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Ghost-it Notes Vice Captain
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 Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:59 pm
Borrowing this s**t because I get self conscious and hate posting big things in the Common Room. >:U
Also I know some of you guys want to creep on this hella bad so. A quick one on one thing with me and Lavi and the Hammer~
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:04 pm
((Yay post here then xD))
Lavi had been a bundle of nerves the whole day. He didn’t even know he had the capacity to feel so many things at the same time. The last couple of days he had tried to be around other people as much as possible, wanting to keep his minds off things. When he had found himself alone, however, he had started to think. About everything. When first hearing Sil’s response to his confession he had been rather calm, not really realizing what it meant and probably still on some sort of high of the entire situation, but as the days passed he had been repeating her words in his head over and over and they were eating at him. Despite her reassurance that it was her, not him, her somewhat disappointing reaction sounded worse every time he replayed it in his mind. He felt like for the first time in his life he was wearing his heart on his sleeve and there was a chance it was going to be ripped off. And not only her words, he was starting to doubt himself, as well. His decision had been sudden, and he had felt good about it at the time, forgetting about everything that had held him back for the last three years and just focusing on what he wanted, damn the consequences. But now reality was slowly but surely seeping back in and he was starting to regret it. He had meant every word he had said and he still felt that way, but things were starting to seem impossible again. The consequences too big. And he had been selfish. He knew she was probably still confused over everything that had happened with Cross, and he knew it was unfair of him to spring this on her so suddenly and expecting her to make a decision like that, but he was only thinking of himself at the time. And even if it were to happen, they would constantly have to sneak around. It’s not that he thought people would go and tell on them, but he couldn’t trust everyone to not let something accidently slip to the wrong people. He couldn’t imagine that this was really what she wanted. None of it was exactly how he had imagined it would be in that short moment of euphoria where everything and everyone had been on his side.
Because of all this turmoil inside of him, he had tried to especially be around Sil as much as he possibly could, just watching her and reminding himself what he was doing it for. It had helped, until he found himself alone again and all those negative thoughts and feelings came rushing back in. It had given him quite a few sleepless nights, and it was showing on his face. Despite his desire to be around other people the last few days, today he had escaped to the library, the very same where he had overheard the two Finders in love, where he had made his decision. He had tried to occupy himself with books, but had failed horribly and had been pacing back and forth for a while now, thinking again. Suddenly, he stopped pacing, messing up his hair in frustration, glaring at the large grandfather clock which was ticking away the hours until midnight, until New Years. Sil had said ‘New Years’, and had been non-specific as to whether it was New Years Eve or New Years Day. But Lavi didn’t really care how long it took her to come to her decision, as long as she was entirely sure. He didn’t want her to do anything that didn’t feel right to her, especially in their case, where things would be difficult, anyway.
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The Sleepy Dragon Vice Captain
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Ghost-it Notes Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:31 pm
At some point, Sil had managed to stop faking that she was satisfied being nothing more than friends with Lavi. It hadn’t been easy; strong feelings were volatile when kept deep inside, but as reality crushed down on her the realization of unrequited love had beaten her down. It was a resignation, but one that she felt satisfied that what she and Lavi had in their friendship was best for both of them. Close, but still distant. No additional complication to his life, no risk. Sil had taken a risk before and it had landed her in a position where she hurt herself and also wounded the heart of someone she loved. The idea of repeating her past mistakes, feeling the pain of loving and losing, it was an overwhelming concept.
Her mind self-sabotage was very little help either. The same phrases, the same worries circulated in her mind:
What if we’re not compatible? What if it ruins what we have already? He –will- break my heart, he has no choice. There is no future. Cross is going to… Going to what, exactly…? Does Lavi have any idea what he’s getting himself into…? Why am I even considering of getting involved with –anyone- right now?
Her heart was more than happy to answer:
Because you love him. He makes you happy, and you might even make him happy too. You’ve wanted this so badly for so long, and even if you convinced yourself you were okay without it, you want to have the chance to know what it feels like to be with him. Cross has moved on already, so why shouldn’t you? Why are you so afraid to try and find happiness somewhere else? Isn’t brief elation better than none?
