting against slate, and her heart ached for the dark lioness, "Fia, my Fia," she said softly, trying to bring herself closer to the ailing lioness who was tormented, it seemed, by pain of loss.
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:06 pm
For a moment she didn't react to the familiar voice calling her name. Maybe she was imagining it. Maybe she was going mad. Perhaps she truly was just going to die there, half buried in sand and weighed down with grief. After some time, however, the dark lioness shifted her head against the sand so that she was able to peer up into the older one's face.
Karana'mzaana. Teacher. Friend. Kin.
And suddenly the grief became hot and she fought back a wave of anger that she had been caught looking so utterly dishevelled and miserable. She was a Firekin. Of a royal line long gone. She was not a pathetic, crumbling fool who simply lay down and accepted defeat. But the anger hurt, too, and the last time she had given into her anger, she had struck out at one of her dearest friends.
She couldn't strike out at Mzaa too.
"Leave me, Mzaa." Her voice was gruff. "I am not good company."
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:55 pm
Mzaa's eyes softened as did her heart with Fia's words, and she shook her head in disregard and began to feebly swipe away at the sand that covered her dear Fia. "Nonsense, I will not have you believe it, for what am I, FIa? With these old bones and tired eyes," as far as Mzaa was concerned, they were in good company for one another now. Fia, seemed hardened, hurt by the pain that enveloped her, Mzaa, ailed by age and time passing.
Her paws, old, but delicate, pushed as much sand away from Fia, her chest, where Fia's magnificent heart lay, and she settled into the sand and leaned upon the stone as well, to catch Fia's eyes, and because Mzaa was tired.
"Speak to me, my Fia," she said softly, "it hurts you, I know, I see it, it hurts to think of it, too, but let words try and ease what is here," she said, raising her right paw and placing it lightly on Fia's chest. "Try."
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:06 pm
Another sob wracked her and she realised, then, that there was no one else she could open up to like this. Fia was tough and strong and could hold her own. She didn't want anyone to think anything other than that. In front of her family and her friends and the entire pride she wanted to be the fiery lioness who stood against the tide and roared in defiance.
But with Mzaa...she could just be plain old Fia. No mask. No pretence.
The kind words cooled her anger and lightened the grief and with a short breath, she spoke. "I don't know what to say, Mzaa." Her voice shook from the lack of use. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Nur'yu is dead and those, those monsters did it and I want to kill them. I want to kill them all for what they did." She was even intending to ask a soldier to train her so she might be able to join the battle when the time came. She'd fight alongside her sister in a blood frenzy. She could see it now so clearly.
But that wasn't the reason for her grief. Not the main reason anyway.
"I was...I was always pushing him away." She spoke, of course, of Nur'yu. "He was always poking around, causing mischief. I called him a troublemaker." She closed her eyes. "I didn't mean it."
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Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:53 pm
Karana'Mzaana kept her body still as a cry escaped Fia, and her heart wrenched watching the dark lioness become consumed by such strong emotions, such gut-wrenching emotions. It angered Mzaa, then, to hope that perhaps she would be able to give what strength, what fire left in her, to defend the pride, and have justice for Nur'yu. Her ears pressed against her skull as she tried to bring herself closer to Fia, but still give space.
"Say anything...anything to expel what you can, to bottle it up, to keep it all inside," she thought of how she kept the pain and grief of losing her son and daughter, for huria, inside of herself, "it will cause greater pain in the end. Say anything, scream if you must."
Mzaa once drew herself very close to the pride borders, far from those within the pride, and roared, calling, questioning the sun itself and it's fire of why her children could not stay.
She had received no answer, but felt a slight weight lifted from her lungs.
"Let your heart, your spirit, breath through it...what you said to him," she said stopping, taking a breath, voice soft and soothing, "it was words without meaning, spoken in tongue, when he was young, yes? Even if when older, family is family, and things like these, that happen, no one ever means for it..." Mzaa drew herself closer to Fia, and lifted Fia's chin with her head, looking into her eyes, "Live your life, here, now, and in the future, for him, as tribute, for him, my Fia."
It is what she did for her children, lived on here, where they were born, where their hearts lay, in fire and strength, Fia would be strong and would overcome, she just needed to give herself the chance.
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:33 pm
She allowed her head to be lifted and looked up into the elder female's face. There was such calmness there in Mzaa's eyes. Such calm, gentle understanding that her heart ached to see it.
"It shouldn't have been him, Mzaa." She replied. "It shouldn't have been him. He was no warrior. He was innocent and sweet and gentle. He never would have hurt anyone. If war was called he would have been the one darting in to help and aid, not tear and bite." Her face screwed up with fury, hot tears burning in her bi-coloured eyes. "They can't be allowed to take something like that away from us. They can't be allowed to go walking around, alive and well, when Nur'yu is dead. I won't allow it. His mother will not allow it."
She pushed herself up, finding strength in her sudden burst of anger. "The stones can lie here forgotten for all I care. I am not going to record his death until I know he can rest easy with his murderers lying dead; their bones cast out and forgotten."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:40 pm
"No, it shouldn't have been him, nor anyone," Mzaa spoke as if finite. There was such hurt in Fia, such pain that was driving a fury in her. It worried the old lioness, that Fia might be driven to become out of character, out of herself, who she was. "Don't let the hurt...the anger, change you," Mzaa did not want to see the fury and rage take over Fia, but it appeared as if Fia might be on the edge of that.
