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how to tell your friends? advice

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Symptom_of_Society

Fatcat

PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 7:53 pm


Im going to tell you right now, I am getting pretty damn sick of my friends and familly assuming im straight and making fun of me not having a boyfriend. I am bisexual, but because of my initial confussion early on, and my social aqwardness I have not had a relationship. I plan on starting by telling my friends, joining our schools GSA, and praying it will casually leak out to my parents. Heres the problem, i dont know how to start. How do I casually tell my friends? Also, in most GSAs do they right off the bat ask you what your sexuality is? If soo FFFFffff.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:20 pm


Couple of things...

1) Start off by telling your closest friends. Begin with your best friend(s) and work your way outward. Do not mention this to your family until you are completely comfortable with the majority of your friends. The reason why I say this is because a family's reaction is more-than-often more drastic than your friends' reactions. If things go haywire with your family, you'll have your friends as support.

2) Don't beat around the bush. Tell them straight up. Something as serious as coming out and identity has no room for ambiguity. Also, and this is VERY important, once you say you're something, you'll be labeled as such - just be prepared if people start to question you; it's a natural response, you'll get used to it.

3) Every GSA is different. My GSA doesn't ask sexuality, mostly because we honestly don't give a s**t about a person's sexuality (it IS the Gay-Straight Alliance after all). If you feel uncomfortable coming out to fellow LGBT members, then simply don't tell them - they don't HAVE to know (at least not right away). Nevertheless, I strongly suggest being open to your GSA. Being open to your fellow LGBT makes it that much easier to come to terms with everything else. Plus, it's yet another great source of support.


Hope this helps, and good luck.

lgtenos
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:07 pm


Well see ima bit dramatic! i avoided my friends for lik a week! eventually when they came to me and asked why i had been acting so aloof i told them its because i figured they wouldnt want to hang out with anyone like me! they asked what i meant and i told them i was gay! i guess since i have really great friends they told me they would never do that! they always stood up for me and were there for me and it even helped one of my frinds come out to the rest of us! idk if that helps u in any way!
PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:57 pm


Come out to whomever you feel the most comfortable with. Whether you gauge that by how close you are with that person or by how accepting you think they may be, that's completely your choice. The first person I came out to was one of my friends. She acted as cover for me when I went to see my girlfriend before I was out to my parents. The next person I told was my dad; I knew that he would accept me because he is close with his sister who is a lesbian. Other friends followed after that, and then my mom and some more friends.

Since you don't have a girlfriend at this point, I would suggest to come out at your own pace. I had to come out before I was really ready to do so with a lot of people because I never did it before I started dating her. Almost everyone I told was completely accepting, including my Southern Baptist cousin. The only person I've had a problem with is my maternal grandmother, but she hates anyone who doesn't do exactly what she wants; including being white, conservative, and Christian.

GSAs will never ask about your sexuality. At least they shouldn't. At every one I have belonged to (three different clubs at three different colleges) it was completely optional whether you talked about your sexuality or not. You should never feel pressured to tell anyone your sexuality in any setting if you don't want to. I have to say that it would probably make things easier if you were out with your GSA. I assume that there will be other bisexuals who can share stories and tips about how they came out.

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Symptom_of_Society

Fatcat

PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:48 pm


ok, thanks you guys. heart
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:47 pm


One more sub-question. Do you just come out and say " Hey guess what guys im bi!"?

Symptom_of_Society

Fatcat


lgtenos
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 9:26 pm


The Neko CatGirl
One more sub-question. Do you just come out and say " Hey guess what guys im bi!"?

Be straight-forward and professional. Again, there's no room for ambiguity, so don't give anyone any reason to doubt or second-guess when you come out.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 9:03 am


The Neko CatGirl
One more sub-question. Do you just come out and say " Hey guess what guys im bi!"?


Well, the way I did it was posting a long, drawn out Note on my facebook page. Then I sat there shaking. Then my mother called cause she had read my coming out note on my facebook while logged into my sister's account and told me I was making a mistake (I'd already told her months before that I was transgender). Then I felt sick to my stomach and went to lay down and shake.

About an hour later, I decided to see how many friends I'd lost (I grew up in a small town in Kansas, we had very few openly gay people around and no openy-transgender folk). And I saw several "Likes," and comments like, "Nothing wrong with being who you are, you're so brave to be able to be yourself," and "You go, girl!"

The next day I went to work and there were a few people who would ask things like, "Sooooo, you're a girl?" And I'd say yes and they said, "Oh. Well that's cool." Honestly it was much easier than I thought it would be, living in an area that's not known for tolerance.

Facebook and similar social networking sites are great for this. Write a post about it, change your "interests" to "Male and Female." There are several pages you can "Like" that will show up on your info, like Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook, Yes I am! LGBT Pride 9 Million Strong, and so on. I changed my gender on that FB page, even though I had already made a new page with my real self before I came out. Just be honest with yourself and with others. Just state it as a fact when someone asks. If you aren't ashamed of who you are, no one will see it as something you're afraid of or something that can be used against you.

I came out six months ago, when I started taking hormones. Today none of my friends call me by my given name, most people refer to me using female pronouns without having to stop and think about it, and I rarely even get funny looks from anyone when I'm at the store or something. And I've been able to get the support of my employer for my on-the-job transition and last month they changed my gender in my records and issued me a new ID with my correct gender. There are still struggles, my parents are still very much in denial. But overall I am happier than I've ever been in my life.

So the short answer to your question would be, yes. Don't shout it from the rooftops, don't make a HUGE deal out of it. Just say it matter-of-factly and don't be afraid of anyone asking about it, just answer them honestly.

Good luck smile

Kara_99


Gresley Toombs

Super Survivor

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 12:45 pm


The Neko CatGirl

gaia_nitemareleft Easy Way to Make your Friends Understand that you're Bi in Nine Simple Steps gaia_nitemareright


1. Print out 2 pictures: One of a woman in a bikini you find attractive, the other of a shirtless man you also find attractive
(visuals help people understand both math and life situations).

2. Gather your best friends together, and make sure that all of them can make it (best to do during school breaks).

3. Once they're all together with you, present them with both pictures. Hold up one and comment on the subject's hotness, then do the same for the other.

4. Ask them if they understand. (skip to #8 if they understand)

5. If they haven't caught on after about 5 seconds, say something along the lines of, "I'd do both of them. No, seriously."

6. Again, ask if they understand. (skip to #8 if they understand)

7. If, for some reason, they still don't understand, just come out and say it. But put some emphasis on it. Throw the pictures in the air and raise your voice or something like that.

8. Again, ask if they understand. Then let them ask questions, 'cuz they'll have some.

9. As for your other friends, let it come up in conversation. It's not a priority for lesser friends to know right away.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:43 pm


Personally, I approach it these days by treating my sexual orientation as the part of my identity that it truly is. Accordingly, I just make of it a matter-of-fact issue. I hint at it, or approach a subject related to LGBTQ issues as if it were anything else. If I get questions (which is more likely because the laid-back attitude somehow gets to people more than if you outright have A Talk about it), I just answer them candidly and go on about it as if it's nothing unusual.

This has two effect: a) if you don't treat it like a big deal, everyone else will just accept it as being a part of you; b) if they don't accept it, this is the option that will most likely get them to not be passive-aggressive about it and just come out and say so if they have an issue with it.

If the reaction is really bad, regardless of your approach it will be really bad. If you want to simply diminish the shock, casual works best. (Basically, arseholes will be arseholes in any situation, so having a Big Discussion will solve nothing.)

mihaela

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