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 Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:33 pm
She'd been fine when she re-formed. Physically, anyway. But Siddie still felt cold, tense, breathless, as though Conquest's void had lingered in her chest. Death had been relatively painless; she was grateful for that. But the tiny eternity she'd spent not being anything had been terrifying. She couldn't remember it, not quite. She had only the faint and dreadful sense that it had been horrid.
She tapped timidly on Sammy's door. Sometimes she was afraid that she needed the zombie ghoul too much, leaned on her too hard. But she needed Sammy now. That was the problem and the dilemma.
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:19 pm
When Sammy looked back at dying it was becoming rather repetitive. Every time she died it was the same darkness the same empty void, though this time it was a bit different. Dying its self had been an eternity in its own. Something about black holes, singularity, watching the world seem to freeze and slow forever before the crushing darkness suddenly cut her scream from ever happening, sucked into the darkness along with every bit of FEAR that made her.
That was when the voice had whispered in her ear.
How long till you come to me. How long till you become one with me in Oblivion.
It had crooned softly in her mind as the world went dark. Something inside her, outside her, beside her, she wasn't sure. Something though was whispering into her very being things she feared far beyond hunters and horsemen.
All of those thoughts rattled through her head as she sat on her bed running her fingers over each of her dog tags, Ixxy staring at her with a tilt of the head when Siddie finally knocked on the door.
"It's open." She mumbled before burying her face into Ixxy's neck with a kiss waiting to see who was on the other side.
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:48 pm
Siddie let herself in quietly, kicked off her boots beside the door, and padded over to set herself on the bed and wrap her arms around Sammy. She said nothing, simply tucking her face against Sammy's shoulder and holding on tight. Fine tremors shook her shoulders.
She breathed in the scent of chill and faint rot and the faint bitter tang that she associated with the purple flame of Sammy's FEAR, her arm and now her eyes, the outwards sign of the battles she'd fought and continued to fight. How many times had Sammy died now? It frightened Siddie. How many times could a person die and still come back?
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:54 pm
Sammy didn't even look up, she knew the sound of those foots steps, the boots thumping against the wall beside her own. The faint feeling half implied only by her own FEAR's touch of lace and black flesh pressing against her. The soft shaking, it implied the same thing every time, that slight tears would likely be rolling down her cheeks as her cold black arm twisted around her back tugging her in closer. Ixxy mewling on their lap.
For Sammy it was just another death, for Siddie it was the beginning down a dark road, one Sammy walked headlong into. Scars marked her body, and where she didn't have those she had dog tags and stories to remind her of it. Memories that would haunt those quiet hours where she lay awake whilst Siddie slept beside her; but they both had the same FEAR deep down.
How many times could you die before you became like Red?
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 11:04 pm
After a minute, the tight hold of Siddie's arms relaxed a little; she freed one hand and reached down to scritch behind Ixxy's ear. She tucked herself more comfortably against Sammy, resting her cheek on Sammy's shoulder. Her cheeks were dry this time, no moisture seeping through Sammy's jacket. Clove peered out of her hood, then scuttled over her shoulder and down into her lap.
"I'd ask if you're okay," Siddie said quietly, "except that that's a pretty stupid question, isn't it?"
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Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:14 am
Words where optional when physical contact was all that was required. Ixxy did her best to squirm between both laps maowing every once in a while softly, just to make sure both ghouls where still paying some attention to the world outside their thoughts. For once though Siddie didn't seem to cry, her cheeks where indeed dry and it cause Sammy to shift ever so slightly to look down on that pitch black face of shadows.
"Redundant question more like," she responded softly, "Everyone asks it but each time I feel like I have a different answer. One minute I am, the next I'm not, and then suddenly I feel like I'm going insane, only to be fine moments later."
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Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:08 am
Clove curled into a neat ball on Siddie's lap, neither getting affectionate with Ixxy nor getting in the scareon's way; the shadow drutten was more reserved, but it chirped in response to Ixxy's maowing, doing its part to keep its favorite beings grounded and comforted. It nested in Siddie's skirt, nudged its nose under her hand when the hand came near enough. Siddie petted both minis, comforted by the feel of fur and scales warm beneath her hand. Strange how such a simple thing could soothe so well.
"I want us to be able to be okay again," she said softly. "But it's not that simple any more, is it? It's not as simple as most people think it is, even." She shifted a little, brushed her lips meditatively against the skin of Sammy's neck. "Sometimes I sort of wish I could be worried about simple things like what clothes to wear to the dance again. I mean, really worried, without bigger problems to think about. Without feeling like it's stupid to worry about stuff like that when there's so much more important things to worry about."
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 5:24 pm
Ixxy was much the same simply turning her head from one ghoul to the other as each took a turn to scratch behind her fins. Simple feelings for simple emotions; warmth and love something they both needed. Sammy's own fingers would reach down, black bone stroking scale and fur reaching to gently twine around Siddie's own fingers.
"It's not, it never was simple." She leaned over kissing gently back at Siddie's cheek as her lips passed over her neck. "You can still worry about the little things. We have to live day by day still." She turned more fully to face Siddie hands cupping her cheeks tilting her head up so she could get just the faintest look at the dark eyes among shadowed flesh. "I don't want you to worry, let me do that. I want you to be safe, to be happy, to think about things that make you happy."