Mzaa's words were perhaps too late.
Mzaa looked to the stones, her eyes scanning for where the lost males' image lay, and once found, she let her eyes fall.
Fia was losing touch...and it pained Mzaa's heart.
"Do not let him be forgotten," Mzaa said, hopefully that Fia would not lose herself, would break passed this, all of it, but a vengeance seemed to be in the younger female's eyes.
Mzaa did not want her going out alone.
"If you want what I see flickering in your eyes, I may know someone who can help. They know how to fight, how to track, and will understand...if you wish... just do not lose yourself, my Fia," Mzaa said touching her head to Fia's shoulder lightly, "I care for you too deeply."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:47 pm
She faltered at her words, but only for a moment, snatching her head away and glancing back out across at the desert. "This needs to be put right. We are Firekin, Mzaa. Firekin. I in no way want us to return to the time of tyrants but I do want our name to be respected. I do want people to stop and think before they try anything against us."
She clenched her jaw for a moment as if to fight back tears. "They need to be taught that the Firekin are a force to be reckoned with. And for that...for that, they need to die." Fia was shocked at the words coming out of her mouth. Shocked that she was saying them. Shocked that she meant them. Shocked that she had no regret.
Those monsters had taken something precious.
"No. No. I'm going to train. I'm going to fight. I'm going to be there at the end, when they're begging for our mercy." Her eyes hardened. "And I will give them none."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:53 pm
"I know who we are, what we are and...what must be done, do not think I do not understand," Mzaa had experienced loss as well, but not like this, not death. However, when her son and daughter left it was like that, knowing she would never see them again. Mzaa breathed deeply and curled her tail around her body as she sat and let herself lean against a slate for support. She felt herself growing tired, and it was not good, not good for what was to come, she thought, not good for what she had dreamed.
"If a fight is what you want, and where you wish to run, these," she said, lifting one of Fia's paws, "must be hardened from what work you have done. Recording our history is tedious, but will not give your paws the strength and callous you will need behind a strike. I fought for the rebellion Fia, this much I know, so do not take it light to heart my child."
She let Fia's paw go and closed her eyes, took another breath, and felt a little cold, a little more tired than normal, and perhaps even, something else.
"If you wish to be hard, and show them that in your eyes," Fia raised her gaze to Fia's, eyes steady, "go to my son, Mwako'damu, he will show you what to do as his father showed him."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:59 pm
She blinked, long and slow, then looked down at her paw. Yes. Yes. That was a good point. She would need training. Practise...
Right now, with this rage and grief in her, she felt like she could take on the world. Felt like no mortal wound could take her down. Felt like her heart would keep on beating until those that had taken Nur'yu had met a cold, hard death.
But what if that wasn't enough?
"You have fought for what you believed in, Mzaa. You see the history on those walls and can say that you have lived it. I have not. This is my battle now. Mine and my family's. If there was ever a good time to stand and fight, it is now. The blood runs hot in my veins. I cannot rest. I cannot stand here and do nothing whilst others out there might fall to those creatures."
She curled her claws into the sand. "Fine. I'll go to Mwako'damu. I'll ask him. I'll train and get stronger. Then...I'll be ready."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:05 pm
What Fia spoke was true but, one thing she spoke hurt her heart and Mzaa held the wince that wished to express itself upon her face.
"Then go," she spoke softly, "and you will be ready, but do not forget what you've promised me...everything you have ever promised me, Fia," and Mzaa lay on the sand, head on her paws.
There was such a rage in Fia Mzaa could not contain, and Fia was right, this was her time, her fight.
But as Mzaa watched Fia, she held in the tears that wish to fall from her eyes.
If only Fia understood and knew...Fia was her family too.
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:19 pm
Karana's words were like a stab to the heart. Fia had not forgotten their conversation but, in a way, she liked to pretend that it hadn't happened. That there was nothing to worry about because Karana was okay and she was doing well.
"I will, Mzaa. I will. But, you aren't going anywhere. You are here and you are safe and no harm will ever come to you." She looked fiercely at her as if she might be able to chase away the demons that came for her old teacher. "I won't let you go."
She bit back on her further words, ashamed of the fear that came flooding back to her. She couldn't lose her dear Mzaa. Certainly not now. "I need you, Mzaa." She said instead. "I love you."
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:03 pm
Mzaa raised her eyes to meet Fia's, silver against dual colored hues, and her silver eyes held a soft expression as she raised a paw to touch the side of Fia's face, "What you need Fia, is to find the strength that is already within you, the strength I see and have always known," she offered a smile and let her paw fall and rested it alongside the other, crossed over one another.
"I love you too, my Fia, never let that falter from your mind, and never let the strength leave your heart."
For Mzaa knew, the strength in one's heart was given life by the fire within, and Fia's was burning bright, blazing like the sun.
Mzaa only worried, that hers, her time, might come like the setting sun, as lately, she had begun feeling colder...
"Go, my Fia, go, and let your strength burn as bright as the sun, and have others know this is your time."
The time of the Firekin.
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