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Yumaki Kudo (re-done and completed)

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Tenshuyami

Obsessive Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:33 pm


Name: Yumaki Kudo

Nickname(s)/Alias(es): None

Race: Shinigami

Rank:

Physical Description: Black mid-back length hair with a snow white highlight, lean build, pale skin with ice blue eyes. He has a small scar on his ribs where he was attacked as a boy. His knuckles have small markings which spell 'SEAL' on each hand which he had since early childhood. 6'5 with a slighly laid-back exterior. Always wears a snow white scarf and a regular black hakama. His sheathe lies on his lower back on it's side for easy access.
The clothes he wears in the human world are usually white fingerless gloves with black straps, he wears a long sleeved black shirt with black pants detailed with white straps. He wears white sneakers with black laces and often is found with a pair of black and white head phones in his ears. as usual, his white scarf rests around his neck.

Personality: Kind and respectfull to his higher ups, he is usually seen with a smirk or bright smile. He can be oddly depressed if caught at a bad moment and usually gets abit rebellious to people who treat him like dirt, since it brings up past memories, he has a laid-back exterior and is very approachable although it doesn't seem like it at first glance. He often is not seen drinking, though he does have the occasional sake in secret. He is very calm and level-headed in dangerous situations and will never rush in without a plan. He is hetero-sexual but manages female and male friends equally, not really having a favorite when having a friendship. He has nothing against the vizards and has a small fear of fighting an arrancar though he knows that it must happen sooner or later. He hasn't fought a hollow yet but looks forward to it so he can prove his strength.

Zanpakutou:

Zanpakutou Spirit(s): Yumaki has two zanpakutou spirits, one is a man, standing at Yumaki's height with long white hair and black robes that sway in the wind at the back. He has the same ice blue eyes as Yumaki and wears a similar scarf around his neck as well. The man is pale white with sandalls at his feet. He is agile and extremely cold at the touch.
At the man's side is a wolf which speaks like a human. It has snow white fur and sky blue eyes. The wolf is also cold and fast. Light-footed and strong with killer instincts, the wolf is just as deadly as the man.

Zanpakutou element.: Ice

Inner world- A frozen lake surrounded by snow-covered hills. The lake is surrounded by snow-tipped flora and scent of flowers flow in the air. Snow covers the thin blades of glass surrounding the lake, the beauty endless. The seals on Yumaki's knuckles glow with each step closer to the lake in an onslaught of pain and power.


Sealed Form: A beautiful white blade with a freezing touch. Sharpened to the peak with a blunt side, the weapon can either be used to kill an enemy or render him/her unconscious. The hilt is double-wrapped in a blue cloth under a white one for a diamond pattern. They say the only person to take Yumaki's zanpakutou froze to death the next day, and although no wolves really exist in the soul society, the sound of a howl was heard in the night.

(Not obtained yet) Shikai Name/Release Phrase: Die with the frostbite. Hoeru Tsuki Touketsu (Howling moon ice frost)



Shikai Description: Yumaki is covered in a large blizzard which brings the battlefield to a lower temperature but not to the point of freezing, only snow. Yumaki's zanpakutou gets broken apart by a frostbite and allows him to channel the element of ice from his fingertips and his own body heat. A scythe at the height of 6'2 forms made almost completely out of ice, able to send out blizzards with the swipe of the scythe and landing devastating powerful blows if it hits. The scythe will nearly freeze what it touches but will give extra damage of frostbite.

Shikai Powers:

Howling moon- Yumaki throws the scythe with a large force, sending the weapon in a sideways spiral at the opponent, meanwhile, he attempts to freeze the target by using his shunpo to get behind the opponent in a rain of snow, then use frostbite on the opponent to hold him/her in place.

Crescent fury- Yumaki throws the scythe with such force that a whirlwind ice and cold flows towards the enemy, dealing significant frost damage.

Bite of the wolf- Yumaki makes a frostbite in the form of a wolf with the one track mind to kill the enemy.

