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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:17 pm
No going back now.
Everything that Billy could do up to this point had been done. Looking in the mirror he sighed, hesitating in putting on his mask. Here he was, in the bathroom of his apartment, clad in black, cream, and gold - black pants that hugged his frame perhaps a little more than he liked, a cream color shirt with gold cuffs and three little black pearl buttons. The shirt was tucked in to a golden sash around his middle. The veil-like headscarf he wore was the same creme as his shirt, and his reflection reminded him of some Arabian prince. He looked down at his mask - black and gold that would cover his entire face. Such were the lengths he would go to so that he could hide his identity up until...
Well, at any rate, it still made him nervous. Would Ladon even accept his anonymous invitation? If not, then all of this was for nothing. Billy didn't know what he'd do then...
A final look in the mirror, a final sigh, and he shoved away from the counter and the mirror and strode resolutely out the apartment door. Closing the door behind him, he finally placed on that mask - the last one he swore he'd ever wear. Because he had decided one night to do away with that armor and try... try to live without it. To be, if he could, a better person. It took work to get out of an old mindset, to leave behind the defense mechanisms one had used their entire life, but Billy thought of Ladon and knew he wanted to be better. For him, if all went right. For himself if it didn't.
The Valentine's Masquerade was something Billy had heard about by chance one day at school, overhearing some of the local theatre geeks in the library. The idea had come to him in moments. And now it was all about to happen... He'd worked for months on this plan, the costumes, saving to buy his ticket and Ladon's, which had been in with the invitation and costume that he'd left on the boy's figurative doorstep. Billy had been quite proud of his work, even if it was alterations on things from thrift and craft stores. The mask had been the difficult part - carved from a light pine wood and coated with a black lacquer, it would cover Ladon from the bridge of the nose up, and had little wolf ears, and a green ribbon which would tie into a bow on the side. Then, over one eye - the one Ladon couldn't see from anyway, was then covered by a green gem. There was so much significance there alluding to the boy's other self that Ladon was bound to wonder... As for the rest of the outfit Billy remembered one time browsing through the boy's closet and finding more than the usual 'boy clothes.' Fancy. A little girly. So that is what he got. A white long sleeve button-up shirt with a high collar and black lace along the edges and black buttons, and a ribbon around the neck. Green pants to match the green ribbon on his mask, white spats, and simple black shoes - hopefully he'd forgive the heel. Perhaps he'd feel that was another jab at his other self.
With any luck maybe he'd think this was some Negaverse holiday function, and come out of obligation.
Soon the cab Billy had opted to take stopped in front of the convention center where the masquerade was taking place. He payed the driver and ascended the stairs. The party was sure to be a long one. He'd let an hour pass before he even started looking for Ladon, whether or not the boy was here yet or not. This was all part of the plan. He had bid his time until now. He was disciplined, he could take things slower still. That didn't stop him from being nervous. He was glad no one could tell, because behind his mask he was indeed, very nervous.
All around him couples stood in circles with their friends or strangers and talked, laughing happily, others danced to the mix of classical music and more modern selections. Hopefully he'd be whisking Ladon off in a waltz sometime tonight... Until then Billy took to the second floor which all around over looked the first. This level had tables set with lovely table clothes of red, white, and champagne, and little candles flickering. Over on one side was a buffet, devoid of food, as it was still too early to begin serving. Up here there was less of a crowd. Billy leaded against the railing and watched the people below. He liked this vantage point. At least for now.
The floor below was a glow with the warm mood lighting and deep red curtains hung from the windows tied with gold rope and tastle. The decorators had forgone the more cheesy valentines decor for this more sophisticated look. Billy was pleased by this. It was everything he'd hoped it would be. Just how long could this dream go on for?
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:54 pm
He wasn't in the mood for Valentines happenings. To poke at him at a time when most couples were celebrating their time together, making lasting memories, when he had been spending days upon weeks upon eternity trying to find a bleeding and hopefully still alive Billy was plain cruel, but a mysterious letter was a mysterious letter. Whoever it was knew his colors, as it was no coincidence that he was given an outfit of black and green. This suggested a Negaverser or a spy. To know where he lived to mail it to him also worried him, and he wondered if he was being followed. The masks would allow them both to meet but without Ladon knowing who knew him. If it was someone he knew, say Zink or another officer, why ask him out to a Valentines event? Was this business? If so, he felt a necessity to be there. Why else invite him to a place swarming with people? If it was for something else - something more personal to the time of year - then he had to tell whoever it was off. The idea of someone trying to hit on him made him feel lonely, bitter, nervous, and sick.