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:26 pm
Siddie turned her hand so that she could lace her fingers between Sammy's, comforted by the feel of cool bone against her skin. As long as they were still both alive and here, they could keep going.
She leaned her cheek against Sammy's hand, almost smiling, and looked into her eyes, listening quietly to what her ghoulfriend said. "I want you to be safe too," she answered. "I want to help keep you safe." She hesitated for a long moment. "I don't - I don't want to be protected. No, I don't want to be sheltered," she corrected herself. "I want to stand with you, not behind you. I don't want to be useless any more."
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:19 pm
Flesh met bone, and twisted together as it always did time and time again between them. Together they sat, Siddie inches away from her as they spoke.
"I know... but I can't promise that." She stroked her cheeks gently in each of her hands now, watching that face, so dark but familiar she could make out the small changes in it just from knowing her so long now. Her heart ached, or would have rather, instead a cold fire rolled over slowly in her stomach as her FEAR flickered and danced inside her as she lingered on each of Siddie's words. "I'm not safe, I'm stupid, reckless, and dangerous," she mumbled, "I want to fight, I have to fight. Because of you, because I have a reason to fight." Her lips pressed against Siddie's again her eyes half closed the FEAR dimming, she realized something in that moment, she couldn't cry, as much as she wanted to her eyes no longer properly existed in that function.
"I know you want to stand beside me, I know you want to be important and you are. But I can't stand the though of losing you, or Shehk, or anyone else I care about..."
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Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:27 pm
"I don't want to lose you, either," Siddie said quietly. "I'd do anything. I want to be able to stand with you and give you a proper ring when all of this is over. If I don't help, if I don't fight, then I don't - I don't feel like I deserve to. I don't want to lie to everyone about anything. I don't want to need to." Her hand drifted up to touch the chain on which Sammy's dogtags hung.
"I have something to give you," she said.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 9:03 pm
Sammy grew quiet, she held Siddie close arms wrapped around her properly now as they rested against each other. Voices soft and quiet as they spoke. A ring, the thing she wanted to give Siddie in turn so much, the same thing she had been so upset over having nearly lost.
"Siddie... you don't have to do anything, to be worth that, it was my dream to be the one giving you a ring really..." she smiled softly, the two of them where a mess sometimes when it came to sorting out what they wanted; add in Barth and Calder and it was a mess all the more.
Gently the three tags would rattle as fingers brushed over them, Sammy's purple eyes seeming to shift slightly as if studying the tags and fingers stroking them. "What is it Siddie?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:36 am
"I want to feel like I deserve it," Siddie said quietly. "Sometimes I think I'm not even the same person any more. I was - I was pretty comfortable, but I was stupid, too." She sighed. "I hope I'm smarter now. But I still feel stupid." She fished around in the front of her corset-vest, finally pulling out a familiar-looking metal tag on a short loop of chain. When Sammy looked closer, though, she would find that it was printed with the name Obsidian - no titles, no surnames, only an embossed heart with it. The other tag peeked out from under the edge of Siddie's capelet. She offered the one in her hand to Sammy, a faint blush purpling her cheeks. "I thought maybe - I know you're not much for ghoulie jewelry," she said.
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:02 pm
"You do, you've put up with me. You've seen me broken, burned, scarred, and blinded. At my worst and my best, all my anger and rage and you stayed. You wanted this even after I pushed you away and did so many stupid mean things." She kissed her again on the cheek then the lips, "You aren't stupid, you're more then you where back then. We all are."
Slowly the tag would spin, simple, barely marked with nothing more then a name and a small heart. Blackened fingers would slowly reach out, taking the tag, pressing at it gently, not sensing it give in any way. Stubborn. Like they both seemed to be, made of a tougher metal.
She twisted the chain between her fingers reaching back to her own neck fiddling with the chains. Three tags twisted together, one held a name of a ghoul who crawled out a grave, a pointless date and a series of letters and numbers. Another of silver, her name carved in her own hand rough and crude, but bright like a hope for a future. The last of bone, of a weight they all carried. Eventually the first of these tags was freed from the others, pressed into Siddie's hand as she slipped the newest tag around her neck.
All the while she said nothing, instead the moment Siddie went to speak she would find Sammy atop her, lips cold yet soft pressing over her cheeks, her lips, fingers of bone and flesh twisting in her hair and ruffled clothing as they fell back on the bed. Her eyes where half closed, fires dimming, she couldn't cry, she was so happy, so sad, and touched.
For all the suffering and confusion, this one moment was perhaps one of the happiest in her whole existence.
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:13 pm
Sammy was quiet, and it seemed to take forever before she reached out to take the tag; when she did, Siddie found that she could breathe again. She gravely accepted Sammy's tag, slipping it onto the chain beside the one with her own name and tucking it back under her capelet with fingers shaky from relief that Sammy had liked and accepted her gift, had returned the gesture.
She drew breath to speak, unsure what she was going to say, but Sammy saved her from deciding with a kiss. Siddie leaned into it and let Sammy draw her down. wrapping her arms around her ghoulfriend and letting her kiss and her embrace speak for her relief and gratitude and love.
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