WWFG.com Pre-show Exclusive. The Life of a Saint

[JobsEveryDay]

Jed was shown in the middle of the ring with a SJ wristband on his right wrist. Jed looked at the crowd not smiling. Jed started to scratch his head as he looked down at the ground. The crowd booing him. Jed looked back up towards the camera as tear fell down his face.

" If you don't know this, but yesterday, December 11, 2011. Saint Joey, a WWFG Hall Of Famer, took his own life in what- " The crowd just stopped moving. It was quite, to quite. " was a shocking surprise to everyone near him. We here at WWFG would like to say to Saint Joey's family we are sorry for your loss. " Jed looked down before looking back up. "During the show we will have some of Joesph friends talk about the life of Joey. With out further a due. Lets start the show. "

The camera fades to black as it shows a wrestler about to speak.

Setting: There is a chair in an empty room with a green screen behind the chair. The show starts with the thoughts and memory's then goes into the next match.Before and after every commercial a new memory starts. You don't have to do one if you don't want to.

 

[DankTectonics]

The camera is set of Brantley, he's biting his lips holding in tears, the fans could tell they were seeing a softer side to this cold, hard man. He was dressed in a Saint Joey head band, no shirt. He had a tattoo on his arm that said Saint Joey and a designer scarf that had no relevance to the situation. He also had some nice a** shades with Saint on one lens and Joey on another. He was obviously copying an idea someone had previously.

"So the list of best friends Joey had would be me, Freak, and Shanahan at the top. On time, we were all on a road trip, except Shanahan, he's a f*****t. Well anyway, we were all going, and on the side of the road, we see this girl, HUGE KNOCKERS, and Joey told Freak to pull over. We were all driving in a rented soccer mom van so I was in the back watching Madagascar. The girl comes in right, and Joey pulls it a s**t ton of coke. The girl and him did some crazy s**t in the car. I swear it was some Jason Byers s**t going on. Anyway, I was in the room beside him, I had my own girl you know. Well the next thing I hear is, JOEH JOEH JESUS MY a*****e BURNS! I was like, ******** it, then I put on some earmuffs and went to sleep.

But it gets better, I mean I have a ton of these. We were on tour in Japan, and I was in my first year of wrestling, but I already made connections. Well, Joey was a notorious for ribs. So everyone knows Angel had cup of water, poured another one, went to the restroom and drank the other cup. Well nobody liked Angel, so he poured so much laxative in that water. We watched the match and could tell Angel was feeling it as he was almost in the ring. Well, the match starts and Angel immediately goes under the ring and just released everything in his tights. The whole first row could smell it. He gets back into the ring and actually tried to wrestle the match. This is how bad he wanted to beat anyone. He even after it started coming down. Joey was laughing his a** off, he got on the intercom and yelled out, "Sargent s**t Stains get out of the ring. Other people have to wrestle." Angel dashes out and starts running back holding his a** the whole way.

My last story is of the time we went on vacation to Hawaii. Well, it has a s**t ton of islands, so we went to most of them as we both were on 'injury leave'. So we get there, and Joey's girlfriend calls him as we're hiking up a volcano. She was on her period or something so he didn't take her. She starts bitching up a fit while we're almost to the top. I grab his phone and throw it up the rest and it landed inside the volcano. My phone start to ring and it's his girlfriend. So he grabs my phone and throws it in. We turned to each other and knew at that exact moment that we'd be bros for life. The rest of that vacation was ******** amazing. He was a ******** amazing guy, unlike most of the other faggots running around here... I'm gonna miss him."

Brantley then shed a single manly tear, got up, and walked out of the room.  

[Scott Norton Fanclub]

Freakshow sits in the chair wearing a suit with a tie that has Saint Joey's likeness on it. He's looking very sad. Perhaps forcing it a little bit, but sad regardless.