He had spent a long time since receiving that package wondering what to do. He set it on the table, then moved it to another, put it in the closet, and then back out. He took it out of it's box, put it back in it's box, and randomly tried it on. It fit. It fit too well - and that disturbed him. Did he have a stalker?
He put the outfit back in the box, and as he went back to work, spending long nights asking around for whereabouts of where Bismuthite had gone to, checking hospitals randomly and rather low end clinics that didn't ask questions (he bribed a few with no success), he returned to his empty apartment and was reminded of the package.
It wasn't until the day of the event that he made his decisions. Reject was something he already had enough of that going out would mean he wouldn't have missed something important. If this was for the Negaverse, then he had to show up. If someone knew his secret and shouldn't, he had to kill them. If someone wanted to talk to him privately, he had to know why.
In the end, he dressed in the ridiculous attire, put on his coat, and left. He felt awkward as he walked, feeling out of uniform yet in uniform with the color choice. Also, being in Victorian clothes under a coat made him feel like one of those freaks with some sort of costume kink.
After taking the subway and walking, he arrived at the ball, and found it very busy. It made him nervous. He hadn't been in a public setting in a very long time, and even then, nothing this big! Walking in, he checked his coat and then looked at his mask. Everyone else was dressed to the Ts and he was glad that, whoever had picked his outfit, he was wearing something nice. Fitting. The mask was put on and he felt a sense of security behind it. At least no one who knew him as Ladon would see him and ask where he vanished off to. This wasn't the sort of place he'd expect to see his mother at least, but anyone from school or a teacher would be an awkward meeting.
Stepping in, he watched couples and friends cluster and dance, and he soon felt him navigating to what limited shadows that were nothing more than a few patches of poor lighting and not very dark at all, and looked around for anyone that might look familiar or suspicious.
"I'll just wait a bit....an hour tops.....and if nothing happens, I'll go home." That was what he told himself anyway. Curiosity would only keep him here for so long. After that, he was leaving and resuming his duties. Now - back to being a wallflower.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:07 pm
Billy started out casually stalking from above, walking along the second floor looking at the main floor below. As time wore on and it got closer to time to act, his searching grew more intense. He was panicking. Or starting to anyway. What if Ladon hadn't come? Billy eventually left the second floor for the main floor, where he intensified his search while trying to appear cool and calm.
The search had taken longer than Billy had anticipated. He'd thought to catch quick sight of Ladon and then been able to wait contentedly - go over his plan of action again. Solidify his courage, too. As it was, though, all that allotted time was been spent searching. Almost an hour after Ladon's arrival, Billy finally caught sight of him and let out a sigh of relief, and smiled slightly, and briefly, beneath his mask.
Back in cool stalking mode, Billy came up behind Ladon and all but dragged dragged him into the speedy waltz that the ballroom was currently in the midst of without ceremony, nor the boy's permission. Catching Ladon off guard was, he felt, the most effective route.
"I started to think you wouldn't show up..." Came a voice, vaguely familiar, muffled by the full face mask he wore and the hushed tone in which he spoke.
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:55 pm
Ladon was moving through the crowd and heading to the door, cutting through the corners of the ballroom to get past mingling couples taking a break from dancing or interesting spectators and trying to get to the door. This had been a ridiculous misadventure, and he felt silly in his outfit. Sure, it was very well made, the colors were nice, the bow a nice touch, but without a clear reason to wear it, and certainly not wearing anything like this in public (unless he had a weapon to murder anyone who said anything), he felt uncomfortable. Worst of all, he felt dumb for being curious. Did it really take just a letter and an outfit to get him to go anywhere? This could all have been a trap, or maybe someone wanted to steal from his apartment - not that there WAS anything to steal. Whatever. He had more important things to do. Like a search mission for someone, or just energy collecting. That at least had a purpose and kept his mind busy. When someone grabbed him, his first instinct was to reach out and summon his weapon - which did not work when you were in civilian attire. The failure to call his chain was enough to tell him he wasn't in a battle, and the surprise caused him to stumble. It was a good thing that whoever grabbed him was literally whisking him off his feet - well, dragging anyways. Stumbling about, he soon got his footing enough to be spun into a dancing positing and then meeting the measured 1-2-3s of the waltz. He was dancing? Why was he dancing??!!
