"Hey Jude, Don't be afraid,
You were made to Go out and get her.
The minute You let her into your heart
Then you can start To make things better."
......................................-The Beatles, "Hey Jude"
You were made to Go out and get her.
The minute You let her into your heart
Then you can start To make things better."
......................................-The Beatles, "Hey Jude"
"Jude, wait." Lina wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. Once was hard enough for her. A second time would crush her.
Jude paused, halfway out the door, but didn't look back at Lina, which hurt her almost as much as if he'd just left anyway. Lina stared at his back, for what seemed like an eternity, visions from the past burning before her eyes. She tried to blink, to shield herself from the flames, even momentarily, yet it seemed to burn worse during those brief seconds her eyes shut. Lina knew she couldn't handle this longer, she spoke, hoping that moving things forward might help in some way.
"Jude, please, you can't just leave." After everything he'd done? Lina would be a terrible person to let Jude just walkout on her after all that. "Atleast let me repay you or something, you can't just leave, Jude!" It wasn't fair to Jude, letting him leave like this. Letting him just be like Job's done, time to go, good luck with all that. Leaving without a proper thanks, Jude is a human being, not a charity!
Jude shook his head, slowly, wordlessly.
If Jude left without anything in return, it'd make Lina feel terrible! It wasn't fair to Lina! How was she supposed to emotionally justify any of what had happened if Jude left?
"Please, Jude, stay the night, it's cold. It's going to rain. Just stay the night, I'll take care of you, just don't go."
"Lina... I... You know I can't do that."
Who the hell does he think he is, anyway? That it's perfectly fine for him to help others, but not for others to help him? What kind of screwed up, self-righteous morals are these? That's a huge double-standard! And here Jude is, acting all high and mighty like his actions are totally justified! That it's alright for him to refuse her like this? After what he said, too!
"You told me it's rude to refuse a gift, Jude. You said that!"
"I did. I did say that. I also said that it's selfish to accept or expect a reward for something."
How dare he just- Lina couldn't believe what she was hearing! Jude thinks he can just get away with being self-righteous like this? The visions ceased, replaced with anger, but the burning remained, her eyes started to water, hoping to quench the flames, and her vision blurred because of this.
((and that's all I have of that version so far, but I like the way it really gets inside Lina's head and shows her emotionality, as she gets upset, her logic becomes harder to follow and so forth. Also, I liked that it strictly adhered to Lina's POV and that it tapped their history together, but never explains it. But here's a different version of the same sampler I already finished. This one is different, most notably, that I forgot to mention any past connections between Jude and Lina, and that it picks up a bit on Jude's feelings, which, in my opinion, is not something Lina would be able to notice in the emotional state she's in.))
“Jude, wait.” Lina called out, hoping her words reached not just his ears, but Jude's heart as well. She stared at his back, standing in the doorway of her apartment. He seemed frozen in thought, then simply turned his head to look back at her, his eyes carried with them a sort of pain, yet were happy at the same time, as if Jude himself couldn't decide how he felt at that moment.
“You can't leave like this, you can't.”
After everything he'd done for her, everything he'd sacrificed to help her, all that, and he'd just walk away when he's finished? It wasn't fair, just 'Well, I see you've gotten things in order now, time for me to leave.' It wasn't fair to Jude. It wasn't fair to Lina. How was Lina supposed to emotionally justify what had happened if she let Jude leave like this?
“Atleast let me repay you in some small way. Please. Just stay the night here, and I'll take care of you, or something! Please!” Tears welled up behind Lina's eyes and they burned like a wound with disinfectant poured on it, she could feel herself shake slightly at the injustice of this man. He acts like he's so righteous, an here he is making her feel like this?!? Feel like just a bunch of – no, it isn't Jude's fault. Lina shook her head, partly to stop the tears from spilling out, partly to remind herself what kind of person she was talking to, though the tears felt like they'd spill out that anyway, taking her eyes with them.
“I can't do that.” Jude called back, a slight note of pain rang through his voice. Lina could tell he was trying his hardest to hide his own tears, that he was trying to be strong in front of her. 'Idiot.' she thought to herself, but it wouldn't have mattered even if she had said it. Even had she screamed it in his face, he'd never compromise his morals, never back down from doing what he felt was right, and that was infuriating.
“You said it's rude to refuse a gift. You said that.” Lina felt she was barely in control, as if any second, she'd explode from her very soul, outward. It was like her body was being filled with acid; melting while she was on the brink of exploding.
“I did say that. However, it's egotistical to accept or expect a reward.” was Jude's calm reply, his eyes screamed that he, too was on the brink of tears, yet his face bore a smile all the same. So what, Jude was that much stronger a person than Lina was? Is that what he's trying to prove?! Is that why he doing this!? Her fists clenched, fingernails digging into her palm, furious at the self-righteousness of this man!
Jude apparently took notice of this and added “Besides, if I were to do that, it might undo everything we've both worked so hard to accomplish. You know that.” His words were like a stop sign to the forehead and a lightining bolt to the heart, they made Lina stop completely for a second, snapping her out of her own perspective long enough to see things the way Jude did. The worst part about this was that he was right. Keeping Jude here would ruin everything. She slumped to her knees, tears streaming from her eyes, and tried her best to wish him goodbye.
“Ok, then. Bye Jude.” Was all she could get out between sobs, and even this was barely above her breath. Lina gazed up, hoping to see not Jude's back, but his front. To see him coming back for her, but he was already gone, he must not have even listened to her say goodbye. The tears rolled down her face and body, the way decorative rolls of colorful paper roll down walls during the holidays, only her tears were hot and full of pain, as if all that boiling acid that had been filling her soul was now coming out of her eyes. Looking up at the night sky, not a single star was visible, so Lina tried her hardest to imagine a shooting star, on which she wished that some day, someone would help Jude the way he helped her.
((Please let me know what you guys think))
