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 Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 5:30 pm
The silence was unnerving. Like statues, four white figures stood facing one another, nostrils flared, eyes wild… looking at them now, it was near impossible to tell that they were family.
That they cared about one another.
No. They were not family. Now, they were just statues, bereft of emotion and sound as the full weight of the argument at hand hit all of them. The expectations of Crousader had never before appeared so insurmountable as they did now, especially to his eldest daughter and her younger brother, who stared at him with wide unblinking eyes. Did he really mean what he had said, their expressions begged, was this what he really thought about their efforts… their hearts? Did gender really play that large of a role in his world, that it took being born male to ‘earn’ his regard?
The simple answer was yes, but answers to inquires of the heart are seldom simple. If asked whether he loved his daughter, his precious spitfire Seresai, his answer would also be yes. She was so like him, so quick to judge and so light of foot. He knew what life would do to a young mare with her particular brand of arrogance; he wore the scars himself. But he was also afraid that such obstacles would do more than simply scar her, as they had him, and he feared she would buckle completely under the weight… her life becoming a mockery of the promise and potential she exhibited now. She would live a happier life if he let her down now, while her feet were still on the ground, before someone else took the very wind from beneath her wings. If asked, Crousader wasn’t doing this because he still clung to the old traditionalist ways, he was doing it because he knew others did… and he wanted to spare his fiery daughter what ill he could.
As for Tiarnan, his soft-hearted and naïve son, Crousader was truly bewildered. The young stallion possessed such strength, both of mind and of physical ability, yet he well and truly wished to be apart from the world. There was a selfishness there that infuriated his sire, born with both wings and a healing horn, Tiarnan could be anything he wanted… yet he chose to do nothing. Staring at clouds, allowing his brother to venture off to fields unknown with scarcely more than a whicker of farewell, Tiarnan did nothing. Galahad, at least, knew what he was doing; he’d had a mission in mind and a cause to fight for, even if Crousader sometimes wondered if his unicorn son fully understood himself yet. But it has been a very mature decision, one Tiarnan showed no sign of making anytime soon.
Was it really this hard, he wondered, to be a parent? Was facing down both of his errant children (and his concerned mate) what he was supposed to do? It had seemed like the right idea, back when he had brooded over it and allowed it to grow. He would tell them what they were doing wrong, as he always had, and they would correct their erroneous life trajectories just as that had corrected improper posture during basic training. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him that they would fight him on this, that emotions would get involved and Amarinne would have tears streaming down her face…
What had gone wrong?
“Crous, y-you can’t… mean that…” She asked, her lyrical voice broken and trembling as she took a stand apart from him, between him and his children… their children. Apart from him…
“When have I ever said something I don’t mean?” He replied, gazing into her pale green eyes with confusion he felt whole-heartedly but struggled to deal with. She had to understand, they had spoken about this before; he knew how much she worried for Tiarnan and Seresai, and for similar reasons. He also knew she lacked the strength to tell them of her worries, so in a way, he felt that he was also doing this for her. But that pain, that sense that he had just crossed a line that should never be crossed, it was staring him back in the face as her expression settled and Amarinne took a more aggressive stance.
Against him.
Why was she moving in such a way? Against him?
“You had better take it back, Crousader, or I will renounce you here!”
What?
Distantly, he heard Seresai crying out, begging him to tell them the truth. Say it wasn’t true, Papa, say that he didn’t mean to say they were a disappointment.
But they were.
He only wanted the best for them, and it was killing him that they didn’t want the same for themselves. A lady knight, a wandering eccentric, his children were begging to be taken advantage of at best, murdered at the absolute worst. Desperately, his eyes sought Tiarnan, waiting, wishing, and hoping. He should know that he would be able to turn this discussion, all he needed to do was-
“I’m sorry, Father.”
