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[Shard Chronicals] -- The Rise of Atlantis

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Articx-Frost
Vice Captain

Unbeatable Raider

PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:42 pm


Out in the waters of the Pacific, mid way between mainland America and the islands of Hawaii, there exists a small underwater mountain. It is unimportant. Beneath it, however, is a city, once sparkling with light and gold. It once bustled with people, but now it lay quiet, empty and lifeless.

But not for long.

The city rose to a point in the center of the city, the highest point being the place closest to the tip of the mountain. At the tip of the tower in the center of the city was a small orb, once a shining sphere of the purest diamond, now clouded and cracked with age and wear. In the very center of the orb was a small hollow with six strands of the finest gold, silver and platinum wire positioned evenly around the central point. Held in place by the six wires was a small, dull grey, egg shaped piece of quartz barely an inch long.

And it was waiting.

Like it had been for several millennia, the quartz was a power source. It absorbed ambient energy, converting it into what could only be called magic. The magic was drawn out of the gem through the six wires, powering three main engines. The smallest, powered by the silver wires, was the lighting, the reason why even in the sealed space, it was occasionally possible to see to the far side of the city, from one edge to the other. The platinum wires powered the rest of the city, keeping the irrigation flowing, the clocks running, the sewers clean. It was thanks to these wires that the city was still habitual, long after any people had set eyes on the city. Many of the processes of the platinum wires had long since halted, though it had only been about a century since the first had stopped, a fraction of the time they had spent running. The silver wires had been less and less predictable over the last decade, spending months in the dark at times, becoming too bright to see at others.

After so long, the wires snapped.

With the quartz egg left hanging by only the golden wires, this left any spare energy to be routed to the only thing that the wires had been made to do. Outside, under the gloom of the water, the tip of the mountain began to glow. Not very brightly, but glow it did, slowly spreading down the sides until it reached several hundred meters past the boundary of the city. And then the glow vanished from sight, shifting to mind. For a fraction of a second, everybody on the planet was focused entirely on the city beneath the mountain under the waves. And then the though vanished, like no one had even thought of it in the first place, but that had been enough.

The power flared.

For a few seconds, the piece of quartz turned transparent, before glowing from within. The orb shined brightly, filling the city with the same warmth that it once had, before a single crack etched into the side of it. The mountain shone, a pillar of light on the sea floor. A single piece of machinery, unused for the entirety of the time that the city had been empty whirred to life. It scanned the world in seconds, using the resonance of thoughts from the globe, it mapped out the major population bases of the world. It passed the coordinates to another machine at the base of the spire with the diamond orb, one filled with pods containing the remnants of the civilisation that once inhabited the city.

The machine fired.

The orb shattered.

The quartz exploded.

The mountain heaved outwards, the shield on which it was resting having pushed outwards from underneath it, tip first. One by one, the pods connected to the machine shot through the city, some hitting the falling pieces of diamond coming the other way. More made it through than fell back to the city below. They pierced the shield of the city sending water crashing down to the streets. Each one went off in a different direction, some in clusters, some alone, propulsed in as many ways as there were pods. One shot off with a tongue of green flame behind it. Another with an ice float.

There was a faint rumble, followed by a larger one.

Acting out the final of it's duties, the last of the power in the city went to the propulsion system, breaking it free from it's docks at the bottom of the ocean. It juddered upwards slowly before it sprung free from the sea bed, and rose swiftly through the water to the waves above. For the first time in millennia, the city had fresh air sweep over it. From below it, three rods fired into the sea bed, fixing in place, keeping the floating island city from drifting.

Atlantis had risen from the depths.
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:15 pm


Well I polled that I'd say something, but then dinner was ready. Food!

Anyhow...

Cool idea, with some hints of what Atlantis is, why it's been missing, why it's come back. And also intriguing things like the 'everybody thinks of Atlantis, and then forgets they did so'. Thought controlling ancient machinery... kind of scary!

