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 Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 8:33 am
[X] would understand this all to well. How many times had he'd mess up, how many times had he asked for forgiveness and received it only to repeat the mistake a moment later. But now... that [Y]'s gone sorry isn't enough to get him to come back. They used to love each other. Used to be one another everything. Things, however, fall apart when that love turns south, when sweetness becomes violence. It took four long years for [Y]'s family to convince him to leave [X]. You know the saying, 'You don't know what you have till its gone.' Well, it seemed [Y] leaving was finally enough to get [X] to change. And now he wants [Y] back. But its a long road to forgiveness, and with an army of his ex-lovers friends and family in the way it will not only be hard for him to get close, but to keep a hold of those demons in his heart.
Has [X] really changed? Will [Y] forgive him? Lets find out, shell we. This is an RP for Me and I Government Hooker I, so no posting unless your us.
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 8:58 am
[Y] Caj McCain
21 [Sorry I'm too lazy right now to make a pretty one.]
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 3:33 pm
[X]   Arunn (pronounced like aaron) Silver Salvatore 22
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:49 pm
【ℒℴvℯr】,℘ℓease dℴ nℴt......Faℓℓ tℴ your【knℯℯs】.............ℑt's nℴtℒikℯ ℑ【bℯℓiℯvℯ】 in.........ℇvℯrℓasting【ℓℴve】█████████I'm so 【lost】█████████   "Come on Caj." a pleading voice greeted him the moment he slid the door open. Really, he should have known better then to open the door to any knock, this was always what awaited him when he did. Josh stood on the other side of the thrash hold. A small framed boy with short chopped ebony hair. At this moment his green eyes were locked onto Caj's dark brown ones. The visitors hands were clasped together in a sort of plea, he shook his laced hands, and bent at the knee as if he might actually drop to his feet and bag.
Caj's answer however was simple. "No." an attempt to close the door soon followed the word, only for the frame to be stopped by a much larger foot. Light chocolate eyes turned up to the red head blocking his attempt to shut them out. This man was much bigger then the two others, his physic was wide, big, and strong. Large shoulders held up a head full of red hair, the length of it long enough to trail down his back, and over his well toned body. Caj knew him by the name of Alex, though he had more intimidating nicknames form others.
"Please. You haven't been out in forever. Your paler then you were before. And I didn't know that was possible." It wasn't the red head that spoke rather, the dark haired boy had always been the most talkative among them. A sigh left a pair of pink lips, his hand fall away from the door frame, allowing the largest male to kick the wood open with his foot. The sound of it banging against his apartment wall had the blond standing a little straighter as if he were suddenly on edge. His eyes strayed glued to the floor under his feet, refusing to glance up at the pair that had come to bug him. This it seemed had become the norm of his life. Everyday someone, his friends, of family, would come, beg him to leave the safety of his apartment, and enjoy and night out. Most of the time it ended with them leaving in disappointment. But the whole inaction was starting to ware on the blond. There were only so many times you could shoot down the people you cared about before one started to want to say yes.
And the Josh was right, it had been a long time since Caj had left. Quite a few months, four, five... he wasn't sure. But the boy liked it in his home. He didn't want to go out and face the world just yet, as horrible as it was he'd rather stay here and mop. Wallow in the sadness he still felt was drowning him. People had told him to get over it, he was far better off without him... But a break up was a break up. And when one was with someone for 4 years, the pain didn't leave just because they knew it was for the best. The funny thing was, Caj knew he was better off without Arunn, much better off. He could see it when he looked in the mirror, he was heartier, his skin had a bit more of a glow, and there were no nasty bruise blotching the pale beauty of his body.
However, that didn't mean the sting wasn't still present. He could feel it every time his heart beat. It was dimmer now, like a wound that had begun to heal and only hurt when one poked at it. It wasn't that gaping scar in his chest that it had once been. Maybe that was why he was actually thinking about taking his friends up on their offer. He was finally starting to heal, maybe this was just what he needed to help finalize the process. After all it was hardly like himself to just stay around a mop, Caj never used to stand for that. He had once believed life was to short to spend on unhappy moments. Life should be filled with laughs, and the only tears cried should be ones of joy. But.. that had been before him. Before Arunn. He couldn't began to explain what had happened then. Even now he thought himself stupid for ever staying. He'd thought of leaving so many time... and yet had never packed his bags to do so. Maybe it was because he loved him-and truly he had. Maybe it was because he thought he could help him? Or maybe he was just sure that Arunn needed him? He had a thousand and one reason why he had stayed, but none of them sounded like the truth. Maybe it was all of them combined, along with the fear he felt over leaving. After he had left the first few weeks had been spent in fear that his ex would track him down. He'd actually stayed hidden in the room for that whole time, leaving only to go to the bathroom when needed. Aside form that everything else was brought to him, food, items he wanted, his family had been very helpful at that time.
After all that... maybe it was time he finally started to pick up his life again. So with a sigh the small blond gave a short nod, the motion very short, almost unnoticeable. But Josh had been waiting for the action, and as such saw it the moment it was done. With a sharp sequel of joy the boy took him by his hand, and pulled the blond out of his hideaway. "Come on, lets go. I know the perfect place. There's this new gay bar the opened up, and there supposed to have a killer DJ there. You can meet and mingle, and drink, and dance...." His words became a dull drone to the blond as he attempted to tone out his overly talkative friend. None the less he allowed himself to be lead away from his home, leaving the biggest of them to grab his keys, before closing and locking the door. █████████Not at all 【well】█████████ 【Dℴ】as tℎℴuℊℎ
Aftℯr it was【ℴvℯr】.........
Wℯ wℯrℯ just
Two【ℓℴvℯrs】 .......
【Cryinℊ】ℴn ℯacℎ ℴtℎℯrs sℎℴuℓdℯrs
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:46 pm
Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＷＯＮＤＥＲ ＴＩＬ ＴＨＥ ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＴＩＭＥ
ＨＡＬＦ ＡＬＩＶＥ ＷＩＴＨＯＵＴ ＹＯＵ  Ａrunn... [Blonde moment] [ Out.Of.Comfort : I'm am so sorry about this post being gone, I was tired last night when I was posting and I guess when I re-did his layout for it I also put the new post in this post so i lost the old post >.< again i am sorry.
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Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:45 pm
【ℒℴvℯr】,℘ℓease dℴ nℴt......Faℓℓ tℴ your【knℯℯs】.............ℑt's nℴtℒikℯ ℑ【bℯℓiℯvℯ】 in.........ℇvℯrℓasting【ℓℴve】█████████I'm so 【lost】█████████ The pulse of the music beat all around him, the floor vibrated with the boom of the base accompanied by the man scratching at a set of record. People around him were whooping with joy, thrusting their hand up into the air in encouragement to the male playing. Lesbians and gays alike swayed their hips, many dancing intimidatingly close to the partner beside them. Stranger of friend did seem to matter, they were a close body in which to be close to. Everyone wanted closeness sometime. And Caj found that most people came to bars to try and find that. So why was he here. Because for some unfathomable reason he had agreed to come to this place. Thinking that it might in some way be able to help him. All it was doing it egging on the loneliness in his heart. He could feel that bitter pain pulse though him, thoughts of his ex danced though his mind. The way he used to smile, and lightly run his fingers down his cheeks. The times when they would have fun, play a game of chase around their shared bedroom. The moments when all it took to make him feel better was to lay down his his arms. Despite all the bruises on his body, regardless of the pain.
