Candace's door was locked, partly to give the illusion she wasn't home and party to keep everyone out should anyone figure out she really was home. She sat in her room at her desk, hair still a careless mess and eyes puffy from hours of tears. The chair was leaning on its back two legs and her head was tipped back to stare up at the ceiling. In front of her laid a pen and a sheet of paper...or well..several sheets. Most of them had been torn or crumpled up. They weren't good enough. She only had one shot, one chance, and she couldn't mess it up. She had to do this right.

...Maybe it's for the best, Candace. You're always saying you don't do relationships anyway. And if you stay with H you don't ever have to-- Candace slammed the chair down, slapping a hand down on her desk.

"NO, Atropos. Just. No. He's...he's a poison. A monster. He's a terrible person and--"

But Candace...so are you. Candace's breath caught in her throat, and her chest felt tight. Oh, Candace.. Atropos sighed...and for a brief moment Candace could swear she felt as if she was being hugged. But no one was here to hug her, how was she feeling this way? Did Atropos..? Right now? You're a terrible person. You had that darling man whom you claimed to love...and yet..for selfish, physical pleasure you were willing to risk losing everything. And you did. H cares about you, from the looks of it. Do you honestly think a man like that cares about good little girls? I don't think so, Candace. He seems to genuinely enjoy your company...why do you think that is? Candace whimpered, taking off her rings and chucking them away before burying her hands in her hair. Shut up! Just shut up! But throwing her rings didn't mean anything. Atropos could not be silenced just by removing her rings and Candace was well aware of that. I'm sorry, Candace. You know I only say these things because I love you... Candace's shoulders were shaking as she tried desperately to hold back the tears. ...It's okay. I'm the only one here. You can cry now.

And so she did. She let out a loud cry of despair as she finally gave in to her need to scream, her need to just..cry. Her arms folded on the desk ad her face was buried into them, sobbing without abandon. What had she done? She just threw away the first man she had ever gotten to a point she could admit she loved. It was so hard to do! And then she just gave it all up for sex! How could she be so stupid! The one thing...the one thing she never wanted to experience...and she ******** did it..

"Dad? How can yeh just smile and keep lovin' mom when right this vereh second...she's at Andrew's house <********> him, prob'ly." Candy snorted and sipped at her bourbon, a foot on the porch floor to gently rock the porch swing back and forth. The man beside her sighed and draped an arm behind Candy's head along the back of the swing. He also took a swig of bourbon from his own glass, swirling it around while just staring thoughtfully out at the yard ahead of them. It was a warm summer day, though really almost every day was warm here..

"'Cause I love 'er, Candy. Just as I love you." A hand moved to give her shoulder an affectionate squeeze before letting it sit on the back of the swing again. He sounded happy as he said this and all she could do was frown and just look at him. The man whose heart broke every time her mother, his wife walked out the door. Sure, she didn't always lie and would honestly go out for the reasons she said she was, but every now and then it was clear where she was going. But how could he just sit here and let her do this to him? Seventeen years of this at least! There was no telling how long her mother had been with her biological father before they ******** up and conceived her, revealing it all! But her father knew how long.. "See, Candy...I love your mother. Sometimes, when you love someone enough, you forgive them for their shortcomings. Besides, she and Andrew gave me you." He took another sip. "So it's not all bad."

"...You're lying." Candy muttered, leaning to one side to put her head against her dad's shoulder. "Even I see how it hurts you when she goes to him. How can you just let 'er do that? You love her, but is it worth getting' yer heart broken every time she walks out? T'not be able to trust 'er even when she is tellin' the truth?" Her fingers clenched around the glass as she lifted a nearly trembling hand to finish off the glass. Love was killing her dad, and all because of her whore mother. She was never going to do that to someone. Candace could never let herself be poisoned by something like that, to make herself or someone so unhappy. She could never let that happen. "You're lying." She mumbled unhappily, holding her glass up for a refill which the man quietly obliged with a small sigh.

"She's happy."

"You're not."

"I made a vow, Candy. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness, even moral sickness and in health. I've been in love with your mother for a long, long time, Candy. Love isn't something you just--where are you going?" Candace had stood, pushing off the swing and walking away. "..Candy?" She dropped the glass as she walked into the house, a hand on her chest and her eyes tightly closed. She couldn't breathe, she could barely walk, and her head was swimming. Her chest felt tight and she wanted to just throw up. She could hear her dad behind her, following her in and trying to find out if she was okay, but all she did was shrug him away and stumble up to her room to lock herself in and hide under her covers. She didn't doubt that when she left there was going to be news of another appointment awaiting her. If it wasn't nightmares about shadows and The Man In Black it was panic attacks simply over thinking too hard on love.

How could he? How could he just..how could he just let her do that to him? How could her mother be so selfish? How could she just carelessly hurt this amazing, loving, devoted man who still talked so kindly about her despite how horrible she was to him?

She was the worst...

Candace wailed, she sobbed, she cried and she whimpered. There was nothing at all dignifying about her behavior but now that there was no one around she did not give a flying ******** anymore. She wanted to cry, she was going to damn well cry.

This lasted a good hour and a half before she gradually grew quieter and quieter until eventually all she was doing was gasping for a steady breath and damn near hyperventilating, rubbing and wiping at her face and sitting up in her chair. God. ********. Damnit. DAMNIT! She slammed a fist on her desk in frustration and a movement caught her eye. The little glass unicorn Jerry had given her had bounced from the slam and was tipping over the edge of the desk. Time seemed to slow down as Candace let out a cry and dove for it, fumbling it but somehow managing to catch the unicorn in her hands. She hit the floor instead of the trinket, holding it above her head and just staring at it. The unicorn survived, she breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god." Candace breathed out, climbing up into her chair again and gently placing the unicorn in a safe place away from all the edges.

She had a goddamn letter to write.

Quote:
Jerrbear


She stopped, groaning and crumpling up the paper. No, don't start this with adorable pet names.

She had to do this right. She only had one shot.

Bilious
Jerry,

Words cannot express how sorry I am. What I did was unforgiveable, and frankly I would have reacted much more harshly than you did. There isn't enough time in one lifetime to tell you how sorry I am.

If you're still reading, which I desperately hope you are, I'm going to keep this brief.

You said to stay the ******** away from you, but I don't want to. I can't. Even if it's as small as just wanting to talk it out with you, to just...explain myself. I can't think of any other way to put it.

For awhile now there's been something I've been wanting to tell you, something that the very thought of would make my body panic. And it's entirely my fault. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve any of that; H's words were cruel, what I did was even crueler.

Jerry, I love you. I was going to tell you when I came to see you. I was going to tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. How important you are to me. How I can't ever get you off my mind, how I will do anything for you because I love you.

I still love you. I'm sorry that this is how I'm telling you now and not when I'm comfortably in your arms being loved by you.

I'm so sorry, Jerry. I want to ask you to forgive me but frankly if I was in your position I wouldn't offer forgiveness. Heh.

There's so much I want to say but I want to say it in person. I'm going to leave that up to you, Jerry. If you want nothing to do with me then just...I don't know, don't answer? But if you'll have me, my door is always open for you. Only you.

~ Candace


That was the only way she could think to end it. She ran out of words to write. Candace dropped the pen and carefully folded up the letter, her hands trembling as she sealed it with a stupid looking cat sticker she had thought would be a good idea to buy when she was hopped up on JOY in the air.

Jerry would later find the folded paper, unlabeled and unmarked aside from the stupid cat sticker, on his floor by the door. It had been slid underneath it, poked and pushed until it was in his room.