His wide eyes looked through his mask up at another mask, the voice tingling on a cold familiarity that made scramble to hear where it came from. It - was - could be?? A sudden pounding, racing, dancing in his chest started faster than the dancing tempo, but the need, the force to dance or wind up causing a dancer pileup was brought to his attention, and he looked down to try and get the beat. - He never was the best dancer.
"I was about to leave." He told the ...stranger? It had to be. Why the secrecy? It wasn't good to reveal names at a time like this. What if they wanted him to drop a name as a trap - but that voice! Crap, it was hard to dance! He only learned a basic waltz and that was AGES ago. His eyes flickered between the masked man and their feet as they turned. "Why did you want me here?"
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:13 pm
And no doubt it was harder still to be lead when you were taught to lead, when dancing, no? Well, thankfully that wasn't Billy's problem.
"Do you know what it is like...to regret something so much.....that it eats at your mind, your soul, until you know you have no other choice...but to act?" Billy said, totally disregarding Ladon's own question as they danced.
He wanted to keep up the air of mystery and at the same time, draw a little information from Ladon. It would help to know just what direction he should go..because if he was happier now, then...well? Then he'd have to excuse himself and simply step out of his life forever. But of course, Billy maintained some hope - he had to - that Ladon would accept him back in his life. And that was at the very least.
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:19 pm
His eyes shot up to the mask, trying to catch more of the man behind it. His grip tightened in his, and he breath caught a moment, before he was turned into the next rotation of the waltz. "I.....I regret a lot of things these days." It...It had to be. To disregard his question and dive into this talk. If it wasn't, was it a trick? Was someone trying to get him to confess his regrets as Wolframite? Where there senshi here or was this a test of the Negaverse to see if he was a traitor. To catch him off guard to reveal too much. What if this was all in his head? What if he was hearing and seeing someone he wanted because he wanted it. Because he had been hearing and seeing him hopefully in shadows darting in alleyways and in passing faces, only for him to backtrack and find ti wasn't that person at all.
Regret.
His life was nothing but regret. There was no rewind for it, no take backs, no do overs on this playground. He was stuck in a position, a place, a very...very dark place that he had made the decisions. He dug his own grave with each shovel of bad decisions and a few life choices he deemed necessary to continue being a Negaverser.
"Do you regret?" Did he feel something tear at him with a million teeth and claws, keeping him up at night and having his mind race in circles that made you dizzy and sick and exhausted to the point you couldn't sleep?
"Who are you?" He asked.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:17 pm
"There is very little that I don't regret..." But he was doing his best to make several great changes in his life. And it was all of his own volition.
"But I'd like to change all that. ...If you'll give me the chance."
The song changed, the orchestra taking a break and the DJ taking over. That suited many of the younger people at the masquerade quite well. After all, the classical music wasn't exactly with their style. It wasn't really Billy's either but he could appreciate it.
Just as the music changed, so did their steps, and Billy's approach. The song was slower, and Billy could only mentally laugh at the irony. That chuckle would rumble near Ladon's ear as he leaned in and softly sung along...which ended up being more of a nearly breathless whisper;
"May I hold you as you fall to sleep? When the world is closing in and you can't breathe, may I love you?"
For all their twirling and dancing about they ended up dancing right onto the patio, delightfully vacant - most likely due to the chill in the February air. Although it would seem spring was coming early. Or maybe Billy had just gotten warm. One might wonder why the patio doors had been left open in the first place, although at second thought, it did make for ingenious air conditioning. With all the dancing and bodies in the building, it was quite warm inside.
Still whispering, "May I be your shield? When no one can be found may I lay you down?"
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:03 pm
This dance, both physical and conversational, was hard to keep up with. He'd been pulled thin these past few weeks. Sleeping when he could with sleeping pills only because he was against drinking, not that he hadn't been tempted many times to try, to go out into the cold and look and look and look again until all the alleys, parking lots and abandoned buildings blurred into vacant space and slums that gave him nothing but dead ends. It all made him wonder if he knew Billy at all to not be able to know where he ran to. Where he stayed and what places he felt safe. Clearly not with him. Not with him, after he acted crazy. Had been told he was. Who could feel safe with that? Who would want to be rescued by that?
