I'm nothing special, my story is very smilar to everyone elses, disappointment to my parents, got/gets bullied in school and it had a lasting effect on my mental state of mind. I can't hold a relationship together to save my life because I'm so damn needy because if I'm left alone to mythoughs I can't help but think the worst things and think myself into a depression. I enjoy pain but I'm to much of a wimp to actually press on a blade hard enough to actually cut and draw blood so I burn. I had stopped for a few year but recently in starting my senior year of highschool the stress of life has gotten to be quite a burden and I recently started burning again. I wish I could relax but because my parents see me as a dissapointment because I'm not a star when it comes to sports like my sister I have to push myself to my limits with school so that I can be at the top of my class to get their approval. I have endured slighter forms of pain in creative ways of [removed](tattoos, piercings) but it isn't really enough I find myself really drawn to the master/slave lifestyle because then I at least would have a purpose in life as a slave or pet to some man who acknowledges me and makes me feel some what good about myself. I have a problem with robbing myself of happiness because I don't want to let anyone take away the things that make me happy so I take them away myself, I make myself miserable so that no one else can. I've tried therapy and no one I know has been in a similar situation so I really don't know who to turn to you guys and gals are the only people who I feel really understand. I'm a basketcase and getting close to my limit I don't care if you fake it because it's not like I can tell the difference in text but any words of encouragement or advice would be appreciated and could very possibly be my saving grace in a time of need. I already feel slightly better just putting my woes out into the universe.