But good thoughts soon brought there counter part with them. The pleasant smiles were replaced by a clutched jaw, and tight fist. Moments of laughter tuned into cries of pain. Caj could see himself all over again, pressing his back into a corner until the pain stopped. Closing his light eyes and wishes to disappear. Shaking his head the boy turned around in this stool bluntly, placing a few dollars onto the bar he asked for another drink. That was all he had been doing since he arrived. His two friend had left of a time to enjoy the dance floor, only because Caj downright refused to leave his perch.
Moments later a cold beer was placed before him. The blond took the long neck bottle into his hand, tossing his head back he took a large gulp of the poison. The effects of it helped chase away the memories, as well as clam the beat of loneliness in his heart. The buzz that started to make his head dizzy acted as a false strength nearly managing to convince the boy that he could move one. He could survive this heartbreak. A few more gulps and the alcohol had won over his thought pattern. Convincing him that he needed to get back out there. Prove to the phantom image of Arunn that he could live without him. And it would seem that fate was saying the same thing. For the moment his mind had came to that decision a tap was felt on his shoulder.
Spinning his stool around Caj came face to face with the handsome image of a brown haired male. Trying not to relate that color to his ex the blond tilted his head, "Can I help you?" He asked, watching the other mans lips lift into a sweet, flirty grin. "You could help me by being my dance partner." Blunt and straight to the point. The smaller male couldn't help the blush that colored his cheeks at the offer, seeing a tan well toned arm being held out for him to take. The alcohol in his blood screamed yes. The beat of his heart shouted no. In the end the poison won, and the boy reached out closing his hand around the strangers. "I'd love to."
Out to the floor the blond was lead, the mans smile only getting bigger as the walked further into the swaying bodies. The pulse of the music was intoxicating and with a little encouragement from the stranger Caj began to move his hips to the beat. For a long moment they danced a fair distance away from one another, only the eye contact they made showed that they considered each other dancing partners. But as the song switched tempo into a smoother and slower beat the mans arms reached out, fingers lacing though the belt-loop of his jeans. With a short tug he was drawn closer, his chest pressing against the taller males. Instantly his breath caught, and all movement stopped. In response Caj's own hands had moved up, placing a gentle hold around the other males wrist. A tug against him and the stranger caught the hint, releasing the blond from his grip. Caj instantly placed distance between them once more, shaking his head whipping his blond hair into disarray with the speed. "I-I'm sorry." He stuttered, taking another step back. "I just.. I can't." Then he turned on his heels and fled, doing his best to wave in and out of the bodies in motion until he stumbled his way to the backdoor of the club. Throwing it open the cold night air helped to calm his breath. And he stepped outside. Needing a bit of a breather. █████████Not at all 【well】█████████ 【Dℴ】as tℎℴuℊℎ
Aftℯr it was【ℴvℯr】.........
Wℯ wℯrℯ just
Two【ℓℴvℯrs】 .......
【Cryinℊ】ℴn ℯacℎ ℴtℎℯrs sℎℴuℓdℯrs [Out Of Confidence: No worries, I think it was a wonderful start. You really explained allot about how he feels. So who's gonna kick off our other one?]
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 10:10 am
Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＷＯＮＤＥＲ ＴＩＬ ＴＨＥ ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＴＩＭＥ
ＨＡＬＦ ＡＬＩＶＥ ＷＩＴＨＯＵＴ ＹＯＵ Ａrunn... The night air was slightly chilled as it whipped around him on its first try succeeding in its mission to mess up his light brown locks. With a rather dirty glare to the whipping wind around him he slid on his grey knit cap keeping most of his hair from flying astray. Not realizing he was being watched until he looked over at the amused couples eyes and simply shrugging; as if to say what can you do? The whole walk down to the bar was actually welcomed aside from the chilled wind he was actually beginning to enjoy the two female’s chattering and witty banter. Obvious from the way they spoke and walked so close to each other with their little fingers entwined around one another’s that they’d been together for while. The way they were both made him smile and also made him sad, oddly enough they reminded him of his own mothers. The same women he’d told he never wanted to see again just a little over four years ago. He’d left that out of his little life story… feeling ashamed enough for what he’d done to Caj. His own parents not caring enough to keep him, yet those two actually chose him and cared for him from the time he was three until he thought he didn’t need them anymore. He’d been too self-centered to see that they were trying to help him with the countless interventions, late night bar pick-ups and even bail outs. Over the last year the regret and sorrow of what he’d done to all the people he loved made getting out of bed harder to do each day. But that picture he had by his bedside of him a Caj taken back when things were good… when they still had the promise of forever made him keep fighting.
As much as he tried to wipe the thoughts from his mind they just kept pouring, refusing to let him forget anything he’d done. Seeing the love there with the women brought him back to that time that it had been like that with him and Caj. That time only having one way to describe it and that was perfect. He’d fallen hard and fast for the blonde boy the pure need to be around him every second of everyday stronger then he’d ever felt. With only a one age difference there wasn’t much worry from either of their parents. Though as much fun as a forbidden love would’ve seemed he couldn’t help but enjoy knowing he didn’t have to hide his feelings for Caj. Lord knows he had trouble keeping away from him in the eight hours they didn’t see each other only for sleep related reasons. Even then he’d came up with a solution for that… working double shifts the entire summer and saving money getting an apartment of his own. He could still remember the look on the blondes face when he asked him to move in with him. Then it was all about them starting their lives together so many nights just being together lost in each other.
Sure it was easy to look at all of that and not understand why they weren’t riding off into the sunset right about now. But when you rush into things and don’t know what you’re doing things then to get tense. Becoming an alcoholic just barely after turning twenty then came the verbal how much emotional damage can he inflict today games. Then it stopped for awhile and he busted out apologizes and promised to stop drinking and yelling getting Caj to believe all his lies. Before it started and got worse to the point the game became how many times can he hit him before he doesn’t feel them anymore? Every bruise was etched… burned into his memory and replayed like some replaying horror film. Even as they reached the club and the beat of the music pulsed through his body. The melody and thud of the bass vibrating his frame was like the caress of a past lover tempting him to come back in. He waved his good-bye to the two women ignoring their pleas as they headed for the dance floor. The lights flashing and flying in every direction as the spinning mirror ball above spun. The room looking as though it was illuminated in a million tiny sparkles. While bodies grinded against each other and sweat dripped from them onto the floor… he simply found the safer opinion to be the bar… oddly enough.
Once gaining the Bartender’s attention he simply ordered a water getting looks from everyone there as if he was crazy. Simply rubbing the chip he had clasped firmly in his hand, it was shiny and gold that resembled his achievement in being sober for one year. Though he’d gotten that over a month ago now, so it was longer… but either way it was his encouragement to stay that way. He’d done this for a year wasn’t like he was gonna give it up now. Though as he was handed the water bottle reaching for it only to have it pulled away looking up at the bartender with an annoyed expression and not returning the seemingly flirty demeanor. “You know I’d be happy to buy you a drink if you’d like… this is a bar you can have anything you like… and do mean anything.” The way he drug out the word and added a cheesy wink to it, made it clear what he was getting at. Not being able to help but think this guy was lucky he caught him on a semi-good day. But still he couldn’t help that little part of him that wanted to knock the smug overconfident look off the guys face. But he remained calm simply looking at the other male with a slight glare. “How about you just give me the water I paid for and since you’re offering anything how about you go find someone who’s actually interested.”