Ice. ‘Father.’ As if he was speaking of an earthworm, nay; the gluttonous crow who fed on the innocent worm. The apology wasn’t what he thought it ought to sound like; the young stallions’ posture closed and dismissive as Tiarnan finally took an interest in something. Teal eyes burning with rare emotion, his son bowed once and stepped back, leaving.
Leaving?
“Where are you going?” Could he not hear the plea in his voice? Was he blind to what he was doing to himself, to their family…?
“Perhaps I will find some shade. Perhaps not. Perhaps I will take a nap-“ A pause, a pregnant pause that seemed to stretch into eternity.
“Perhaps not.”
“Tiarnan-“
“I’m sorry I’m not the son you wanted.”
A whisper, the sound of hoofbeats overriding his heartbeats as his son walked away from him, soon joined by his sister. Both of them, leaving. Not listening, not caring.
Breaking his heart…
“You-“
Turning, the emotion behind his cold blue eyes finally overflowed, pouring down his face, tinkling against the armor of his chest plate as he stared at his mate. Even her? Would she leave? Her eyes spoke volumes, she was so very angry with him, but he couldn’t fathom why. He had tried, he had tried so hard to do the right thing!
“You are a fool. This is the face you should have shown them.” She whispered, voice trembling along with her body as she pressed against him while he cried. “We’ll talk when you are done, then later, we will talk to them.” She added, her tone firm, strong, admirable. Everything he had just tried to be.
Everything he had failed so utterly to be.
“Ok.”
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Word Count: 1,123
Crousader | Amarinne | Seresai | Tiarnan
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:12 am
Walking. Just keep walking.
"Tiarnan!"
Of course she would follow him, she was the perfect mix of their father and their mother... stubborn, dogged, just enough empathy to know something was wrong, but not enough to figure out when to quit.
"Not now, Seres." He told her, his tone clipped and bitter as he extended his stride to carry him further from her.
"Wait anyway! Dammit!" With a loud snort, his elder sister was airborne, arrowing to landing directly in front of him, blue eyes blazing.
Their fathers blue eyes.
Really, he'd seen enough of that hue today.
"Trying to finish what he started, Sister?" He asked, quiet voice becoming dangerously heated as she paced forward and literally got in his face. "You think you're the only one he just hurt? Dammit Tia, this is when we need to help each other out, not fight! He's wrong! You know he's wrong, I know he's wrong. Hoof it, even mom knows he's wrong!" She said, knowing her passions were often wasted on her sibling, but hoping this time, maybe, he'd get it. "Why do you keep pulling away?" She added, almost plaintively as she gazed up at her taller brother. She may be older, but there was something about Tiarnan that encouraged respect. He appeared so capable... but he did nothing.
Staring down at her, the young stallions eyes hardened almost imperceptibly, then he sighed.
"I'm not pulling away-"
"Yes you are, you are doing it right n-"
"Stop interrupting me!" He exclaimed, slamming one forehoof into the ground. Startled, Seres fell into silence, wide eyed and staring. Drawing breath, Tiarnan collected his thoughts for a moment, then spoke.
"I'm not pulling away from you, Seres." He continued, looking beyond her to the distant horizon. "He's right, though. I don't know what I want ... who I want to be." Another long exhale, and he looked into their father's eyes fully.
"How can I fight him, or be at your side, when I am not whole?" The admission pained him, as much as he was loathe to admit to any strong feelings. She would know, of course. There was enough of their mother in her to ensure tha---
"Don't give me that crap!" The exclamation was both a complete surprise and a very real slap in the face. She'd decked him with one of her wings, though the tears streaming down her face took the sting out of it.
"Do you think I care if you are 'whole' Tia? You are my brother! Our father is a kalona's hindquarters, yes, but you will NEVER fight him alone! I love you, so does mom and Galahad, and you don't have to be anyone in particular ... you just have to be YOU!" Frozen, he could only blink at her as she closed the distance between them and wrapped him in her wings. "You're a dreamer, Tia. You're creative and funny, you bring warmth wherever you go whether you know it or not. Even at your infuriating laziest, I can't help but love you for all of the good you bring just by drawing breath." Her tears fell hot onto his shoulder, staining his coat. Inhaling with a light gasp, he shook out his own wings and caressed her side tenderly.