"I remember this one time.. After me and Joey put on Match of The Year, we decided to celebrate by getting matching haircuts. Then afterward, we went to the ******** club and got all the bitches, Freak and Saint, in the ******** house. Ungh. Then we both went to the gym, got our swell on, we both could bench the same amount, 700 lbs. I helped him with his Hindu Squats, he gave me with some pointers on the Harvard Step Test. Best ******** day of my life... ******** intense man. Later, at the show, we were in the shower, cleaning eachothers backs, and he told me.." Freak speaks with a terrible British accent, "I think you deserve another title shot, Freak.. And I just wanted to say, if something ever happens to me, if I can't compete, It's you that should get my title...

And then he died.

Now, whenever I'm in the shower, I think of Saint Joey,"

Freak concludes, forcing tears.  

[Yukari Clepsydra]

Malice walked into the room with a young lady who was clinging onto his arm.
He sat in the chair provided while the lady walked behind him and began to massage his shoulders.

"What can I say about Joey.. Did you know when I first came back to wrestling it was Joey that gave me my break.. You wanna know how I repaid him? By taking over his company, and becoming the last world champion and tag champion at the same time, in addition to running his company into the ground then you wanna know what I did when it was ran into the ground? I spat on it, hocked a loogie on that piece of garbage, then I set it on fire just because I wanted the smell of NGWE's garbage to stink everywhere, just to rub it in everyone's faces that I had that power.

What about when he became the EWA Sprocket Champion? The highlight of his career eh? That title he carried? Just a replica, I in truth had the real one even though I never won it. I took a dump in the back part of the proverbial toilet of Joey's career, so anything he did would be shitty no matter how many times he flushed, it would be nothing but s**t. "

Malice said chuckling, as the woman couldn't help but giggle herself.
Malice reached his hand up and patted the woman on the head.

"That's right my little Calypso, laugh.. Laugh at the legacy of the late great Saint Joey. Did you know that when Joey says his name is 'Saint ******** Joey', he forgot to add 'Men's Asses' to that line. 'Saint ******** Men's Asses Joey' he just doesn't say the rest because it's "too long. You know what else is too long? Your career, it was pathetically long and painful. And now... Now it's over, you see Joey obviously knew he was going nowhere, especially when his nightly routine consisted of washing Freakshow's back, or showing Brantley Summers who the True King of the a**l Pirates was."

Malice said as he snapped his finger and a wine glass appeared in his hand with grape juice. The girl was now at Malice's leg, resting her head on his knee while he petted her with his free hand.

"But we're here to 'Honor' St. Joey aren't we doll? Well, I'm going to honor you alright.. I'm going to show you how to properly ******** a girl Joey, and I hope you're able to watch all the way from the twelve layers of hell you're residing in. But first... I'm about to hit you with the mother of all yo' momma jokes. The Yo Mammageddon. I busted this one out in the fourth grade. Reduced a gym teacher, a marine.... You know him as the guy who violated you when you were in scouts, but this joke reduced him into a quivering mess of jelly. He never taught again.The second time in eighth. A girl's pancreas exploded. She never taught to begin with and now she can't eat sugar either. St. Joey's mother is so ugly and so stupid, that.... What's that?"

Malice said but was interrupted by the girl moving up to the front of his lap.

"I suppose this joke will have to wait..."
Malice said as the next scene shown was quickly stopped and went to static.  

[Punkology]

The sound of a door opening echos through the room, followed by the lights clicking off. Shuffling around can be heard for a moment, but besides that, there are no signs of someone being in the room, until a deep voice rings out.

"You know... Heh... I love how all of these nutless ******** walk in here and insult a man that did more than anyone of them will. Brantley comes in, with his little jazzed up stories that more than likely didn't happen, because Joey wasn't some horny little ********, unlike Summers.

... And you know, Freak shouldn't eve-... No, Freak is abit too easy to attack, isn't he? What, when he's got the biggest losing streak in the business, to a man that doesn't have the ******** spirit to stay in a business long enough to win a title anymore? Yeah, great job, s**t nugget.