Grave of spikes-Yumaki sends forwards a rain of 100 needles by freezing the rain in a small area. (Only used in rainy weather)



(More will be added)

(Not obtained yet) Bankai Name/chant: In the end, the world shall end in ice, end it all, Aisu no Kami, Hoeru Tsuki Touketsu. (God of ice, Howling moon ice frost)

Bankai Description: The field hits sub-zero temperatures in a large blizzard and nearly freezes everything on the field. When the blizzard ends, Yumaki stands there with His hair snow white and his body is covered in white robes, his scarf grows to the point where it nearly reaches the floor. The floor he steps on is frozen completely and you can see the air around him as his reiatsu overflows in a light blue with a white tint. His agility is improved and his ice does at least 3x as much damage. He no longer has a scythe, only a kitana with temperatures able to freeze the moisture in the air and use it to send waves of frost attacks to the enemy. The kitana is snow white with a frozen tip that is at sub-zero temperature and is at a height of 5ft. At the bottom of the hilt is a chain which is the same temperature of the blade. The chain is ended with the head of a wolf baring it's fangs.

Bankai Powers:

(Will be added later)

Special Accessories: A snow white scarf he is always seen with, it grants him luck.

Skills/Abilities:

frozen step- Yumaki does a shunpo with a frozen force of reiatsu which causes a large burst of cold wilnd to chill the bones and stumble the opponent if contact is made. (can only be used up close)

Excellent hand-eye coordination.

Superior swordplay and hand-to-hand combat- During his years in the academy, Yumaki excelled in mixing his swordplay with hakuda due to agility and flexibility.

Quick thinking- Wolf-like instincts grant him quick thinking in tough situations.

Kidou: He learned powerful Kido from his 'mother' in the soul society

Advanced Bakudo- 1-61
1. Sai

8. Seiki

26.Kyokkō

30.Shitotsu Sansen

58.Kakushitsuijaku

61.Rikujōkōrō


Uknown. Inemuri- Forces the target to fall asleep.

Basic Hadou (1-5)


1. Sho

4. Byakurai

Unkown- Hyōga Seiran. A spell that fires a massive wave of ice capable of freezing its targets and surrounding area



Biography/History: Growing up as a theif in the gutters of the soul society, Yumaki Kudo wasn't living in the lap of luxuary. He spent his days running and hiding, pickpocketing and stealing. After being caught in the act then leaving, the boy was attacked by local thugs who were later scared away by the boys surprising amount of reishi. He spent the next few years running and stealing without fear, increasing his skill in speed and stealth to near mastery while scaring off any thugs who attacked. One eventfull day the boy ran into a wealthy noble who lectured him about stealing. He led Yumaki into his house and for the next ten years he went to the nobles house, learning about life and respect. One eventful night he walked in to find the noble stabbed by a member of the stealth force. He read a journal found by the body written in blood. It told how the noble, named Hitelo, was a former soul reaper who had been stealing from the shinigamis for ten years, he killed the owner of the noble who owned the mansion, and it told how he was going to use then kill Yumaki. The stealth force shinigami told Yumaki that she heard of his reishi, and his potential to master it, then she offered him a home, and a way to become a Shinigami. A new path to change his life.

Staying with a new mother who was a member of the stealth force, Yumaki was taught many tricks while growing up, he learned about his surprisingly large resistance to cold and his ability to use frost attacks. Once he was old enough, he went to the academy for shinigami, where he became friends with many and excelled in his classes. The theif turned from being part of the rubble, to being a part of a noble family with a kind mother. After graduating from the academy, Yumaki had his sights set on a place inside of 10'th squad, what happens now is anybodys guess, only time, luck, and fate shall tell. In his time during the academy, he was a natural born leader. Yumaki took no crap from anybody, and barely listened to his instructors. He was alone most the time and excelled in his work. He was often asked by many students for advice, but he only helped those who really needed it. He passed the academy quickly and has a deep want to be a high seat in squad 10, the advanced guard.

A secret lied within the boy though, he had been born into the soul society, and had never visited the human world. Yumaki was abandoned by a royal family, he was a noble by birthright and it was actually a large part of his life and personality. His attitude and calm posture represents that of a noble, but his past does not. He doesn't remember a large part of his life which happened at age 10. Yumaki had stronger reishi pools than most, which was surprising because of his age. His 'family' sealed off half his reiatsu and tossed him out into the harsh Rukon District, leaving him to survive on his own.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:22 pm


Well, I just about finished my profile, if I need to fix anything or add anything let me know.

Tenshuyami

Obsessive Hunter


Yokai Manekineko

Beloved Gawker

PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:31 pm


Hey, welcome to the guild.