With that the other male glared at him and plopped his water bottle down on the bar top with a huff before walking to another customer. He heard a couple people at the bar snicker and though he did smile slightly he couldn’t help but feel bad. True enough the male was attractive, slim muscular build could actually pull off the cut off shorts look along with a very platinum blonde hair, maybe a little too tan but not so much it was horribly unattractive. But still it wasn’t right, the eyes were wrong… not to mention he just wasn’t Caj. But as his eyes scanned the room taking a long swig of the water he found his eyes narrowing in on a figuring retreating to the dance floor with another male. His eyes scanned the petite pale blonde’s body with slight intensity as he watched him. Every movement seeing all too familiar, the way he walked, the way he danced, the hair… everything. If only he could see his face. As if some higher power was listening to him for once the male turned briefly in his dance and what he saw made his heart flutter unevenly. It was Caj, he hadn’t see him in nearly two years… and the only comparison he could think of was a blind man being able to see the light of day once again. But as he watched the male he’d walked off with pull him so close a deep buried anger built up inside him and he found himself standing up off the stool he was sitting on.
He’d barely taken two steps before he stopped himself shaking his head. What was he doing? Caj wasn’t his boyfriend anymore… no matter how much that thought hurt him he couldn’t deny it. What right did he have to go over there and threaten and or knock that guy’s lights out for touching him? Every right in the world, part of his mind screamed. No I don’t, he thought back… I don’t have any right to him anymore. But that little part didn’t go down so easily as the urge to deck the guy burned through him until it simmered down to a dull roar. Only then did he look back to see Caj had disappeared from the male and the guy looking off in dismay. He followed his gaze to see a blonde head bobbing through the crowd of dancers and out the back. His first instinct to go after him… okay his first instinct was to go punch the guy then go after Caj. But it took only a moment for him to act and he simply made his way to through the crowd. His eyes widened as he ran into Caj’s friend Josh, barely able to avoid him and hoping it worked. Figuring the male would assume it had just been another dancing. Finally reaching the door that lead out to the back and pushing it open slowly. All he wanted to do was seeing him… just one more time and then he’d leave. Simple as that, but even he knew he was lying to himself as he walked out into the night not having to walk very far before finding Caj. Reading in his body language that he was a tad overwhelmed… from what he didn’t know. He knew he was only going to make it worse… but he couldn’t help it… he needed to see him. “Caj?” He asked softly of course he knew it was him… he’d know him anywhere... even if his back was towards him. “Is that you?” his mind felt as though his questions were redundant, but he couldn’t help but ask them… he didn’t really know what else to say. ...[ Out.Of.Comfort : Well, thanks I tried to get most of them written in there, and if you didn't see already my first post is kind of gone. Apparantly last night I was so tired i posted this post in that box. Now it's gone and I don't remember it so I'm sorry about that... just glad this one's still here... one of my many blonde moments I suppose >.< ]
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Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:17 am
【ℒℴvℯr】,℘ℓease dℴ nℴt......Faℓℓ tℴ your【knℯℯs】.............ℑt's nℴtℒikℯ ℑ【bℯℓiℯvℯ】 in.........ℇvℯrℓasting【ℓℴve】█████████I'm so 【lost】█████████ The cool, crisp, night air bit into heated flash, casting a shiver down his slim body. His choice of clothing for the evening in no way helped to fight the chill. Since he had no chance to dress before being pulled away by his friends Josh had kindly thrown some of his own clothing Caj's way. However the boy was smaller length wise, which meant the shorts he'd given him road up quite a bit. They made his butt look wonderful, but the appendage underneath the clothing was quite the opposite. Every time he moved he felt the need to tug at his shorts, but doing so in a public place was hardly appropriate. So he dealt the the tightness. Making a mental note to never borrow his friends clothing, no matter the situation. On his upper body he wore nothing but a simple tank top, ripped at the chest to reveal the skin underneath. All together it made of a rather reveling ensemble, differing greatly from what he would normally be found in. Which usually just consisted of pants, and a nice fitting t-shirt. The design on it depending on his mood. Even to places such as this Caj wasn't one to wear this kind of attire. He piratically matched the small brown haired boy in clothing, at this moment. They could mistaken as twins. The look hardly helped easy his raging nerves.
His heart beat at an uneven pace, in no way calmed even though he had left the other males side. Two year. Two years and still he couldn't seem to throw himself back into the game. That man had been kind, and damn good looking. So why couldn't he jump on the offer of some kind of romance. The chance was there dangling right in front of his face, but he was to afraid to reach out and grab it. A sigh fell from his lips, drawing his arms around himself, Caj kept his pink lips parted and took in a deep breath, light blue eyes drawing closed as he did so. He did this one more time, before he closed his mouth and started breathing though his nose, letting out the breath though his mouth. The cold air helped to calm him, his heart slowly returned to a normal speed. But the air taken in also helped to chill his body. Feeling the cold air the small boy started to rub at his arm, moving his hands in a fast motion up and down the length of them, doing his best to use his own body heat to chase away the chill, as well as the goose bumps along his arms. Then he began to walk, his booted feet making a tapping sound as he moved them over the concert, pacing back and forth he in between the small alleyway that separated the bar, from another building, one of which Caj didn't know the name of.
He was close to the exit when he heard that voice. For a moment he was almost sure he'd imagined it. That voice... It couldn't be here. It had to be his imagination. But then it sounded again. He knew that voice to well to doubt who it was. All at once his heart stopped, the feeling of calm came to a screeching halt. He felt his breath hitch, just as his heart returned to its proper function, pumping his blood though his body at a rapid pace. The hands he had been moving stopped in motion, as did his feet. All his mind could do was make one connection to the voice, and his memories. "Arunn." He spoke the name without turning, unsure, or perhaps unable to face him. All function returned quickly, a few short moments after he'd spoken. Like saying his name was enough to spark his body back to life. His hands once stalled in motion started to shake, his breath seemed to come out in one big huff which he had trouble drawing back in. Slowly he managed to move his foot, turning his body slowly to see the very image that hunted both his dreams and his nightmares in person.
He looked just the same as he had the day Caj had told him goodbye. Brown hair, blue eyes. Only something about him looked clear, there wasn't a foggy intoxicated look in his eyes that he had come to fear. Arunn looked cleaner then he had when he'd last seen him. The gaze in his orbs was one of shock and desperation. Like a man lost in the desert being offered his first drink of water. Caj himself wasn't sure whither or not to call this man a mirage, he was so sure that he couldn't be here. They couldn't be in the same place, it just wasn't possible. Or at least that's what his mind was telling him. He found his feet moving backward when his ex's full image finally connected to his mind. One step out of the alleyway and away from him. His fingers clutched tightly around his arms now. Nails digging into the pale flash underneath them. Though the boy hardly seemed to take notice of that.
"What.. what are you doing here?" He words came out sounding breathless. He found it hard to speak while his mind bombarded him with memories that seemed all to fresh now that the star of them was here in the flash. It was as if he were back at square one, starting all over. Seeing him, the very ghost he was trying to hide from, shot back much of the progress he was trying to make tonight. Caj was at an utter loss for words, what could he possibly say to this man that would make any sense. His mind at the moment was in too much of an uproar to supple him with any kind of clever words. All his body was telling him was to move, it recognized Arunn as a threat, a danger to its safety. But the door to his exit was right in front of the very thing he was trying to avoid, effectively trapping him in place. █████████Not at all 【well】█████████ 【Dℴ】as tℎℴuℊℎ
Aftℯr it was【ℴvℯr】.........