And still he searched. This was one of the few breaks he took, and his nerves had been replaced with emotional strain.
The man continued, speaking to him as he turned him about in circles, but his feet moved with the quick reaction of a fighter, while his attention remained on the mask and THAT voice.
They moved outside, and his eyes darted away a moment. There would be someone invisible here to snatch him. Betray him. Hurt him. Would he come to regret being here?
His hand broke free and moved to the mask. "Show me.." That voice. Those words to serenade him and promise him a moment of security. "....show me your face." His fingertips touched the mask.
He couldn't love anyone now until he knew. He wouldn't be detoured from his task. If this wasn't him....
"I can't answer you until I know."
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:30 pm
As Ladon touched his mask Billy took a step back and turned away, looking over the railing of the patio.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore..." He sighed, more to himself than to Ladon, by the tone of it.
He needed to breathe. Just what was he doing? Was this the right thing to do? Was he just fooling himself?
It was a fine time to be second guessing one's self. Especially when you were just past the threshold, unable to turn back because the door behind you was locked now. And you hadn't the key... That was in Ladon's hands. And just how much longer would Ladon's patience hold out?
"Who am I? I thought I knew. A long time ago I was someone of my own crafting. Carefully thrown together pieces of armor built to perfection. So perfect I had even myself fooled. Then one day it started to slowly crumble. I started to see someone I didn't know. It scared me. Then before I could figure out who this person was, all that armor was stripped away. My identity up until then was gone forever. And the person that was left? A stranger."
Billy paused and turned back to face Ladon.
"A blank canvas. A little stained, but not without promise. I could become anyone I wanted to be. I wanted to become someone you would want me to be. Who am I, Ladon?" Billy asked as if he were genuinely confused. The eyes behind that mask seemed pleading, glossy with almost-tears, yearning, and almost urging the boy to reveal what lay beneath and tell him the answer.
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:17 pm
The mask slipped his grasp, and the man moved away, speaking in questions he had no answer for. There was only one he had. Who? Who was here talking to him? Who would send a costume in THESE colors to HIS home? No one knew where he lived aside from those in the Negaverse, and even those were very few. As for anyone else, there was Paris, but Paris would play games like this with him. He had been paranoid and suspicious since the start, but he was SURE he knew who this was, however he had been doubting his own sanity on a regular basis that even he had doubts. If it was him, then why this game? Why didn't he come back to the apartment after he got hurt? Did he hate him? Why did he only want to see him now? It can't be him? But the voice said otherwise, and he was left being stretched by how sure and unsure he was.
"How do you expect me to answer that? I don't know? I don't know what's going on here? Why did you send me this costume? In these colors? To my home? How did you know where to find me when I left everyone? Why did you want me here?" He had to be someone he knew.
He moved quickly to stand before him. Same height. Had to -
Ladon rose his hand sup, and his fingers slipped around to touch the man's neck and the jawline of his cheek. "WHO are you? I swear, if you are toying with me.... If you are not him, I will.." His fingers gripped tightly around the jaw and neck. "....I will kill you for being anything other than who I want here right now."
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:33 pm
Ladon's touch, however violent, didn't cease to send a tingle down his spine and ignite the slightest heat before his own blood felt cold in his veins. It was an odd sensation. Riveting. Invigorating.
Behind the mask a smile, almost sad in its countenance, sat. Billy figured that by now Ladon had to know who he was. And yet still, he made no motion to remove his mask. That was for Ladon to do. Just how much farther would Billy have to push, though? And when did he even make the decision that that was what he wanted him to do? Billy wasn't sure about either of those. From now on they had reached the part of the plan that couldn't be planned. Billy could hardly even predict all the scenarios that would follow after contact - after his monologues, and exchange of words.
"I'll be anything for you," his voice whispered and caused the slightest vibration beneath Ladon's grip. And Billy stood there. Still. Not but the slightest bit tense, but almost resigned.
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:24 pm
Gritting hsi teeth, Ladon gripped the jaw of the mast and tore it off. He couldn't stand it any longer, and if someone was going to try and step into a place, into the shoes of someone else he wanted, that he wasn't sure was even alive to fill them, that that stranger was making a mockery of what that man was. Ladon would kill a person for thinking they could be what he wanted. For playing this sick game.