Anyway, I would like to see overall a bit more description in each of your profile sections. That being said, I would highly suggest running your profile through MS Word or something with grammar and spell checks. Really, it’s nothing horrible, you just have a number of misspellings, and it’s distracting is all. I would also suggest looking over some of the profiles that are marked as announcements or sticky, they are towards the extreme of description, but are helpful none the less.

Description: See above, I don’t have much to say here.

Personality: Can you tell us more about Yumaki? Ask yourself questions about him and use them to help flesh out his personality for us so we can understand him. How does he react to some of the other Bleach races? How does he react or conduct himself in battle? What’s he like around Squadmates, the same or opposite sex? What does he like? What does he dislike? What does he hate? Those are just a few questions to ask.

Zanpakutou Spirit: Besides bloodthirsty, is there anymore personality to his spirit? Anything at all? To be truthful, this section isn’t as important as others unless you commune with your spirit frequently. But, what about Yumaki’s inner world?

Sealed Form: Is the blade a curved Tsurugi? (Japanese double edged sword) Or, is it a simple katana with a bladed back edge that ends halfway down the blade. Just some clarification needed.

Shikai: The biggest issue here I see is the poison. Poisons or venoms are very difficult to moderate without them turning into a godmods. I know this personally, I have a character with a venom Shikai ability. I need you to describe this poison and how long it takes for it to take effect. If you’re causing an opponent to lose their senses and go ‘insane’, does it affect their mind by causing hallucinations? Might I also mention that making them see nightmares is very ineffective. Never trust others to play out their own character’s nightmares, either they’ve never thought about them or they won’t play along. Also, poisons effect characters differently. Depending on how they are played, they can range from working very well to not at all, so keep that in mind. Besides the insanity effect, you say it causes mild damage. How does it cause damage? Does it burn them? Cause pain? We need to know what it does.

Next, if your character is 6’3”, his scythe would be around…6’ to 6’5” in height. Unless Yumaki is going to pogo on the scythe or extend both arms all the way to the side, it’s not very effective to have a dagger at the end of the scythe. Basically it’s too cumbersome to try and draw the blade, at least realistically. Could you describe how he actually is able to accomplish this? It would help in understanding his fighting style with the scythe, since scythe use tends to have a lot of circular movements.

Shikai Abilities: Crescent of Sanity – please take out a secretly, sorry, grammar nazi moment. Also, no character begins with Shunpo in this guild. Unless he can use this technique without Shunpo, then he won’t be able to accomplish it once Shikai is gained, that is if he does not have Shunpo by then. Also, how does he shoot poison from the dagger? Traditionally you need to cut someone for a poison to work.
Crescent Fury – Just as above, how is the poison delivered exactly? From this it only seems like someone would be doused in a liquid poison. I suppose if it was corrosive it would work, but I don’t see how this is emphatically dangerous at all.
Peak of Sanity – Same as above, poison does what? Beyond that, body of the scythe I assume is the pole.

Bankai: Since this will take time to get, it’s less important right at this moment. You can leave it blank until Bankai training comes up for you if you’d like. Also, paralytic poison is a godmod of godmods. Unless the paralysis is extremely, extremely temporary or only in a singular area of the body, it is not a good idea for a poison. Think of each battle post as being the span of six seconds, if someone can’t move for thirty seconds, well…they’re pretty much dead right then and there. I would highly suggest if you must keep paralysis as the effect, making it effect depending on general power level and effect only the area it is injected into for one to two posts.
Skills/Abilities: Insane Shunpo – Again, must be trained for after learning Shunpo, and as stated before…nightmares tend to be ineffective.
Crescent Slash – Also needs to be trained for, as for cutting though Hierro, that would probably come with more and more use of the technique.

Biography: More description as stated at the beginning of my review. Beyond that, since he’s technically just graduated from the Shino Academy, what happened to him while he was there? How did he fair as a student? How did he end up getting into the Academy? How was he changed by going there? What squad does he hope to be in? How did his past there help shape him as a person?

Anyway, sorry for the long winded review, I try to catch everything I see in a profile all at once so I only have to make one post. If you have any questions just PM me and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:33 am


Thank you, I once had the profile with a lot more details but my Gaia mucked up and I had to restart the whole thing twice, on my third try I kinda gave up and rushed through it.
Thank you though for the review, I'll be sure to meet your wishes.

Tenshuyami

Obsessive Hunter


Tenshuyami

Obsessive Hunter

PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:41 pm


TheWickedTruth
Hey, welcome to the guild.