Wℯ wℯrℯ just
Two【ℓℴvℯrs】 .......
【Cryinℊ】ℴn ℯacℎ ℴtℎℯrs sℎℴuℓdℯrs [Out Of Confidence: You must have been really tired. Lol. No worries its find its just an oops moment. By the way I'm sorry for my lack of replies, I've been busy with work, and when I get home I just kinda pass out.I was going to add his friends in here, but I think I might save that for my next post, I want to have them talk for a moment before his friend shout at him to get away. God, my post is so much shorter then yours, I'm sorry for the length. ]
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:45 am
Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＷＯＮＤＥＲ ＴＩＬ ＴＨＥ ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＴＩＭＥ
ＨＡＬＦ ＡＬＩＶＥ ＷＩＴＨＯＵＴ ＹＯＵ Ａrunn... The look of the club had been simple and that of most clubs like it, everyone seeming to get the message that everyone else in there wasn’t afraid of showing skin. With as little clothing most of them were wearing he figured they could’ve just called it an orgy just out of the hell of it. Really, at least they could say they’d been in one… if they were into that sort of thing. There wasn’t much doubt that most of the people within, excluding a certain few that weren’t the ‘don’t knock it till you try it type’. In there was probably the only place he’d ever stuck out like a stick in the mud. While others were practically covering nothing aside from the mandatory area’s while in public. He looked as though he’d just come from a casual job interview… maybe filling out applications or if someone would go so far as to say a third or fourth date kind of look. Ever since becoming sober his look had died down drastically. Where there once was rainbow like highlights, only had the natural blonde-ish highlights only that seemed to pop even more in any form of light. Where once many color contacts had come and gone were now his natural grey-blue orbs… no hazy look or fog to them from drinking too much. He’d removed all the muscle shirts and white beaters from his wardrobe. Tonight he wore slimming black shirt that hung to the top of his thigh and skin hugging blue jeans that formed around every curve of his body nicely. Not the worst club going outfit, but still he stuck out and that wasn’t what he wanted… especially when trying to get out without being noticed.
There was nothing he could do to calm his heart rate at that moment. The second he saw Caj it kicked up to a dangerous pace and even if he got told off it would be worth it just to see him for a moment. Even though he knew there was nothing he could possibly say to make what he’d done go away. But part of the program was to learn forgiveness, he had to forgive himself… and he couldn’t do that until he spoke with Caj. Was he dumb enough to ask for forgiveness? No, not by a long shot. That question would never leave his lips… not ever, but he knew if he ever planned on earning it. He’d have to apologize for everything… and this time he’d have to mean it. But he had a feeling it wouldn’t come to that… at least not right now. His accidental bumping into Josh only made the situation worse and he knew he had to speed this up in order to actually get a chance to talk to him. Yet, even now he had no idea what he was going to say to him. Hey, long time no see, sounded a little bit out of the question. But somehow it seemed better then what did escape his mouth, making him sound like clichéd idiot that didn’t have the slightest clue what he was doing. In a sense that’s exactly what he was…
The silence that followed was agony, seeing Caj stop in his tracks was all the confirmation he needed that it was him. A rather painful ache started up within his heart every time it beat he felt it, looking at Caj. Focused on nothing else but him, the overwhelming sense of shock and… fear was clear to see. Even before he turned around, he’d always been able to read the blonde male like a book… whenever he felt some emotion he knew what it was without even seeing his face. It’s how he knew he was hiding things from him… something that started out as a simple way of making sure he was alright. But then it turned into something much darker… but he shook that thought away as quickly as it came. Right now wasn’t the time to get lost in his past when the biggest piece was standing in front of him. So close he just wished he could hold him tight and never let him go again. But he knew any movements on his part would be regarded as what they were expected to be… threatening. That probably caused him more heartache then anything thing else, that he may never overcome being ‘the abuser’. Though after what he’d done to the beautiful male now turning to face him… he knew he deserved as much.
For a very long dragged out moment he just stood there and looked at Caj drinking him in. He hadn’t changed, some part of him was happy about that… but he did notice one thing… he looked better. Healthier even if those brown eyes were swarming in overwhelmed emotion at this moment. The blonde male looked more alive than the last time he saw him, there were no bags under his eyes, no bruises on that flawless skin… and no tears leaking from those beautiful chocolate orbs. He blinked a few times knowing he’d been staring longer then he should’ve and nodded, that being the only confirmation he could give at that moment. Followed by a quietly awkward, “Yeah, it’s me…” he rubbed the back on his neck as he looked at the ground twirling the golden chip in-between his fingers nervously. Swallowing hard as he looked back up to gaze at Caj once again, noticing what he was wearing and had to keep his eyes from straying and or bugging out of his head. Silently wondering if he’d become a frequent partier since their break-up but quickly dismissed the thought… he wasn’t his to worry about those kinds of things anymore.
When he noticed Caj looking at him as well, both of them seeming to want to take each other in after nearly two years of just not even coming in contact once. Though he was pretty sure that had been Caj’s and everyone else’s intention… and he didn’t blame any of them. After a moment under the other males gaze he had to look away, not able to look back at him. But when he took a step back his head snapped back up in slight dismay. His face dropping and he held out a hand and began to take a step forward but stopped the second he begun. “Please… don’t leave… I just want to talk to you for a minute, then I’ll leave I swear. You’ll never have to see me again.” He rushed out the sentence in hopes he could convince him to not run away and only received a question in returned. The slight quiver in Caj’s voice clear and he wondered if maybe he should just go and save them both the heartache. But he couldn’t leave… not yet, “I-I’m here with a couple of friends, I met at AA…” He spoke with his eyes elsewhere, not wanting to see the fear written all over Caj’s features. “They dragged me here after I shared at group.” He said simply the twirling of the coin became faster and faster out of nerves.