The mask flew off, the string binding snapping as Ladon looked up, before the air rushed out and the mask clattered beside him.
"...Billy."
"You're alive.."
He WAS alive. Standing here. Just right here.
He stepped once, and then fell towards him, gripping the man in his arms and pressing him close. "You're alive." He was real, alive. "I knew it." He knew he was. He knew he was alive. He knew that voice. Among all the things he didn't know, he knew what was right before him.
His grip threatened to crush the man in his arms, even if he knew that he had been injured before. "You're here."
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:45 pm
Yeah. Alive. Ladon didn't need to know that he had died. If only for a moment.
When the mask was torn free, the veil he also wore as part of his costume fell back, and silver hair framed a face that looked...of all things tired, sad, and perhaps a little scared, but there was also relief. Billy could tell himself that he had been prepared for a negative reaction, but in truth, he probably wouldn't have been able to stand anything but this.
A few weeks ago the embrace they shared would have been physically unbearable. Even now it felt like someone poking a bruise just for the heck of it. He didn't care though. He hugged back, tenderly.
"You couldn't tell from my long-winded rambling?" Billy chuckled against Ladon's ear. Billy always had been a wordy one.
"I didn't think you'd come if you knew it was me who invited you. Not if you were still...angry with me. I just..." he trailed off, hugging the boy tighter and burying his face in that dark hair. "I meant it when I said that I, I want to be someone better..for you."
And he'd been trying - learning humility and to humble himself was a big lesson he fought with every day, but he was trying. Being nice, being kind, too. Old tendencies did arise every now and again, but after a lifetime of feigned superiority, it was a hard mindset to lose completely. But if there was one driving for that kept him trying again and again every day it was Ladon.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:11 pm
And then Ladon punched him in the gut.
"I didn't want you to be good for me. I wanted you to be there. I thought you were dead! Do you know how long I've been awake, pulling him hair and running these streets trying to find you. Sneaking around and asking low-end clinics if they found you? I thought if you were alive, you'd at least come to the apartment. That or ...I don't know! I didn't even know where you actually live?! I tried Hillworth and didn't find you. I ran out of options and just thought you were in some ditch with some hobos trying to steal your clothes. I was THIS close to summoning you, but....I ....I don't know..." He didn't want to try and summon him and make him dead, or hurt him in the process if he was hooked up to machines in the hospital. He didn't want to risk anything if the boy was recovering.
Despite the punch, he returned, grabbing the boy's head and pressing it to his chest. "I thought my mind was playing tricks on me when I heard your voice. I thought that I wanted it too much, and if it was some trick, some trap, some stranger that I thought was you, that it would hurt more to find out it wasn't." His fingers gripped into the boy's silver hair. "I was going to kill any imposter right then and there if it wasn't you under that mask." And he was dead serious.
"Why didn't you come home?" He asked, lifting up his face to see him. "Did you think I'd hurt you after what you did for me? You jumped in the way when I was supposed to get hurt. Do you know how horrible I feel?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:43 pm
The punch was a total blind-side, but at least it wasn't to his chest. Healed though it might have been, things were still a bit touchy there. Though either way the punch set him back a step, hunched him over.
"I...I actually was at the hospital, but I...I gave them my middle name in case you tried to find me I...." Billy sounded lost and almost confused as he tried to explain himself. "I came here to start college cause I thought if I wasn't around you'd have an easier time forgetting about me. Moving on, you know? But I... One part of me wanted for you to find something better. The other part of me didn't want to give you up. That side won, and so I...came up with a plan to get you here." He began to choke on his words as the lump in his throat grew, until he finally gave way to sobbing, "I thought if you knew it was me you wouldn't come, that all I could inspire in you was hate. And I knew I deserved that hate. That was before I ever...took that hit."
He then found his head pressed to Ladon's chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around Ladon.His breaths came in quivering gasps as he tried to get himself under control, but the evidence of the tears were there when Ladon lifted his face.
Why? Why hadn't he come home?
"I'm not sure what I've been thinking. Never. In my whole life, I'm no longer sure why I've done what I've done. All I'm sure of is that I can't live without you. I'm sure that now...you have no doubt I'd give my life for you?"
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