The inward battle circled on and on, the same points rotating around in her head, bringing her moments of surety along with muddled confusion. It wasn’t like her to be so lost, without confidence and without direction and she had been determined to find her own answer and every time the battle ensued there was on voice louder than the other. That was her answer, even if it was a little muddled and hidden and even if it might lead to mistakes, Sil knew what her mind and her heart eventually became set on.
When he hadn’t been in the ballroom that evening, Sil had a feeling she knew where he would be. When one looked for a Bookman the best place to start would be where there was the highest concentration of books. Her nerves were shaking, the feeling of dread deep in her stomach mingling with the sense of relief that she had come to grips with her own decision, and as she made her way into the empty library save the familiar form of the man who had been on her mind constantly the last few days, her heart jumped into her throat and she felt her muscles shaking a little. Facing down Akuma, battling Noah… none of it compared to dealing with her own feelings.
“Sorry I’m so late,” Sil started gently, walking over towards the young man with her trepidation showing openly in her posture. Her shoulders were forward and she chewed her bottom lip ever-so-slightly as she approached him. “Let me get this all out while it’s in my head, because if I stop for any reason I’m probably going to say something really stupid… So, here it goes.” She took a very deep breath, releasing it from her lungs with some of her tension.
“The reason it took me so long to decide this… I was afraid of how it was going to feel to lose you if we took this step, amongst a thousand other worries that I can never seem to keep out of my head.” Even if the words felt bitter on her lips, she felt a little bit better expressing her worries honestly to him. “But… you were right with what you said… For all I know I could die tomorrow… and no matter if I’m just a friend, or something more, it’s going to hurt very, very badly when you leave,” her voice dropped to a soft, resigned tone. “I also realized that, instead of worrying about how it will feel to lose you some unknown time in the future, I should be enjoying the time I have left with you to the furthest extent I can…”
“You’ve… brought so much light to my life,” she said gently, her lips turning in the gentlest and the sincerest of smiles, warmth clear in her dark brown eyes. Along with her words, her hand lifted to cup his cheek and she gently brushed her thumb along the bared skin there. It was her turn to bear her soul, to let honesty be between them. “Even when my heart has been at its heaviest, and even if you didn’t mean to, you’ve always been the one that helped lift some of that weight off of me… If I can make you a little happier even for a single day and return that favor, it’ll all be worth it,” Sil finally said, her eyes resting soundly on his.
“It won’t all be good… We’re going to fight and I’m going to annoy the hell out of you sometimes,” a hint of laughter crept into the tone of her voice; she was well versed in the ups and downs of relationships, but she was filled with joy that there was even a chance for her to experience. “If you’re willing to take the bad along with the good, and you realize the mess you’re getting yourself into getting involved with a girl like me… then… know that I love you, Lavi. Sometimes I think I've really been in love with you since the moment I met you, even if I didn't know it quite yet... and I can’t give up a chance to be with you. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me...” she paused then, realizing he had also had his own time to think, a moment of honest dread washing over her at the idea that he might have changed his mind in the last few days. Fear and unsurety crept into her voice as the hands of the clock ticked closer and closer to the toll of midnight. “If you’ll still have me, that is…”
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:52 pm
When he heard the library door open, Lavi turned around, his stomach twisting at the sight of Sil. He tried to smile or at least say hi, but his mouth was completely shut in a tight line. His heartbeat rose when she walked up to him, the moment he had been dreading the last couple of days finally upon him. It seemed she had been worrying about the same things as he had and hearing it out loud from her made them even worse. The last thing he wanted was for her to get hurt, but he had known since the beginning that this was inevitable. He was finally able to stretch his mouth in a tiny smile, however, as she continued, and it grew larger with every word. By the time she had finished, it couldn’t have been bigger. It was hard to believe he was actually in this situation right now, it felt like only yesterday that he had made peace with her and Cross’ relationship. Like a few days ago, he pushed all the bad thoughts to the back of his mind, taking her hands in his again.