Anyway, I would like to see overall a bit more description in each of your profile sections. That being said, I would highly suggest running your profile through MS Word or something with grammar and spell checks. Really, it’s nothing horrible, you just have a number of misspellings, and it’s distracting is all. I would also suggest looking over some of the profiles that are marked as announcements or sticky, they are towards the extreme of description, but are helpful none the less.

Description: See above, I don’t have much to say here.

Personality: Can you tell us more about Yumaki? Ask yourself questions about him and use them to help flesh out his personality for us so we can understand him. How does he react to some of the other Bleach races? How does he react or conduct himself in battle? What’s he like around Squadmates, the same or opposite sex? What does he like? What does he dislike? What does he hate? Those are just a few questions to ask.

Zanpakutou Spirit: Besides bloodthirsty, is there anymore personality to his spirit? Anything at all? To be truthful, this section isn’t as important as others unless you commune with your spirit frequently. But, what about Yumaki’s inner world?

Sealed Form: Is the blade a curved Tsurugi? (Japanese double edged sword) Or, is it a simple katana with a bladed back edge that ends halfway down the blade. Just some clarification needed.

Shikai: The biggest issue here I see is the poison. Poisons or venoms are very difficult to moderate without them turning into a godmods. I know this personally, I have a character with a venom Shikai ability. I need you to describe this poison and how long it takes for it to take effect. If you’re causing an opponent to lose their senses and go ‘insane’, does it affect their mind by causing hallucinations? Might I also mention that making them see nightmares is very ineffective. Never trust others to play out their own character’s nightmares, either they’ve never thought about them or they won’t play along. Also, poisons effect characters differently. Depending on how they are played, they can range from working very well to not at all, so keep that in mind. Besides the insanity effect, you say it causes mild damage. How does it cause damage? Does it burn them? Cause pain? We need to know what it does.

Next, if your character is 6’3”, his scythe would be around…6’ to 6’5” in height. Unless Yumaki is going to pogo on the scythe or extend both arms all the way to the side, it’s not very effective to have a dagger at the end of the scythe. Basically it’s too cumbersome to try and draw the blade, at least realistically. Could you describe how he actually is able to accomplish this? It would help in understanding his fighting style with the scythe, since scythe use tends to have a lot of circular movements.

Shikai Abilities: Crescent of Sanity – please take out a secretly, sorry, grammar nazi moment. Also, no character begins with Shunpo in this guild. Unless he can use this technique without Shunpo, then he won’t be able to accomplish it once Shikai is gained, that is if he does not have Shunpo by then. Also, how does he shoot poison from the dagger? Traditionally you need to cut someone for a poison to work.
Crescent Fury – Just as above, how is the poison delivered exactly? From this it only seems like someone would be doused in a liquid poison. I suppose if it was corrosive it would work, but I don’t see how this is emphatically dangerous at all.
Peak of Sanity – Same as above, poison does what? Beyond that, body of the scythe I assume is the pole.

Bankai: Since this will take time to get, it’s less important right at this moment. You can leave it blank until Bankai training comes up for you if you’d like. Also, paralytic poison is a godmod of godmods. Unless the paralysis is extremely, extremely temporary or only in a singular area of the body, it is not a good idea for a poison. Think of each battle post as being the span of six seconds, if someone can’t move for thirty seconds, well…they’re pretty much dead right then and there. I would highly suggest if you must keep paralysis as the effect, making it effect depending on general power level and effect only the area it is injected into for one to two posts.
Skills/Abilities: Insane Shunpo – Again, must be trained for after learning Shunpo, and as stated before…nightmares tend to be ineffective.
Crescent Slash – Also needs to be trained for, as for cutting though Hierro, that would probably come with more and more use of the technique.

Biography: More description as stated at the beginning of my review. Beyond that, since he’s technically just graduated from the Shino Academy, what happened to him while he was there? How did he fair as a student? How did he end up getting into the Academy? How was he changed by going there? What squad does he hope to be in? How did his past there help shape him as a person?

Anyway, sorry for the long winded review, I try to catch everything I see in a profile all at once so I only have to make one post. If you have any questions just PM me and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.





I basically redid Yumaki out of boredom and gave him the ice element. Ice is usually the element I excell in so I thought it would be a good touch for him. Is there anything I should edit?
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