Did he have any idea why he was telling Caj all of this? No. He could’ve just said he came here with friends. But he knew that he wanted to somehow reassure the blonde male that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Though did he believe that Caj would ever listen to a word he said ever again? No. But he had to say something and that slipped out of his rambling mouth as he looked up at the Blonde seeing his intensions focused on the door behind him, or that’s what it seemed at least. He looked back at the door and a sad smile curled the edges of his lips. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have even come out here, I just wanted to see you.” He said softly and looked back up at Caj. “I saw you dancing with that guy and you look freaked so I… I don’t know… I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He cleared his throat and looked down the alleyway wondering what his chances of catching a taxi would be as he looked back at Caj. “You look really good Caj… sorry again for bothering you.” He nodded politely at him as he gestured to the door as he moved away from it, the last thing he wanted to do was make him feel trapped. He’d seen him, which was what he wanted… or at least part of it. ...[ Out.Of.Comfort : heh, maybe just a little bit xD. Oh, don't worry about it hon I understand life gets busy and as far as I'm considered real life needs to come before this either way. lol. Trust me, your post was perfectly amazing as always. I hope this one wasn't too lacking or too much if that's the case. And the rest sounds all good to me ^^ ]
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:03 pm
【ℒℴvℯr】,℘ℓease dℴ nℴt
......Faℓℓ tℴ your【knℯℯs】
.............ℑt's nℴt
ℒikℯ ℑ【bℯℓiℯvℯ】 in
.........ℇvℯrℓasting【ℓℴve】
█████████I'm so 【lost】█████████
Desperation clung to every word spoken, light eyes watched his ex's hand raise as if to reach out towards him. Though there was a far amount of distance between them he still reacted as if they were but a footstep apart, as if his arm could really reach out and take hold. His hand tightened around his arms pulling those limbs closer and tighter against his chest, holding himself in a hug the only thing that stopped him from turning and running as far as he could was the dismay he found in Arunn's gaze. Those eyes still caught him as well as they had years ago, softening his heart to a dangerous point. Slowly he stopped his retreat, drawing his feet together, hands loosening slightly on the hold they had on his flesh. He took in a deep breath, feeling the crisp air work to life up his lungs. Emptying them slowly he kept his eyes locked on to the other male, not speaking, but not withdrawing deeper into the ally as he had just moments ago. He couldn't deny that some part of him had longed to see the man. But if he should actually give into the desire he had know he would have fallen again. Forgiven everything once more, and fall back into the dark relationship they had developed. He simply couldn't let himself fall back to the point, back into the cycle. He wanted. No, needed to break free. And the only way to remain free was to stay away. His heart was to weak against this man to stay strong, he needed time to harden the organ before he could face him again. However he was starting to realize those years apart hadn't been enough to strengthen himself against him. Perhaps he never could. There was always going to be that place in his chest that belonged completely to this man. No matter how abused or hurt it may get, there was always that place in his heart.
That place beat the moment the letters AA? It took him a short moment to put together just what he meant. Like alcoholics anonymous? Did that mean he was getting help, really reaching out and trying to get better. Caj could feel his mouth drop open, his eyes turn wide with something that felt like hope fluttering in his chest. Could that really be all that he needed to forgive him, hear that he was really trying to get help. He honestly had to stop himself form running into the others arm. His body acted on automatic once more, but instead to moving backward it moved forward. A step closer to the male then he had been. It took that slight movement for his mind to start shouting. Something to stand up to his all to forgiving heart. Are you stupid! it yelled He could be lying to you. Even if he is telling the truth who says the group is helping. Put it together he is at a bar after all, and what do you do at bars? You drink. If he's really better why is he here, because of friends right? Have him prove that to you. more and more reasons to keep away from him piled up. He might have been lying. He could fall of the wagon to recovery-if he was actually on it. But the one that came back the most: was he really going to just forgive Arunn just like that, just because he might have gotten better. Was he really going to allow himself to go down that same road all over again?
The answer. No. He couldn't. Even if he felt his heart flutter at the thought of being back in the other males arms, he couldn't allow his heart to command him, it only cause trouble before. Still he stopping that glow of hope that was building in his chest was an impossible feet, even if he wasn't going to allow himself to jump into Arunn's arms he at least needed to know if it was true. "AA? Are you really getting help?" His words came out more hopeful then he meant them too. He wished he could sound skeptical of the fact, question him like his brain wanted him too. Caj would prefer to avoid giving Arnuu any ideas about how much this knowledge meant to him. "You really got up there and shared?" He felt the tug of a smile on his lips. He was unsure how the whole AA thing work, all the blond really had to go off of was the depictions of it that he had seen on television and most of the time people were made to stand one at a time and share why there where there and how the group had helped them so far. Or at least that was the basics of it. Trying to hide the smile that slipped the boy shifted his feet, suddenly feeling the cold bit into his flesh he once more resumed in moving his arms up and down to create a bit of heat with his palms. "I mean, that's great. I'm glad your getting some help." His voice was now soft, and he turned his eyes away for a moment, those light orbs gazing up and down the side of the bar.
From where he stood he could hear the bass sound though the wall, though the lyrics and tone of music ware lost to him the bass that shook everything inside was noticeable even out here. He wasn't aware that inside the club his friends were making a quick walk to the door. Josh eyes were narrowed in angry with a hint of worry in those depths. Though he in no way looked as menacing as the bigger male who trailed shortly behind him, lips pressed in a thin line, fist balled up at his side ready to strike the next person who dared cross his path. The blond hadn't a clue that they were mere seconds away from storming into the alleyway he was sharing with his ex, he was far to busy watching the other males lips curl upward in a sad smile. Arunn's apology stuck him as odd, maybe because he could nearly feel the heartache that clung to those words. He had almost forgotten about his dance with the other male until it was mentioned. "Oh yeah.. about that.. I just.." He found that he was ready to explain to him what had happened, like this man really needed any explanation at all. He wasn't his boyfriend anymore, Caj didn't really need to tell him anything, so why was he opening his mouth to do so. Why were the words still coming out even as he thought this. "I just, I couldn't do it. I'm not ready." Was he hinting at the fact that he missed him. Dammit Caj, stop it!! His mind was once again in battle with his heart, shouting at him and throwing him back on the defensive. The boy was acting very bi-polar with his opposing mood swings. One moment he was would seem comfortable, nearly wanted to reach out and touch the man. The next he was back on edge, careful, and worried about the male he stood with. It was nearly a visible fight with his heart in his mind. His heart was the forgiving side, ready to jump into his arms, start over, sure that he was better that they could love again like the had at the start. His mind was the one warding him away, assuring him that Arunn was lying, that he couldn't be trusted. That even if he was telling the truth, he would surely fall back into his old ways. If Caj forgave him it would only be to place himself back into that same old pattern it had taken him years to get out of.
Still the moment he saw Arunn move, creating a space enough so that the blond could access the door he found he couldn't move to it, even if it was an open escape. He didn't want to leave Arunn looking so dishearten. "Arunn..." He said his name softly, but whatever words that might have followed were quickly shut down the moment the door once again opened, this time with a hard push. The metal frame banged against the wall causing a loud 'thud' to echo down the alley. Caj eyes widened as he watched it bounce back only to be stopped by the hand of his larger friend. Josh the smallest of them was already pushing his way into the ally, his eyes locked on to Arunn narrowing more intensely on the other male now that he was in full sight of him. "I thought I saw you." His voice was a growl, differing greatly from the happy tone he was more known for. "What the hell do you think your doing. You need to stay away form Caj." His words alone might not have had allot of impact if it weren't for the big brute standing behind him ready to back up the warning should Arunn disagree. "Guys." the blonds voice was soft, caught between defending his ex lover, and standing behind the protection his friends offer. Alex's eyes darted to him for a moment, as side ways glance that moved up and down his body. Seemed to take in his body and look to see if there were any marks. "Are you okay." The big man spoke, his voice gruff and deep, something not heard all to often. A little shaken, Caj thought but other wise- "Yes."
Having no desire to be caught between a possible fight, the blond stepped closer to them, placing himself in the space opened by Arunn though far enough away that if the other male reached out for him he could evade the hand. He couldn't let himself be touched by him, unsure if that would be the thing that made him break, or if it would only make him shudder because he remembered just what kind of power those fist had. However before he could speak his peace, or perhaps just utter a goodbye to Arunn he felt his wrist being gripped by a pair of thin fingers. Josh pulled on his limp pulling the taller blond closer to him and further form his ex. The smaller males eyes were still focused in on the other male, but when he spoke his words were more to the blond then the mahogany haired man. "Come on. We need to get you out of here before something happens." his voice was cold and accusing, implying that if Caj were to stay he would not be leaving unscratched. "And you," there was a dark bitter bit as he directed his words to Arunn. "Go to hell." And the the short male pulled on the blond wrist giving him little choice but to follow the other boy. But even as he was dragged away his gaze turned over his shoulders, eyes seeking Arunn's for one last look. He had to remember what that gaze looked like completely clear, wanted to etch the look of him into his mind, hopefully that would help him get by for a while.