“Of course I will. There’s nothing I want more. I… know things will be difficult, and when that time comes it will kill me, but… like you said, it will hurt just as much whatever happens between us, so…” He shaked his head a little, not wanting to think about that anymore. He sighed happily. “You can’t even imagine how happy this makes me.” He just stood there smiling at her for a bit, amazed at how happy thoughts had been able to chase away the bad ones in such a short time, when the large grandfather clock started chiming, echoing through the empty library. He cupped her face in his hands and leaned in to kiss her. “Happy New Year.” He said softly, smiling, after pulling back.
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The Sleepy Dragon Vice Captain
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Ghost-it Notes Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:47 pm
In the face of that smile, not even her worries could have stayed for long, and as quickly as they had come upon her they had vanished. Sure, Lavi smiled fairly often, but there was a distinct difference between the smiles he put on for show and the one that lit his features now—this smile felt genuine, it felt real, and Sil wanted to keep it there as long as she could. She, too couldn’t stop from smiling and not one of the worries that had been in her mind before remained by the time his warm hands cupped her face.
Even though they had kissed exactly three times before, this kiss was different—it was special. It was the first kiss where Sil knew that there was nothing wrong with how she felt about him. It was the first kiss where another person or situation hadn’t forced it, or forced them apart. It was easy and almost natural as she rose to her toes and eagerly met his lips with a tender press of her own. Her hand gently cupped his neck, the other moving to rest carefully over the left side of his chest to feel the gentle ebb of his heart as her fingers slightly gripped into the fabric there. It felt simply splendid to allow herself to revel in the warmth of his skin, how wonderful it felt to feel a man’s lips against hers again… and as each bell tolled the seconds could never have lasted long enough.
“Happy New Year, Lavi,” she returned, her voice slightly breathless as if he had stolen it straight from her lips with his own. “To a year of good fortune for both of us… apart… and together,” she smiled and kissed him one last time as if she could hardly believe the first had happened and she had to make sure she weren’t trapped in a dream. When the second kiss ended, she moved to rest her body gently against his, her arms winding behind him to rest along his back in a gentle embrace. “I have a feeling this library is going to become our new best friend, if it’s usually empty like this,” she stated thoughtfully as she glanced around the room. “We don’t have many options to keep this from getting back to Bookman. Here... my room if we're careful... Though… Some people are going to have to know, I think...”
She was going to have to man up and tell Cross when he returned, and she knew it...
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:47 pm
He put his arms around her shoulders when she wrapped around him, resting his cheek on her head. He could feel her heartbeat against him, a very calming sensation, and he noticed how his breathing started to gradually match hers. He was feeling an unimaginable happiness he didn't even know was possible and he wished he had done this sooner, feeling like an idiot for missing out on all of this for the past three years. Outside, he could hear fireworks going off, the exploding colors flashing through the large bay windows of the library, filling the entire room with light.
“I don’t think we’re the only ones who’ve thought of that…” He smiled as he remembered the two Finders, but wondered whether they would actually come back here after he had rudely interrupted their moment. “Besides, we won’t be here much longer, will we? We’ll be going home soon.” He was feeling a little sad again at the thought that they would have to pretend like nothing was going on around other people, but there was no other way if they wanted this to remain unknown to Bookman. Luckily, they had always been really close, so hopefully it wouldn’t be too suspicious if he did give her a hug in public now and then.
He immediately had an idea about who she had in mind, and his stomach dropped a bit. Sure, Cross seemed to have given his blessing, more or less, in the letter he had given Lavi at Christmas, it was one of the factors that had led to all of this in the first place, but it was not going to be happy news for him. He could imagine what he would feel like, as he’d been in the same position not too long ago. But, like she said, he was someone they couldn’t exactly keep this a secret from, and Lavi knew Cross would never tell on them, as it would hurt Sil too much. The letter in question appeared in his mind, and he felt sadness for Cross as he recalled the written words, despite the fact that Cross’ unhappiness meant his own happiness. Once again, the question of why they broke up in the first place was burning on his tongue, but this time, too, he decided to leave it there, not wanting to tempt fate by bringing up such a delicate topic.
“…Should we go back to the ballroom?” He asked instead, already hating the idea before he’d voiced it. “Wish everyone else a happy New Year.” He really didn’t want to let go of her, but they couldn’t stay there forever, however much he wished they could.
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The Sleepy Dragon Vice Captain
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