I have to say, the most insulting of those three little bitches, has to be Chrono. Or Malice. Whatever the ******** he goes by these days. I don't give a rat's a** if he didn't know him, or care about him. Joseph did more in this business, than he EVER will. Sure, Malono may have held more titles, but Joey did something more. He brought people to their feet, and never disappointed a damn fan. So what does Chralice come and do? He gets his little skank to grind on him? When respects are being paid to one of the greatest men in the industry?... Heh... What a little s**t... However, I'm not here to talk about The f*****t Formerly Known as Chrono, or the Midnight Midget-beaters. No, I'm here to talk about my best friend... Saint Joey."

A click is heard, followed by a high-pitched whine. Suddenly, a face was illuminated in the room, by a pair of glasses with two fluorescent lightbulbs covering the eyesockets. The face looked completely serious, showing no sign of emotion. Sadness, anger, happiness: all of it void in this man. The man, was clearly Matt Shanahan.



"Let's get something straight. All the bullshit aside, Joey is byfar the greatest human being to walk this planet. He wasn't just my tag partner or one of my fiercest rivals. No, that man was there for me when the cameras were off, when all the s**t was over, when every business turned our ideas down because they were 'too edgy.' No, Joseph was my best friend.

But, I suppose you want a story, huh? Well, here's one. The night before Joey ended his legacy, he spent the night on the phone with me. Why, do you ask? He was begging me to come back. To come back to this s**t hole business, this ******** up world that everyone calls the wrestling industry. He needed a -true- friend, someone to keep him going. I didn't listen though. I told him I was enjoying my retirement. I told him, that he should flip every single one of you ******** cunts the bird, and join me on my beach out in Brazil. All the women, booze, and drugs he could ever want. The rest of his days, with his best friend, living it up. Heh... He laughed, and agreed with me. He told me that he'd arranged a few last things, and book the first flight for the morning. I was estatic.

Of course I was though. My best friend, was coming to spend the life of luxury with me. It was a dream come true. Women, booze, and my best friend. Haha... I actually was at the airport when I got the call. I was waiting at the gate, watching all the tourists pour out... But no Joey. Suddenly, my phone rang... It was another great friend of mine, Nuke Fusion. Telling me... That my best friend, Saint ******** Joey, had taken his own life.

As you can imagine it, I was beyond shocked. I thought I was in ******** comatosis. I dropped the phone, and just stood there. Nova grabbed me and tried to shake me back to reality, but I didn't know what to do. The man I shared some of my greatest matches with, partner or opponent, was gone. The man I trusted more than my own family, was gone.

The next thing I remembered, I was back at home... Just laying on my couch. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I didn't want to live, honestly. My close circle of trusted people dwindled to... About five, that day.

Heh... How's that for a story? Not as fun or rememberable as you would think... I have one more thing to say before I go, though.

Joey was an amazing man, and could take more s**t than anyone I know. But that's what he was: a man. He could only take so much, before he cracked. He cracked under the pressure of this business. He cracked under the pressure of all you ungrateful, primative, cockmonglers. You all begged him for a shot. 'Hey Joey, I'd love to work a huge angle with you.' He never got a ******** moment to himself, because all of your goddamn leeches destroyed his psyche. The same ********, that pushed me away from it all. You're the reason I left, and you're the reason why the greatest man this business had left, is gone. You forced him to take his own goddamn life! He wanted to retire so badly, but he wouldn't just walk out on all of you, because he was a people-pleaser. And you took advantage of him...

So, in closing... ******** you. ******** you, CEOs. ******** you, managers. ******** you, title holders. ******** you, main eventers. ******** you, the rest of the shitty roster. ********. Every. Single. One of you.

You took my best friend away. I hope your family dies, and your entire life comes crashing down around you, before some hyped up teenager comes up and shoots you in the ******** forehead. And I can only pray that I am there, to watch it all happen. Just like you watched as Joey slowly snapped under the weight of all your self-righteous asses. ******** you. Go to hell, and I'll see you there, bitches."

Matt reached up to his lightbulb googles, and flicked them off, before silently exiting the room.