█████████Not at all 【well】█████████
【Dℴ】as tℎℴuℊℎ
Aftℯr it was【ℴvℯr】.........
Wℯ wℯrℯ just
Two【ℓℴvℯrs】 .......
【Cryinℊ】ℴn ℯacℎ ℴtℎℯrs sℎℴuℓdℯrs
[Out Of Confidence: Yeah, I've been working allot. Today was my only day off, so replies had slacked a bit. Thanks, and your post are fabulous, they are really really good. ]
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:16 am
cαrιɴɢ нeαrтвroĸeɴ υɴderѕтαɴdιɴɢ loѕт нoɴeѕт ιмpυlѕιve Ｉ ＣＡＮ'Ｔ ＧＯ ＯＮ ＬＩＶＩＮＧ ＴＨＩＳ ＷＡＹ， ＢＵＴ Ｉ ＣＡＮ'Ｔ ＧＯ ＢＡＣＫ ＴＨＥ ＷＡＹ Ｉ ＣＡＭＥ！
ＣＨＡＩＮＥＤ ＴＯ ＴＨＩＳ ＦＥＡＲ ＴＨＡＴ Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＮＥＶＥＲ ＦＩＮＤ Ａ ＷＡＹ ＴＯ ＨＥＡＬ ＭＹ ＳＯＵＬ！
ＡＮＤ Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＷＡＮＤＥＲ 'ＴＩＬ ＴＨＥ ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＴＩＭＥ， ＨＡＬＦ ＡＬＩＶＥ ＷＩＴＨＯＵＴ ＹＯＵ．．．
ＭＹ ＨＥＡＲＴ ＩＳ ＢＲＯＫＥＮ！ ＳＷＥＥＴ ＳＬＥＥＰ， ＭＹ ＤＡＲＫ ＡＮＧＥＬ！
ＤＥＬＩＶＥＲ ＵＳ ＦＲＯＭ ＳＯＲＲＯＷ'Ｓ ＨＯＬＤ．．． ＯＶＥＲ ＭＹ ＨＥＡＲＴ．．．
ＣＨＡＮＧＥ － ＯＰＥＮ ＹＯＵＲ ＥＹＥＳ ＴＯ ＴＨＥ ＬＩＧＨＴ！ Ｉ ＤＥＮＩＥＤ ＩＴ ＡＬＬ ＳＯ ＬＯＮＧ，
ＯＨ ＳＯ ＬＯＮＧ！ ＳＡＹ ＧＯＯＤＢＹＥ， ＧＯＯＤＢＹＥ！ ＲＥＬＥＡＳＥ ＭＥ， Ｉ ＣＡＮ'Ｔ ＨＯＬＤ ＯＮ．．． ! recoverιɴɢ αlcoнolιc αɴɢer ιѕѕυeѕ loveѕιcĸ Ａrunn... It seemed as though a thousand moments flashed in his mind the second his hand raised and reach for Caj. He knew he couldn’t reach him from this distance… and that was the point of all of this. A public place, a safe distance, longing glances and more heartbreak then he could manage. Once again those terrible memories took place in his mind reminding him just what that simple action of raising his hand had done. The only one he wanted to remember was each time he’d caressed that flawless pale complexion of the blonde. He was awe inspiring he’d always had a hard time keeping his hands off him… but that might have been the problem. That and his excessive drinking, anger and just pure out stupidity. He felt that just then more guilt weighing on him as he saw the deep fear in Caj’s eyes. That looked still haunted him to this day and seeing it again only made him want to run away and burying himself back in the pit of depression and despair like he had done for the last two years. He’d thought this moment would give him the reassurance he needed… but it was only making things worse. A mistake. One that he would not soon forget and the hand that longed to hold Caj and promise he was better and that he knew he didn’t deserve a… whatever chance this might have been, but he wanted one anyway. He’d thought he’d gotten over all of this and that he could just accept Caj no longer wanted him… but every part of him was fighting for this. He didn’t just want another chance to do things right… he needed it, desperately.
Feeling stupid for the late realization of all of this and now Caj wasn’t the only one with the urge to get out of that alleyway. Wasn’t as though he was afraid of the blonde, but they both knew that little fact. But now he didn’t know about that, the fear of saying something stupid or ‘falling off the wagon’ after being rejected... or worse. That anger he’d desperately tried to make go away and for the most part succeeded. Only thing was that it had flared its bitter head when he saw Caj with someone else. He’d managed to control his need to deck the guy, but it was proof he didn’t have everything as ‘together’ like he’d thought; only furthering the bad idea feeling within him. He had no idea why he’d brought up AA in that moment, out of desperation to keep his mind away from the angry part of him. One of the reasons he gave up drinking was to remain in control… but old habits die hard. But as he looked at the breath taking blonde male so close to him after all that time his feelings were still there and stronger than they ever had been. Of course seeing the shock on Caj’s face followed by what seemed to be a mental battle of believe or run. He didn’t blame him… how could he after their history, but still that fact he hadn’t run away –yet- made his heart soar.
When Caj moved forward his heart gave a relived sigh, but oddly enough he took a step back from the blonde. All he wanted was to talk and the look in Caj’s face spoke a million words, he didn’t know what he’d do if the other moved in on him. Though he still longed to hold him and never let him go again… that was the exact reason he moved away. Not to mention he knew they didn’t have much time left, even if Josh hadn’t recognized him it, he knew the others would come looking for him. If anyone had been more paranoid about where Caj was it was them. He supposed he couldn’t blame them either… but all he wanted… all he needed was to talk to him and try and get that look of fear from marring the others face. Even hearing the hope in Caj’s voice at the question didn’t exactly spark hope up in him. He knew he could lie about everything… he was good at it and the one time he was telling the truth he was met with only a long list of questions. But he deserved everyone, and Caj deserved the truth so he had no reason to lie to him. “Yeah, that AA…” he smiled almost amused but it was still sad, he didn’t think any smile that crossed his face wasn’t mixed with sadness. He twirled the little metal infused plastic coin before he held it up for Caj’s viewing.
He knew it wouldn’t look like much, but that little piece of weird metal plastic fusion meant everything to him now. He didn’t go anywhere without it and now more than ever he needed that reminder… he’d gotten better, even with that minimal flare of anger sometimes things had gotten better. “I’m also in an anger management group, though I still have the slight flare up of anger now and then… but haven’t gotten in a fight or drank for over a year now.” He spoke lowly and met Caj’s eyes hoping that by some miracle that he believed he was telling the truth and not the same old lies. But he stopped believing in miracles long ago and even so why would he deserve one? He moved his hand back to his side and continued to twirl the coin in his fingers. When that faint smile crossed Caj’s features he felt his heart speed up as he swallowed the saliva gathering in his throat out of nerves. A boyish half smile came across his features as he rubbed the back of his neck nodding slightly. “Yeah, I shared… that’s kind of what got me dragged here in the first place. Seemed they thought I needed some ‘cheering up’.” He made air quotes and shook his head the half-smile disappearing just as fast as it came. Seeing Caj’s shiver and rub his arms, of course it wasn’t surprising considering his attire… but he wasn’t one to judge… especially when it came to Caj.
