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I'm not a super-femme or anything, but I'm not butch either. I'm just an average looking female, with average features (aside from my blue hair, but it's just long and plain), and average conversational skills. And every time I tell someone casually that I'm gay, I always get the "for real?" response. And a lot of people sincerely think I'm joking or lying. At first I was just whatever about it, but over the years it has started to get annoying.

Is it me, or is it other people? I live in Toronto, so the community is generally very accepting of gays, etc. So I don't think it has to do with obvious intolerance. But I do think it has to do with stereotyping of how a lesbian is supposed to look or act. I work in a restaurant as a chef, and some guys I work with were jokingly saying how this one obnoxiously funny girl was probably gay. And I was getting offended while listening, so I spoke up and said "not all lesbians are like that, and not all girls like that are gay". They laughed it off and tried to argue why they were mostly right, so I said "I'm gay and I'm not". There was a long pause of disbelief and one guy even argued with me. I was like, WTH?? Do people seriously think that if you don't fit into some dumb stereotype then it's not real?? I am fairly shy, and I get nervous in social situations. So I'm guessing people assume that all gay girls are loud and outspoken or something? Ugh.

Sorry for the rant. Had to get it out of my system. Like I said, my community is fairly tolerant, I know it doesn't sound like it, but after that, no one really cared. It's not like they stopped talking to me or treated my any different because I am gay, but they are apparently incredibly ignorant about this aspect of LGBT people.

So, my question is, does anyone else suffer from this kind of prejudice? Do gay guys get it, too, or is it primarily a gay girl thing? Because I do know a lot of other lesbians who have the same problem. Some people will even say out right that lesbians aren't ever pretty or thin.

I totally understand what you're talking about. People are generally surprised when I tell them I'm gay because I don't fit the stereotype. I'm not really effeminate, but I'm not really manly either, just average or inbetween I guess. I keep hearing people say that family (but more the parents) know deep down if their child is gay, bi, etc. But I truly believe my family doesn't know at all, mostly because I don't fit the stereotype. I usually don't tell people though unless they ask, or if they go on and on about finding a girl for me or something like that.

I'm a pretty mascline lesbian but when I tell people I like girls I still get surprised reactions from people. I think it's because my actual fetures are actually pretty feminine, I just dress really manly. I think people assume I'm straight but really insecure about my looks or something. But then some people automatically think I'm a lesbian. It varies from person to person. Guys have hit on me before even though I assumed I looked incredibly lesbian, from what others have told me. They try to "convert me". It's weird.

I actually do get where you're coming from. At my first convention, people thought that I was a boy running about the place. Mom had to set a crossplayer straight that I was a girl and not a boy.[Back then I had no idea what I was]

And let's not forget that people thought I was a gay kid online.

Must have been my appearance that set people off.

I was walking at some mall once, shopping with my mom. I was wearing a pair of black slacks and a collared shirt with a tie (it really goes with a skirt I have but it was cold and and wanted to be more comfortable) as well as some sneakers and a black jacket. I remember hearing people snickering and whispering and these girls said it loud enough to hear that I was a lesbian and other stuff.

People always seem to judge others based on looks.

To tell you the truth though, I never dated anyone. A few guys asked me out but I turned them down.

I never been super feminine or masculine. I would wear dresses, skirts, makeup when I am going somewhere fancy or if I really feel like it (usually don't though as I feel that usually dresses don't look good on me or too much of a hassle). I worn some men's clothing before as well. I usually just wear some T-shirt (my shirts vary and pants).

tl;dr

Not me, people always know I'm gay because I fit like... all the stereotypes but my ex girlfriend who used to be very femme got a lot of disbelief that she was gay because she wore short shorts and had her hair done nicely everyday.

This happens silently to me a lot. Usually when people find out I'm a lesbian they tend to have this look on their face that's very suppressed almost as if their trying to hide the4 fact that they didn't know. I don't know if this is because they didn't want to feel stupid for not knowing or don't believe it. Either way I don't care because I'm comfortable enough with sexuality to know I'm a lesbian, but It bothers me for two reasons:
1. I attract men.
2. It's harder to find other lesbians because they're unaware I like women.

Once there was this one kid at college who when my friend announced it to a group of people (he does that I'm not sure why) the kid looked at me with this face and made it a point to get my attention twice just to say to me, " I wouldn't have known you were gay." What bothered me is he said almost as if he intended to well... bother me with it- or disappoint me. It was very odd and I never figured out what the whole point of drawing the attention to that observation was.

The only thing that really makes me stand out if at all are the ties I wear ( I love ties) and the not very noticeable rainbow necklace I have on. Otherwise I think I pretty much blend in... Except when I talk. Every few sentences out of my mouth is about women...

Edit: I would like to rid stereotypes in general but still find a way that we all know each others orientations magically to make life easier... and less awkward.