I will say that the second full paragraph is really awkward. It's hard to get through that. 'The city rose to a point in the center of the city'... that's odd. Easier to say, 'the center tower was the highest point in the city'. I can see how it tried to be repetitive for effect, but it didn't work out for me.

Nice background fluff; I wonder what the story attached to it is.

Ysavvryl

Peaceful Lunatic


Duchess Rhea
Crew

Ruthless Genius

PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:44 pm


*drool* I wanna do this one... I REALLY wanna do this one... Can we do this one Articx? Please please pleeeeeeease?

I really like the plot. I had to read it over a couple of times before I got the full picture, though. I skim, so I miss important details a lot. XD How would you further it, plot-wise, to make it rp-able?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:15 pm


Weeeellllll... Reading through this, I think the closest RP to this story would be burst Legends! So I can see that coming next biggrin
Hehehehe~! I have plans for Bursts, ooooh how I have plans emotion_dowant

@Rhea, you'll enjoy bursts, I know you will razz
The mix of ancient mysteries and future technology really is quite awesome



As for this wee story, I thought it read quite juttery, it's not very smooth to read
"
The mountain heaved outwards, the shield on which it was resting having pushed outwards from underneath it, tip first. One by one, the pods connected to the machine shot through the city, some hitting the falling pieces of diamond coming the other way. More made it through than fell back to the city below. They pierced the shield of the city sending water crashing down to the streets. Each one went off in a different direction, some in clusters, some alone, propulsed in as many ways as there were pods. One shot off with a tongue of green flame behind it. Another with an ice float."

That paragraph in particular made me stop and re read it a few times

Giyari
Crew

Shirtless Ladykiller


Duchess Rhea
Crew

Ruthless Genius

PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:35 pm


Giyari

@Rhea, you'll enjoy bursts, I know you will razz
The mix of ancient mysteries and future technology really is quite awesome.


I'm still confused about that. Is it a category of rps, or an actual rp, or what?


Giyari

As for this wee story, I thought it read quite juttery, it's not very smooth to read
"
The mountain heaved outwards, the shield on which it was resting having pushed outwards from underneath it, tip first. One by one, the pods connected to the machine shot through the city, some hitting the falling pieces of diamond coming the other way. More made it through than fell back to the city below. They pierced the shield of the city sending water crashing down to the streets. Each one went off in a different direction, some in clusters, some alone, propulsed in as many ways as there were pods. One shot off with a tongue of green flame behind it. Another with an ice float."

That paragraph in particular made me stop and re read it a few times


Glad I wasn't the only that had to stop and reread a couple times...
PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 4:34 am


Duchess Rhea
Giyari

@Rhea, you'll enjoy bursts, I know you will razz
The mix of ancient mysteries and future technology really is quite awesome.


I'm still confused about that. Is it a category of rps, or an actual rp, or what?


What, the Shard Chronicles? They're a set of RPs set in the same 'universe'
Emm, each RP can function on it's own but they join together to create a bigger story.
Like power rangers I suppose! Each robot joins together to make a bigger more awesome robot biggrin

Giyari
Crew

Shirtless Ladykiller


Articx-Frost
Vice Captain

Unbeatable Raider

PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 4:36 am


Bah! I don't really care how it reads, just that it is readable. I'm not much of a writer, more an Rper (not that there's much difference) It's a connector story between Bursts and Ancestors showing what the city has been up to during the some 9000 or so years after everyone left it.

I might rewrite it at some point, but don't hold you breath. emotion_awesome
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:06 pm


*small voice* I still think you should make it a full-fledged rp... I really wanna rp something like that now. gonk

Duchess Rhea
Crew

Ruthless Genius


Articx-Frost
Vice Captain

Unbeatable Raider

PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:19 am


Ahem? I've only got the plot to go and it will be.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:39 pm


gonk I'm sorry! I completely forgot about that thread. XD After those two character profiles were posted I got a bit confused... About what, I don't really remember... sweatdrop

Duchess Rhea
Crew

Ruthless Genius

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