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 Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:08 pm
I have a question for the guild...
My girlfriend still experiances a lot of pain during love making. The first time was quite painful for her but she is no longer a virgin. We attend different colleges which are far apart and we don't see each oher as much as we like to. So most of the time it can be 2 to 4 months in between intercourse.
I was hoping that after the intial time, that each time would get more easier for her. This last time she was pratically in tears during it. She loves me a lot and I think she feels bad she hurts, but will still do it for me. At first we thought it was getting better, but this last time seemed more painful to her. Is it because of the lapse of time between each? What can we do to eliminate her pain and give her more pleasure?
Before you state the obvious, we do take it very very slow at first, and yes there is PLEANTY of lubercation. To me it doesn't seem extremely tight like it is tearing (no blood like first time). She wondered if it might be the spermicide in the condom we use...like it may cause some pain if she's alergic. But for me I think the pain is associated with my p***s (size and not used to it?) more than anything.
Any ideas? and is it normal to be in pain even after loosing your virginity? (BTW, this is her 6th time, but like I said, there's been months in bewteen most.) Should I be suggesting we try more intercourse to 'loosen' it up? Thanks.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:21 pm
Well, I'm no expert, but in the spirit of trying to be helpful I'll try some suggestions. I think that the lapse in between could be the reason she is experiencing so much pain because, well after a little while we girls have a tendency to become rather tight again after not having intercourse for a long period. Maybe if she experimented with masturbation in the time in between with some kind of d***o. If she's open to that kind of thing. It concerns be though that it would hurt her so much after already losing her virginity. I have heard of women who find sex painful all the time because of a larger sensitivity in that area. Hmm... I suggest you check this site out, sexualityandu.ca I think it could give you some pretty good answers to your questions. Good luck.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:43 pm
I agree with the post above.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 8:51 pm
If it's still painful for her, then it could be for a bunch of reasons including:
- The main one: Not being relaxed enough.
- Performance anxiety.
- Being anxious, nervous or scared in general when it comes to sex.
- Any of the above, which will make her tense, and thus make sex more painful.
- Being tired/sleepy.
- Not being "in the mood".
- Being stressed.
- Feeling uncomfortable with her body/how she looks during sex.
And so on.
You two could try lubrication, or saliva which works almost as well. If you want store-bought lube, I've heard KY Liquid and Astroglide are good brands. However, make sure it's a water-based lube, because oil-based lubes will NOT work with condoms.
It could be a psychological problem too, though I wouldn't know what.
I'm really not sure. More practice would probably help, but if you two don't live close together, that might be tricky. Maybe wait until you both can see each other more often? Or as some one else has mentioned, she could try masturbation? Or using a toy to find something she likes?
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 6:49 pm
As was mentioned, the long period between sexual intercourse will make it hurt almost like the first time again.
Masturbating helps a bit. Dildos, or even just fingers, can help keep that area a little looser.
Having sex during her period will probably feel much better for her. That whole area gets really squishy around that time (I mean the actual flesh, not the blood).
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:27 am
Kukushka As was mentioned, the long period between sexual intercourse will make it hurt almost like the first time again. Masturbating helps a bit. Dildos, or even just fingers, can help keep that area a little looser. Having sex during her period will probably feel much better for her. That whole area gets really squishy around that time (I mean the actual flesh, not the blood). Unforntantly she isn't really into self pleasure. I even bought her a toy but it's just a souvnier to her. She doesn't even like me to use my fingers (that's sore to her too I think). Hopefully she will sometime. I did mention it to her that it may help. As for doing it during her period.... confused Ummm... xp I dunno about that. I guess I would if I really knew it would help, but I think I'll try other options first. Thanks everyone!
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