At Caj’s easy dismissal of the topic he felt a slight sting from within; guess he did think it would’ve been that easy. No, that was a lie… he knew it wasn’t going to be easy after everything. Though, it didn’t stop him from being slightly disappointed as he smirked bitterly towards himself. “Guess there is help for the helpless after all, huh?” he sighed lightly, the question was directed at anyone but himself. As trouble began to stir within the club, Beth had nudged her lover and directed their gaze towards where they’d seen him disappear through. As they watched the two males they figured they better see what’s going on. The look on the large males face said a lot, and you can’t really ignore a sign like that as they moved around the large group heading in that same direction. Of course he had no idea what was about to happen and if he did he most likely would’ve said his goodbye to Caj then and walked away. But he couldn’t make himself leave or move any farther from Caj. Hearing the blonde begin to explain to him and it brought back unwanted memories, knowing that he was the one that made him feel like he needed to explain to him. The dark part of his mind wanting the explanation… still thinking the blonde was his, but it was easy for him to ignore that constant control. “You don’t need to explain anything to me Caj…” he didn’t need to say why, it would only confirm what he hated knowing… that Caj had no need for him anymore…. didn’t love him because of all he’d done and now he wasn’t so ignorant as to believe he didn’t deserve that.
His heart skipped a beat only to start thudding unevenly as Caj spoke of not being ready. Was it possible that there still was a chance with him? That the blonde actually missed him just as much as he missed the other… but again he had a hard time believeing such a thing. So, his only reply was a faint sad smile and a nod. “I know what you mean…” he spoke softly hinting quite obviously how much he did miss the other. But no part of him believed that missing him was enough to fix things, if they even could be fixed. As much as he wanted everything to go back to the way it was before he’d lost all of his senses. Back when he protected Caj against anything… back when he could barely separate from Caj’s side without that fear he’d find someone better. He knew Caj deserved so much better than him, yet his loneliness made him act on impulse… yet another thing to work on. But this time he wasn’t going to fight what was bound to happen as he moved far enough away from the door to let Caj go without a fight. He’d just turned to leave when he heard Caj speak his name and his heart gave yet another sigh as he turned half-way to face him. He felt so weak in that moment and he gave Caj all the power to break him… like he deserved to get to do after all that hell. But whether his words would’ve stabbed him repeatedly through the chest, or gave him hope… he would never know.
Once the door slammed open he jumped back creating even more distance between him and Caj. Once he saw Josh and the angry looking red-head he figured it was time to leave. But some part of him couldn’t resist firing up the smaller male who thought he was two sizes bigger then he was and wore clothes two sizes too small. “Nice to see you too josh… I see you’re still wearing your usual 'I'm a five-cent prostitute wear'.” He said with a stone face showing he paid little to no mind to the male as his gaze went straight back to Caj. But as josh continued to make a pest of himself he felt his nostrils flare and he clenched his jaw. Knowing punching the little twerp until his mouth stopped leaking out his annoying voice would destroy any progress he’d made. Counting to ten in his head only finding the two women he’d come with -Beth and Justine- barge into the alley making it fully awkward. The woman looked over the situation carefully before moving towards Arunn; the taller more in control female looked to the others both of the women’s eyes going to Caj and then everything clicked. “Well now aren’t you a little firecracker.” The woman spoke with a slight southern twang he hadn’t noticed before as she looked to Josh before looking back at Arunn. “You okay darlin’?” she asked and he nodded in return.
Only it seemed his proof had come too late as the two males drug Caj away and as much as he wanted to ask them to wait he knew that would only cause more trouble. Biting back a shout to Josh at his comment and simply sighed. “As long as you promise not to be there, you little troll.” He said loud enough to be heard and turning towards his two friends only to see Justine call out. “Are next meeting is in three days at the old chapel if any of you might be interested.” She called out and he knew that invitation was directed at Caj and he mentally face palmed before turning to see Caj looking at him. He gave him a half-hearted half-smile and gave a sad one-handed wave. “Goodbye.” He said, the word sounding so final… but he knew he would’ve regretted not saying good-bye when he had the chance. Maybe now he could start to heal but he doubted, no matter how much he wanted to be over all of this. He knew he’d look for Caj in every blonde, pale male… till eventually giving up on his death bed. Oh yes, he still loved that man more than life itself… and he knew that would always remain. He just hoped that now he’d seen him, carved him into his memory. He’d just have to remember he’d once had that love… the saying ‘if you love them, set them free’. Maybe that had been his true intention here… or maybe he just needed one final goodbye. Either way he knew he’d dream tonight… the contents of which would only be that of Caj and how amazing things used to be. He didn’t bother with the club simply walking out of the alley and headed for ‘home’. ...[ Out.Of.Comfort : I'm sorry for the wait, I got busy but thankfully I had some free time and got it done. lol. Longer then I expeced but I think I got everything that needed to be covered xD ]  ＷＥ ＬＩＥ ＢＥＮＥＡＴＨ ＴＨＥ ＳＴＡＲＳ ＡＴ ＮＩＧＨＴ，ＯＵＲ ＨＡＮＤＳ ＧＲＩＰＰＩＮＧ ＥＡＣＨ ＯＴＨＥＲ
ＴＩＧＨＴ！ＹＯＵ ＫＥＥＰ ＭＹ ＳＥＣＲＥＴＳ ＨＯＰＥ ＴＯ ＤＩＥ！ ＰＲＯＭＩＳＥＳ， ＳＷＥＡＲ ＴＨＥＭ ＴＯ ＴＨＥ
ＳＫＹ! ＴＨＥ ＢＩＴＴＥＲＳＷＥＥＴ ＢＥＴＷＥＥＮ ＭＹ ＴＥＥＴＨ！ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＦＩＮＤ ＴＨＥ ＩＮ－
ＢＥＴＷＥＥＮＳ！ＦＡＬＬ ＢＡＣＫ ＩＮ ＬＯＶＥ ＥＶＥＮＴＵＡＬＬＹ．．． ＡＳ ＩＴ ＷＩＴＨＥＲＳ， ＢＲＩＴＴＬＥ
ＩＴ ＳＨＡＫＥＳ．．．ＣＡＮ ＹＯＵ ＷＨＩＳＰＥＲ．．． ＡＳ ＩＴ ＣＲＵＭＢＬＥＳ ＡＮＤ ＢＲＥＡＫＳ， ＡＳ ＹＯＵ
ＳＨＩＶＥＲ．．．ＣＯＵＮＴ ＵＰ ＡＬＬ ＹＯＵＲ ＭＩＳＴＡＫＥＳ．．．
ＬＥＴ ＧＯ ＢＥＦＯＲＥ ＩＴ'Ｓ ＴＯＯ ＬＡＴＥ．．．
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:30 pm
【ℒℴvℯr】,℘ℓease dℴ nℴt......Faℓℓ tℴ your【knℯℯs】.............ℑt's nℴtℒikℯ ℑ【bℯℓiℯvℯ】 in.........ℇvℯrℓasting【ℓℴve】█████████I'm so 【lost】█████████ Pale hands moved to the front of his body, light brown eyes jumped from the faces of his two friends to the handsome face of his ex. It shouldn't come as a shock that Caj still found Arunn very much attractive. If not more so then he used to. He looked so much... cleaner, healthier, it almost appeared as if his own emotional growth had strengthened his already handsome appearance. But then, that may just be the blonds mind toying with him. He had no proof that everything Arunn had told him was really true, all of this was merely a clime, and he knew the man could lie was well as a thief. Part of him was dying to believe the male, another didn't dare to. His heart seemed to be split down the middle, every beat of it egged on the fight that was growing more intensity the longer he was near him. Even though Caj stood a fair distance away form the male, his body still tingled, his mind creating a ghost of a touch across his skin, as if Arunn had warped his arms around him. He could nearly feel the imaginary heat of the other males body, the strength of his ex's arms around his waist. For a moment he allowed himself to feel an ache for it, he had missed that touch. Missed the times when all it took for him to feel safe was those arms around him. Once encircled in Arunn's arms the world and all his problems seemed like a distant memory. At least at the start it had. To soon things had crumbled, and eventually those arms had started to feel like a cage rather then the haven they had once been.