"Seres, I ..."
"Shut UP you idiot! I'm not done!" She interrupted, burying her face in his mane. "I have to keep talking, or you'll leave. I ... don't want you to leave."
Damn it, how was he supposed to respond to that?
Word Count: 587
Tiarnan | Seresai |
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Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:19 pm
She was losing him.
The signs were as clear as day on his face, she'd seen them all before after all.
Amerlei had left years ago, though not in as dramatic a sundering as was now enveloping their small family. Galahad was gone as well, taken up as an apprentice to an Angeni no less. Which left only Tiarnan in addition to herself, and now....
"Tia, there is nothing for you to find that isn't already right here." She whispered, not knowing where the words came from, but trusted them as true. Her muzzle ghosted down to his chest, nudging against the place where she could hear his heartbeat. "You ARE you, and I hate to think that what dad just said to us could lead you to believe that you are not..."
"It wasn't just today." He interjected quietly, leaning into her embrace with an uncharacteristically heartfelt sigh. "Every morning practice, every evening sky dance. All of those times I did what was asked of me, and not what I wanted to do --" He stopped himself before she could, hopefully because he recognized the words as selfish.
Though, of all of us, Tia has the most right to a little selfishness. She thought sadly, as she quietly waited for him to work through his thoughts.
When he didn't continue, she spoke again.
"He wanted you to be who he thought you were." She started, stepping back to look her brother in the eyes. "But that rebellion." She paused to nudge his shoulder knowingly. "That desire to do something else, that was YOU reacting. Not a construct, not some puppet built by our sire. You've always been yourself, Tia. Don't convince yourself otherwise." She paused again, her blue eyes firmly fastened on his sea green ones. "His wants are just that, his. I can want to be a fox all that I wish, but I cannot shrink down and turn red." At Tiarnan's contemplative look, she shoved him lightly.
"I'm serious! Look ... you've fought against him all of this time. If you weren't 'whole' then why did you fight at all? You do know who you are, he's just muddying the waters ---"
Big wings engulfed her suddenly, drawing her close against him again and cutting off the rest of her impassioned speech. "Tia---"
"You're right." He said, voice thick with emotions seldom given free rein. "You're damn bloody right, sister." Speechless, Seres only returned his embrace in kind, holding him quietly as he cried.
Eventually, however, they parted. Wiping the corners of his eyes with his wings, Tia shook them out and drew breath while Seres simply waited. She was, as always, unafraid to show her emotions. It had always been a puzzle for her why he went to such lengths to hide his. Still, maybe -
"I still must go, Seres. I need this time away, to recenter myself - if you will." He said, sadness darkening his eyes. Blinking at him, Seres started to open her mouth - but he shook his head. "Please, let me go." He whispered.
"Only .... only if you promise to come back." She heard herself say. Horrified, her eyes widened, but even upon second guessing herself, she found that she meant it. He needed this, should could see it clearly now.
The smile he gifted her could have scattered a thunderstorm, it was so brilliant. Staring at him, she saw an inkling of the young brother she'd first met as a young foal. So full of life, so ready to take on the sorrows of the world and bear them for those not yet strong enough to carry their own.
"I'll check in with you regularly." He promised, extending his neck to nuzzle her cheek fondly. "Tell Galahad, I don't want him to think I've abandoned him."
Nodding mutely, Seres remained silent, her eyes brimming with tears.
His bright smile softening, Tia bowed once - deference to her position as the herd Protector, and spread his wings. "I'm off." He said, a typical farewell... Oddly, it buoyed her breaking heart and she smiled back.
"Wind to they wings, brother."
Word Count: 687
Tiarnan | Seresai
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