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It was finally December. "NOW you can put those freaking lights up!" I yelled out the window to my neighbors, who had been trying to set up Christmas decorations since early November, only to be thwarted every time by my awesome and slightly intimidating ninja skills. I was about to head outside and do whatever I was going to do when I got smacked in the face with a randomly flying newspaper. I opened it up to see who would meet their demise that day and found that some guy called Zero, who had no relation to the character from Megaman, or the alter-ego of that guy from Code Geass (hee hee, Geass, y'know, cause it has A-S-S in it? Oh whatever, I give down man. -_-; ) was going to steal Christmas. And so I went to the library and rented a video, yes you can do that, about stealing Christmas, there was one by Dr. Seuss, some guy named Tim, and a couple others, but most had the same message, that Christmas was inside us like some sort of parasite.

~One trip to the Doctor later~

I was free of any parasites and I was heading back home with my grape lollipop when I remembered about the terrible threat that faced Christmas and other gift-giving holidays. So I went inside, drank some Dr. Pepper and surfed the internet for Christmas gifts to my Dad, I decided on a trashbag full of Chicken Wings, but I couldn't figure out how hot to make them. After that I watched TV and learned that every sugary treat was about to be stolen, this meant no more soda, and without soda, I would never make it through work, let alone life itself. So, now it was time to take a trip down to my basement/armory.

~One Annoyingly Long Elevator Ride Later~

"Lets see now, sword, cursed sword, sword cane, sword gun, ice sword, fire sword, laser sword, ninja sword, man, I have a lot of swords. Oh here we are, lets see, big shuriken, shotgun, revolver, pistol, bomb, fire, alchemy. Okay I am good to go!" I announced cheerily to the squirrel that had moved in. After grabbing various sharp objects, a gun or two along with some very magical items, I was off wearing my samurai helmet into the frozen tundra of South America.

~One Frustratingly Long Indiana Jones Movie Later~

I had a crystal skull and no leads. Fan-tucking-fastic.

I stood there facing the machine for what felt like minutes before finally acting. I'll admit, I attacked first, and while it's not the honorable thing to do, I am a fan of First Strike Medals. I swung one of my swords at the bot, only to have it dodged. I swore a little bit before whipping out my Pistolera and shooting it, I was hoping for a headshot, but I ended up shooting its foot. "Um, my bad." I said sheepishly.

"Stop it, just die already! I shouted, frustrated at how long it was taking just to kill the damn thing. Any other enemy would've been dead or running away in fear by now, but this stupid robot thing had to go and make things hard. Hee hee, Hard, get it? Enough rambling, I must defeat this robot for the sake of my favorite soda ever of all time. "I've got one last technique, hopefully it'll finish this thing off." I said to myself and prepared to use IT.

Suffice it to say, the tables had turned on me and I was now the one who was getting my butt kicked, by a weak enemy no less. Oh man, I was never gonna hear the end of it. I was fairly certain that I'd be bumped back down to n00b again.

"You may be winning this battle, but strike me down and I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." I warned, hoping that my Star wars themed bluff would keep the metal menace away from me.

Finally, I tripped and got cornered by the bot. It rushed forward to cleave my head in with it's ax when I finally got my stuff together and hit it with my shotgun, effectively killing/destroying it.

~One Bulltrue Medal Later~

"Take that Tinman." I said with a chuckle as I headed back home to get a shower and put on an awesome coat. I used my Nano-C to call in an orbital strike and basically vaporized the remains, and while I was at it I went ahead and blew up a KFC, McDonald's and a spaceship carrying a very important cargo that would have saved the human race from sure extinction, but that's another, totally different story.

I threw the Dark Star with precision and it sliced through the bone thing with deadly accuracy, unfortunately, the damn thing was able to put itself back together. It let out an annoying shriek, much like that of a fruit bat and charged me, wanting to continue fighting. "Buddy, you picked the wrong guy to play Zombies with. I am OmgIisonfiyah! The best damn Zombie Killer ever! Of all time. Period." I boasted and sent a punch at the monstrosity humbug of evil and sent it crashing into a rock to pick itself up and reassemble.

I managed to get away from the other zombie, but that meant I was unable to attack his friend. "Man, it feels like the universe is out to get me." I grumbled as I began plotting my next move. With my mask I was able to scan my original Alpha Zombie target and found out that it was at two-thirds health, which meant I needed to get in two more decent attacks, assuming Fate would let me.