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 Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:48 am
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This is a powered up stage for Uuni Kierstedt
Preface I am looking for the use of her powers to be mainly in escape, especially in sticky situations. She's meant to be a rescuer, or a runner, not a fighter.
Knight Title: Myrkviðr (merk-jo-widuz) Page
Challenge: "Come, visit the woods!"
Uniform: Ref Image w/ flat colors
Top -- A thick, leather covering that falls over the entirety of her back, but only covers her chest in the front. It has been split down the sides to expose her stomach, and fur (grey areas on reference) has been stitched into the lower half. Leather stips (brown on reference) and bronze/metal clasps (light brown/bronze on ref) offer support. Shoulder guards also have fur.
Bottoms -- A modified type of skirt in green fabric (see ref). The lighter brown is a bronze decorative front-piece. This is attached to a plated metal belt. The rest (darker brown) is leather.
Gloves -- N/A
Belt -- Plated metal belt (see ref)
Shoes -- Stitched, dyed dark brown boots. They have tops made of fur. The bottoms are relatively soft - more like a mocassin.
Shoulders -- Fuzzy wuzzy shoulderpads
Hair Style -- Long, straight, black. Hangs like noodles. A second has been braided together and meets itself at the back of her head. Sidepart.
Additional Red lipstick is optional. However, some sort of dark eyeshadow blue/black to give her eyes a more haunted look.
Weapon --
Stage 1 – A small mouse skull attached by a leather string. A badly scratched rune can just be made out on the skull’s surface. Creepy.
Stage 2 – The skull of a little fox on a leather string. The rune is now nicely cut and easily seen.
Mist/Fog leaks from the eyes of the skull and begins to spread. The longer a battle lasts, the thicker and more widely dispersed the mist gets. Opponents cannot see through the haze, but as long as Myrkviðr wears or has hold of the skull, she can. Formed mist lingers in the region where it was created. It does not follow the user.
Formation of mist can be stopped at any point. The fog then begins to recede. Other magical powers, such as magic winds and blasts, can move and alter the mist, but cannot destroy it.
Mist can be summoned for a maximum of one minute over a circular area with a radius of 15 feet.
Stage 3 – An eagle skull on a silver chain necklace. The rune that decorates the top is well-carved and glows strongly. [Or, optionally, made of metal (artists choice) Example here)
Same as Stage 2, with the addition that contact with the mist now produces hallucinations. All characters (even allies) except Myrkviðr begin to see/feel/hear things that embody their inner fears. Those with arachnophobia, for example, may see a trail of spiders crawling down their arm. An individual afraid of failure may hear a voice articulating a pluthera of ways that individual could potentially fail at a task. The intensity of the fear felt from hallucinations is dependent on rank as follows:
Fourth Stage: Unsettled by hallucinations. Equal to a "spooked" feeling such as entering a haunted house.
Third Stage: Will feel the normal level of fear associated with their internal conflict.
Second Stage: Begin to believe that some hallucinations are real and that those fears put them in danger.
First Stage: Hallucinations seem real and cause feelings akin to terror. Little to no focus can be maintained on things aside from this fear.
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 2:56 pm
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Hi, Kael! Since this quest is for an upgrade, this hopefully shouldn’t take too terribly long to fix up for acceptance!
The first thing I want to mention is your ref! An outfit like that should definitely work for a Page of Jupiter, and the browns and gray are perfectly fine, but the blue will have to be changed to something more appropriate in color for Jupiter. At the moment, that’s something of a minor detail, but just keep that in mind for future reference!
Now onto attacks!
Overall, the attacks look good to me. The fog fits the weather theme of Jupiter very well, though it seems as if you intend for it to be an AoE attack, in which case I would like to see you include how big of an area the fog actually effects—a radius of about fifteen feet, perhaps? I would also like to see some suggestions for what you intend characters to see/feel/hear under the added hallucinations when she reaches Knight. Here, I think, would be a good place to play around with the “conflict” theme of Jupiter. Do they hallucinate things they fear? Maybe they hear voices whispering things that challenge their confidence or contradict their firmly held beliefs?
Also, since Knight powers are drawn from a pool of energy, I think what you wrote about "The power cannot be used again until time has past equal to that in which the mist was formed" is unnecessary! She should be able to use her powers for the entire minute you have allotted, or in four twenty second bursts, or six times for ten seconds each, etc. etc. A recharging or cool down period isn't necessary!
The last thing I want to point out is that Knight weapons should ideally reflect the theme of the planet they serve, which in the case of Jupiter would be storms, weather, and conflict. At the moment I’m having a little trouble seeing how animal skulls fit into those themes, so I’d appreciate if you could explain your reasoning before I make any further comments on that!
And that’s it! If you’d like to quote me once you’re done making the necessary edits, I’ll get back to this ASAP!
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 5:08 pm
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Hello! First, I would like to thank you very much for taking the time to make a thorough look-over of this quest and critiquing.
Ref: I have changed the blue-grey to brown, and changed the skirt-color to green to give some contrast that isn't just brown. I think the reference should easily fall under the color theme now.
Hallucinations/Power: Fears was what I had envisioned, so I explicitly stated so this time and gave a few examples. I hope that represents inner conflicts well enough. I removed the part about the cool down, and listed the AoE distance using your suggested 15 foot radius.
Weapon: I can understand why they're a bit tricky to understand, and I am prepared to change them. But, I was hoping to have them represent the conflict occurring within the wonder she was protecting (the mist and woods). So, I started with a "mouse" skull to represent the bottom of a food chain. Its conflict would be between the survival of the "fox" (the next stage up) which would eat it and the survival of itself. The next stage up is the eagle, and the follows same premise.
However, I am more than open to suggestions and ideas of better weapons if you feel that this does not fit the representation of conflict you are looking for here. |
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 7:47 pm
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