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 Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:01 am
Freedom,
the taste of it,
sweeter than the ripest fruit.
The wonderer follows her shadow,
to the depths of emotional bliss.
Do you understand?
Probably not.
Released from the hands of tyranny,
Breathing without fear,
Living the life so near and dear,
to me.
Life is hard,
When its beating you down.
In the end,
I'm always stronger.
Need proof?
I'm still here.
Hazel eyes shifting,
To take me in,
Taken, Concerned,Loving
Had no idea,
how smitten I would be,
the inner emotions set free,
Happiness and Bliss surrounds me.
The cosequences of my actions are mine alone,
I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:35 pm
Not bad, not bad at all.
This had a very sensual undertone to it that I enjoyed, though sometimes the tone was a little hard to discern. First we have sort of a secretive, seductive moment with freedom, then transition into a more motivational presence with "life is hard" but I survive sentiment, then we sort of make our way back to the more sensual place and a sense of personal freedom. My advice: really focus on what you're trying to convey. Freedom is a reoccurring theme, but what kind of freedom is it? What do you want the reader to feel once all is read? Just things to think about.
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:43 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Not bad, not bad at all. This had a very sensual undertone to it that I enjoyed, though sometimes the tone was a little hard to discern. First we have sort of a secretive, seductive moment with freedom, then transition into a more motivational presence with "life is hard" but I survive sentiment, then we sort of make our way back to the more sensual place and a sense of personal freedom. My advice: really focus on what you're trying to convey. Freedom is a reoccurring theme, but what kind of freedom is it? What do you want the reader to feel once all is read? Just things to think about. I guess my main idea was to convey why its important. Which is why the statement "Life is Hard" flowed well with my idea. Trails and tribulation, make freedom that much sweeter. I mean If it was just given and not learned or earned freedom wouldn't be that big of a deal. It would just be there.
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:45 pm
Lady_Kitlily -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Not bad, not bad at all. This had a very sensual undertone to it that I enjoyed, though sometimes the tone was a little hard to discern. First we have sort of a secretive, seductive moment with freedom, then transition into a more motivational presence with "life is hard" but I survive sentiment, then we sort of make our way back to the more sensual place and a sense of personal freedom. My advice: really focus on what you're trying to convey. Freedom is a reoccurring theme, but what kind of freedom is it? What do you want the reader to feel once all is read? Just things to think about. I guess my main idea was to convey why its important. Which is why the statement "Life is Hard" flowed well with my idea. Trails and tribulation, make freedom that much sweeter. I mean If it was just given and not learned or earned freedom wouldn't be that big of a deal. It would just be there. A fine point. It just didn't seem to fit with the flow. You didn't say "life is hard" then follow it up with how it earns you freedom, or how great freedom is in such a hard life. Only that you were made stronger from it which is different then being freer.
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:48 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Lady_Kitlily -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Not bad, not bad at all. This had a very sensual undertone to it that I enjoyed, though sometimes the tone was a little hard to discern. First we have sort of a secretive, seductive moment with freedom, then transition into a more motivational presence with "life is hard" but I survive sentiment, then we sort of make our way back to the more sensual place and a sense of personal freedom. My advice: really focus on what you're trying to convey. Freedom is a reoccurring theme, but what kind of freedom is it? What do you want the reader to feel once all is read? Just things to think about. I guess my main idea was to convey why its important. Which is why the statement "Life is Hard" flowed well with my idea. Trails and tribulation, make freedom that much sweeter. I mean If it was just given and not learned or earned freedom wouldn't be that big of a deal. It would just be there. A fine point. It just didn't seem to fit with the flow. You didn't say "life is hard" then follow it up with how it earns you freedom, or how great freedom is in such a hard life. Only that you were made stronger from it which is different then being freer. That's very true. I think I'll apply that with my next project.
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