As these thoughts played though his mind he found his eyes had stayed locked onto Arunn for far to long. His gaze didn't go unnoticed by his larger friend. Alex hand reached out, large fingers drawing around Caj's elbow giving a light tug to gain the others male attention, effectively drawing his eyes away form the face of his ex. Alex gaze said it all, it was both concerned and warning. It said: 'Don't go their Caj, don't even thank about it.' and in reaction the large male pulled him further away from Arunn, forcing his smaller body to move until he was behind him, Alex large body became a unneeded wall of protection. "Five-Cents is still to much for you, ya broke a** drunk." Caj caught Josh voice snap back the anger in his voice very clear. It was well known that Josh and Arunn had never really got along. Josh had him pinned as a loser before their first date, said he knew he was bad news from the start. It was only with his friends consent plea to at least play nice that he became civil with the other male. He could see the anger starting to seep into his ex-lovers eyes, it was something he'd learned to detect very quickly, sometimes if he caught that look early enough he could form a plan on how to avoid any damage. It was a defense he had started to relay on. Seeing that flash instantly made him withdraw stepping closer to Alex large body, a single hand lifting up to lightly warp itself in the fabric of his shirt. Like a child clinging to his father. While Josh seemed more concerned with keeping his eyes on Arunn, Alex eyes turned down to the small blond, a large hand reaching back for him to hold should he feel the need for it.
However Caj never had the chance to reach out and take the offered hand before his eyes drew to the door that was once more swinging open. Yet another pair of bodies joyed the ally, making the smaller space even thinner then it already was. With their added presence Alex was forced to step back, moving his large body to allowed the women. His back collided with Caj's chest, throwing the boy slightly off balance for a moment. His body stumbled but with his hands still tangled in Alex shirt he managed to stay upright. All talking seemed to stop with their appearance, every pair of eyes was on their bodies, a single question loomed over the friends mind. Just who were these women and what did that have to do with this? Even Josh had lightened his glare to look at them a look of confusion replacing his angry gaze. They seemed to assess the situation very quickly, and soon it became apparent that they were acquainted with Arunn, though only two out of the three friends could guess why. Caj wondered if these were the friends he had spoken of before their conversation had been cut short. "About as fiery as my hair." Josh's jock came out sounding more confused the funny, his feet moving backward until he was closer to his friends then the other trio.
When a comment was directed at Arunn about his well being, Josh anger quickly returned, and soon Caj found the smaller male taking hold of his arm. Once more the door was thrown open, but instead of more entering they were leaving. The red heads only response to Arunn was a single insulting finger in the air. It seemed he, and the largest of them were ready to completely dismiss him, as if he were nothing more then a bad memory they could over look. Caj on the other hand couldn't help but look back, Arunn wasn't so easily brushed off by the blonde. His ears caught the woman words, committing the place to memory before he too threw up a single hand in a wave.~+~Timeskip~+~ The rough sounds of snoring echoed though the quiet home. The disturbingly loud sound coming from the small red head whom one would think would lake the power in his lungs to make such a noise. However after knowing him for so long Caj had learned that even though his friends body was pint size, that in no way meant his voice was. Sometimes it seemed like he compensated for his size with his loud mouth or at least that was the blondes assumption. Another thing about his friends that he had learned, both were very heavy sleepers. And this fact was a current advantage to the small blond who was slowly slipping out from under the arms of the two, sliding his body down off his bed and onto the floor at his knees. For a moment he crouched there watching to see any signs that he might have disturbed their slumber. After a few moments of nothing but continues snoring Caj reasoned he was safe and stood to his full height. After the events of last night his two friends had insisted that they stay the night, they hid behind the fact that they were worried about him, after all seeing Arunn had to have a huge impact on the blonde. But in truth they seemed to be more watchful of his movements then his emotions, as if they feared he would leave in the middle of the night in search of his ex. Honestly, they had a right to fear, because right now his intentions was to see Arunn. Though he hoped not in a physical way, he simply wanted to make sure that the male hadn't told him a lie. From what the lady had shouted last night today was a meeting, and if he was there... well that would give him at least some reassurance that he was telling the truth. That he really was trying to better himself.
All night long Caj had battled with himself. His mind turning to much with thought to allow him any rest. Leaving the blond feeling utterly drained as he stumbled over to his closet. To go or to not? That had been the time consuming question. His first thought was to brush off the invitation that had been clearly sent his way. He wasn't with Arunn anymore, why did he need to know what he was up too? There wasn't any reason for him to concern himself with what the brunette was doing with his life. He'd cut himself free of that. His thoughts should have been something like this: He's going to AA. Well, good for him. And then they should have been promptly dismissed. If only it were that simple. But there was a nagging part in him that had to know the truth and he was to afraid of the reason to look deeply into way. He didn't know what impact the truth might have one him. If he was lying he knew he would be disappointed, he'd feel that small sliver of hope get snuffed out, feel his heart break just a little bit more because he'd thought maybe... maybe he had changed. But you know, heartbreak, and disappointment he could cope with. It wouldn't be the first time he'd felt those things when Arunn was in the picture. Honestly he was more afraid what he would do should he find out it was true. Would it give him hope? Would he forgive him for the past? Could he? Should he? Would he still be afraid? Would he be angry? He didn't know, and the only way he would ever find out was to go there himself and see. He simply couldn't take the feeling of not knowing, he couldn't pass up this chance that may never pass him by again.
While his mind continued to churn Caj had dressed himself. His artier much more his style then last nights had been. With a pair of nice fitting, but no overly tight, black jeans, and a white button up on his upper half. Stepping out ino the living room he retrieved his black gloves from the counter, slipping them on his fingers. Once done his covered hands reached out to stanch up the keys. One last pause was taken at the door where he waited long enough to slips a jacket over his shoulder, buttoning it over his shirt so that only the tile end of it peeked out from under the heavier fabric. A shaky breath left his pink lips as he slowly opened the door, for a moment he closed his eyes taken in a large gulp of air, and then he was out the door. █████████Not at all 【well】█████████ 【Dℴ】as tℎℴuℊℎ
Aftℯr it was【ℴvℯr】.........
Wℯ wℯrℯ just
Two【ℓℴvℯrs】 .......
【Cryinℊ】ℴn ℯacℎ ℴtℎℯrs sℎℴuℓdℯrs [Out Of Confidence: Its fine no worries. If anyone understand how busy life can get its me. I make you wait on me enough. I think its really good. Long is good.]
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